Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
About the time I feel like I'm starting to understand Ron and Drakken, it's over.
Truce and Reconciliation
Kim, still a little groggy, finally answered the Kimmunicator, "What's the Sitch, Wade?"
"And it had better be damn important," Shego growled from the other bed.
"It's a YouTube video that-"
"You woke us up for a damn YouTube video?" Shego cursed.
Wade frowned, "Tell the green prima donna I…" He suddenly grinned. "Hey, I can say anything I want about her, can't I? And you're on the other side of the world - she can't hurt me."
"Focus, Wade," Kim sighed.
"Tell her Royal Smugness to come over so she can see this too."
"I don't think YouTube is-" Shego grumbled.
"Ron and Drakken," Wade called.
Shego hopped onto Kim's bed and sat beside her so they could both watch the small screen. The quality was terrible, obviously produced from the camera on a cell phone. There was a jumpy image of people dressed in warm clothing.
"What in the hell is this?" Shego complained.
"Wait for it."
A small pink thing holding some sort of hoop seemed to be the center of attention for the cameraman. It looked something like Rufus, but Kim felt certain that was impossible. The pink creature waved a strip of leather and something, or someone, jumped through the hoop.
"Back up!" Shego demanded, "That looked like Doctor D."
Wade let the clip continue.
"That was Ron!" Kim insisted as another person leapt through the hoop.
Shego's mouth dropped open in amazement at a shot of Drakken with his hands up, like a puppy begging, and the mole rat tossing him some sort of treat. "That can't be real," the green woman insisted.
"It's real," he assured them.
"When and where," Kim demanded.
"You're close," he confirmed. "The video was posted two days ago. No apparent editing, so I'm guessing it went up the day it was taken."
"You rock, Wade!"
"Well, get some sleep. I'm guessing you'll want an early start in the morning."
"Can she save a copy of that on her thing?" Shego asked.
"By 'thing' I assume you mean her Kimmunicator," Wade answered. "Already done. I figured you'd need it."
The redhead turned off the Kimmunicator and impulsively hugged Shego from happiness.
The green woman pushed her away, "Hey, stop that. We're enemies, remember?"
"We're sisters, remember?"
"Same difference. And I don't know what you're so happy about," Shego told her, leaving the cheerleader's bed and getting back into her own. "I told you they'd be fine. You need more faith in your boyfriend. Or his pet."
"And you never doubted for a minute," Kim asked, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice as Shego rolled over with her back to Kim and closed her eyes.
"Never for a minute," Shego yawned. "I knew everything would turn out right."
"Takes one to know one."
Kim threw a pillow at Shego, who mumbled, "Thanks," and put it under her own head.
"Hey, give me back my pillow!"
Shego pretended to be asleep, but smiled to herself. It was good to know Drakken was safe. And she wanted a copy of that video.
Kim virtually danced around their Spartan room as they prepared to leave in the morning. As she swooped towards Shego the green woman put up an arm, "No hugs."
"But I'm happy!"
"Save them for the boyfriend."
"If you don't want a hug, can I count it as evil if I give you one?"
"No. A hug is not evil. You're going to have to do something the average person would call evil for any credit."
"Okay," Kim sighed.
Shego smiled, "It was good to get that lead, wasn't it?"
"Great," Kim agreed.
Shego extended her arms, and the two women hugged briefly.
"Now get your butt in gear," Shego growled. "We need to rescue those two from the rat."
"How high, Sir!" Kim responded crisply and grabbed both their bags as they headed out the door.
The village had more individuals with a decent command of English than Ron and Drakken had discovered. They hired one to serve as translator for them. Unfortunately the women wasted almost two hours trying to find the man or woman who had posted the video before Shego pointed out what was suddenly obvious, "Why in the hell do we need to know who posted the video? The question is, are the guys still in town, and if not - where did they go?"
Half the people in town remembered seeing the act in the marketplace. The women discovered Ron and Drakken had arrived with a family from the north, but had not returned with them. Most people had no idea where they had gone after leaving the marketplace, but two people said they had seen the men headed in the direction of the river. The boat shop seemed an obvious place to ask questions.
The translator delivered the news the two men had purchased an old craft and set off downstream.
"Is this the best way out of town?" Kim asked.
"No," the translator replied. "Most people take the bus. Service to big cities south and east."
