Ashlyn: Sigh. Hello once again to yet another chapter of...They Just Don't Care Anymore...yay. Of course, the Author only owns his OCs, such as the Minions and does not own The Transformers or any of the characters that are associated with The Transformers...Of course, you'd have realised this by now, I', sure. Well, I'm not really one for introductions, or to go on unnecessarily, so I'll leave you to the story. Thanks for reading, review we hope you enjoy, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. I'll see you at the end.


Backstage Minion Idol Errol was walking around, looking for Lisa. Unfortunately, what he did not realise was that he was being followed.

"Lisa? Hello? Are you back here?" Errol called out "I thought we'd agreed that you'd sing The Only Exception! You know, the whole love serenade thing we planned out?" Is this too clingy? Am I being creepy? Nah. Errol thought to himself.

"I like you." A voice from behind him murmured.

Errol jumped and looked behind him to see that weird four armed girl who was with Ember's band. Breach or Beach or something.

"Uh...thank you?" Errol replied uncertainly.

"You can be my new favourite, the last one wasn't so good. But you will be, you'll be better." Breach said cryptically.

Errol began to back away, unnerved "Um, that's very...flattering, but I have a girlfriend."

"No, you will be my favourite." Breach told him stubbornly, approaching him.

Suddenly, Sparky and Jasmine walked in.

"Look Jasmine, this has to stop! We broke up!" Sparky exclaimed.

"Meow! Oh come on! You can't blame me for trying!" Jasmine shot back.

"But it's creeping me out! I'm very happy with Jenny!"

...Followed by Jack and Ember.

"I'm just saying I contribute a lot, maybe I should get a solo." Jack said to Ember.

"You'll get a solo when I say you can get a solo!" Ember snapped "Avrute! Kollekio! Hook! Bring the stuff!"

"Yes your bossiness!" Kollekio muttered as he, Mr. Hook and Avrute struggled to carry the equipment.

"Why aren't they helping?" Avrute asked, referring to Biowulf and Skalamander, who were hanging back behind them.

"We're on break." Skalamander replied.

"Scabs." Mr. Hook spat with disgust.

"What did you call me?-!" Biowulf snarled, baring his claws.

And then came Mia and Vlad.

"Come on! Let me see you without the scarf and goggles!" Mia cried out, chasing Vlad around.

"No way! I'm not taking them off!" Vlad called out.

"Then I'll take them off for you!" Mia shouted, laughing.

"Oh, Sparky! There you are!" Jenny called out.

"Where is that blue haired little whelp?" Girom muttered "I need something to vent my anger on."

"Anyone up for a game of poker?" Luxord asked, holding out a deck of cards.

Breach was beginning to get agitated, there were too many people here and they were all talking at once.

"Hazel please, be reasonable!" Gary pleaded.

"I am being reasonable! That watery creep stole my helmet and I reason that he must be strung up and left out to dry!" Hazel snapped.

"Oh! Sparky, can I get a photo with you?" Taz asked, running over to him.

"What the hell? Errol, why are you talking to that weird girl?" Lisa asked.

"ENOUGH! I want all of you to SHUT UP!" Breach screamed, silencing all those around her.

"...Uh, what?" Jack asked.

"I'm sending you all away! Far away where you can't bother me!" Breach shouted.

"Breach! I command you to-!" Ember began.

"SHUT UP!" Breach screamed, before rising into the air and seemingly exploding into a huge portal. Suddenly, a strong suction began pulling them all in.

"Whoa! Run away!" Demyx shouted, turning to run...before another portal opened up in front of him, swallowing him up.

"What the hell happened?-!" Gauntlet exclaimed.

"It looks like she's gone crazy!" Hideki cried, before another portal opened up beneath him, pulling him in.

"Hideki!" Sparky shouted, before a portal sucked him in.

"SPARKY!" Jenny, Jasmine and Taz all shouted at once.

"Screw this! I'm going in!" Jasmine shouted as she ran forward and leapt into a portal that had opened up.

"Idiot girl! Wait up!" Jenny cried, running after her only to be sucked into a different portal.

"I'm getting the hell out of here!" Jack shouted, activating his jetpack.

"That goes double for me!" Ember added, hopping onto her guitar.

Unfortunately for all of them, the suction of the portals increased, threatening to suck all but Lexaeus in.

