If I woke up alone I won't stop till I'll find you
and you are with me; cause by now, L know
you better than you know yourself, and I know
what you really need - what you need, or I
need, but either way this is where you should be:
here with me, or I'll bleed so much that you won't believe.
When Nate wakes up, it's noon and Blair is in the room, talking quietly on her phone in the corner. He sits up, feeling a lot better than he did yesterday, and looks around for Jenny. She's not here. He frowns, checks his phone and sees that she texted him at eight in the morning: 'Had to go to the loft; see you tonight!'
The next few hours feel too long. The nurses observe his stats one last time, and he checks out of the hospital eagerly (he's never liked them), before he and Blair take the limo to his apartment. The brunette reminds him over and over again how many pills a day to take for the next week; his mind keeps wandering, and Nate thinks he should probably keep count on how many times she's snapped her fingers to get his attention.
"Nate! Good God, are you okay?" she asks for the millionth time as they step off the elevator and into his apartment. "Should I stay with you for a few hours, maybe even the night? You're scaring me."
"Sorry, I'm fine. There's no need for you to stay. I'm spending time with Jenny tonight and we'll probably end up crashing so there will be someone to watch on me if that's-"
"Jenny Humphrey?" Blair asks sharply, her eyes snapping into slits, and Nate shoots her a confused look before nodding. A familiar expression takes over Blair's face and before Nate can say a word, the girl whips out her phone with a devious expression on her face.
There's a knock on the door of the loft and Dan's not home to answer it. Jenny figures that it's Eric, here to catch up on how both of their nights were, so she jogs to the door and opens it. When she sees wavy locks of dark brown hair and familiar, angry doe-brown eyes, the grin on her face vanishes. As the former Queen Bee pushes her way into the loft without a word, Jenny can't help but wonder how Blair found out about her return.
"I thought I exiled you," Blair says, slamming her purse onto the table and turning to look at the blonde. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and raises an eyebrow and Jenny can't help but think about how stupid this all is, how dumb Blair's fantasy world is.
"I came back for Nate, Blair. This has nothing to do with you." Jenny responds, and it's taking all the self-restraint that she possesses to not roll her eyes.
"It has everything to do with me. Need I remind you of the reason why you left?" Blair says, and there's this superior expression on her face that makes Jenny feel sick. "Or did you forget? Maybe that's why Nate thinks that you only left because you didn't 'like who you were'." Blair takes note of the way Jenny's eyes widen and she smirks. "Oh no, I didn't tell him that you slept with Chuck... yet. I couldn't do it without properly blackmailing you first."
Jenny can't hold back anymore; she doesn't have patience for this and the last thing she wants to do is beg.
"Okay, you know what, Blair? Wake up. This isn't high school anymore - life isn't like high school. You're living in a pretend world. Don't you realize that the past few years you've struggled for control over people, but you hardly ever achieve it? It's pathetic." Jenny snaps. "I'm sorry I slept with Chuck, okay? I regret it every day of my life. It wasn't my intent to ruin your relationship. But it's time for you to move on." Jenny shoots her a disgusted look and is glad to see that Blair's facial expression is a shocked one. "I feel sorry for you, Blair. Everyone's done with your games except for you; you're the only one playing now. Everyone's over the dumb things I have done in my past: Nate, Eric, Serena. The only one holding a grudge is you. I'm going to tell Nate what happened; I didn't want to in the hospital because I wanted him to heal first. I don't want to lie to Nate. Did you ever think of what would happen if he finds out? No? I don't know if he sees me in a romantic way, but I do know that he cares about me, that I'm one of the closest friends he has. Not only would he be disappointed in me, but he'd kill Chuck, and he'd be angry at you for keeping this from him for so long. Hell, he might land himself in the hospital again, do you want that?"
Blair looks like she doesn't know what to say. There's a mixture of regret and distrust on her face when her phone rings. Blair picks it up and then looks at Jenny guiltily.
"I'm sorry, Jenny," she says, holding up her phone. There's a post by Gossip Girl on the screen. "But I sent in the post before I came, and now it's up. Everyone knows. Nate knows."
When Nate first sees the post, he thinks it's a sick joke, until he hears Chuck cursing in the next room and attempting to quietly leave Nate's apartment. Before Nate even realizes what he's doing he's on his feet and there's blood rushing to his head, all he sees are red stars as he grabs Chuck by the shirt and throws him against the wall.
"Is it true?" he practically spits, and when Chuck sputters, Nate shakes him roughly. "The post, is it true? Answer me, you asshole, what the fuck were you thinking?"
"It was a mistake," Chuck gasps, and this only makes Nate angrier. "I didn't know she was a virgin. I thought she and Damien had done it already, and we were both lonely and needed someone." Jenny's virginity was Nate's, it was supposed to be Nate's, it always mattered to him. Nate lets go of Chuck and angrily throws a punch into his stomach and backs away. The dark haired boy is crouched over, and Nate wants to punch him again but the boy who's supposed to be his best friend speaks just in time.