"So why did they leave by boat?"
The teenager shrugged, "You just hired me to translate. Reading minds costs extra."
"Then do what you're paid for and see if this guy knows anything else."
"I tell what I know!" the boatman protested. "They buy boat. They leave. No talk-talk with me. Just leave."
"Where does the river go," Kim asked in a soothing voice.
"It go India," the boatman explained.
"So we'll find them downstream in India," the cheerleader suggested to the green woman.
The man who sold and rented boats let out a stream of words the two women could not understand.
"He says you'll find them if they survived the rapids thirty kilometers downstream."
Shego threw money at the translator and the two women vaulted into the hovercraft and took off over the water.
"With luck they ran aground before the rapids," Shego muttered. "How good does boyfriend swim?"
"He's a good… Not good enough for rapids."
"Damn. I want to say I hope they saw the rapids coming and had the good sense to get off the river and portage. But these are the same two who didn't bother to ask about a bus in the first place. Drakken's a fair swimmer, but I don't think he could manage rapids either."
They slowed the hovercraft to a snail's pace as they reached the rapids, scanning for any sign the men had encountered problems. They felt certain that, even if the men had managed to make it through the rapids the short waterfall at the end of the white water stretch would have smashed their boat. They found no evidence of anything.
Her throat dry, Kim tried to sound optimistic, "They must have come through and kept on downstream. Let's go."
Shego feared that Kim meant, "We'll find their boat and bodies washed up downstream."
A canoe-type vessel, a gash running the length of the bottom, was washed up on the river bank several miles downstream.
"We don't know it's theirs," Kim said as soon as they spotted it.
"I never said it was theirs," Shego snapped.
"I didn't say you did," Kim yelled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then let it out. "Sorry. Let's keep looking."
They heard some sort of noise ahead almost immediately, but couldn't be certain what it was. Around the next bend one bank of the river showed cultivation. Shego increased elevation and Kim saw a huge crowd of people, far more than could live in the small number of poor cottages she could see, surrounding a huge tent in front of what were probably small temples of some sort.
"Looks like a religious festival of some kind," she remarked and got out the binoculars for a closer look.
"We should ask if they've seen anything," Shego responded.
"I don't know. What if there's some sort of ritual or something happening and we interrupt?"
"Then they tell us to get lost and I keep punching people until someone shows some brotherly love and answers my questions politely."
Kim scanned the crowd and the pavilion at the focal point of the worshippers. "I still think…" The cheerleader's mouth dropped open. She silently handed the binoculars to Shego and pointed to the tent.
The older woman stared silently for almost a minute. "You see that too?"
"Yeah," Kim agreed. "I see it, but I don't believe it."
"What are the chances of us both losing our minds in the same way at the same time?"
"I'd guess ten-billion to one."
"And the odds we're seeing what we think we're seeing?"
"Probably a million to one."
"Let's play the odds, kid. We're going in."
The pilgrims who had journeyed to see the blue man were too focused to notice the hovercraft when it first appeared at the river. As it flew towards the tent it became the object of attention and people hurriedly backed away from the area when it began to settle in front of the tent.
Before Shego could even turn it off Kim sprang from the vehicle, "Ron!"
The two threw their arms around each other and kissed deeply.
"Bloody hell," Shego thought and quickly jumped from the hovercraft herself. She tossed the flowers out of one of the many vases surrounding Drakken and dumped the water over the teens. "Save your dog-in-heat act for later," she growled. She jerked her head towards the shocked locals, "When in Rome, do like the Indians. And in the land of the Kama Sutra they aren't big on PDAs."
"Oh, sorry," Kim said and broke the hug, but she and Ron held hands as Shego turned towards her employer.
"Shego," Drakken whined in a petulant tone, "Where have you been?"
"I've been busting a hump trying to find some jerk who didn't have the good sense to stay put until I came back for him."
"You deserted me! You flew off with that… that… enemy!"
"Get over it. And get in the hovercraft."
"Get your blue ass in the hovercraft now!" Shego barked. "Princess has been worried sick about boyfriend there and we find the two of you eating peeled grapes."
"Hey, I wasn't-" Ron tried to protest.
Kim whispered a warning, "Don't argue."
The babble of ten thousand low voices in the background, all wondering what was happening, hadn't disturbed Shego at first. But those with some English were telling the others of the affront that had been offered to the god. Voices were being raised in protest.
