Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. That is all Stephenie Meyer. I make her characters human and make them write letters and junk.
I also do not own Starbucks…God I haven't even had a Starbucks in almost a year. Speaking of withdrawals.
Don't forget that you can follow Edward on twitter also, Letterward and now EMMETT has a twitter account as well! TheBiggerCullen ! Follow them both!
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
I am small
Warm me up
And breathe me
I pretty much refused to let that shit happen. Her letter read like a suicide note and I'll be damned if that was going to slide with me. I wasn't so sure that's actually what she wanted though, as she did call me for help.
What a whirlwind it had been. It was three days since the incident, and I was in that hospital room until visiting hours said I couldn't be every single one of those days. I wrote at least one letter a day, plus the one I had hastily written immediately after reading hers.
Sept 16, 2008
Is that what you'd prefer I call you? I'd like to know I'm doing right by you.
I have to ask you not to give up. Not on life, not on me, and first and foremost, not on yourself. You have people that care about you, you've told me so. To be honest, I care about you, pretty girl. And I'm not just saying that to placate you. I think you truly are naturally beautiful. You don't see yourself clearly. I don't know if some one steered you in the wrong direction at some point or something, but we need to get you back on track.
Bella, your eating disorders are out of hand. And I swear to God, if anyone anywhere has EVER called you fat, I will kick their ass. You're way too skinny. I'm not holding this against you, of course, but it's hurt you and made you sick. The doctor said that you were taking appetite suppressors (a lot of them) and that, along with the lack of anything with sustenance, has basically shut your body down. I need your body healthy. You understand that I wouldn't care if you weighed one hundred pounds or three hundred pounds right? I mean, of course you don't, but I wish you did.
Remember when you told me that you wanted to find that spark, that 'magnetic pull that suspends time and gravity'? I think I've found that…with you. I felt it the first time I laid my hand on you. I'm sorry this is so forward, but I couldn't bear to lose you now. Not when what we both need is right in front of us.
So please, I am begging you. Do not cut me out, Isabella. I can help put you back together, and you can help me breathe again. I'm scared shitless here, but I don't know what else to do. It hurts me to see you so helpless. Let's take this leap together.
Love, Edward Cullen
Yup, that's right. I'd signed it with love. I'd be a fool not to. It was plainly the truth, even to everyone else.
It had been troubling watching her day in and day out. Still. She was so still. Every once in awhile she'd stir and regain mild consciousness, but she didn't open her eyes or anything. She was still too weak. Seventy-nine pounds. That was what she weighed when I found her. Seventy-nine pounds and five foot five. The doctor said that it had been days since she'd ingested anything more than water, possibly not even that. And that even if she did, it only came back anyways. I partially already knew this from reading. It still hurt though.
A corner of my mouth twitched up as I heard her mutter something and I leaned closer, straining to hear her words.
I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you talk in your sleep. Dont be embarrassed. I liked it. It was kind of like learning the inner workings of your mind.
Is your best friends name Jasper? You said it a few times. With a name like that, I would have thought you were talking about an animal, but then I remembered you didn't have one. Don't worry, you will one day when we get our dog.
You should know that I was incredibly jealous the first few times that name left your lips. I know it's not my place and I'm a giant asshole for this, but it's the truth and I can't lie to you. It was easily overcome though, do you know why? You said my name. And then you smiled so sweetly. It was different than the one you used after speaking Jaspers name. I can't explain how, It just was.
You also told me that you were staying twenty-one forever. That made me both laugh and cry, because while I know the significance of why, I suddenly pictured you as one of those women refusing to age past thirty. You know, the ones that have their twenty ninth birthdays like five years running.
Bella, I can't let you go. Please understand that. I know it sounds weird and yes, possibly a little bit creepy and stalkerish of me, but I think I've fallen for you. More than I could ever imagine.
Alice and Emmett stopped by today. You don't know them yet, but you will. Remember that 'total douche of a brother' I told you about? That would be Emmett. I guess he's not always a douche. He looked really worried about you and told me all about his 'get Bella better' plan. I think it involved disgusting protein shakes and basically becoming a couch potato or something. Not sure. I honestly tuned him out after about ten seconds after I witnessed the dopey grin on his face. Nothing intelligent comes out of that grin.
I don't think I ever told you about Alice, or maybe I have. That's my sister. She's close to your age. I thought it possible that you two went to school together, but she didn't recognize you either. Knowing how shy you are, my sister could take a little getting used to. She's insane, but totally sweet. She has the energy of a cartoon character, it's pretty humorous sometimes. Shes already decided that you two are going to be best friends. I told her you already had a best friend and she told me to go do something anatomically impossible. I have no idea why. I'll never understand her.
I know I'm rambling, but I don't really have anything better to do with my time than this. Id rather be here with you right now than anything else. Taking what I can get, when I can get it. Yeah, I'm a selfish asshole like that.
When you're better, I want to take you out on a date. A real one with flowers and whatever, where I pay the bill and you just be your gorgeous self. Think about it, okay?
P.S. Who's Rose? I laughed every time you scowled because I just knew it would be followed by a "Shut up, Rose" Not once was I disappointed. It's funny; I say that to Em all the time.
My uncle came in the room scaring the shit out of me. He chuckled as I jumped and then changed positions. I picked up MGs left hand, the hand I held most of the time I was here, and kissed her knuckles gently. They already had a bit more color on them, less gray and more human looking. This was a very good sign.
