Disclaimer: Nothing of Criminal Minds belongs to me. If they did, Hotch and Reid would have hooked up ages ago!
Warning: Contains grahic slash. Don't like, please hit the back button. Thanks.
A/N: Prequel to my story 'Only You' as that one was written first.
As he pulled the car into the driveway he turned off the comforting sound of the engine and killed the headlights, pulling himself into the silent darkness of the night. Sighing in defeat he looked down into his lap and swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that still threatened to fall.
The drive back from Gideon's cabin hadn't helped any. He wrongly assumed that he would feel perhaps a little better, maybe even reassured by the fact that his mentor had left him a note, trying to explain what was unexplainable but it didn't. He felt empty, confused, and full of unanswered questions.
Getting out of the car, Reid glanced around, only briefly passing over his house. He didn't want to go in there. It was empty and cold. A lot of the time he relished in being alone with nothing but his thoughts but tonight couldn't have been more different. He wanted to be with someone. It was originally Gideon but he was gone. There was no one else.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. There were other members of his team but if he were honest with himself, he didn't think any of them would appreciate a late night visit, most of all from him. Locking his car, Reid walked down the small, narrow street and lost himself in the familiar sights and sounds, almost forgetting the reason for his wanting to disappear in the first place.
Soon, everything looked the same, nothing but a kaleidoscope of colours hurting his eyes. The first hour passed without incident and he wandered aimlessly without any knowledge of where he was going. But soon the destination soon became clear to him. He was near the house of Aaron Hotchner, his boss. As he strolled down the right street he soon found the right place.
Staring at it, he almost felt safe. Just in there was someone he could possibly talk to. Since joining the team Hotch had told him many times before that if he ever needed to talk, he could come to him, that he would listen and try to help him as much as he could. The knowledge of why Hotch had reminded him so many times didn't go unnoticed but he kept his silence.
Walking closer to the house slowly, Reid took a moment to look around. A dull light showed through the curtain blocking the front window and only one car was parked in the driveway which he knew to belong to Hotch. The car that belonged to his wife wasn't seen but Reid knew it could easily just be in the garage.
Stepping up to the front door Reid sighed lightly, wondering if this was a mistake. Being here could bring up more things than just what he wanted to discuss. But before Reid could ask himself anything else, he knocked hard four times. The sound echoed his ears but as silence filled him again, he waited nervously, trying not to concentrate on the thumping in his chest. As the door soon opened, he found himself face to face with a surprised looking Hotch. Reid was almost sure his heart just stopped.
"Reid?" asked Hotch in faint alarm. "What are you doing here?"
"I, uh..." Reid trailed off momentarily, trying to find the right words to use. "I just need to talk to someone."
It was only then that Hotch noticed the look on Reid's face. Stepping back from the door, he silently invited Reid inside. The young man muttered his thanks and he stopped just inside as Hotch closed the door and went into the living room, Reid not far behind him. Turning to face the young agent, he looked him over.
Reid stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights, hands jammed into his pockets, his shoulders slightly hunched over. He looked oddly uncomfortable in his own skin as well as tired, the dark circles under his eyes unnaturally dark. It instantly made him wonder if Reid had been crying about something or perhaps not sleeping.
The words stopped Hotch in his original train of thought. It seemed he didn't need to ask what was wrong although the meaning of the words were not yet clear. Frowning slightly, Hotch turned his body completely around to face Reid as he tried to make eye contact but it seemed Reid didn't quite want to meet his stare.
"What do you mean 'he's gone'?" he asked quietly.
"Gideon," Reid clarified. Taking the note Gideon had left him from his pocket, he held it out to Hotch who took it almost hesitantly.
The senior profiler skimmed through the letter and upon reaching the end, he took a moment to let it sink in before taking a deep breath. No matter how he looked at this, to Reid it was a bad thing. Without saying a word he folded the letter back up and placed it on the coffee table before looking at Reid again.
His bottom lip quivered heavily as he bit into it, trying to hold back the fresh tears but it proved impossible. As soon as they fell, Hotch strode forward and pulled Reid into a hug. Holding the smaller body to him, Hotch sighed inaudibly and waited. Gradually, he felt Reid's arm enclose around his body and the tentative touch of long fingered hands against his back.
"I'm sorry, Spencer," he whispered in his ear.