Drakken feebly tried again to assert himself, "But-"
"NOW!" Green fire blazed around the angry thief.
There was a moment of stunned silence from the crowd, and then many prostrated themselves.
"+She is too pale to be Kali,+" one pilgrim complained to another.
"+Her hair is black. Her clothes are black. It is Kali. You saw the way she gave commands to Shiva.+"
The second man almost argued Vishnu, the blue color had seemed conclusive. But the evidence of Kali seemed more compelling.
Kim remembered in Social Studies class that Mr. Francis had told them not to think of Kali simply as Goddess of Death. She possessed a range of attributes he described in detail. Kim could not remember any of the other things he said. At the end of the lecture Mr. Francis had sighed deeply and predicted all they would remember about Kali was Goddess of Death. He appeared to be crying.
Bonnie's opinion was that Mr. Francis had taught far too long.
Mr. Barkin substituted in Social Studies the next day. He told them all they needed to remember about Jains was the fact they were wimps. There was some reason the Buddha's head was shaped like that, but he didn't remember what it was. And Sikhs were good fighters, but they all needed haircuts. Then he gave them a pop quiz on the verses to the Star Spangled Banner.
Kim suspected there was more to the religious cultural heritage of India than Mr. Barkin covered in class. She did remember that Kali was wife or consort or something to one of the major gods. The cheerleader decided it might be better not to mention that fact to the green woman.
Drakken walked with all the dignity he could muster towards the hovercraft. He waved to the adoring throngs, and those with flowers threw them in his direction.
"I said, move your blue ass," Shego shouted at him, and punctuated the command with a plasma blast just behind him. She turned towards Kim and Ron, but before she could speak Kim gave Ron's hand a jerk and the two teens ran for the hovercraft.
Under the shade of a pipal tree a disappointed Brahmin realized he needed to place a fast call and cancel the order for three thousand "I saw Vishnu" t-shirts and three thousand "I saw Shiva" t-shirts. He would probably have to pay for everything which had already been silk-screened. He wondered how many t-shirts he should order saying, "I saw Shiva and Kali in their sky chariot." He guessed everyone there would order two. He should probably double that number - many hundreds more would want shirts so that, in years to come, they could 'prove' they were present today.
Kim and Ron had the small bench seat in the rear of the hovercraft while Drakken and Shego had the pilot and co-pilot seats. Ron had an arm around Kim and she smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I still can't believe it," Shego shook her head in disgust. "Princess was worried sick about Doofus back there and the two of you are being treated like pop stars. Did either of you think about contacting anyone?"
"You left us in the middle of nowhere!" Ron complained from the back.
"Worse," Drakken added, "you left me in Beserkistan."
"You're an American! You could have gone to the embassy."
"I'm a dangerous criminal."
"Well, Doofus could have gone to the embassy."
"And why did you leave with her," Drakken continued, jerking his head to the rear to indicate Kim.
"Cupcake needed to get home."
Drakken began to berate Shego, "How could you leave like that! I'm your boss! I deserve-"
"Hey," Kim shouted, "don't talk to her like that! She did something nice for me."
"Could it be any worse?" Drakken groaned. "Now you're helping our enemies."
"I don't do nice!" Shego yelled at Kim.
"You've got a decent stripe down your back a yard wide," Kim insisted.
"That's it, Possible. Truce over. You get a black eye for insulting me like that."
"Oh, the truth hurts, huh?"
"Not the way it's gonna hurt when I beat the crap out of you for smearing my good name!"
"You don't have a good name to smear!"
The two women burst out laughing, which puzzled the men even more.
"But I still don't understand why you were with Shego?" Ron asked Kim.
"I wanted to find you. She was coming back for Drakken so I asked if I could come along."
"Which reminds me," Shego called back. "Call your mom and tell her to have my steaks ready. She's paying me too."
"Okay," Kim called. She turned to Ron, "We'd better call your folks, let them know you're safe."
"Uh, Kim? What did she mean by your mom is paying her too?"
Kim ignored the question. "I know they're really worried about you. You should call them before I call my mom."
"Kim! What did you pay Shego?"
"She followed my orders," Shego shouted back. "Right, Princess?"
"How high, Sir!" Kim responded cheerfully.
