Another month went by and Quinn had managed to shut down once again. I tried everything in my willpower to see her smile but it never reached her eyes as it would with Rachel. I was planning a way to make things right, even if I wasn't going to be in the picture for that much longer. I loved Quinn and I just wanted her happy; yet I wasn't ready to let go.
My final sign happened at an event that I had to work late at, securing the VIP rooms. I hadn't realized that it was a huge event for high fashion people until I noticed her walk down the red carpet pathway in her stunning black gown. She didn't smile like she usually did when approached with cameras in her face. She looked almost as sad as Quinn.
An hour or two went by when I found her nursing a cold beer; a definite contrast to her elegant dress.
She smiled when she noticed me and patted the seat next to her. "Hi Finn." She slurred slightly.
"Rachel," I nodded politely and took a seat, taking the glass of water the bar tender gave me. "You look stunning."
She laughed and looked down at her dress. "Your wife designed it." A hint of sadness dripped from her words and she sighed. "She's really good, you know that? It sucks she cut back her hours but I know she wanted to be around more for Raina."
I agreed even though I knew the real reason why Quinn cut back on her own hours. She couldn't be around Rachel knowing they weren't together anymore. It hurt her too much.
Just like I hurt whenever I was with Quinn, knowing her mind was constantly on someone else.
That someone else was sitting in front of me with a drink in her hand.
"Shouldn't you be out there on the dance floor with your friends?" I asked, trying to ease the tension.
Rachel shook her head and waved at the bar tender to give her another beer. "I'm only here for the sake of attendance. I think I'd rather be curled up in bed, watching sad movies."
"Wow, you sound just like Quinn." I mumbled and watched as Rachel sucked back her new beer. "Rach, I really think you should slow down a bit."
"I love her Finn." Four words escaped her and I wasn't expecting them. I blinked and her big brown sad eyes stared at me. "With everything I am, I'm in love with her."
I cleared my throat and adjusted my tie, shifting on the stool. "I'm sorry, who?"
"But she doesn't want me." She bowed her head slightly. "I was so foolish you know? Falling in love with someone who was so unattainable. What was wrong with me? Now I can't sleep properly and I just want to pick up the phone to hear her voice even though I see her almost every day." Rachel stopped and looked up at me, her hand reaching out for mine. "I'm so sorry Finn. You're a good man and I feel horrible for laying this all on you but-"
"You're in love." I answered simply and gave her a half smile.
"With Quinn." She whispered but even so, I could hear it over the music and people talking. "I know that I really shouldn't be telling you this and I might regret it in the morning but I just can't lie about it anymore. I'm in love with Quinn."
I sat back, my mouth opening then closing again because honestly, I didn't know how to react. I've eavesdropped on that conversation in the kitchen a month ago but neither woman had made it known to me until that very moment. I drank the rest of my water and stood up, straightening out my suit before grabbing her arm gently and pulling her onto her feet. "I think we should get you to your ride home."
"Are you mad? You're mad aren't you?" Rachel looked almost scared and I smiled a little at her.
"No, I'm not mad. I may have been left out of the loop about your relationship with her but I'm not dumb Rachel." We stepped out into the city air and she leaned against a lamp post, looking downwards. "I knew about you two. I watched it unfold and at first maybe I just wanted to deny it all so I turned the other cheek. Quinn isn't happy with me, I know that. I could be just as much to blame for that because I want her with me even though I know I don't do it for her anymore. She's an amazing woman and I love her, Rachel. I'm in love with her too."
"I'm so sorry." Tears started to fall down her cheeks and I shook my head, pulling her close to me. I was comforting her because that was what I did best.
"Why don't you go home, get yourself cleaned up and," I hesitated then swallowed, "give her a call. She'll be more than thrilled to hear from you."
Rachel looked up at me and blinked. "What?"
"You heard me." I waved down a limo and she told the driver the directions home. I shrugged and glanced around before sighing deeply. "I may legally be her husband but you're so much more to her." And then I shut the door and waited until the limo pulled out onto the road before sending Quinn a text message stating I'd be a little later than usual and to not wait up.
Technically my shift was over so I really could be heading home but if Rachel took my advice to call Quinn, I didn't want to disturb that.
I walked into the apartment around three that morning, completely exhausted and reeking of booze and cigarettes. I had left my truck at work because I wouldn't drive while under the influence of alcohol. I stumbled slightly and groaned when the kitchen light flicked on.
"Where the hell have you been Finn?" Quinn glared at me angrily and glanced at the clock on the microwave. "I've been worried sick about you!"
