A/N: Just a ridiculous one-shot that's probably really stupid. No couples or anything. I just decided to put it up anyways after I thought of it when I ate too much food last night. No flaming. Criticism accepted. This is unrelated to any of my other stories. It involves the engagement between Sue Clearwater and Charlie Swan and an angry Carlisle.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.


Leah's POV

All of my energy poured into my best glare, all of it directed at the one and only Jacob Black. I snarled when he grinned at me cheekily and headed out the door. He was so lucky he was Alpha and his pack allowed me freedom from Sam's damned group of self-righteous morons. I stomped after him unhappily, Seth, Embry and Quil right behind me. Obviously, they were doing their best to avoid the wrong edge of my irritation. Smart boys.

We were on our way to the Cullens', the vampires, whose youngest member, Renesmee, was my Alpha's imprint. Stupid Imprinting. Stupid Alpha. Stupid tie to the stupid vampire family. They were having a party for something and Jacob said we had to go.

"Why are we going again?" I growled. I don't even like these people.

"Like you don't know," Jacob rolled his eyes. "It's for your Mom and Charlie. A party for their engagement. Alice planned a small get-together, and it should be fun. Plus there will be a lot of food and it's only natural that we go to support them."

Right...this was for Mom. I wanted Mom's happiness and I promised myself I would do everything to help her get it...and apparently, that meant attending the vampires' party.

"I'm with Leah on this one," Embry commented. I knew he still didn't like the vampires much. He disliked them on some level but instantly loved them again as soon as Esme fed him. He wouldn't be complaining as soon as that happened. "Why would the vamps care to do this anyways?"

"Charlie is Bella's father," Jacob sounded tired, as if he'd explained this a thousand times already. "And once Sue and Charlie get married, Bella is going to be Leah's and Seth's step-sister."

"Yes!" Seth grinned and I groaned.

"I just threw up in my mouth," I shuddered but then suddenly grinned. "Just think, Jake. When you marry the little Spawn, I'm gonna be your Aunt-in-law or something like that."

He froze and Embry and Quil dissolved into snickers. Take that, Alpha. All in all, I didn't really have room to make jokes. I was going to be stuck with vampires for relatives by marriage. I now forget why I joined Jacob's dumb little pack. Jacob suddenly grinned wickedly and I almost regretted that last little quip.

"Careful, Beta," he said grimly. "I might make you accompany me to Carlisle's birthday party next week, too."

"As if I'd go to that," I snubbed him.

"You just might," he put his hands in his pockets. "Besides, we owe Carlisle for all the injuries he's patched up and it's a pretty special birthday. He's turning three-hundred and something."

"You don't say?" I grumbled. "Man looks good for his age."

And that was the truth. Like most vampires, Carlisle Cullen, and no one would ever hear this from me, was Gorgeous-incarnated. In my opinion, he was the best-looking of all of the Cullen Men. Blond hair, gentle smile and a flawless face. If he wasn't someone I hated, wasn't my mortal enemy, didn't suck blood and wasn't married, I might go for a guy like him. There was something about him that was warm and inviting. Hopefully, his youngest son, Edward, wouldn't hear that on my mind. I would never live that down.

"What do you mean we owe?" I suddenly barked. "We stood down those Volturi jerks for them. How the hell do we owe him anything?"

"Because I said so," Jacob answered.

"Oh, wow, that's a valid reason," I said sarcastically.

"I thought so, too," he said smugly. As if, you just couldn't think of anything else to say. Lame, Jake! Lame!

After running through the forest in wolf form, I took my sweet time getting dressed in the woods, in front of the Vampire Lair. If I had to go to a party hosted by bloodsuckers, I would take my sweet time getting there. If Jacob said anything, I would use that lovely little term 'fashionably late'. The boys ran ahead, probably to get to all that food I smelled and fork it down before I got there. Let them. I wouldn't be able to eat with the sickly sweet smell in the air anyways.

"EMMETT!" a voice yelled murderously.

I very nearly jumped out of my pants. I didn't recognize the angry voice but it sounded like Bear man got himself into a bit of trouble. I snorted and wasn't about to involve myself, at least until the idiot appeared in front of me with a ridiculous grin on his face. Damn vampire speed.

"Hi, Lady Wolf," he was trying not to laugh about something. "Hold this, please."

He stuffed something in my arms and then ran away like Satan himself was at his heels. I blinked and looked down. Oh. Ewwww. In my arms, sat a very obvious appendage. It was an arm, that I knew wasn't human, since it reeked of vampire. I shuddered and contemplated hiding it, just to torment whoever it belonged to but thought otherwise. Jacob would never let me hear the end of it. Emmett sure knew how to turn days upside down. I wonder what ran through his head. 'Oh, hey, it's nice and sunny out. Maybe I'll go take someone's arm to piss them off. Yay!'

It wasn't that big of a deal to me. I mean, it's a limb. I'm a werewolf. I tear these things off vampires if need be.

I swear, I am not a girly wolf, like at all. I don't freak out over silly things, but I could not hold back the blood curdling scream that tore out of me in the next moment. Why?

The nerves in the limb reflexed and that stupid arm freaking grabbed me.


Alice's POV

Esme handed me a large platter to place on the table for the wolves. I walked over, almost happy about not having to worry about visions today, even though I'd never been one to love surprises. With the pack here, my future was as blank as the others'. I guess this was what it was like to be normal. Jacob immediately snatched the disgusting-smelling food off of the platter as soon as I put it down. Honestly, how humans or dogs could stand it, was beyond me. I'd definitely be going hunting later just to drown out my disgust over the food.

