Still sadly I own nothing, but if I did... Sorry it's been forever since I updated, my muse took off and refused to come out of hiding, well till now that is...

Olivia had her own idea's for Alex's birthday. She knew the last few weeks she had been extremely hard on her. Now she wanted nothing more than to relax and spoil Alex taking her away for her birthday. She had made arrangements for everything, the hotel, the transportation, the works. Olivia looked around one last time as she got all their stuff to the door, Alex would be home any moment, and Liv was not about to let her walk into the apartment. She planed on meeting Alex outside with all their stuff packed and ready to go. Alex thought she was only going to be gone for the night, even though she had gotten the week off, Liv had said she couldn't sleep away from the apartment more than one night, but since she had been working on it with Sam she was willing to try one night away. With three suitcases and one bag all now at the elevator, she knows Alex will question it so she gets them down to the lobby of the building hopping to beat Alex there before she makes her way up.

"Ooof," just as she dragged the last one from the elevator she bumped into someone about to apologize when she looks up to see an amused Alex.

"Well hello to you too." She says as she smiles at Liv. "You sure you need all this for one night?" Alex knew something was up, no one needed so much stuff for one night away. She had a feeling as Liv grinned sheepishly at her, that she had been had. Not that she minded particularly but she would have liked to know and pack for herself. Then again she thought as she looked around once more this had to mean Liv had planed something a lot bigger than a night out, and that made her heart swell. The last few weeks had been hard on them, but slowly were getting better and this surprise whatever it turned out to be brought a huge smile and made her love her even more than she had had ever thought possible.

It had been six weeks since that night, six long weeks of slowly reconnecting. Alex had made that call on Monday, she went twice a week to see her new therapist. All in all it was hard, but going better than she ever thought possible. No they weren't back to where they had once been, but they were getting there. The kid gloves were off and there was no walking on egg shells. Olivia had the first two weeks tried to throw herself into plans for this trip, and keep away from Alex, till one day Alex had enough of the cold shoulder act, "Olivia," she started, she had been given some homework by her therapist to do, and that was to tell Olivia what she was feeling when Liv would either ignore her, or just not talk to her, not to just keep letting it slide. "Olivia," she said again a bit louder. Olivia looked up from her lap top where she was making hotel reservations, one eye brow arched up. "What's wrong?" Alex was beginning to wonder if she had done something wrong since it seamed like Liv wasn't even going to say anything. "Nothing's wrong why?" She went back to her screen effectively shutting Alex out again. Getting frustrated Alex really wanted some answers, and Liv was being so aloof it was making her nuts. "Olivia," Alex snapped. "For the last two weeks you have either ignored me, or kept me at arms length, I have tried not to push you to talk. But you can not keep this up, I know your hurting but I deserve better than this." Alex ran her fingers through her hair as she took a few deep breaths as to not go overboard with this. She needed and wanted Olivia to see that the gloves were off and she was going to prove that no matter what it took.

At first Olivia looked up at Alex in shock, not that she was afraid or thought that Alex would hurt her. No it was nothing like that, what it was, was the fact that Alex had finally yelled at her, and was demanding answers, yes maybe she should have been made but she wasn't. She was so relieved, Alex wasn't walking on egg shells. The only real problem was she couldn't very well tell Alex that she was making plans for her Birthday without giving away the surprise. It was a good thing all she had to do was hit the send button to finish the booking and could shut off the laptop. "Alex, I love you I'm not ignoring you, I just have had a lot on my mind." She shut the screen down and moved it off her lap and onto the table as she looked right into Alex's eyes. She saw the raw emotion Alex was showing as well as the hurt and some anger. She hadn't touched a drink in two weeks and now with Alex talking with someone to help her through her stuff with all this too, Olivia wanted to show Alex she was committed to helping them get better. She walked over to where Alex was standing wrapped her arms around her waste and kissed her hard on the mouth. Alex shocked for a moment just stood there before slowly kissing her back, then trying to pull away gently. She didn't want Liv to think she didn't want her but she didn't think Liv should be trying to prove anything to her either. "Alex you're so sexy when you get angry like that," Liv whispered in her ear as she felt Alex start to pull back.

"Liv, I love you, and your kissing me, but you don't have to do this, really you have nothing to prove." She tried to pull back again as Liv's shoulders slumped. "Alex you don't want me? what I'm damaged now?" The words hung in the air like a heavy perfume that someone had used way to much of and could be smelled long after they were gone. Slowly shaking her her she realized if she didn't tell Liv the truth they would keep going backwards, and not get past this. "No, no, baby that isn't it. It's just," she took a deep breath as Liv dreaded what was to come next, but what was said shocked her. How could Alex think like that? "Liv what if I hurt you again, when we tried to make love before I ruined it and caused you a flashback and even more pain, I rapped you when I used that toy. I don't deserve you, You shouldn't have had to be reminded of him, or that night." Silent tears made their way down Alex's face, she was trying to be strong, but the tears split over anyways.

"Alex, no." Olivia started, she shook her head pulling her even closer, "you did not rape me, you are nothing like him, yes you made me remember what happened, but you in no way are a rapist." She kissed Alex again, this time only softer, "Alex I had no memories of what happened, maybe I shouldn't have pushed you so hard to make love, maybe you shouldn't have used the toy, but if we hadn't done any of it, I would still have no memories. As hard as it is, it is better knowing than not, do I wish it had happened differently, yes but it didn't." She finally paused and took a few deep shuttering breaths as she watched for Alex's reaction. "I'm sorry you felt I was keeping you at arms length, I never meant for you to feel like that, I love you." she said as she hopped Alex wouldn't ask why she had been with her nose in her computer so much lately.

That was how they gotten to where they were now. Four week later, six in total. Alex had been to twelve sessions, Liv had been still going regularly to hers, and they still had yet to do more than some kissing and heavy petting, but Liv was determined to change that when they got to Vegas. Alex and Liv, talked almost every night, they had watched movies, spent time just snuggling and all the while, Alex let Liv take the lead, if Liv wanted some kissing she let her lead, if they ended up heavy petting Liv took the reins and Alex did only what Liv told her too. Alex had to admit a Dominate Liv was very hot.

"Liv," Alex raised a brow as she looked around at the luggage, "really this much for an over night trip? Will you tell me what's going on really?" Just as Olivia went to speak she was saved by the cab she had called pulling up and started to get the stuff into it. "You'll see soon, come on we can't be late." That was all Alex got and sighing she gave up control of this too and decided to go with it. She usually didn't like giving it up, but where Liv was concerned she was learning to let Liv have the control she lost, and kissed her as she got into the cab.

Please as Always R/R, I know I said next one would be the lighter happy trip, and we are getting there, but I had to show how the happier times started.