"This really suuuuuuuuucks!" Jack shouted as he found himself unable to resist the pull of the portals any longer and was sucked in.

"That's not fuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnyyyyy!" Ember shouted back as she was pulled off of her guitar and into another one of Breach's portals.

"Shelakey!" Avrute cried, digging his ÄRM into the ground.

"Grab him!" Mr. Hook shouted, grabbing onto Avrute's boot.

"Gotcha!" Kollekio exclaimed, proceeding to seize Mr. Hook's peg leg.

"You fools! Let go or you'll drag us all in!" Avrute shouted as he felt himself be drawn into the nearest portal.

"No way!" Kollekio protested.

"You're not going to save yourself and leave us to perish!" Mr. Hook added.

"C-can't hold on!" Avrute gasped as his grip finally loosened "You idiots!" And with that, they were all sucked in.

"I believe I shall gamble with fate and see what happens! Au revoir!" Luxord cried as he let go of the hold he had and was promptly sucked into a portal.

"Idiot! He'll never survive!" Zexion exclaimed in shock, before he lost his grip.

"Zexion!" Lexaeus cried out, running after his friend, reaching out to grab him...only to grasp thin air as Zexion vanished into a portal which promptly closed over.

"Oh no! Not me! Not me!" Girom shrieked as he too was lost to a portal.

Not far away, Ashlyn was beating her wings furiously to escape a stray portal. It was for naught however, when James slammed into her and they were both knocked into separate portals.

"Eep!" Crystal gasped as she too was sucked in.

"Take my hand!" Mia cried out as Vlad struggled to hold onto a rope.

Struggling, Vlad reached out to grab Mia's hand...and lost his grip, finding himself flying away.

Finally, it seemed as if the worst was over, the suction lessened and soon, the flow of portals ceased, and the remaining Minion Idol competitors looked around to survey the area.

"Where the hell did they go?" Gauntlet asked hesitantly.

"No idea, that psycho pulled those into her portals, they could be at any place or any time in the Multiverse!" Vexen replied.

The Author slammed his head against a wall "Damn it! Now we're missing most of the band!"

"Yes, that is unfortunate." Robert muttered as he and his assistant Gary walked in, surveying the scene.

"So...what now?" Charlie asked.

"Well, we need performers so someone will have to go and...retrieve them." Robert replied.

"How? How can we do that?" Justin asked.

"This building is equipped with Multiversal teleporters, as most of our performers are from different dimensions. All we'd need to do is send someone in, one dimension at a time." Gary explained.

"Yes, but that could take decades! There are infinite numbers of dimensions! It would be like finding one specific needle in a needle factory!" Gauntlet protested.

Robert shrugged "Well, it's the best chance we've got so far. So, any volunteers?"

"I'll do it." Taz piped up, raising her hand.

Roman scoffed "Yeah, I wonder why?"

Taz glared at him, before turning to Robert "So, where are these teleporters?"

"Over here." Mia pointed out "I'll be going with you."

"Why?" Taz asked.

"...I have my reasons, as I'm sure you do, a certain blonde boy perhaps?" Mia replied.

Taz blushed, before walking over to the teleporters "So, we'll split up, we'll cover more ground that way."

"Agreed." Mia said.

And with that, they teleported off into the unknown.


"Ugh, where am I?" Sparky asked, shaking his head and looking around to see...

Zombies. Millions upon millions of zombies. And they were all converging on him.

Sparky whimpered.


"Springwood Ohio." Hideki read off of a sign "Hmmm, now why does that seem so familiar?"

He gazed carefully at the sign. It was green, but there were flecks of what Hideki assumed were paint. Red and green...Hideki thought that may have been significant somehow, but he wasn't sure.

Springwood, red, green. Springwood, red, green. Springwood, red, green, slasher, knives, fedora, Krueg-

Hideki's eyes shot wide open "Oh hell no!"


James found himself backed against a wall as a huge creature with dozens of eyes and oozing purple skin advanced on him.

"P-Plasmus?" James gasped.

Plasmus raised his arm, ready to strike...


Outside, the Autobots were beginning their annual dodge ball competition with the humans, and they were all there: Carly, Spike, Daniel, Chip Chase, Sparkplug, Sara. Yep, everyone. On the Autobots team was Optimus Prime, Cliffjumper, Inferno, Wheeljack, Red Alert and Starscream's ghost. Yeah, as I'm sure you've already guessed, this is absolutely not going to end well.

