Disclaimer: I do not own Megan Meade's Guide to the McGowan Boys nor any of its characters.


I stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water, ready to let me anxieties soak away. The bathroom smelt of lavender and rose and I could feel myself relaxing. I let my mind wander.

Lavender. Rose. Showers. Ice-cream. Chocolate brownies and ice-cream. Stress. Relaxation. Sleepovers. Friends. Finn.


I wish I knew what was going on between us. I wish I knew what was going on between him and Jessica. I wish I knew what was going to happen next. I wish I knew what I wanted.

What did I want?

Did I want a relationship? Did I just want a fling? Argh! I don't know!

I concentrated on the hot water running through my hair, down my face, done the curve of my nose, dripping off my lips.


His lips.

Soft and gentle and smiling on mine. All I could think of was the feel of his fingertips barely touching, caressing my face.*

The next thing I knew I was being hurled off of the side of Ria's bed by a strategically thrown fluffy white pillow.

"Stop daydreaming you killjoy and come and watch the movie with us!"

I eyed the television where 'The Notebook' was blasting. Dramatic music filled the room and I rolled my eyes.

"We've watched this movie a million times!" I argued.

"Shut up and watch." Ria said. I grabbed the pillow and collapsed next to Aimee. Smart people know that you should never argue with Ria and romantic movies.

Stereotypical is the only word that could possibly describe my night. Chocolate fudge brownies and ice-cream, tons of blankets, a tower of pillows, The Notebook and my best friends in the world.

"This is so romantic!"

"Romantic? It's the saddest movie of life! How is it romantic that Ally has to leave Noah for years and years after such an amazing, romantic summer together! It's sad because the two of them, two people from two very different worlds, gave love a try, risking the loss of parental trust and sure heartbreak, only to be disappointed-"

"Uhh Megs-"

"I mean, just when I thought it would work out between the, he becomes all pms-y and tells her to go, and even though she wants to stay and she knows he wants her to, she doesn't, because she's mad and hurt that he didn't fight for her to stay. He didn't confess his love for her. He just.. gave up."

My chest was heaving by the time I had finished. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and all I wanted to do was bury myself under the blankets. So that's what I did.

The darkness and warmth of the blankets gave me comfort.

I shoved a spoonful of ice-cream into my mouth.

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Ria's hand reached from under the blanket and grabbed the spoon out of my mouth.

"You know you didn't really answer the question." I got up and reached for another spoon off of Ria's table.

"I'm fine." They're never going to buy that.

"Ha! Now we know you aren't okay. What's up?"

I shoved another spoonful of ice-cream in my mouth, willing myself not to say another word.

"Megan. It is only 10 o'clock. You're leaving this house tomorrow at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. That gives us 12 full hours to sit here and wait for you to find some balls and spill your guts. Don't get my wrong, I love you heaps but I also really love romance movies and right now you're killing our marathon time. So talk."

Talk? About what? What did they want me to say?

"I really don't want to talk about it guys."

"So there is something to talk about?"

"Will you just drop it plea-"

"Why won't you tell us what's going on?"

"I will, just not no-"

"As if you don't actually want to talk about it!"

"I do, I just can't no-"

"We know you Megs, and you never not want to talk about thin-"


The room went silent.

Crap. Now look what they made me do.

I looked down at the ice cream in my hand, absolutely refusing to lift my head and meet the eyes of my friends. Aimee was the first to talk.

"Megs I-" Good job Megan Meade. Your friends just wanted to help and look what you did now.

"I'm just going to go brush my teeth."

I stood up and left the room, quietly shutting the door behind me. All I could make out was the muffled sounds of Pearl saying, "She didn't even finish her ice cream," which was a big worrier. I always finished my ice cream.

I went through the motions of brushing my teeth, leaving the tap running cold water for minutes before I actually wet my toothbrush and began. I needed to calm down. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to fix this facade.

What facade? They can all see right through you.

Again, inner-Megan was being an ass, but a smart ass. An always right smart ass.

I needed to figure out what exactly I was doing with my life. Okay, maybe a little bit of an exaggeration but still. I hadn't been this affected by a guy since.. well him and there was no way in hell I was going to let Finn turn me into another broken, gullible loser. It hurt too much.

You know you like him.

Yes inner-Megan. The feelings were there, obviously. But the hurt didn't have to be. I could end this all right now. It hurts too much.

I finished off in the bathroom and made my way back to the bedroom, tip-toeing quietly, stopping in front of the bedroom door. I know that eavesdropping is bad, but how else is a girl supposed to find her information when her best friends look at her like she's a land mine just waiting to be triggered to explode?

"I'm really worried about Megan."

"Me too."

Their muffled voices barely came through the door, but I couldn't lean in any further without making my presence obvious.

"Do you know what's been going on with her?" I heard Ria's signature sarcastic snort.

"Are you really asking us that question? It's so obvious that it's Finn!"

"Shhh!" Would Aimee still be trying to shush them if she knew that I was standing just outside?

"We should just go and talk to Finn."

"That's not going to do anything!"

"Yeah, Megan has to be the one to talk to Finn."

I could barely distinguish the differences between the voices of my best friends in the world. All of a sudden the whispering got a whole lot softer. Cursing inwardly to myself I leaned in the smallest bit closer, just soon enough to hear Aimee say, "There is no way in hell that anyone is going to break her heart ever again. You guys know how much Tyler changed her."

"Yeah and it wasn't a good change either."

"So what do we do now?"

"I don't know, it's up for Megan to decide I guess. We have no idea what she wants."

Oh but that's where you guys are wrong. I know exactly what I want. There was no way that I was going to get walked all over again. I took a deep breath and walked into the room, causing them all to jump away from each other, frantically trying to grab something to look busy. They took one look at my face and shot me a confused look at the genuine smile they found.

"Is everything alright Megan?"

Oh yes. Everything is just grand.

I'm currently in the process of writing another story and I'm really unsure as to whether it's worth finishing this one. Let me know what you guys think and as always, all feedback is greatly appreciated :)