"Where are Charlie and Sue?" Jacob asked, with his mouth full. Ew. I liked the dogs but they really needed to work on their manners.

"They'll be here in about a half an hour," I replied. I was glad that they were coming. It gave me an excuse to plan a small little party.

"Alice, could you check on Emmett?" Esme asked me. "He's been tormenting your father and brother all morning."

"No problem," I smiled.

Emmett had been in a weird mood ever since dawn. He had decided to annoy the crap out of Edward and Carlisle to the point where I was almost positive one of them would kill him. There had been an endless stream of profanities when Rosalie got caught in the crossfire at one point and Bella even grabbed Renesmee and left for a bit. I glanced at my husband, who sat unhappily in the corner of the kitchen, trying to avoid the anger and frustration. I stroked back some of his blond hair affectionately and kissed his cheek, earning a small smile. I opened my mouth to call for Emmett but someone beat me to it.

"EMMETT!" I stiffened at Carlisle's shout.

"Uh-oh," Jacob snickered.

Carlisle seldom got mad to the point of yelling and when he did, well, the kind compassionate doctor, no longer existed. I looked at Esme worriedly and she had a perplexed frown on her beautiful face, no doubt, wondering what Emmett had done this time. We both got ready to go see what was going on when a horrified scream shot through the house and yard. That was Leah!

"Leah!" Seth and Jacob cried out simultaneously and in the next instant, we were all outside, the pack thundering out behind us.

I don't think anyone could have imagined what was about to happen or what we were about to see. My jaw dropped. Not even my visions could have prepared me for this.

Emmett sat in one of the taller trees in our yard, laughing and pounding a fist into the bark hysterically as poor Leah Clearwater, danced around, screaming, trying desperately to get something off her shoulder. It was...an arm. That's when Carlisle appeared. He tore out from around the house, with only one arm, and headed straight for Leah. As soon as she saw him, she screamed louder, turned heel and ran the other way. I would have done the same thing. Carlisle was out for blood and his expression was not the kind warm one that his bedside manner held.

"Edward, do something!" Esme had a hand over her mouth as Renesmee watched the scene unfold with wonder. Edward didn't answer, just watched Leah as she finally got the arm off. She turned, ready to swing it at my pseudo-father.

"Get away!" she shrieked and she swung hard.

But Carlisle avoided it and then pounced on her, flinging them both into the Sol Duc river behind them. A moment later, Carlisle popped out of the water and reattached his missing limb with ease, not even paying attention to Leah, who shot up, coughing and hacking.

Emmett was so in for it.


Leah's POV

The water was freaking cold. I managed to get my head above water, even though the current and slippery, mossy rocks below were not making it easy. I coughed harshly, trying to get the water out of my throat and lungs and looked at Carlisle, who glared as he slipped his arm back into place, his blond hair now darker due to the wetness. He then turned to me, making me squeak. He was friggin pissed. His golden eyes were now black with a rage that rivaled my own. He grabbed my waist, holding me like a football and stepped out, dumping me on the bank, his usual manners now long gone with the presence of his temper. At least, he got me out of the river, so I didn't have to fight my way out.

As if to retain what dignity he had left, he straightened his shirt, brushed back his dripping hair and turned to Emmett. The massive vampire's eyes were all for me though.

"Can't wait for Charlie and Sue to be married, Lady Wolf," he grinned shamelessly. "Welcome to the family."

He turned to Carlisle, laughed and then took off. The doctor followed with an enraged snarl. Someone up there hated me...honestly. I get dragged into one of Emmett's idiotic stunts, dumped in the river by probably the nicest vampire and then realize...these people are about to become somewhat part of my family. Somebody, please, kill me now...

"Hey, Beta," Jacob sauntered up, his shoulders shaking as he tried to silence his glee. "You okay?"

"I hate you so much right now," I spat, slipping on the grass as I tried to stand up. This was all of his fault. He made me come today. His imprint was one of their own. He stood there giggling to himself, mocking me. I hate him!

Jacob threw his head back and guffawed.

"I love you, too, Leah," he chuckled. He helped me up and we headed for the house, as he mentioned Alice probably had dry clothes for me. I had something to gain out of this. The house would smell like wet dog for a good few days, much to the vampires' distaste. Good. Serves them right. Serves Emmett right for pulling me into his mischief. I shuddered at the memory of the Vampire Surgeon's death glare.

Carlisle Cullen...he was a handsome guy alright, but I couldn't help one last thought. He was even hotter angry.

And with that, Edward's laughter signalled, that despite my desire to hide the fact that I found his father attractive, even through my hatred, he'd heard every last word. I was so done for.

Keep laughing and you're gonna wish you died all those years ago, I hissed in my thoughts. Don't say anything either. I'll phase and rip your head off.

"By the way, you looked like a total idiot, trying to get that arm off of you," Jacob was still trying to hold his laughter back, not even worrying about Edward's amusement. He looked at me one final time and then finally let his laughter loose. "You look like a cat that just got dumped in the tub!"

"Shut up, asshole." If he kept this up, someone was going to die. Especially given how my other brothers were cracking up in the next room.

As I stood there, shivering in the vampire's house, I realized...I really can't remember why I joined this stupid renegade pack anymore.


A/N: I hope you liked it. Carlisle's a bit OOC but hey, it was kind of fun to write. I just remember Jacob saying how they could be put back together like a jigsaw in Breaking Dawn and this popped up. Hmmm...I wonder what Emmett did to get that arm from Carlisle...

I just finished doing some editing on my Jacob/OC story, Spirit Chaser. I still have more to do but whatever. No flaming!

Please review!