"Alright, so we all know the rules, I'm sure. Whoever gets hit is out, catch a ball and an out team member gets back in, etcetera, etcetera." Optimus Prime explained "Slingshot is referee and as I'm sure you know, he does not give a damn about the rules. Understood? Ok then...begin!"

And with that, the game started with Cliffjumper quickly breaking at least thirteen of Sparkplug's ribs with a single throw.

"Oh God! The agony! The agony! Why God, why?-! Why were we made to feel such pain?-!" Sparkplug shrieked.

Jazz observed the match and shook his head "You know, I'm not sure if that's supposed to be funny or needlessly cruel."

Beside him, Springer shrugged "With this series, it's a very thin line."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Daniel was out next when Wheeljack gave him a barrage of dodgeballs fired out from one of Wheeljack's latest inventions: A dodgeball minigun cannon...Yes, it was awesome...or again, horrifically cruel, either one.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!" Chip Chase exclaimed as he began firing dodgeballs from a cannon on his wheelchair...which inexplicably resembled a Dalek for some reason.

"Do you think this could be interpreted as offensive towards the handicapped?" Spike asked Carly.

"Probably...boy, we're doing an awful lot of lampshade hangings in this chapter, aren't we?" Carly replied, before Inferno blew both of them away with a pair of dodgeballs fired from his napalm hose.

"Exterminate! Extermin-Urk!" Chip Chase cried as Optimus promptly crushed him with a humongous dodgeball.

"Keep at it lads! It looks like it's just that Canadian chick with the headgear left!" Optimus shouted to his team.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Sara and Air Raid cried out at the same time.

"Ok, you sons of bitches are going to pay for that one! Kukris, go!" Sara shouted, before leaping up into the air and pulling out a pair of kukris-

And promptly getting shot by Red Alert, sending her small form flying off into the distance.

"I got her!" Red Alert cried triumphantly.

"Aha! Victory for the Autobots once again team! Boy, beating up those humans sure was fun! I think we may have even severely injured them! We sure-Ack!" Optimus cried as a dodgeball hit him in the wrecking balls.

"Revenge! Exterminate!" Chip Chase shouted, before wobbling off on a severely damaged wheelchair.

"Optimus! Are you alright?" Goldbug asked, concerned.

"No I'm not alright dumbass! He hit me in the nuts!" Optimus shouted as he clutched his crotch.

"Dude, did you piss yourself?" Hauler asked, noticing that the ground around Optimus was wet.

"Aw God damn it! Aw, I think there's blood in it!" Optimus exclaimed in a mixture of horror and disgust.

It was at that point that a grossly obese man waddled up to Optimus and stared at him.

"My name is Cee Dubya Cee and a few things about this weird me out. First off, if you pissed yourself, shouldn't you have expelled transmission fluid and found oil in it? And also "severely injured those humans"? I've been a fan of you guys my whole life, and believe me, you Autobots care for humans more than that, so you shouldn't cheer for something so sad! I've got an idea for a better adventure! How about Galvatron kills Goldbug and Optimus sues him and stuff? Yeah, and then-and then, you could hire Starscream as a lawyer because he's always betrayin' people and stuff! Yeah, that could be wacky right?"

Optimus regarded Cee Dubya Cee for a moment, seeming to consider what this bizarre human was saying...before quickly stomping on him and grinding him into the ground.

"Fucking virgins with rage!" Optimus snarled.


Sparky let out a shriek as the zombies began to close in on him. Managing to form a rational thought, he pulled out his L-Board and flew off, causing the zombies to attempt to reach up and grab him.

"Alright, alright...don't panic, you'll get out of this, you just need to...Oh jeez, oh jeez..." Sparky muttered in a panic, near the point of hyperventilating.

Setting down on the top of a building, he surveyed the city. As he had feared, it was zombies and flaming buildings as far as the eye could see.

"What the hell happened here?" Sparky asked himself.

At that point, he heard the sound of a gun cocking behind him.

"Put your hands behind your head unless you want to lose it!" A tough sounding voice snarled.

Nervously, Sparky complied.

"Now turn around." A feminine, yet equally strong voice added.

