Warning: This chapter is rated M!
We are all faced with choices, every single day of our lives. Whether it is something as simple as deciding what clothes to wear or what to eat for breakfast. Or, the choice could be something more complicated as deciding on what career to pursue, but the end result is always the same, we all have to choose. But how do we know what is the "right" choice?
Sidney was no stranger to problematical decisions, even in her young life. But, nothing compared to the strain she felt deep in her gut at this precise moment. It was her worst fear come true, having her heart torn in two.
"I know what I am asking you to do isn't fair…" Jessie spoke quietly beside Sidney. "But, life simply isn't fair, and this is just the way it has to be."
Sidney heard the words, yet her eyes remained on Emily. The woman who had held her heart from the moment they had met, the woman who had haunted her dreams for the past year, and now that woman was only a few yards from her…
Tossing and turning, turning and tossing. Glinda opened her eyes in frustration, she had been unable to fall asleep for the few hours, which all together did not surprise her in the least. Her daughter was in the next room recovering from very serious injuries thanks to some psychopath, and she hadn't seen her wife in 24 hours. But on that particular aspect she had to take some of the blame, Glinda hadn't really taken the initiative to look for her wife.
She didn't know what to say.
Running her hands through her hair, Glinda finally gave up on sleep and headed towards the kitchen.
Maybe a midnight snack will take care of the problem.
Pushing open the swinging door the blond walked in, the kitchen was dark, the only source of light came from the dim overhead light from the oven. Bypassing the light switch, Glinda headed straight for the fridge. Poking her head into cool air, she pushed some items around in search of something to satisfy her.
"It's in the freezer."
Bringing her head out of the fridge, Glinda whipped her head around quickly at the sudden voice behind her. "Elphie?" Glinda gasped in surprise at her wife's presence. The green woman was sitting on the window ledge with the curtains pulled back and a white coffee mug resting lazily in her hands.
"Sorry." Elphaba stated, taking in her wife's obvious stunned state. For a long moment the two women just stared at one another, each searching for something… but not knowing exactly what. "Um, it's in the freezer." Elphaba repeated, breaking the moment.
"What?" Glinda asked, also coming out of her own trance.
She could see a slight grin on the green face of her wife, even in the poor light. "Ice-cream."
Glinda eventually looked away from her wife and back towards the refrigerator. Without a word the blond pulled open the freezer, grabbed the large box of ice-cream, then went to a nearby drawer and pulled out two spoons.
"Ice-cream was always your weak spot." Elphaba teased as Glinda made herself comfortable next to her on the window ledge.
"Funny, because I distinctly remember that it was you who broke into the school's freezer in the middle of the night for a late night snack." Glinda handed her wife a spoon while popping the lid off the frozen treat.
"Hey! That's only because you were the one who wouldn't leave me alone until I did it. Plus, you were right there next me." Glinda smiled a guilty smile as she dipped her spoon into the white, creamy delicacy. "And it was always the same flavor too, plain old vanilla." Elphaba took a smile bite of her own.
Glinda nodded, that was true, the two women always would end up stealing the vanilla ice-cream while at Shiz.
"Hey, I like vanilla!" Glinda defended. "Plus, that way we could always-."
"Create our own flavors."
Elphaba finished her sentence with a grin. Which was true, they would put chocolate syrup, cherries, blueberries, nuts, bananas, whipped-cream, gummie-bears or some type of unique combination. It really didn't matter what was used, just as long as they could simply make it their own. For a moment both women were taken back in time. A time before care and responsibility.
Glinda looked up at her wife, who was looking anywhere but at Glinda.
"What happened to us Glinda?" Elphaba finally asked breaking the heavy silence. "Where did it all just, turn to complete and utter crap?"
Glinda shook her head. "I honestly don't know." And that was the truth, Glinda honestly had no idea where or when things had begun to change with them. She just knew that it had.
Elphaba nodded her head but kept her head bowed. "Do you ever wish sometimes, we could just go back, you know before all of this?"
Glinda grinned. "You mean when we were young, with no responsibilities but to ourselves and we thought we were on top of the world?" Elphaba grinned. "Yeah." Glinda confessed. "Yeah, sometimes I wish we could go back, but…then there are other times I can't imagine being anywhere but the present." Glinda contradicted. "I mean, we have had a great life, a strong marriage and the most wonderful and amazing daughter in the world."
"We had?" The past tense verb not going unnoticed by the green woman. She watched as her wife looked out the window, as if the answer she was looking for was somewhere in the night sky. "Glinda." The blond hesitated for a moment before turning towards Elphaba. "Glinda, I never, never cheated on you." Elphaba refused to let go of the blonds' gaze, she needed Glinda to understand what she was saying. She was guilty of so many other things, but she was not guilty of that.
Glinda sat down the box of ice cream, pushing it off to the side, without dropping eye contact with Elphaba. "I know, Elphie. I know. And I am so sorry that I even allowed myself to even think for one second that you could." This particular matter had been weighing heavily on the blonds conscience, but even voicing it now didn't seem to help ease the guilt.
