Inspired by the song Hand Be Down by Matchbox 20. Song lyrics are imbedded.
I don't own Glee.
Santana sat on the curb a block from Puck's hose. She felt like she couldn't support the weight of her head with the large tears dragging down her face, so she buried it in her arms that rested on her knees.
She wasn't ready, but she did it anyway. It was expected of her. Cheerleaders slept with footballs players. That's how it's gone since the beginning of high school.
It didn't hurt. Well not after the first few seconds. That wasn't why she was cry anyway. Losing her virginity wasn't a big deal either and being a modern woman, Santana's mom had her on the pill since she was fifteen so a possible pregnancy wasn't on her mind.
She didn't understand why she felt nothing. Books, movies and every other form of media told her that sex was an amazing, mind-blowing experience. What just happened was awkward and mindless. When they were done, she laid there on the bed for about ten seconds before getting dressed and bolting out the door. It was a huge mistake. Her first time was supposed to be amazing. Moonlight and fireworks, like the movies. Instead she got flannel sheets and a nightlight.
Halfway down the walkway leading away from Puck's house, she dropped to her hands and knees before throwing up in the front yard. That was when the tears started.
She sat on the curb when the sobs wracked her body so hard she couldn't stand anymore. So she sat, alone on the curb under a tree that shaded her from the light of the streetlamp.
She needed a ride home or at least a ride to somewhere that wasn't in the middle of a dark street.
Her mom was definitely out of the question. Santana told her that she was staying at Quinn's house to study. Half of the people in her contact list she didn't like and the other half she'd rather die than let them see her cry. That left one person.
She sent out the text that read: I need you. She hated to admit it, but it was true.
It wasn't twenty seconds later that she got a reply. Where are you?
Santana sent out the names of the two streets she was sitting on the axis of. Then she closed her phone and put it in the pocket of her Cheerio jacket. There were no more texts after that. She hoped that it meant that her friend was on the way.
The first car she'd see since she'd left Puck's pulled to a stop on the opposite corner of the intersection. The engine turned off and the driver's door opened.
At the sight of Brittany, Santana broke down again.
The blonde sprinted across the street and planted herself next to Santana. She wrapped her arms around the shorter girl and held Santana to her chest. She whispered, "It's okay," in Santana's ear until the Latina calmed down a bit. When Santana started to wipe her eyes, Brittany offered, "Let's get out of here."
Santana just nodded an heaved herself off of the curb. She felt Brittany gently take her hand and lead her to the car. Once inside, Brittany began to silently drive, holding Santana's hand all the way back to Brittany's house.
They snuck in and found their way upstairs in the dark like that had so many times before. Once in Brittany's room, she closed the door, but didn't move to turn on the light. She just pulled Santana to the bed. The numb girl sat down on the bed as the blonde approached.
Brittany's worried look was illuminated by the moonlight coming through the windows behind Santana. Santana just looked back up with a wet, broken look. For a second Santana would have sworn she saw the blonde's eyes shimmer with the beginnings of tears. She was about to address it when Brittany knelt down on the ground.
She gently removed the sexy heels Santana picked out special for tonight. She closed her eyes when she felt Brittany push her jacket off, then carefully remove her shirt. Santana laid down on the bed and unbuttoned her jeans before letting Brittany removed them the rest of the way.
It was the second time she had been the second time that night that someone else removed her clothes, but this time was so natural. Brittany did it with all the care in the world, careful not to touch the soft skin the clothes covered.
Santana reached up and tugged at Brittany's shirt, communicating with her in a way only two people with a deep connection could. Brittany pulled her shirt over her head and pushed down her jeans before crawling into the bed with Santana, careful not to touch her.
The brunette took Brittany's hands and placed them on her bare stomach, closing her eyes absorbing the feel of the other girl's timid touch on her skin. She felt Brittany slide her hands to her sides and tenderly caress the skin.
You're just one more hand me down
Cuz no one's tried to give you
What you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Brittany's eyes met Santana's and it confirmed Santana's earlier suspicion that Brittany was about to cry. Her eyes were shimmering in the moonlight that blanketed their bodies.
