The Amazing Misadventures of Two Half-wits

Part I—Before the Curse of the Pearl

Chapter 1—An Unlikely Pairing


Not that many survivors, not that many at all. Pintel crossed his arms and smiled to himself wryly. Yes, out of this lot of three Capitan Jack would probably invite about two lads to join the crew of the dreaded Black Pearl. Of course, there was a third survivor, but Pintel could tell that the most that would come from him was a little ridicule and then a swift death. The lad looked absolutely pitiful, though, scared stiff of what was to come.

This grim fact was only made clearer as Capitan Jack Sparrow stepped up in front of him and asked in his loud, confident voice, ''What's your name, lad?''

The trembling, skin-and-bones boy said through his mass of greasy hair that covered his eyes, ''Ra-Ragetti, sir.''

''That's Capitan Jack Sparrow!'' he boomed before continuing, once he saw how Ragetti jumped at the sound of his voice, ''Well, it's good to know you, master Ragetti. Now, tell me, do you value your life?''

Ragetti opened his mouth as if to say something, but abruptly closed it again. Pintel, along with the rest of the crew, snickered to themselves. The boy's cheeks flamed. Finally Ragetti forced the stubborn, shaky words past his lips. ''Yes sir, C-Capitan Sparrow. I reckon I do.''

Capitan Sparrow frowned. ''You had to think about it, lad? How odd...'' and his voice trailed off before he continued. ''Now, master Ragetti, I've learned a few things about you; one being your name, and another being the value that you place on your life, but I'm afraid that all of this does not save you from the inevitable.''

To this he let out a fearful little whimper. Although Pintel wasn't quite sure, he thought that Ragetti whispered to Capitan Sparrow, ''Please, I don't wanna die.''

Pintel frowned at what he thought the lad said. A sudden and regretful twinge of both pity and anger filled him—pity for the boy, but anger at having let pity enter his hard heart. His face became a solid rock of concentration as he stared at the boy named Ragetti. He was young, looking completely vulnerable in his almost childlike innocence. Pintel could tell that he wasn't bright, though, mostly by his startlingly blue, ignorant gaze that shined through his mop of sandy hair.

Pintel sighed. If he hadn't felt bad before, he suddenly did now, and this feeling was only made worse as Capitan Sparrow unsheathed his sword and grinned smugly at Ragetti. The boy's eyes grew wide as Jack offered him the sword and said in his echoing, great voice, "Well then, how'd you like to join our crew?"

Ragetti sputtered, "T-The Black Pearl?" he seemed to stutter now more out of pure astonishment rather than fear, although terror still showed in his jerky, careful movements to take the sword from Jack's hand. The Capitan nodded and his grin wavered.

"Indeed, boy, but you must promise me that you will uphold my orders and-"

"Yes sir, yes sir."

Jack nodded and continued, making Ragetti go red in the face again for a moment. "Yes, and obey my every...waking...order."

"Yes, Capitan Sparrow, I promise, I really do."

The other two lads, the strong-bodied ones, both glanced at each other then shook their heads. "I can't believe this," one hissed at the other. "This is absolute madness!"

The other nodded and whispered back, taking a quick, cautious glance at Jack, "The boy can't even read his own name much less say it without stuttering!"

" 'Scuse me lads, but would you mind including your new captain in on your private conversation?" Jack cut in, ignoring the mortified look on Ragetti's face; the boy quickly turned his blue gaze to the deck of the ship as his face reddened in embarrassment.

Both pirates shook their heads and stepped away from Ragetti. Jack nodded and then announced to the rest of the crew, including the apprehensive Pintel, "Oi, gentlemen! We have just added three young ruffians to our crew! Two seem that they can handle themselves, but this one-" he nodded to Ragetti, "-will need some mentoring." and he smiled, clapped his hands together, and asked jubilantly, "Who will it be?"

The second mate, Barbossa, stepped out of the crew of pirates and glared at Jack. "What's the big idea, Sparrow, even giving that lad any ideas of becoming part of this crew?"

Jack shrugged and said loftily, "And why shouldn't I? He's an..." he struggled to find the right phrase and finally settled on, "Able-bodied lad?"

This came across as more of a question than an actual statement, and as Jack glanced over at Ragetti and saw that he was everything but able-bodied, he grimaced and shook his head. He turned back to Barbossa and said in an undertone, hoping that none of the other pirates could hear him, "I'll tell you later, but for now we need to find a mentor for him."

For Pintel the world seemed to stop as Jack turned his wily gaze to him and grinned slyly. Pintel swallowed and tried to look away, but it didn't help. Jack said, his words cutting Pintel in two, "Master Pintel, would you kindly take up the honor of teaching this young boy the laws of the Black Pearl?"

Pintel sighed. Did he have a choice? The other pirates that stood beside him snickered to themselves and moved aside, making room to let Ragetti stand next to his new mentor. "Damn them all," Pintel muttered to himself as Ragetti walked unsteadily over to them. He added in his mind, Damn them all to the deepest pits of hell, including Capitan Sparrow.

The boy took his spot next to him. Pintel could feel him shaking, trembling, his ragged clothes still damp from when they had fished him out of the flotsam of his ship's demise. He didn't meet Pintel's severe gaze, but instead focused them down on his filthy nails, picking at them distractedly. Pintel sighed and rolled his eyes.

This was going to be a hell of a kid, alright.

Alright people here it is: I do not claim to own any characters in this fanfic, and I never will...unfortunately...

NOT SLASH. Rated T for mild language, violence, and alcohol.

Chapter 2 of Part I is coming up soon. Remember that reviews are love and thanks for reading.