Title: Drowning
Author: untapdtreasure
Rating: M
Pairing: Goren & Eames
Spoilers: anything up to Season 5
Summary: Detective Alex Eames, the widow of a slain NYPD cop, promises herself that she'll never fall in love with another cop. Then Detective Bobby Goren, her partner, enters her life. He worms his way into her bed, but we'll he be successful at sealing himself within her heart?
A/N: This is set in Season 5. All parts in ITALICS are flashbacks. I hope its not too confusing.

LOCI

The bullpen was unusually quiet. For once, Detective Alex Eames welcomed it with open arms. It was nearly quitting time, and she was ready for it.

Alex Eames leaned across her desk. "Still coming for dinner?" Her voice was soft enough for only him to hear.

Goren looked up from his file. He met her gaze. "Still letting me cook?"

With a smirk, she looked back down at her report. "The chicken only burned because you were..." Her cheeks burned with embarrassment as she flashed back to the night before.

He lifted her easily onto the counter. He took full advantage of her exposed neck as he placed tiny kisses along the hollow of her throat. He ran his hands feverishly up her inner thighs. He moaned as he realized that she was naked under her robe. "Easy access..." he teased.

"Maybe..." Her hands were in his curly hair, encouraging him to keep doing what he was doing with her neck.

He pulled back. The look in her eyes alone was enough to do him in. He untied the sash at her waist and let the red satin robe fall open. He sucked in a breath as her beautiful pale body was exposed before him.

He leaned forward, kissing her hair before dropping to his knees before her. He pulled her ass closer to the edge of the countertop. His lips and tongue feathered down one of her inner thighs and back up the other, only to repeat the motion. He then lowered his mouth to her center.

Her want permeated his nostrils. His erection strained against his zipper. He looked up at her. "You're so beautiful..."

Bobby smirked when he said her name for the third time. The look on her face was enough to tell him exactly where her mind had been. "Didn't hear you complaining..."

She hated when he flustered her at work. She impatiently pushed hair out of her face. "That's beside the point." She avoided meeting his eyes.

He watched as she bit her bottom lip in an attempt to return her mind and body back to the task at hand; finishing her report. "You about ready?"

His question had a double meaning; one that had not escaped her notice. She glanced up quickly. "Not quite..." She was more than ready to take him on in the bedroom, but this report was not even half finished.

Bobby leaned forward. "Want coffee? Candy? Soda?" He was putting off his paperwork yet again. He hated the stuff. He would probably regret it later in the week when it was piled to the ceiling.

She looked up and smiled. "Coffee sounds good."

He gave her a wink and stood. "I'll be right back." He moved away from their desks and toward the coffee pot. He could see that he would have to make a fresh pot. It was empty.

Alex was lost in thought until she saw someone perched on the edge of her desk. She looked up. "Long day?" she asked the brunette.

Carolyn Barek followed Bobby's back as he made coffee. "Got that man wrapped around your little finger..." she teased.

Alex put her pen down. "He loves it."

"He loves you," Carolyn corrected. "You should see the way he looks at you when you're working."

Alex's face hardened. "It'd never work," she said coolly. She could not let it be more than it was. It was just sex between friends. She did not have to explain things to him. He just understood. And they gave one another what they needed to be able to do this job day in and day out.

Carolyn sighed. "I've lost so much living with the same attitude." She feared that if that was how Alex truly felt that she had better tell her partner. She would hate to see his heart get broken, even though she was sure that it was too late for that.

Alex frowned as she stood. "Just stay out of it," she hissed. She snapped her folder closed and shoved it into a drawer. She would just finish it tomorrow. Suddenly, she could not breathe. She needed out of there.

Carolyn instantly put her hands up in surrender. "Okay, Okay." She had not been trying to get in Bobby and Alex's business, and she wished now that she had just let it alone.

"Tell him I'll see him tomorrow." She hastily grabbed her things and headed out of the bullpen. It was passed quitting time anyway.