"Man, I'd like pictures of that," Ron sighed.
Shego laughed. Kim blushed and gave Ron a dope slap, "Ron! How could you?"
"What are you talking about," the puzzled teen demanded.
"Pictures of me and Shego!"
"You doing what Shego told you to do? It's so hard to believe, I wanted a picture… What did you think I meant?"
"I…" Kim blushed even redder. "Never mind."
Shego flew silently for about half an hour, slowly calming down from her earlier outburst. She would have been sympathetic if they had found Drakken and Ron in trouble, but after days of worry to find the two relaxing and enjoying themselves had ignited her temper. Drakken, still feeling terribly put upon for Shego abandoning him in the first place, remained in a moody silence. In the rear Kim and Ron whispered quietly after they made their calls. Kim filled Ron in with Middleton news from Wade. After the half hour of quiet, however, Shego called, "Cupcake! Your turn to pilot. Stop leaving fingerprints on the boyfriend and get your butt up here."
"You taught her to fly my hovercar?" Drakken complained.
"Yeah, I wasn't going to haul dead wood. If she wanted to come along she had to pull her weight on the trip." Shego jerked her thumb towards the rear, "Go sit by your buddy, I'm taking your seat."
There was another uncomfortable minute after the change of pilots. Shego refused to apologize for the display of temper, but she broke the ice by turning to the two in the back, "So, uh, what did you two do?"
"And, Ron, could you explain what happened to your communicator?" Kim interrupted.
"I, uh, lost it."
"In the Middleton Sewer?"
"It was, uh, a dangerous mission. Wade called me and said I needed to go alone. It was rough. I-"
"Why didn't Wade mention that when I had him search the GPS chip in it?"
"Top secret, Kim. I shouldn't be telling you that now. Wade will deny all knowledge if you ask him."
Shego returned to the questioning Drakken, "Looked pretty cushy for you today. I mean, I always figured you couldn't find your ass with both hands, and Princess here worried Doofus didn't know enough to come in out of the rain."
"I never said that!" Kim protested.
Shego winked at Ron and whispered, "She's lying."
She had managed to offend Drakken with her statement. "We are not helpless, it was an adventure, right Rod?"
"Ron! How many times do I have to tell you, Ron…"
"The point is we had adventure-"
"Manly adventures," Ron corrected, and raised his hand to give Drakken a high-five.
"Exactly," Drakken affirmed, slapping Ron's hand. "We had beautiful girls in love with us-"
"Do you mean the jailbait in Tajikistan?" Shego asked. "Did you even see them?"
"Did you?" Ron asked cautiously.
"No," Kim admitted.
"Beautiful girls," Drakken continued. "I'm sure they were heartbroken when we left."
"Want us to turn around and take you back?" Shego offered
Drakken ignored her, "We got jobs at an oil field - manly jobs! We were roughnecks and-"
"Wait, aren't roughnecks garbage bags?" Ron objected.
"No, I'm pretty sure a roughneck is someone with a job on an oil field. A manly job."
"Are you sure it isn't roustabout?"
"No, roustabouts are with the circus."
"You two are a circus all by yourselves. And the fire was still burning when we got there," Shego pointed out.
"My plan worked even better than expected," he told her with dignity. "And men were fighting over Rob-"
"Ron! And, uh, they weren't fighting over me, it was my cooking they liked."
"Cooking, a fine manly job," Kim laughed.
"All the great chefs are men," he assured her. "Either of you two women want to challenge me in the kitchen?"
Neither woman responded, and Ron looked smug.
"Then we rode the rails, an ancient and honorable manly activity," Drakken continued. "Free spirits through the ages have-"
"Or at least since the invention of the railroad," Kim interjected.
"Men have written books about riding the rails. Life in the rough, learning what survival is about."
Shego snorted, "I think most of your 'free spirits' have been tramps, hobos, and bums."
"And we found a lost valley with British mobsters…" Ron told Kim. "Hey, I need to call Global Justice when we get back."
"Was that the Shangri-la thing?" Kim asked.
"And you and Drakken ran like dogs, right?" Shego laughed.
"Well, yeah," Ron admitted. "Hey, being manly isn't just about fighting you know."
"Obviously, otherwise Kim or I would be twice the man as the two of you together."