"Sorry, I had a few drinks with the boys. Didn't think you'd mind." I slurred a little before throwing my jacket on the table and grabbing a glass from the cupboard.
It dropped out of my hand when she slapped me on the arm seething, "I thought you were hurt! You could've called to let me know!"
"Look, I've had a long night okay?" I growled slightly, not trusting myself to keep everything bottled up like I had been doing for the past five months. "Can you yell at me tomorrow?"
"No." Quinn stepped in front of the sink to block the tap. "A simple phone call would've been nice."
"I'm sorry okay?" I said in a frustrated tone. "I figured you'd be on the phone with Rachel all night!" I shook my head realizing what I had just said and I heard her gasp.
"What did you just say?" She whispered, stepping away from the sink in shock.
"Tomorrow, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Good night Quinn." I pushed passed her and closed the bathroom door quietly.
After a few minutes or maybe twenty, I managed to crawl into bed and was surprised to see her lying there, looking at me. I ignored her beautiful gaze and turned my back to her, just wanting the headache and heartache to stop.
"I really do love you Finn." I heard her whisper before she shifted and I knew her back was to me as well.
Quinn was home from work and I could hear Drizzle babbling about a play she was going to see with Rachel on Saturday morning.
I felt her presence behind me before she even said a word. It had been a long week at work on the construction site and I managed to take a few days off of my night job so I could set my plan in motion. I made the necessary phone calls I needed to make and I felt almost good about the decision I was making.
"Finn?" Quinn sat down on the bed and looked at the opened luggage bags on the bed where my clothes were neatly tucked into. "What are you doing? Why are you packing?"
"I'm heading back to Lima." I replied calmly and zipped up one bag. "My step-dad needs help with his business and I figured I'd lend a hand."
Quinn and I walked on eggshells since the night a week ago when I came home drunk. She never did yell at me the next morning and I don't know how we ended up tangled together in the bed sheets instead, but that was the last time we attempted to touch each other. It felt like a final goodbye of some sorts that we both saw coming.
The remainder of the week was spent sporting fake smiles around Drizzle and being overly polite. I hated it. So I did what I had to do and called in a favour with my step-dad, Liam. He ran a construction business and they were granted the contract to re-build a whole new recreational centre for Lima, luckily he had me in mind anyway so I was able to score the job right then and there.
I wouldn't be gone just for a few days. I would be gone for over five months but I wanted to come back to spend time with Raina before I made a longer stay away.
"You're just going to pack up and leave without saying a word?" Quinn's voice shook a bit as she stood up and placed her hand on her hips.
"I'm telling you right now." I stuffed another bag full of clothes. "Quinn," I sighed and settled her back down on the bed as I kneeled in front of her, "I think this is what's best for us. You're not alone here and you're in good hands, both you and Raina, okay? I can't be here anymore. It hurts too much and I've tried to be strong in all of this but my life is falling apart. You were everything I've ever needed and wanted, but I can't have that. I won't stick around and let myself fall apart just because I want you that much."
"Finn... I need you. Our daughter needs you." Quinn cried softly, her fists clenching the front of my jacket.
"No, you don't need me Q." I whispered and pulled her to my chest. "I've kept you safe and grounded long enough but Rachel deserves to be that person now. She can give you so much more than I can."
She pulled back and wiped her eyes. "You knew?"
I nodded. "I'll be around for Raina," I whispered into her hair, "I'll be around for you. But please let me go so I can let go."
"I'm so so sorry Finn." She cried into my chest, her hands clutching at my back. Her sobs were heavy and loud and I knew that Drizzle would be poking her head through the bedroom door to see why her mommy was crying again. "I'm such a terrible person."
"Why?" I pulled back and wiped her tears away with my thumbs. "Because you found love and happiness?"
"She's not you." She whimpered and I swallowed back the lump in my throat.
"No, she's not. She's someone you love Quinn, someone you're happy with and that's all that matters in the end."
"Mommy?" Raina knocked on the door and stepped inside. "What's wrong?"
"Drizz," I smiled at her, "why don't you grab your coat and shoes, I'm taking you out for ice cream, okay?"
"Is mommy coming?" She asked quietly.
"No honey, but we'll bring her back her favourite." I gave her my brave smile and her little head nodded as she ran back towards her bedroom to grab her teddy.
"I'm sorry I hurt you." She whispered, trying to calm herself down.
"It hasn't been easy for me and it'll take a while before I can find my place again but really Quinn," I pressed my lips to her forehead, "your happiness is worth it all."
She sobbed some more and I knew at that moment that she was sorry, that she really did love and care for me but I was no longer the person she would turn to in the end.
I've accepted that.
I'd make myself ready to move on.