She stroked the blonde hair and whispered, "I'm sorry." Santana was really sorry. She was sorry that she dragged Brittany out of bed at this hour and sorry that she made her best friend cry. She was generally sorry for all of her life leading up to that moment.
Brittany shook her head and moved closer to Santana, her silent refusal of Santana's apology. She way Brittany's hands moved over Santana's exposed core told the brunette that her apology wasn't needed.
Santana pulled Brittany the rest of the way into her so that their bodies were pressed together. She could feel Brittany's arms tighten around her, guarding her with all the warm protection Brittany could offer.
Somebody oughta take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once do you think that they would lie
When they're holding you
Brittany had always been Santana's safe place. She was the one person that wouldn't judge her. She was the one person who Santana knew for sure would love her unconditionally. No matter what stupid stunt she pulled, no matter what dumb decisions she made, Brittany would always be there.
Silent tears fell from Santana's eyes onto Brittany's bare shoulder. She knew Brittany could feel it because she whispered in her ear again. This time she offered a single simple sentence that drove through her like a lightning bolt. "I love you."
I'm here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
When living ain't easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Santana held onto Brittany with all the ferocity in her. She wrapped herself around Brittany and buried her face deep into Brittany's neck. After everything, Brittany's shouldn't love her. She was mean, she was conniving and now she was a slut. But she knew Brittany did. Brittany loved her with her huge open heart and nothing would ever change that.
After what seemed like an hour, Santana pulled away and wiped the tears off of her face. She took a few deep breaths and then looked up at Brittany who let out a sad smile.
Santana didn't know what came over her, but she put her hands on either side of Brittany's jaw and kiss her. The gentle ministrations on her back didn't stop for a second. She continued to caress the skin just above Santana's lacy panties while kissing Santana back, allowing the shorter Cheerio to direct the kiss.
Santana moved herself so that she was hovering over Brittany with a hand on either side of the blonde hair that was now splayed out of the pillow. She lowered her body carefully onto Brittany's before resuming the kiss. Brittany surrendered all control to Santana, knowing that this was that Santana needed right now and something that she'd wanted for a long time.
She felt Santana lace their fingers together and raise them above her head, keeping her pinned to the bed. Little things, like Santana's thumb rubbing her own proved to Brittany that Santana wasn't just going to use her for tonight. Their connection had finally gone so deep that they had somehow morphed into something that was completely beyond friendship.
Brittany would have been content just to kiss Santana all night, but Santana seemed to have other plans. She trailed kisses all the way down her neck before stopping to gently nip at the pale skin at Brittany's collarbone. Brittany bit her lip to hold back a moan.
Santana looked back up at Brittany, catching her eyes and silently asking for permission. Brittany immediately granted it with a small nod, leaving Santana to run a finger down the middle of her collar bone, between her breasts and down her stomach before stopping at the hem of her baby blue hipsters. Then she let her tongue follow the path in the opposite direction ending in a kiss on Brittany's lips.
"Tell me again," Santana whispered looking into Brittany's eyes.
The blonde reached up and cupped Santana's cheek, "I love you."
Santana kissed her again before replying, "I love you too."
Brittany smiled sweetly at the admission and guided Santana back down for a kiss before again surrendering control to the brunette.
A couple hours later, Santana laid on her back with Brittany's head on her shoulder, the blonde was fast asleep. She pulled the comforter over both of them and softly stroked Brittany's hair. This was a big step in their relationship and they still had a lot to talk about, but Santana didn't care. This felt right. This was her amazing, mind-blowing experience. She had the moonlight that was coming through the window and she didn't need the fireworks after all. Watching the light in Brittany's eyes when she finally admitted her love was light watching a million firecrackers go off in the sky at once.
Tonight was a night to remember. It the first of many firsts. Brittany managed to erase everything that happened that night before Santana got into her bed. Santana felt whole again. She felt fresh and renewed. She felt clean and best of all she felt loved.