Reid breathed in deep and shaky, secretly savouring what he was being given. It was odd for him to enjoy being touched by most people but Hotch was different and in Reid's mind, he always would be. But he knew it was something he couldn't have. He was off limits and the ring around his finger reminded him of that.
When the embrace ended, Hotch quickly held a tissue box to Reid who took a couple and wiped his eyes. After putting the box down Hotch led Reid over to the couch and sat him down and he joined him, sitting right beside him. Reliving what just happened in his head, Reid felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," he said hastily.
"For what?" asked Hotch, confused.
"I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I just needed to tell someone and-"
"It's alright, Reid," Hotch interjected gently. "You're not interrupting anything. Haley isn't here. She's with her sister who wanted to see Jack. I was just doing paperwork."
Reid nodded but said nothing more. He looked down at his lap and sighed lightly. When he woke up this morning he didn't think anything like this was going to happen. He knew that Gideon had lost someone dear to him but Reid didn't think that pushing them, him, away was the answer.
"Talk to me," said Hotch, his voice smooth and deep.
"There are just... too many questions and I don't know the answers to them," he said quietly, unsure of what to say. "The letter doesn't explain much."
"Spencer, he tried," said Hotch steadily, leaning forward on his legs and clasping his hands together. "He thought the world of you, you know that, right?"
"I suppose," muttered Reid, not so sure it was true anymore. He had always looked up to Gideon. What was he supposed to do now?
"Look at me, Spencer."
But Reid couldn't. He kept his eyes focused on his lap. Hearing the boss use his first name was quite rare and Reid allowed himself to enjoy it. He was sure the different use of his names wouldn't last long. And he knew what Hotch was going to say was something he had heard before and not something he wanted to hear right now. He couldn't. It would be too hard.
Extending his arm, Hotch gently reached under Reid's chin and forced his head to turn towards him. "Look at me."
This time, Reid obeyed and met his eye. They locked and Hotch wanted to make sure Reid heard him. "He loved you," he said quietly, still holding Reid's chin. "Since you joined the FBI he's looked out for you, mentored you. You meant so much to him. Don't think he's abandoning you. That's not what he's doing."
"It feels like it," whispered Reid, his voice breaking.
"I'm still here," said Hotch after a silent pause. "As is the rest of the team and we care about you too."
As another tear fell Hotch cupped Reid's cheek and wiped it away tenderly with his thumb and as their eyes met again, Hotch noticed the change as did Reid. That was something he probably shouldn't have done. Getting to his feet, Hotch moved to the other side of the room, putting distance between them and cleared his throat roughly.
"I think you should go home and get some rest," said Hotch evenly. "We can talk about Gideon tomorrow and get everything sorted. Alright?"
A disappointed look etched in Reid's delicate features as he continued to stare at his boss. It was already clear that the feelings he had were mutual despite nothing being noticed before this. Slowly, Reid stepped towards Hotch, closing the distance the older man put between them.
"It's no secret, Hotch," whispered Reid, his mouth turning dry. "I like you... have for a while..."
"Reid," said Hotch, face showing clear confliction. "No. I can't."
Hearing him say 'no' only made Reid want this more. It fuelled his desire in an odd way which had not been felt yet. Reid put it down to the fact that he and Hotch were barely alone together and if they ever were, it was at work, where there were always eyes watching their every move.
Reid stared briefly at the carpeted floor before looking at the older man in front of him. Their faces were close but this time Hotch didn't attempt to move away. He seemed almost a little curious as to what Reid was going to do. Without thinking, Reid moved forward and pressed his lips against Hotch's mouth.
The kiss was a short one, lasting only a split second. Reid pulled away, waiting to see if he was about to get into a whole lot of trouble. But it never came. With wide eyes he watched as the confliction across Hotch's face seemed to deepen. What he was doing wasn't fair, he knew that but after the last twenty-four hours he's had, this was something he needed.
Hotch just stared at the young agent, his eyes shining with lust and want, the gaze becoming increasingly intense. Reid suddenly felt incredibly exposed but he couldn't look away. The two men stared at each other for a minute, then Hotch leant forwards and pressed his lips back onto Reid's gently. Closing his eyes, Reid let himself fall into the kiss and he parted his mouth, allowing the older man to explore with his tongue, running it over his teeth and under his lips.