Sparky did as he was instructed and came face to face with two people in army fatigues. One was a young man with black hair and a carbine, a private judging by the bands on his arm, whereas the other was a woman with blonde hair, a rifle and apparently a lieutenant. They seemed somehow familiar, but Sparky couldn't quite place where he had seen them before.

The two soldiers on the other hand, seemed to recognise him immediately.

"What the-? Sparky! What the hell are you doing here man?" The private asked.

"And what's with the outfit?" The lieutenant asked.

"Um, how do you two know me? And where am I?" Sparky asked hesitantly, not wanting to upset the two people with guns trained at his chest.

"Sparky, it's us! Edan and Zatch!" The private exclaimed.

"Yeah, did you hit your head or something?" The lieutenant named Zatch asked.

Something in Sparky's mind clicked.

"Wait, Edan? Zatch? Didn't I meet you guys at a party for a giant transforming robot or something?" Sparky asked.

Zatch and Edan exchanged confused glances.

"Uh, Sparky, I think you need to hand over whatever it is you've been drinking, smoking or injecting." Zatch told Sparky.

"Yeah, or at least share it." Edan muttered.

Sparky paused for a moment to consider the recent events. Errol had been talking to that weird girl, weird girl had gotten upset and then...created a bunch of portals! Sparky realised that he must have been sent into another dimension...it was weirdly common for him.

"Look guys, I guess I must look like someone you know and I guess in a way, I am him...but not him, exactly." Sparky tried to explain.

Zatch gave him a funny look, before stepping toward him "Ok Sparky, I know you were never the sanest guy around, but I think you've lost it this time, come with us."

"No, wait! What I mean to say is, I come from a dimension different from yours!" Sparky exclaimed, stepping back.

"An alternate dimension?" Edan snorted "Prove it!"

Sparky shrugged, before leaping off the building.

"NO!" Zatch and Edan cried out at the same time.

"Wait to go idiot! You killed him! Jenny's gonna-Oh my God!" Zatch exclaimed in horror.

"Me?-! How is this my fault?" Edan cried.

"You encouraged him! Stress must have gotten to him!" Zatch retorted.

"Ahem, guys?" Sparky interrupted as he floated on his L-Board.

The two soldiers gaped at him, finally, Edan broke the silence.

"...Whoa..." Edan muttered, stunned by the revelation.

"So, you mentioned Jenny? Take me to her." Sparky ordered.


In Springwood, Hideki was staring at the sign.

"Aw hell no! This is the worst thing ever! Alright, calm down, at least you know that this place is bad news, so you can just walk away. Yeah, tha's what I'll do! I'll just turn and walk away!" Hideki said to himself as he turned around to put as much distance between himself and Springwood as possible...

...Before a car rounded a corner and struck him.

"Urgh!" Hideki exclaimed.

"Holy shit!"

"Oh my God! Did we just hit someone?-!"

"Shit! Everyone just calm down! We'll take him to the hospital and say we found him like this in the middle of the road! Everybody got that?"

Before he passed out, Hideki tried to protest, to fight back and stop them from taking him into the town and into the impending danger. But he couldn't, he could only watch through fading vision as he was pulled into what was the worst town in America aside from Ruckersville Virginia.


James backed away from Plasmus, only to head straight into a wall. Plasmus let out a chuckle as he prepared to strike...and suddenly, his arm was frozen solid.

"What?" James asked as Plasmus looked at his frozen arm in shock.

Both turned to see where the shot had come from and standing behind Plasmus was...another James! This one however was clad in armour, and was red with dark blue.

"Freeze Plasmus! Your spree of terror is over!" Alternate James cried.

"Dude...what?" James asked, shocked.

Alternate James peered past Plasmus and saw an identical version of him.

"Uh?" Alternate James gasped.

Taking advantage of the situation, Plasmus sprayed both with his slime.

"Oh God damn it! The slime depowers me!" Alternate James shouted in frustration.

"Yeah, I know, it's the same with me." James replied as he tried to sneak past Plasmus while he was distracted by Alternate James.

Plasmus roared and blocked James, before knocking Alternate James down with a sweep from one mighty arm.

"Oh great doing dipshit! Now we're both going to die!" Alternate James spat.

"Hey! How is this my fault?" James asked.

"If you hadn't shown up then I could have handled this freak!" Alternate James shot back.

