"Zexion! ZEXXY! STOP, DUDE!" Xigbar cried, tearing down the hallway after Number VI.

Zexion finally stopped walking and turned around, staring at Xigbar indifferently.

"LOOK, dude!" Xigbar ran up to him, then put his hands on his knees, panting. Zexion stared at him, waiting for him to catch his breath. "What… What you saw back there was…" Xigbar panted. "Was… Was NOT what it… looked like…"

Zexion blinked, staring at him, then pulled out his picture again, staring at it. "Hmmm… Nope. It looks exactly what it looks like to me." He slipped it into his pocket and began walking off once more.

"No, no, WAIT!" Xigbar ran up to him again. "It's NOT! We were just playing strip poker! I promise!"

Zexion rolled his eyes and stared Xigbar in the eye. "Riiiight… And Luxord being on top of you is required for strip poker?"

Silence. Xigbar looked down, trying to scrape up an excuse.

Zexion nodded at Xigbar's silence, thinking that it was a confession. "That's right. Now, if you don't mind, I have to put this in my blackmail folder."

Xigbar groaned in frustration. "But I TOLD you, it's not LIKE that…!" he whined, pulling his hair.

"Xigbar, I'm not a kid, alright? I know about the birds and the bees!" Zexion growled. "Just how young do you really think I am?"

"But, I – But it's not – AGH!" Okay, screw this… Time for plan B… That picture can NOT get out, no matter WHAT! He took a deep breath, then said in a low voice, "Uh… Okay, how much do you want for it…?" He glanced around suspiciously.

Zexion stared at him for a moment, then raised an eyebrow. "Well, how much do you think I want for it…?"

Xigbar stared at him, awkwardly. "Uh… Um… 6 thousand munny…?" he asked.

Zexion narrowed his eyes.

A gulp. "Uh, 6 HUNDRED thousand munny?"

Zexion rolled his eyes and started to walk off again.


Zexion stopped walking. He gave a sly grin, as his eyes looked back at where Xigbar was standing. By the time he'd turned around, the grin was gone. "You drive a hard bargain, Xigbar… Alright, fine. But only cuz I got bigger fish to fry," he grumbled, holding the picture out to the Freeshooter.

Xigbar sighed in relief, and reached out to grab it, but as soon as he did, the picture was snatched back. "Huh-uh-uhhhh…" Zexion smiled faintly. "I wanna SEE the munny first."

Xigbar slumped down, an exasperated look on his face.

"Well? Chop, chop, before I raise the price even higher!" Zexion commanded.

Xigbar gulped, and scurried off to his room. When he got there, the FIRST thing he did was go get dressed. Then, he clawed around in his closet for a large bag that he could put the munny in.

He sighed, slinging the bag over his shoulder. "To the bank…" he muttered, portalling off.

A few minutes later…

Zexion was lying on his bed, his legs crossed as he read a magazine. He was just about to turn the page, when he caught sight of a Corridor of Darkness opening in his room. He slipped the magazine under his pillow, and sat up, ready to greet his visitor.

It was Xigbar, of course. The huge bag on his back was now bulging with munny. He glared at Zexion for a few seconds. Zexion stared back, completely unfazed.

Finally, Xigbar sighed and dropped the bag off his shoulder. "Here it is – 6 hundred million munny, as promised…" He held out his hand for the picture.

Zexion struck a thoughtful pose, first looking at the bag, then at Xigbar. "…I wanna see it," he said at last.

Xigbar stared at Zexion like he was insane.


Xigbar sighed, then opened up the bag, revealing several glittering diamond-shaped stones. Munny. "See? Here's the munny. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like—"

"Count it out."

"Exquease me?"

"Count it out. Gotta make sure you're not trying to trick me or anything…"

Xigbar snapped. "Ah, WHAT DA HELL, MAN?" he roared.

Zexion glared at him. "Hey, maybe you forgot, but I'm the one with the picture here. You play by my rules. Now, I'd suggest you count out the damn munny before I mass e-mail this picture of you and Luvverboy to everyone in the whole fuckin' Organization. Got it?"

Xigbar slumped down, completely silent. After a while, he gave a loud sigh, and started counting out every piece of money, slowly, but surely.

After about half an hour, you could hear him saying, "599,999,800; 599,999,900; 6 hundred million." He stood up, and started rolling his head around, slowly. "Okay, what next? You want me to tap dance or somethin', ya dirty little sneak…?"

Zexion grinned wickedly. "No, that'll be enough, Xigbar." He stood up, and slowly, and swaggered over his closet. He dug around in it for a few seconds, then walked back up to Xigbar, holding a black folder.

He opened it, leafed through it for a couple of seconds, then held out the picture of Luxord and Xigbar together to the Freeshooter. "I believe this is yours…?"