"Your sarcasm is totally unbecoming," Drakken replied haughtily. "Then we wrangled wild oxen in the Himalayas and-"
"I'm pretty sure they were domesticated," Ron added as a correction.
"Not the ones who tried to kill me. Hairy, savage beasts, but we wrangled them and-"
"Exactly what does wrangle mean?"
"Er, I don't know exactly what the word means. It was what we were doing though. Driving the wild-"
"Wild animals. Rounding up lonesome doggies, making sure no animals strayed from the herd. Protecting them from coyotes and cougars. Like cowboys."
"Or yakboys in this case," Ron suggested.
Shego nearly fell out of the co-pilot's seat with laughter, "Yakboys? Yukboys sounds more like it."
"Doc is right," Ron insisted. "It was a man's job. No women on a cattle, er, yak drive."
"At the end of the drive we used our brains to make a little money and purchased a boat to take us down to civilization. The trip was harrowing, we fought terrible rapids. But we did it with a smile on our lips and courage in our hearts… It was courage in our hearts, right, Roy."
"Courage for sure," Ron seconded.
At the comment about using their brain to make a little money Shego turned to Kim and winked a warning not to say anything at that moment.
"Oh, Ron," Kim called.
"We were curious. When you were at the little town after driving the yaks?"
"Why did you buy a canoe instead of getting a pair of bus tickets?"
Both men's jaws dropped open. They turned and started blankly at each other, then turned back to the women. "Bus tickets?"
"Yes, our translator said that was the fastest way out of town."
"Translator? You talked to people there?"
"In the town where we bought the boat?"
"No one, uh, said anything about us, did they?"
"You mean the fact we learned you arrived with the yaks or the fact you bought the boat and headed downstream?"
"Yeah," Ron laughed nervously, with an even more hesitant chuckle from Drakken. "Nothing else happened there. We just arrived and left. Nothing to say. No story at all. Ah, after surviving the rapids we got a little overconfident-"
"Easy to understand given the perils we had conquered," Drakken explained, and exchanged a high five with Ron.
"Absolutely," Ron agreed. "Anyway, we got overconfident and lost the boat, but we swam ashore and Drakken got hailed as a god and then you showed up."
"That's right," Drakken seconded. "Then you arrived."
Shego shook her head, "I still don't see how anyone could mistake Drakken for a god."
"Hey, we were honest. We kept saying, 'He's not a god,' and they kept insisting he was," Ron protested.
Drakken sat up proudly, "I think the mistake was perfectly natural."
"So, what have the two of you been doing?" Ron wanted to know.
"Looking for you," Kim reminded him.
"It still feels weird. You and Shego working together? Did you fight a lot?"
"Almost never," Shego assured him. "Your girl friend follows orders very well."
"Hey!" Kim protested. "It was more like partners."
"Assistant," Shego yawned. "You were the assistant." She turned back to Ron, "Remember, we've got a truce going until I get the two of you back to Middleton."
"Then it's back to enemies as usual?" Ron asked.
Kim giggled, "Well, not exactly. We're sisters now."
Drakken and Ron looked blankly at each other, "You're sisters?"
"Honorary," Shego admitted.
"But… But… You won't fight Kim Possible any more for me?"
"Of course I'll fight her. What kind of stupid question is that?"
"But you said you were sisters!"
"Did I ever tell you about the time I hit Hego with Dad's Buick?"
"I don't see-" Drakken began.
"Accidents can happen to anyone," Kim assured her.
"What do you mean, 'accidents happen'? I hit the jerk on purpose."
"You drove a car into your brother, on purpose?" Ron repeated.
"There seems to be an echo in here," Shego snorted. "Probably from the empty place in your skull. He told Dad I was dating a creep. So I hit him with the Buick."
"Were you dating a creep?" Kim wanted to know.
"Well, yeah. But I only dated the creep to drive Hego crazy. Then he had to go rat me out to Dad."
"You hit your brother with your Dad's car, on purpose," Ron repeated again.
"Did you hurt him?"
"Why are you concerned for Hego?"
"You hit him with a car!"
"Didn't hurt him a bit. Totaled the car - Dad was really pissed about that. I hit my head, must have been unconscious for half an hour. Do I get a bit of sympathy?"
"No. You did it to yourself."
"It's all that jerk Hego's fault."
"I still don't see your point," Drakken sputtered.