"No. Any luck finding a Jasper or a Rose?" We had been frantically searching for the people we assumed to be her friends, the people she mentioned in her sub consciousness. We'd so far had no luck.
"Actually yes. The Hales have a Jasper and a Rosalie for children. Turns out the entire family is out of the country for a wedding however, so that was no help."
Ah there it was. Three days and she had said my name a total of seventeen times. Can you blame me for counting?
Carlisle laughed and I turned and smirked at him. Yeah I was proud that she was saying my name. Made me feel like there might be a chance.
"See. Its there. It might be buried deep inside her, but one day she'll admit she loves you too."
My face paled. God was he good. It brought me back to yesterday. I don't know if it was the way I had been looking at her, or if someone had inadvertently tipped the person off, but it stunned me.
"Amazing" the nurse said as she was changing a line. That drip line, whatever the hell it was, kept MG alive. I think it was pumping nutrients and fluids into her or something. Whatever it was, it was fine by me. As long as it kept Bella going.
"What's amazing?" I murmured indifferently. I was too intent on the changes in Bella's facial features as the nurse pushed some buttons. She suddenly looked calmer, more alive.
"Some girls search their entire lives to find the look you have in your eyes right now." She glanced up briefly to meet my eyes. I looked at her questioningly and both our eyes averted back to our work before she continued. Mine to Bella, hers to the bag she was changing. "I was planning on asking you out on a date, but it's quite clear you're taken."
I didn't even look up. Instead I took Bella's hand, opened her palm onto my cheek and smiled as I turned to kiss it with my eyes closed. The nurse knew the story. She knew we weren't together. That was just too bad.
"That I am." I said quietly.
"You think so Carlisle? I mean, she seemed pretty opposed to it a few days ago." I hung my head for a second and squeezed her hand.
"Listen son," Carlisle said as he sat on the stool and swung it in my direction. "I am so proud of you." I snorted. Right because every uncle is proud of their nephew for becoming an obsessed stalker. "Isabella is going to need somebody, I think she always has. I'm proud that you are stepping up to be that person. You won't let her down."
"Thanks Carlisle. That actually means a lot."
Sept 18, 2008
I don't know if you like to go by that name but those two words sounded so beautiful together I just had to write them down.
Everybody here at the hospital says we make such a cute couple. I laugh and I agree with the. It even stopped a nurse from hitting on me, thankfully. She was clearly not my type, all blonde and fake and chirpy, like a fucking Barbie-pardon my language.
My uncle says you're getting better, and in just a few days you might be up and dancing circles around me.
Do you like to dance? I love dancing. And music. I play the piano actually. It's been awhile since I played, though. There's this melody that's been fluttering around up there since I met you. Perhaps its time to pull out the old composition sheets.
Did you know that your name (Bella, I mean) means 'beautiful' in Italian? Of course you probably do. It is your name; you've had it for life. Anyways, I was trying to say that it suited you, that's all.
I'm not very good at this wooing crap, and you strike me as the kind of girl that needs a lot of wooing and persistence. It's even harder when one is unconscious and the other is writing down their every miniscule thought. God, what a stupid word that is. Wooing. Why do I keep saying it? Why am I asking you this?
I just rolled my eyes, by the way. At my idiocy. I thought you would like that.
Emmett took a look at your truck. I told him no way was he touching it without your permission. Trust me, you'll thank me later. He doesn't know the first thing about cars.
Anyways, I guess that's it for today. I love you. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I told you I couldn't lie to you.
I let out a breath as my thoughts took over. Would she reciprocate any of this? Did she feel even half of what I felt? Would I scare her?
Looking around the room that we were now alone in, I thought maybe I should write my letter for the day to her. Ben had called earlier and he and Angela were having some trouble with the store. Just some book keeping issues or something. I'd be in the store all the next day and I wasn't sure if I'd be back for her tomorrow. I'd make a conscious effort to, that's for sure.
"I need you to get better. And I need..." I choked up a little and looked away from the sleeping form I was talking to. "I need you to see what I see. I don't need you to love me, not yet. I just need…you. In whatever way I can get it."
I pulled out my notebook, opening to first clear page and started my letter.
Sept 19, 2008
I'm scared. I have so many fears right now. I'm scared that you will in fact cut me out. I'm terrified I'm doing things wrong. I'm so socially inept in so many ways that I don't even know what the hell the right way is anymore.
Most of all, I'm scared that you will never be okay. You know that would never change the way I feel though, right? There's this little piece in my heart that gets bigger every single day. It's the Isabella vein in my heart. It belongs to you. I don't know what it does, but I can't wait to find out.
I have to go into work tomorrow, and I don't know if I can make visiting hours. You might be awake by then, and I'd want to see you. I'll try my damndest to be here tomorrow, but if I can't, Ill see you the next day.
We can be friends, Bella. If nothing else, just be my friend. I think that you'll see that I need you just as much as you need me. It will be good for both of us.
I'm going to keep this short, because I have a nurse staring me down. Its time for me to go, stupid visiting hours.
Get better, pretty girl. I'll fight for you every step of the way.
P.S. Alice has agreed to be your second best friend. Good luck with that.
Chapter notes: Alright so not super happy or anything yet, and I'm sorry I made you read so many letters. It will move the story along a little quicker this way. It kind of explained how the three days went down without having to explain in every detail what happened. Hope you like it.
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