Suddenly, from above: "Never fear citizens! Sparky and his sweetheart are here to save the day!"

"Huh?" James asked as he and Plasmus turned skyward.

Alternate James covered his eyes with his hand "Oh Jesus no, not these freaks!"

Inexplicably, what sounded like Total Eclipse of the Heart began to play. A bolt of lightning streaked towards Plasmus, striking him and forcing him onto his knees.

Flying above them was what appeared to be Sparky and Jenny, yet somehow they were different. Sparky seemed to be even more of a pretty boy than normal, hell, he was even sparkling. Jenny meanwhile was suddenly gorgeous, and even though she was not exactly plain before, now she seemed to take James' breathe away.

"Clear a path for me dear!" Alternate Jenny told Alternate Sparky.

"As you wish darling!" Alternate Sparky replied as he fired another bolt of lightning, this one piercing Plasmus' goopy hide and creating an opening.

"Thank you my love!" Alternate Jenny cried as she leapt off of Alternate Sparky's L-Board and through opening Sparky had made.

When she was through the other side, she was carrying an unconscious man.

"Well...that was different..." James muttered as Alternate James walked up to the Alternate couple.

"I...ugh...thank you for your assistance, however unnecessary, but I should be capable of escorting Plasmus back to prison." Alternate James informed Alternate Sparky and Alternate Jenny.

"Oh no, that's alright! We would be glad to assist you, wouldn't we honey?" Alternate Jenny asked Alternate Sparky.

"Oh, of course sweetie!" Alternate Sparky replied, beaming at her.

Alternate James grimaced "Really, I'm sure Mantis will be expecting you, so why don't you-?"

"Hmmm?" Alternate Jenny asked, peering past Alternate James to James "Oh! And who is this? He's adorable!"

"Um...hi." James greeted wearily.

"Why, he's the spitting image of you James! Wouldn't you say cutest?" Alternate Sparky asked.

"He sure does my beloved! The outfit is different of course, but other than that they're identical!" Alternate Jenny replied as she peered at James.

"Yes...who are you exactly?" Alternate James asked, narrowing his eyes at regular James.

"Well, I'm...I'm..." James stammered.

"Oh! I think I know! I bet he's from another dimension!" Alternate Jenny exclaimed.

"Of course! That would explain the similar resemblance and his sudden appearance! You're so smart my dearest!" Alternate Sparky gushed.

Alternate James began to grind his teeth in annoyance, before turning to James "So, you're an alternate me?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so. I don't suppose you know how I could get back home?" James asked.

Alternate James paused to consider it, before shaking his head "I'm afraid not. Tell you what though, why don't you come back with me to my base and we'll try to sort things out?"

"Sounds like a plan for now." James replied.

"Oh, goody! I don't think we've seen your mansion James!" Alternate Sparky cried.

"Well I wasn't-" Alternate James began.

"Cool! You can give us a tour once we've got this doppelganger settled in! Come along dear!" Alternate Jenny said as she led James by the arm.

"Are they always like this?" James asked Alternate James as he was dragged past him.

Alternate James sighed "Regrettably, yes. How I loathe them and their blatant affections."


Elsewhere...

"Here, have some broth, it's yummy!" Creedence Leonore Gieguld insisted, pushing a steaming cup into Roxie's hand.

"Why is it smoking?" Roxie asked, grimacing.

"...No reason!" Creedence replied with a smile.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd! It's delicious!" The nerd that Roxie had run into exclaimed.

"What is wrong with you?" Roxie asked, glaring at the nerd, whose name was Arnie, or something equally stupid.

"Good, now have some corn and pastries! Also yummy!" Creedence added, shoving a plate of green corn and bread into Roxie's face.

"It's green. Why is it green?" Roxie questioned with a frown.

"...No it's not." Creedence replied.

"Yes it is! Do you really expect me to eat that shit?" Roxie asked, getting annoyed.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd! This food is friggin awesome and in no way a trap of some kind!" Arnie shouted.

"Were you dropped on the head as a baby? Like, repeatedly?" Roxie asked.

"Now, eat your food and drink your broth so that I can summon my goblin-troll hordes-duh, I mean...sex...something about sex...that's what you people want, isn't it?" Creedence asked.

"You're not fooling anyone mate! You're obviously evil!" Roxie cried, throwing her arms up.