"The point is, if I'm willing to hit my brother with a car I'm still perfectly happy to punch out the lights on Princess here."
"Oh yeah, like you've ever manage that," Kim snorted.
"All the time, Pumpkin. You're my favorite punching bag."
"You're the one who keeps ending up in jail."
"And who keeps ending up in Drakken's lame deathtraps after I capture her?"
"I beat you all the time."
"In your dreams doesn't count."
"I'm not talking about your so-called wins."
As the women quarreled Drakken turned to Ron. "I can't believe it. Those two are acting like friends."
"Worse," Ron groaned, "they're acting like sisters."
"I've known sisters. They fight all the time."
"Well, look at them now."
Drakken eyed the pair for a minute. "I'm so glad the two of us managed to keep our dignity," he sighed.
"Uh, Kim? Shego?" Ron called, "Truce, remember?"
"Sorry, Ron," Kim called. "You're right."
"Was that pretty much how the two of you got along?"
"We did better while we were looking for you. There was a lot of stress because we were both worried and-"
"I wasn't worried," Shego interrupted.
"Well, whatever Shego was feeling, or denying she felt, I think we just went back to normal mode now that you're safe."
"Shego was right," Drakken boasted. "No need for worry. We were men, off having an adventure."
"Manly adventure," Ron corrected.
"Manly adventure," Drakken continued. "Life on the road. Living by our wits, getting tough, manly jobs, as we needed them. Riding the rails. You women couldn't have managed."
"Princess and I would have found a bus, or made a call and not needed to travel half-way across Asia looking for someone to save us before a disappointed mob tore us apart in religious frenzy."
"I got to agree with Doc," Ron argued. "Manly road trip. You and Kim flew around in the hovercraft, probably dined out on credit cards and stayed at four star hotels."
"Most of the places we stayed weren't four star," Kim protested.
"Well the places Doc and I stayed were no star at all-"
"Except for the stars over our heads as we roughed it," Drakken said.
"Exactly," Ron agreed.
"You two were damn lucky," Shego snarled. "You're babes in the woods. Drakken lost his credit card to a cheap swindler in-"
"How do you know that?" Drakken wanted to know.
"Doesn't matter. You two were lucky, pure and simple. Doofus here was the pure," Shego said, pointing to Ron. She pointed to Drakken, "And you're simple."
"And you're jealous because you know we're right. It was manly adventure. If you dropped the two of us, and the two of you, on identical desert islands, Roy and I would build a hut and live off steamed crabs and coconut shakes. You and Kim Possible wouldn't even be able to decide where to build a shelter and would surrender to the fact we men are superior. Desert islands as fifty paces, we could out-survive you with our eyes closed."
"Or a round the world trip," Ron said excitedly. "You don't get your credit cards or the hovercraft. Just the two teams seeing who can get around the world first."
"But the two of you don't get Rufus," Kim said. "If we did the world trip. Which we won't."
"What do you mean, no Rufus," Ron protested, "he's part of me."
"The brain," Shego suggested.
"It would be two against two, not two against three," Kim repeated.
"Ah, man! That tanks."
In Ron's pocket a mole rat breathed a sigh of relief.
"And it would be a piece of cake for us," Shego laughed. "I knock over a bank and take enough money for-"
"No," Kim told her firmly. "No bank robbing."
"You see," Drakken chuckled, "the two of you would be fighting continually while Don and circled the globe, meeting interesting people and having adventures."
"Manly adventures," Ron finished.
Kim turned to Shego, "I'm almost tempted to take the challenge."
"But not really, right?"
"Of course not, we're too smart for that."
Ron turned to Drakken, "Now that the road trip's over, what are your plans?"
"Back to plotting take over the world," Drakken chuckled.
"You may have a little trouble getting anyone to take you seriously," Shego warned him.
"Why? What do you mean?"
"Kim, now's the time to show them the video clip."
The cheerleader nodded and found the video, then handed it to Drakken. Ron leaned over to watch the small screen. The two men blanched in horror as they watched the video. "Where… Where did you get this?" Drakken croaked.
"Youtube," Kim told them. "You went viral, almost a million hits last time I looked."
"How is that possible?" Ron groaned. "I'll bet everyone at school saw it."
"Apparently the people in that town weren't as backward as you thought. Someone took the video on their cell phone and uploaded it to the web. Nobody's going to take a plan to take over the world seriously if they've seen that."