Carolyn watched her. She sighed softly. "Sure. I'll tell him..." she said to herself. When was she going to learn to stay out of everyone else's business?

Bobby returned then, Alex's empty coffee mug clutched in his hand. "Where was she headed?" He noted that all her things were gone. His stomach knotted. Something had to have happened for her to leave like that without telling him first.

Carolyn glanced at him. "She said she'd see you...tomorrow."

Bobby's face fell. What changed in the few minutes that he had gone to make her a cup of coffee? "Did she get a call?" He knew her mom had not been having a good week. Had something happened? Had she been needed at her parents' place?

Carolyn shook her head. "I...I don't think so." She had already messed up in talking to Alex about her and Bobby. She was not about to make that mistake again.

Bobby searched her eyes. He knew she was keeping something from him. He snorted softly and grabbed his jacket off the coat rack. He had to see her. He had to know what was going on in that head of hers. And the only way to do that was to see her. He had to see Alex.

LOCI

Alex had came home and taken a hot shower. She scrubbed her blonde locks furiously, trying to get him out of her head. She toweled off quickly. Pulling on her old ratty pajamas, she tried to ignore the red satin robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

She flipped off the light and let the door slam behind her. She moved to the kitchen. Turning on her kettle, she reached above the stove for her chamomile tea she kept there. She needed something that would settle her down. Then maybe she could sleep.

As she waited for the kettle to whistle, a thousand different thoughts swirled around in her mind. How could she have been so stupid? They were partners. Fraternization was frowned upon. She had always known that, had always respected that. She had always followed the rules.

Why had she thrown all that out when he walked into her life? What was it about him that made her forget what she wanted for herself? How had he gotten in so deep?

The kettle whistled shrilly. She reached for her cup and began to pour. She overshot the mug and poured scalding water on her bare hand. "Fuck!" She closed her eyes as hot tears pricked her eyes. She pulled her hand close to her chest, willing the pain to stop.

Bobby came out of nowhere, reaching for her hand. "Let me see how bad it is..." He pulled her hand down to examine it. It was not bad. "It's going to leave a blister..."

She pulled her hand back to her chest. "What the hell are you doing here?" she snapped at him more out of hurt than really being angry with him being there.

Bobby's eyes fell to his now empty hands. "You...uh, left without..." He looked up at her. "Why'd you leave so suddenly?"

She turned her back on him. "What's it matter to you?" She desperately tried building her wall back up. It had been so easy before she'd met him.

"Alex..." he breathed. He turned her to face him. His eyes locked on hers.

"Bobby, you knew from the beginning that it couldn't be more than what it is." Her voice wavered and then steadied.

"And what exactly is it, Alex?" He stepped closer pinning her between the counter and his broad frame. "Just sex?" His mouth was inches from hers.

"ye...yes." She swallowed, feeling her heart thundering in her ears. If he kissed her, she would be lost.

Bobby shook his head. "I don't believe you. Alex, not the way you touch me and hold me... You never fall straight to sleep after making love. You always talk to me. You love me like I love you."

Alex's eyes burned with unshed tears. "don't you understand that I can't love you?" She hated the way her bottom lip quivered as she fought tears.

Bobby's hand moved up slowly as he brushed away a fallen tear from her cheek. "Why not?"

She closed her eyes. "I just can't, okay?" She tried to push him away, but he would not budge.

"Because of Joe?" He searched her eyes, seeing her answer without her even saying a word.

Alex had told him all about Joe, her husband. Her dead husband. He had been shot and killed in the line of duty. She told him about their hopes and dreams of one day having a house full of children, about how funny Joe had always been. How he had always been able to make her laugh. About the day he had been shot. About the nights after he'd died. How she still cried herself to sleep sometimes.

"He'd want you to be happy, Alex...above anything else, he'd want that." His hand moved to cup her cheek.

She pushed him away. Her voice went cold. "You couldn't possibly understand."

He grabbed her arm, making her face him again. "Then make me understand."