"...No I'm not. In fact, I am a vegetarian." Creedence replied, eyes darting all over the place.

"That doesn't make any God damn sense! I just saw you eat some stupid blonde chick!"

"...No I didn't! That was a plant...with hair and fingernails." Creedence attempted to justify.

"Oh screw it! You freaks can burn in hell!" Roxie exclaimed, throwing her broth into Creedence's face and smashing the mug onto Artie's head.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd!" Artie screamed as he collapsed.

"Aw shut up!" Roxie snapped as she walked off.

Behind a nearby door, Artie's friend Bret came, struggling to open it.

"Don't worry my friend who I am in a totally platonic and not in any way romantic relationship with! I shall save-urk!" Bret cried as Roxie kicked the door down on top of him.

"Shove it nerds!" Roxie shouted.

"Foooood!" A goblin moaned...before getting its face smashed in by Roxie's boot.

The nearby goblin army quickly suffered the same fate. And so the one sided goblin beating continued until, not watching where she was going, Roxie stepped through a portal, finding herself backstage of Minion Idol.

"Well that was convenient." Gideon muttered as one of his band members returned.


Outside of their base, the Autobots were setting up a pie making competition! Yay!

"Another competition? What happened with the dodgeball thing?" Jazz asked, puzzled.

"Oh, that was just like a warm up or something." Hauler explained.

"We needed a warm up for a pie baking competition?" A now even more puzzled Jazz asked.

In response, Hauler shrugged.

"And now to inspect the pies with my fellow judges, Jazz and Hauler!" Optimus exclaimed as he approached the benches.

First up was Starscream's ghost.

"Ah, let me have a sample!" Optimus Prime said as he tried to eat the pie...only for it to smash against his faceplate "Damn it! This keeps happening!"

Jazz sighed and removed Prime's faceplate for him. There was a collective gasp as everyone witnessed what was beneath it.

"What is he?-!" Bluestreak cried.

"That's not normal! That's not normal at all!" Springer shouted.

"Ah, thank you Jazz! Now, to taste the pie..." Prime murmured as he placed a slice into what could only loosely called a mouth...before spitting it back out "Ech! What's in this pie man!"

Starscream's ghost, still traumatised by what was under Optimus' faceplate whimpered "M-my ashes..."

Optimus, Jazz and Hauler all stared at him, wide eyed "What."

"I used my very own ashes for flavour...and so that a little piece of me would always be within you!" Starscream's ghost replied.

At that point, Optimus began to vomit copiously "Oh dear God! Someone fetch me a bucket!"

"Uh, next competitor..." Jazz said nervously as he and Hauler escorted Prime to the next bench.

Next was Cosmos and his pie...which seemed to have limbs sticking out from it...and not just animal limbs either...

"Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot." Hauler muttered, eyes wide with shock.

"Yes, it does look delicious doesn't it? Here, have a piece!" Cosmos offered, holding out a slice for them to sample.

"Are those Windcharger's arms?-!" Jazz cried, examining the pie closely.

"...No." Cosmos replied.

"This sickens even me! Next!" Optimus Prime exclaimed, pushing Cosmos down before moving on, leaving Cosmos to sob.

The next pie was Inferno's...fittingly enough, it was on fire.

"How the hell did you manage that?" Hauler asked.

"Napalm!" Inferno replied with a smile as he held out his pie.

"No." Optimus said flatly.

"But I-!" Inferno began to protest.

"No." Optimus interrupted, before walking off.


On some other plane of existence...

"Ugh...my head..." Crystal groaned as she sat up and clutched at her head.

Looking around, she could see that she was on the roof of a building. The only problem was she had no idea where she was exactly. Suddenly, an explosion rang out and Crystal walked over to the edge of the building.

Down in the street she could see a pink humanoid creature with a helmet and jetpack dart around while accompanying it was a Japanese man in a business suit wielding an umbrella and a man with a helmet and a single, giant eye from which he was firing lasers. Fighting them were a man-chameleon hybrid, a winged man wielding a bow and clad in hoplite armour, a cactus man with green skin and spikes protruding from his body and a man who had six tentacles growing out of his back. From the looks of it, the latter team seemed to be winning.

"Which side should I help?" Crystal pondered, watching the battle "Eh, wing it."