Drakken though for a minute. She was right. "Okay, taking over the world can wait. Next plan… An Internet virus which will destroy every copy of that video which exists."
"I'll ask Wade to help," Ron promised.
"Oh, while you're working on erasing the evidence of your manliness," Shego yawned, "I'm taking the hovercraft to France for a day or two… Might stay for a couple weeks of vacation if the weather is nice."
"I predict the weather will be very nice in France next month," Kim informed Drakken.
"No promises," Shego told her firmly.
Drakken was lost, "How can you predict the weather in France next month?"
While Drakken contemplated the mystery Kim held her hand up to her head, the middle three fingers curled in a fist with the thumb sticking up and held to her ear with the little finger extended like a mouthpiece on a phone, "Call me," she mouthed silently.
The women traded off flying duties on the trip. As they neared the Middleton area, however, "Let's stop at a restaurant in Upperton," Kim suggested. "The truce is over when we get home. We need to eat before that."
"The Upperton Bueno Nacho?" Ron asked hopefully.
"No, Ron, a real restaurant-"
"See," Drakken interrupted, "I told you Tex-Mex doesn't count."
"Chez Antoine, the most expensive restaurant in the tri-city area."
"Look, Pumpkin, I just want to drop you off so the truce is over. I want to spend a night in my own bed."
"I guess we could stop for an hour or so."
"Leave your credit card in the hovercraft," Kim reminded Shego. "I owe you; so it's my treat."
Drakken responded to Kim's offer by ordering the double lobster and filet mignon dinner. Shego settled for a large t-bone.
As they waited for the meals to arrive Shego looked at Kim and smiled, "Almost been good having you as a little sister."
"Yeah," Kim laughed. "Emphasis on the almost."
The green woman turned to Ron, "And if I hear any more stories about you abusing my little sister I'm gonna come looking for you - and it won't be pretty."
"What are you talking about?" Ron sputtered. "I'd never abuse Kim!"
"Asking her to say she was twelve. Having her watch you play the giant claw machine. Toothbrush for Valentine's Day… Any of that sound familiar?"
"The toothbrush was for National Dental Health Month!"
"When did you give it to her?"
"Give her a frilly Valentine? Chocolates? Roses?"
"You gave her a toothbrush for Valentine's Day. Now I offered to break both your legs for you abusing her like that, but Princess here stood up for you, claimed you were new to the boyfriend game. She begged for me to give you a second chance." Shego cracked her knuckles. "You're on your second chance now. I hear another story about giant claw machines, claiming she's twelve or blowing her off to play a new video game with some buddy you'll be on two casts, clear?"
Ron gulped, "Clear."
"And to make it up to her… I don't know… Maybe let her pick the next four movies."
"But she'll pick chick flicks!" Ron protested.
"I hear getting around on crutches is a real pain for a long time."
Ron turned to Kim, "Want to catch a movie this weekend? Your choice?"
The redhead smiled radiantly at her boyfriend. "That would be wonderful! Very thoughtful and considerate. You deserve a big kiss for-"
"Not now," Shego warned them, "Waiter's here with our food and I don't want you two killing my appetite."
As the waiter set their meals down Kim caught Shego's eye and silently mouthed, "Thanks."
As the meal drew towards the close Kim announced, "I want to talk with Ron for a minute, privately."
"Can't it wait until you get back to the couch in your living room? We're done here."
"I want to talk with him now. Why don't you two order dessert."
"I'm not hungry," Shego answered.
"I think I still have room for a slice of cheesecake," Drakken commented.
"Fine," Shego sighed. "I'll have a cup of coffee."
Shego was on her second cup, and Kim and Ron had still not returned when the waiter approached the table with the bill and a note from Kim.
I called Wade and he got a ride to Ron's for the
two of us. I called my Mom, she has the steaks
for you at my house. I'm stiffing you for the
bill. Is that evil enough for you? Please, please
Shego stared at the note in disbelief for a minute, then started to laugh.
"What is it?" Drakken demanded.
"Princess is keeping a promise to me. She's stiffing you for the bill."
"Stiffing me? But I don't have a-"
"You can pay me back." Shego smiled, "There's hope for that kid. I need to go out to the hovercraft and… Damn! She'd better not have taken my credit card or you'll be washing dishes for a week."