She shook him off. "Just go home, Bobby." Stubborn tears slid down her cheeks. "If we keep this up, something bad will happen. I'll lose you...so we can't do this anymore." The thought of losing him scared the hell out of her. She had to make him see what she had already experienced. Her voice hardened. "That what you want, Detective?"

Bobby winced at the change in her tone. "That what you think will happen, Alex? You think it was somehow because of you that Joe died?"

Alex whirled on him. "No. The guy that killed Joe is in jail." She looked away. "We already took this too far, Bobby. We have to stop."

Bobby shook his head. "I love you, Alex..."

She shook her head. "Stop saying that, Bobby…please?" Her voice had taken on this desperate edge. She hated that it made her feel weak. She feared that he could hear her breaking.

He reached for both hands. "Just let us talk about this…" When she did not answer or pull away, he stepped closer. "We'll slow down..."

She shook her head. "I won't change my mind."

He bent to catch her gaze. "I'll take my chances…" He squeezed her hands before pulling her into a hug. "I'll go…and give you space, Alex. We don't have to make any decisions right now." He just knew that he could not lose her.

She pulled her hands back. She had already made her decision. "I'll see you tomorrow." She turned back to the stove and her food. The tears slid unseen down her cheeks. She hated this. She wanted him. She needed him, but what would she do if she lost him?

He touched her shoulder. "Alex…"

She turned and buried her face in his chest. She clung to him. "I just can't let you get hurt." Her voice was muffled, barely audible.

Bobby kissed the top of her head. "We've been making this work for six months already, Alex. I can't promise you that I'm never going to get hurt…that this job won't kill me…just like you can't give me the same promise." He lifted her chin. "But I'd be lost without you now that I've had you like this. And you can't honestly expect me to believe this was just sex, can you?"

She looked away, shame clear in her eyes. "No. It was never just sex. Not even the first time." It had been premeditated. She had wanted him, and she had seduced him.

He kissed her lips tenderly. "And you think I don't know that?"

She looked up at him. "I do love you… It just scared me when someone else saw it…and said it out loud."

He kissed her hair, burying his face in her neck as he held her tighter. "I can still give you all the space you need to make sure…make sure this is what you want."

She pulled back, fisting his shirt as she brought his face closer to hers. "Don't you dare."

His eyes were alight with laughter as his lips crashed down on hers. His fingers slowly made their way to the tied sash on her robe, loosening it and letting it fall open.

She felt his fingertips on her skin, and it erupted into goosebumps. She parted her lips, letting him take her mouth with his. She pushed him back. "And just because I'm letting you stay doesn't mean you can get in my pants anytime you want…"

He searched her eyes. "Alex, you've always had full control over that, and you know it."

She smirked. She knew that. She had always known, just like he said. She kissed him again, sliding her tongue passed his lips. "Bed?"

He shook his head as his hands moved down her back to cup her backside. He lifted her easily, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He switched off the stove and lowered them onto the floor. His mouth was on hers, possessing her.

Alex's hands moved everywhere over him. She tried to remove his clothes to no avail. "Want you naked…" Or at least the parts that mattered. She finally managed to loosen his belt and undo his trousers. "Bobby…" she growled impatiently.

He chuckled and freed himself. He kissed her as he guided himself into her eagerly awaiting heat. He pushed deep inside her with a soft groan. His lips and teeth were on her throat. He loved the way she felt when she flexed around him. He slowly pulled out and back in again.

She tightened her legs around him, thrusting up. She cried out softly when his mouth caught her nipple, teasing it gently with his teeth. She held his face there. "Oh yes…"

He suckled one breast then the other, knowing just what she wanted. He knew how to make her body respond his every stroke and touch. He hissed, "Promise me you'll always talk to me…and not run away. I need you."

She stroked his cheek. "I promise…oh god, Bobby…I promise…" She kissed him then, sliding her tongue into his mouth. She loved him. She had been drowning in his love for the past six years, and she could not be happier. "I love you so much."

"I love you too…" Bobby claimed her mouth and then her body as they made love there on her kitchen floor. It was not the first time, and it was sure to not be the last.