Day 40

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. No, I'm not gonna quote Shakespeare.

It's tomorrow! Sarah is due tomorrow. I'm gonna be a mom! Jake is twitching with excitement. I think Mattie almost burst into song when we were talking about it.

Ruby and most of the Cullen family women have been fluttering in and out, bringing in more gifts each time. I seriously think we're set until she's five.

It's been such a whirlwind, I didn't even see when I last wrote in this journal.

Checking now.

HOLY SHIT, it's been awhile.

I guess I just let the craziness get the best of me. In fact, I'm pretty freaking wiped. Stupid pre-labor. I told Paul yesterday, my pre-labor started then because Sarah knows her mommy. She knows I need one day to worry, one day to rest, and then I'll be good for tomorrow.

These past few days, that's how we've sounded – it's like we know her already, we're just waiting to see and meet her, face to face.

And in that spirit, I want to finish this journal with a letter to her.

Dear Sarah,

I love you. I always knew in my heart that I'd have you and that you'd give my life meaning beyond anything else.

A lot of things I grew up thinking would happen, didn't. A few more things that I never thought could happen; did. But you were the constant dream I wished for.

Your father and I, we decided together to try for you – we knew it'd be work – and we were never more grateful than we found out that our work paid off and we were having you.

It's been about 40 days. Yes, that's a short time but all of this will be explained later. The point is, you have anxiously awaited long before those 40 days and you will always be the greatest thing in the life I have and share with your father.

Beyond us, you have one of the most extensive networks of family and friends who will always be there for you. You are lucky, kid.

I can't plan who you will be or all the details of your life; though I've spent a lot of this time imagining it. I will always want the best for you and work to give you everything I can.

Again, I love you Sarah Black with all my heart and I hope that you'll love me back just as much.

Love from your mommy,

Leah Clearwater.