And with that, she charged up a large fireball and threw it into the midst of the fighting. Immediately, they all stopped and turned to see Crystal on top of the building.

"What the-? Beamer, is she one of our new recruits" Karakasa asked.

"I don't think so...Hey! Squiddy! Is she yours?" Beamer called out.

"The name is Blooper you cycloptic cretin! And no she is not! Eros, Spines, take her out!" Blooper ordered.

"At once!" Spines replied, before firing number of needles at Crystal.

"You got it!" Eros added as he did the same with a volley of arrows made from energy.

Crystal returned fire, knocking a few arrows and needles away, only for a number to get past her fire. She ducked and threw more fireballs once the shots momentarily stopped.

"Karakasa, Beamer, lay down suppressive fire while I get that girl down from that building." Kirby ordered.

"Understood." Karakasa replied as he activated the machine gun located in his umbrella.

While Chameleo Arm spat multicoloured energy blasts at the heroes, Blooper noticed what Kirby was trying to do and prepared to launch a harpoon from his gun at him, when his communicator began to beep.

"This is Blooper, come in." Blooper spoke.

"Cease the distraction, we have claimed our objective." Ludwig commanded.

"Got it. Eros, Spines, get back here! Chameleo Arm, mask our escape!" Blooper shouted.

"On it!" Chameleo Arm hissed as the air around the four villains shimmered, until they were all completely hidden from view.

"Damn! They're getting away!" Beamer cursed as he fired wildly into the street, hoping to hit the fleeing villains.

"Cease fire! You're just going to cause collateral damage if you keep that up!" Karakasa reprimanded.

"Who are you?" Kirby asked as he hovered in front of Crystal.

"Uh...Crystal and right now I'm very confused." Crystal replied.


Back in the zombie dimension, Sparky was being escorted to the base of the surviving humans.

"Oh man, Jenny is going to freak when she sees this guy." Edan murmured to Zatch.

"How do you think our Sparky's going to take it?" Zatch whispered.

"Three packets of gum that he faints." Edan offered.

"You're on!" Zatch agreed.

They finally arrived back at an abandoned prison.

"Honey, we're home!" Edan called out.

"Jenny!" Sparky shouted as he launched himself, arms outstretched at that universe's Jenny, who had much shorter hair, but was still recognisable.

"Wha-? Sparky, we saw each other five minutes ago!" Jenny giggled, before noticing Sparky's...unusual attire "What are you wearing?"

"Ugh, get a room you two." A non-green skinned, wingless Ashlyn muttered with disgust.

"Uh, guys?" Zatch piped up "That's not Sparky, or at least not our Sparky."

"What do you mean?" Jenny asked.

"He says he's from another dimension." Edan replied.

Jenny looked concerned and held her hand to Sparky's forehead "Sparky, are you feeling alright? The zombies can't get you in here, you're safe."

Sparky stepped back "What? No, this isn't a fear induced insanity! I really am from another dimension!"

Ashlyn sighed and stepped forward "Allow me." She peered closely at Sparky, squinting, before turning to Jenny "Yep, he's not our Sparky."

"But...how can you tell?" Jenny asked.

"I'm his best friend, I can tell." Ashlyn replied, before walking off "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find our Sparky and show him this...thing."

"Well at least Ashlyn is mostly the same." Sparky muttered, rolling his eyes.

Jenny frowned "Sparky, maybe you should lie down, ok? I'm a little worried about you."

"No, seriously, I'm fine." Sparky replied, backing up.

"Oh my God!" A familiar voice cried out.

"What? Oh!" Jenny gasped as the Sparky of her universe stepped towards them.

"Told you." Zatch said as Edan handed her a pack of gum.


In Alternate James' mansion...

"I love you pumpkin." Alternate Jenny told Alternate Sparky lovingly.

"I love you too honey bunny." Alternate Sparky replied...also quite lovingly.

Alternate James rolled his eyes as James mimed gagging. At that point, the doorbell rang and Alternate James went to answer it.

"Hey sweetie!" A young woman with blonde hair greeted as she walked through the door.

Alternate James grimaced "I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"Would you prefer sweetness?" She asked teasingly.

"Zatch?-!" James exclaimed in shock.

"Hmm?" Zatch asked, looking around before her eyes settled on James "Oh! James, do you have a twin that you've never told me about? Clone? Android?"