When Hotch pulled back they stared at each other again, matching expressions on their faces. As the silent tension built steadily between them Hotch made a quick decision. Taking Reid's hand he led him out into the front hall and up the stairs before leading him down the short hallway and to a closed door which was immediately opened. As soon as they entered, Hotch released Reid's hand and closed the door behind them before locking it.
Walking towards the bed, Reid still followed, silently, like an obedient puppy that loved its master too much too leave. Sitting on the bed, Hotch kicked off his shoes before loosening his tie. With one finger he gestured for Reid to join him and the young man instantly walked towards him cautiously, trying not to bump into anything in the dark room, it only being filtered by a very dull light from the window. Pulling Reid between his legs, Hotch reached up and removed the grey cardigan from Reid's lithe figure before removing his tie.
"Lie down," he ordered, his tone of pure authority easily showing through.
Reid smiled weakly before settling on the queen-sized bed and Hotch soon joined him, instantly taking his face in both hands and kissing him softly. Instinctively, Reid kissed him back before parting his lips again, letting the older agent inside. Hotch moved his hands to caress Reid's soft long hair and the back of his neck.
As the strength of the kiss intensified, Hotch pulled himself on top of the younger man, resting his weight on his elbows. Growing in confidence with each minute that passed, Reid ran his hands up and down Hotch's back, the rustling of the shirt clearly heard. Hotch responded by moving his lips along Reid's jaw and down to his throat, planting a trail along his neck to behind his ear.
Enjoying the delicate and warm touch from Hotch's mouth, Reid rolled his head to one side on the pillow to allow him more access and he groaned softly, making his pleasure known. Pulling out Hotch's shirt from the confines of his black trousers, he soon made contact with the warm skin and stroked what he could reach of his chest and along his back. The muscles were hard and defined, making Reid's mouth water heavily with desire.
Moaning at the touch of Reid's hands, Hotch pulled his lips away from Reid's neck and kissed him again although more fervently. Moving his head back, Reid kissed back harder, wanting to match the enthusiasm he was receiving and he thrust his tongue into Hotch's mouth, his desire finally smothering his doubts and insecurities.
"Tell me what you want Reid," whispered Hotch huskily, breaking the kiss, his voice coated thickly with lust.
"I... uh... want... ahhh..."
"Come on, tell me," urged Hotch encouragingly. "What do you want?"
"Y-you," Reid stammered breathily. "Just you. Please... touch me..."
Hotch smiled at the words. He never realised how pretty Reid could be when he begged. Moving one hand from Reid's head, he ran it down the man's slender form, taking in the feel of the long limbed agent, revelling in the sounds that came from his mouth.
As it started to become too much, Hotch rolled off Reid, losing most of their contact before he unbuckled Reid's trousers and pulled them off along with the plain white briefs underneath. While watching Reid nervously bit his bottom lip, hoping that rejection wasn't about to follow. But within seconds of his pants hitting the floor, Hotch undid his own trousers and pulled them off swiftly and threw them away.
Seeing his boss in his naked glory, Reid's cock gave an interested twitch and if it were possible, it hardened further. Moving back on top of Reid, both them moaned at the friction of their cocks rubbing together. Reid curved his back against the bed and his head pushed against the pillow with it, exposing the graceful length of his neck.
Unable to resist it, Hotch bent down and planted kisses along it before licking up back the trail with his tongue. Reid moaned and bucked his hips at the unexpected but pleasant sensations. Lifting himself off Reid again, Hotch pushed the young agent's legs apart and knelt between them. Opening one of the drawers beside the bed, Hotch flipped the cap of lube open and squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers.
As he lowered his hand he heard a satisfying gasp as one lubricated finger slid into his entrance. Reid's eyes shut tightly at the odd intrusion but said nothing about the burning, not wanting this to stop for any reason. After a few moments, Hotch added another finger, twisting and pushing as he gently prepared his partner.
As he looked up at Reid, they locked eyes once again. Neither of them could speak but silent exchanged messages of desire, longing and need were clearly understood. Adding a third finger into the tight passage, Hotch slowed down his movements, noticing the look of pain etched into the delicate features.