"She came to our apartment looking for you. I-I can't even count how many times she mentioned you, before, after." All of the energy Nate has rushes out of his body and he sinks onto the couch, sinking his head into his hands. The one time he couldn't save her was the most vital time, and she left because of it. Everyone knew about what had happened, but no one had thought to tell him. He's aware of Chuck getting to his feet and staring at him warily.
"Get out," Nate says hoarsely and after a few moments Chuck obeys. Nate feels sick to his stomach. He doesn't know what to do, he can't see straight. He doesn't want to see her, she lied to him... His phone rings and shakes him out of his thoughts.
Nate opens it to see another Gossip Girl post, and this one has a picture of Jenny standing outside of the loft, her bags in hand.
She's leaving again.
Jenny didn't even last twenty-four hours back in the UES. Her phone's blowing up with messages and she doesn't answer a single one, she's just running, running far away. She can't handle this, doesn't want to imagine what Nate's feeling, what Nate's doing right now. The taxi can't move fast enough; the next train to Hudson is in an hour and she can only wish that it was coming sooner. As soon as she gets to the station she purchases a ticket and goes to the platform that her train should come to soon.
But somehow, Nate's beat her here.
He's standing near a window with his hands in his pockets and watching her approach; even from dozens of feet away, his eyes are as vivid blue as ever. When she sees him she hesitates for a moment before walking up to him slowly, dread spreading in her heart. She stops a few feet away from and they just look at each other for a few moments before she speaks.
"I'm so sorry, Nate," she says softly, unable to meet his eyes. "I didn't mean for you to find out like this. I was going to tell you when you were feeling better. It was a mistake and I regretted it immediately after. It kind of just happened and I wish it hadn't. To this day I can't stand people touching me because of that, it was so scarring, such a mistake..." Jenny trails off, her throat closes up and she feels like she's about to cry because Nate's looking at her with such an understanding expression on his face, and she was so sure he'd be angry. "I just... you never contacted me when I was gone, so I thought you didn't care about me. I thought nobody cared about me."
Nate shakes his head in disbelief, and he looks thoughtful. "A few months ago- some time after Dorota had her baby- I was feeling alone and afraid. I didn't know what to do or who to talk to, and then it struck me that I could have called you because you would always be there for me." Nate pauses for a moment and Jenny can tell that it's hard for him to speak about this. "But when I was about to dial your number, I got a post from Gossip Girl; there was a picture of you leaving, and you were getting on a train. It reminded me of when Serena left all those years ago, and I felt like I had no one." His voice becomes bittersweet and sad. "I think the drinking and drugs and women got worse after that, because I came to the realization that you wouldn't always be there. You wouldn't always be there waiting for me... I guess now it's more true than ever." Jenny doesn't know what to say. She's dimly aware of Nate reaching out slowly, trying not to alarm her, and he brushes her hair away from her eyes. Jenny tenses under his touch but he doesn't move his fingers, and after a few moments she relaxes and he continues to tuck strands of hair behind her ear.
"I also realized that I had let a good thing go away. You wanted what was best for me, Jenny... and what was best for me was you." Nate pauses and takes a breath. "We've both made mistakes. But letting you leave would be the biggest mistake. Stay with me here."
Jenny's heart is breaking. "But I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing who I've become, I'm afraid of going back to old habits..."
"Then we'll help each other." Nate insists, and he takes her hands carefully. "I need you with me."
"But there's nothing..." Jenny begins to speak, when there's the sound of a train in the distance. Nate follows her gaze and looks over his shoulder to see that her train is pulling in.
His head is spinning. Once, sometime during the summer, Nate had asked Eric why Jenny had left town. And the boy had told him, 'There was nothing here for her anymore.' And there still isn't; Nate is so sure that was what she was going to say before the train pulled in. And the way she is staring at the train now, ever so thoughtfully - he knows it's true. Nate drops her hands and turns, shaking his head. All he can think is that this is a lost cause, and then he starts to walk away. And every second feels like a lifetime, each second confirms the thought that she won't follow him...
Before he knows it he hears his name and feet running behind him; he turns just in time to catch this running blonde mass into his arms, and his heart is pounding as he lifts Jenny up. Her tiny hands find his face, press against his cheeks and then she's kissing him and he can't believe it, he's seeing stars, and he holds her tight as he kisses her back. He doesn't know how long they kiss for but at some point he realizes that this might be a little too much affection for the public to see, and so he sets her down.
"When I left town I said that there was nothing here for me. But just now I realized something. I have something to stay here for; I have you." Jenny says, and she's smiling and looking at him like she used to. Like he's her world. "I can't leave you, because I need you too."
And so he kisses her again, and it feels like a dream - it feels like the fairytale has returned.