"Actually, he's from an alternate dimension, he got sent here and he's looking for a way home." Alternate James explained.

"Oh, so he's like the Quantum Leap guy." Zatch muttered, peering closely at James.

"Um, who?" James asked.

"She's into Eighties stuff, her entire iPod is filled with Eighties music." Alternate James replied.

"Yep." Zatch replied absentmindedly as she brushed a stay strand of hair from James' eye, causing him to step back nervously.

"Um, sorry, I'm confused...so, you two are dating in this universe?" James asked.

"Yeah, we met at a party being held for one of those giant transforming robots." Alternate James revealed.

"Is there a...me in your universe?" Zatch asked.

"Well, yeah, but we're just pen-pals. We met at the same party though." James replied.

"What am I like? I'm nice, right?" Zatch questioned.

"Yeah, you're about the same in terms of personality...the Zatch in my universe doesn't have bangs though." James answered.

Zatch smiled "Yes! I remain unique!"

James frowned "So, wait, what happened to Crystal?"

Alternate James, in the midst of sipping tea, immediately did a spit take "Crystal?-! For the love of God man, please don't tell me you and her are...are...urgh!"

James looked confused "Why? What's wrong with Crystal?"

"She's immature..." Alternate James began.

"Argumentative." Zatch added.

"Stubborn."

"Hot tempered."

"Redheaded." Alternate James scowled.

"Oh...how bad could she really be?" James asked uncertainly.

"...She set my hair on fire." Alternate James replied.

"...But aside from that?" James queried after a pause.

"She set my house on fire."

"...Oh..."

"Maybe he should see her for himself?" Zatch suggested.

"Yeah, maybe that'd be for the best." James said.

Alternate James shrugged "Alright man, but it's your funeral."


On some alien planet, Taz was looking around "Hello? Sparky? Anyone here?"

Suddenly, she heard inhuman yowling.

"Eep! Please don't let them torture you!" Taz cried as she ran towards the noise and saw...Jasmine getting massaged by a number of small, squid like aliens.

"Sha-La!" The aliens greeted.

"Um...ok, what's going on here?" Taz asked.

"Meow? Oh, it's you! Well, I got sucked into a portal and wound up here were these nice little critters found me!" Jasmine replied.

"Oh, I was hoping I'd find Sparky..." Taz muttered.

"Aw, that's so cute! Someone has a crush!" Jasmine teased.

Taz blushed "Shut up! I do not!"

"It couldn't be more obvious kiddo, you hang around him, ask for autographs and get all nervous when you talk to him! Face it, you're smitten!" Jasmine explained.

Taz glared "Just shut up and come with me so we can find the others!"

"Meow, by which you mean Sparky? Right?" Jasmine asked playfully.

Taz growled in response.

"Meow! Temper, temper! Cya later guys!" Jasmine called out to the aliens as she walked off with Taz.

"Cya! Sha-La!" The aliens shouted back, waving.

"So, wanna talk about it?" Jasmine asked.

"No." Taz shot back.

"Aw, come on, you can trust me! Do I have the face of a liar?" Jasmine asked.

Taz sighed "Alright, look, do you know how many Australian heroes there are? Not a lot, Sparky was the first one I ever heard about and I thought he was cool. He's kinda my hero." Taz replied.

"Aw, how sweet!" Jasmine gushed.

"Just shut and get in the portal!" Taz snapped as they found their way back to the portal which brought Taz there.


Back at the Autobot pie competition, Optimus and his fellow judges were inspecting Wheeljack's pie.

"Will it explode?" Jazz asked nervously.

"Probably...er, probably not is what I meant to say! Yes." Wheeljack replied.

"So what flavour is it?" Hauler asked.

"Explosion-Der, I mean...cherry!" Wheeljack answered.

"Oh boy! I love cherry! Gimme!" Optimus exclaimed, reaching for the pie.

"Wait, are those canisters of nitroglycerin?" Jazz asked.

The resulting explosion took out a nine mile area. Fortunately, the only casualty was Dirge...and two dozen innocent bystanders. But all in all, it was a good day...for Wheeljack.


Ashlyn: And there you have it, yeah, another two parter, the Author is just so damn lazy. What are you gonna do? Anyway, once again, we hope that you enjoyed this...drivel, please remember to review and finally...sigh, thanks for reading! Now where's my paycheck?