Sensing that Reid was ready enough, he pulled his fingers out, chuckling at the indistinct protest Reid gave at the loss and spread more lube onto his fingers. Coating his cock well with the cool substance he soon moved into place, pushing into the tight heat slowly. Reid hissed at the large organ invading his body, ignoring the single tear that escaped the side of it eye.
Once fully sheathed inside his body, Hotch stilled, not wanting this to end too quickly. The fragile body of the young man beneath him felt warm and incredibly tight and soon, Hotch watched as he slowly became a delicious quivering mess, the slight nonsense from his mouth telling him to move. Not needing to be told twice, Hotch began to move inside Reid's body. On the third thrust, Hotch hit Reid's prostate and smiled slightly at the loud moan this drew from him.
At first he moved slowly, content to enjoy the whimpers of desire that left Reid's mouth. As he bent down their chests joined making Reid's head move up in question of what it was but before he could think about it much more, Hotch's mouth connected to his again. Reid responded with increased urgency in the kiss, thrusting his tongue into Hotch's mouth and bucking his hips.
As the warmth spread through both their bodies, sweat seeped through the pores and when Reid finally managed the confidence to look at his boss as he fucked him, a surge of lust poured throughout his chest, making his heart thump erratically against his ribcage. The man above him was beautiful and this was more pleasurable than he thought possible.
Placing his arms around Hotch's neck, Reid held on tight as their kiss continued but a whimper of loss left him again as Hotch pulled away, panting heavily and reaching down to take hold of the straining member wedged between them. A few strong strokes was all that was needed before Reid exploded over Hotch's hand and his stomach, groaning as the sensations travelled through him intensely, making his skin tingle.
The muscles contracted around Hotch's cock, tugging at him and he slammed home a couple more times before his release came and there was only one name that rang around his head and filled his mouth – Spencer – which he muttered over and over, holding the delicate body beneath him with much care.
Hotch shuddered and his fingers pressed hard into Reid's hips, every muscle in his body contracting with the effort and then he relaxed; exhausted and spent, collapsing onto Reid's chest. After a few deep breaths, Hotch rolled off his subordinate and took Reid with him, settling the smaller man into his arms.
Both of them breathed heavily, attempting to get their gasping under control. Reid quickly settled his head on Hotch's sweat slicked chest and Hotch's arms instantly wrapped around him and gently stroked his long hair, moving it off his face.
Time passed slowly and soon, a ticking sound was heard from outside the door. Reid looked at the closed door questioningly. He hadn't noticed the sound until now. As a sigh sounded between them, Hotch licked his lips slowly, deciding the time to say something had come. "Spencer? Are you alright?"
"Yeah," came the breathy reply. "Tired."
A small smile tugged at Hotch's mouth and a twinge of guilt stirred through him. "Haley should be home soon..." he trailed off, not wanting to say the rest.
But he felt Reid nod against his chest, showing that he understood what he wanted to say. "I know," he whispered.
But before the evening could end, there was one question nagging at Hotch. Part of him needed to know how far he had gone. "Spencer... had you done this before..."
"No," Reid whispered honestly, the word barely reaching him in the darkness.
Hotch sighed, feeling awful. "You should have said something."
"I wanted the first to be you," said Reid quietly, shrugging, speaking the truth.
"I hope I didn't take advantage..." said Hotch, trailing off once again, finding himself at a loss.
"You didn't," replied Reid sleepily, closing his eyes for a brief moment, enjoying the feel of Hotch's heart beating against his ear.
But Hotch didn't quite believe every word or perhaps he didn't want to. Reid had fallen apart and he had come here for help and Hotch was sure this wasn't quite the help he needed. There was no denying that Reid seemed better but all the stuff about Gideon was bound to come back tomorrow once this became nothing but a distant memory.
After a few more silent moments passed nothing more was said. Untangling himself from Reid, Hotch was the first to move. He quietly got up from the bed and dressed and before long, Reid followed and did the same. They exited the spare room wordlessly and the senior profiler walked him to the front door, leaning against it almost casually, knowing that he more than needed a shower and to clean up. But just as Reid crossed the threshold, Hotch grabbed his sleeve, stopping him.
Turning the younger man to face him, Hotch brought him close, placing a hand on the back of his neck and pushing their lips together once more. The kiss was short and sweet and as Reid walked down the driveway and heard the front door close behind him, he knew what it was. A goodbye. This wasn't going to happen again.
Thanks for reading.