"Psh… Thanks… I guess…" Xigbar grumbled, snatching the picture away. He stared at it for a few seconds, but then his eyes flickered back to the folder. His eyes grew wide as he did a double-take at a picture. "Is… Is that Xemnas and Sai—"

Zexion snapped the folder shut. "Nevermind that," he snapped. "They still haven't had time to pay me yet. If the secret comes out, you'll be the first to know."

Xigbar blinked. "Uh… Okay…" He backed up to the door. "Um… So, I guess I'll be going now – BYE!" With that, he dashed off.

Zexion watched him go, then grinned back at the bag of munny Xigbar had left him. Suck-er… At the most I woulda settled for 600 munny!

Xigbar sighed, staring at the picture that had given him so much grief. So… What do I do with it…? I should destroy it, but HOW? He stopped at the entrance of Luxord's room. Hmmm… Maybe I should ask HIM…

Luxord was still sitting on his bed, moping about what COULD HAVE BEEN, when Xigbar knocked on the wall. "Mind if I come in…?" Xigbar asked dryly.

Luxord blinked. "Uh… S-Sure!" he cried. He was surprised Xigbar was still talking to him after what had just happened…

Xigbar walked in, and gave a sigh. "Remind me to never play strip poker with you again…" he groaned.

Luxord smiled sadly. Damn… Well, I knew it would be a once in a lifetime chance…

"What happened?" Luxord asked as Xigbar sat down.

"I had to pay him not to tell anyone about it…" Xigbar sighed.

"WHAT? Oh no!" Luxord yelped.

He blinked, then said after a moment, "Uh, Xiggy…? About that picture—"

"Oh yeah… That…" Xigbar took it out of his pocket and held it up for Luxord to see.

Luxord stared at it, silent.

"Ya know…" Xigbar started, staring down at the picture. "THIS thing caused me so much fuckin' trouble… I don't know whether to burn it, or to flush it down the toilet, or—"

"I'll take care of it," Luxord cut in.

Xigbar looked back at him. "You would?"

"Sure. What are friends for…?"

Xigbar handed it to him. "Yeah, I guess you're right…" He grinned and stood up. "Good luck with that! Just don't throw it away – someone could find it in the trash."

Luxord nodded.

Xigbar gave a short wave. "Sayonara!" he shouted as he walked off.

Luxord grinned, looked down at the picture, when Xigbar stop suddenly, and whipped around. "Oh, wait! I almost forgot! Luxord, do you have my clothes?"

Luxord blinked. "Uh, I put 'em back in your room while you were gone."

"Really? Thanks, pal!"

Luxord watched him carefully as he left this time. As soon as the door closed, he jumped up, and hugged the picture tight to his chest. "Yesssss…!" he whispered happily. "Yes, it's all MINE! At last!"

He twirled around a few seconds, grinning like mad, then dashed over to his closet door. Taped on the door was the words, "Smelly, dirty gym shorts – OPEN AT YOUR OWN RISK!" Glancing around suspiciously, he placed one hand on a section of the wall. It glowed a faint yellow for a moment, then gave way to a little touch pad that popped up. He put in a secret code, and pulled open his right eye. A pale blue beam scanned it, and, finally, the door popped open with slight hissss… Gotta love technology.

It was no longer a closet. After months of careful and patient preparation, it had been transformed into the ULTIMATE shrine of Xigbar. On the walls were countless pictures of Xigbar working out or hanging out – even some of him asleep!

I'm not going into detail about how he got THOSE.

There was also every Xigbar plushy available on the market, with the most expensive and valuable one at the middle of the shrine along with some of Xigbar's (stolen) possessions. For example, there were a few strands of hair, one of Xigbar's spare eye patches, Xigbar's strip poker clothes, etcetera… There were a few candle-shaped lights scattered around – just because Luxord didn't trust real fire enough with his most valued objects.

And there were CERTIANLY no stank gym shorts around…

Luxord grinned, breathing deeply. Ahh… This is heaven… He grabbed a roll of see-through tape and carefully walked to the far end of the wall. Such a wonderful picture… I'll never get rid of it! NEVER!

After it was taped on his wall, he got out a dark purple marker, and wrote, "LuXig FOREVER!" on one of the corners. He stared at what he'd written sadly. Ah, if only…

He licked his thumb, reached out, and wiped away a little smudge, thinking. He stood there for a while, staring at the picture, when a little smirk fluttered on his face.

"Mark my words, Xigbar…" he whispered. "One day you WILL be mine…"

He stalked out of the shrine and gently closed the door behind him.

The End…?

And now for a message from your lord and savior!

Yes, Luxord regularly makes out with the pictures.

Yes. Xigbar's hair.

And, no. You don't want to know what he does with all of his "items".

P.S., Xigbar is filthy, stinkin', RICH! XDDDDDDDD
P.S.S., It doesn't really matter, though - none of that was HIS money, per se... XD
P.S.S.S., Let's just say that Xigbar didn't visit the bank to make a withdrawal from his account... Hint hint.