Elphaba spoke softly. "I lied to you, kept things from you… it's really not that far of a leap to make." Both women felt the sting of tears in the corner of their eyes, both too stubborn to allow them to fall.
"Elphaba," Glinda broke the silence. "Do you trust me?"
The staggered look was apparent on the green women's face, but she answered immediately none the less. "What? Of course I do! There is no one else in this world that I trust more." Glinda still had not looked up from the floor and it suddenly hit Elphaba like a punch to the gut. "But you don't trust me, do you?" It was more of a statement.
The blond finally forced herself to look up. Unshed tears pooled in her bright blue eyes, glimmering slightly in the poor light. Glinda opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. "Elphaba, for as long as I have known you, you have always been over protective of the people you love: your sister, Dr. Dillamond, Sidney, and even me. That is probably one of your strongest traits you have, but it is also your weakest too." Glinda scooted slightly closer to her wife. "It's as if you have blinders on. You don't care what it is you have to do, or who it may hurt. You simply do what you think is best." Glinda could still see the slight confusion on Elphaba's face. "Elphaba, how many times have you kept the truth from me when you were afraid I would be put in danger?"
"I only did that because I didn't want you to get hurt!" Elphaba rushed.
"Exactly!" Glinda's voice rose slightly. "That's what you always claim, 'that you are trying to protect me!'"
"What I claim to do? You think I'm lying? You think I keep things from you for another reason?"
"I think that's only half the reason."
"Half the reason? Then what's the other half?"
"You don't trust me!"
Elphaba went silent for a moment, completely blown over once again by the accusation. "Glinda don't be-."
"Don't be what? Crazy, stupid?" Glinda stood up, her anger now getting the best of her.
"That's not what I was going to say."
"Elphaba, you treat me like I'm still that dumb, naive girl you met in college! The one who you insisted couldn't handle the real world and all that it entailed! You've been keeping things from me since we met!" Glinda stepped closer to the sitting woman, refusing to back down. "We're married now! You are supposed to love me, respect me, trust me! So, answer this for me Elphaba! How the hell am I supposed to trust you, when you can't trust me!"
Silenced now draped the room like a thick, dense fog. Tears were running down Glinda's face freely stained her now red cheeks, but she kept her head held high.
Elphaba on the other hand seemed to be paralyzed, unmoving with a stone expression on her face. Seconds ticked by which felt like hours. Glinda wanted a answer, hell she would settle for some type of reaction, but her wife sat silently. "I guess I have my answer then." Glinda said quietly, when it was quite clear Elphaba was not going to respond.
Glinda despondently turned her back on her wife, and this time she knew it was for good.
"You know, I have dreamed of this moment every single second of every single day for the past year. Wanting it so badly, that at times I thought I would actually loose it."
Jessie kept her silence as Sidney spoke. The young witch was looking out at Emily, the longing in her eyes was definite.
"She was the first woman who I fell in love with. Strong, beautiful, passionate…"
"You can still have all of that Sid."
Sidney nodded her head. "You're right I can." But instead of taking a step forward towards Emily, towards a new life she turned around and faced Jessie. "But I don't want to."
"I was lucky enough to get to experience that type of love for a little while…but I had my chance." Sidney's voice was astoundingly calm and collected, her shoulders squared and her head held high. "You know, when I first heard about how my mothers went into hiding to be together, I remember asking mom what made her leave everything for something she wasn't 100% sure was going to work. And you know what she said?" Sidney took a half a step forward. "She said that there was no one who could fill the void in her heart, it was strictly reserved for ma…but that's not the case for me."
Jessie gave her a searching look, wanting so badly for Sidney to explain what she meant, but at the same time frightened at what it could be. "Sidney-."
"Jessie, you are proof that I can make it…without Emily." Sidney grabbed the shaken woman in front of her gently by the shoulders, meeting her gaze. "I will always love Emily, but some things just don't work out the way we plan. If my mothers have taught me anything it's that." Sidney said with a crooked grin. "Now, I'm not expecting anything from you, but you need to know exactly what you gave me…a chance at a future."
Jessie was hearing exactly what she had feared, and she didn't know what to do or what to say. This wasn't supposed to be about her or her feelings, this was supposed to be Sidney's choice and her choice only. She stared at Sidney, took note of the confident stance and the unwavering look on her face, which only made the situation that much worse.
"Sidney," Jessie began, trying to find the words she wanted to say. "I'm not going stand here and tell you that I don't feel something for you, because I do, I'm not sure what it means but…" Jessie's voice broke, but years of training taught her to hide it well. "I cannot let you make this decision based on me, or what you think I want. If you chose to remain in Oz and things don't work out…I don't want you to resent this moment." Or resent me.
Instead of denying what Jessie had said or even attempting to accept it some way, Sidney did something that threw the veteran soldier for a loop; she smiled. It wasn't a sarcastic smile nor a sympathetic smile, it was simply an understanding one.
"Jessie, look at me." Sidney gently commanded. "Look me in the eye and tell me that I'm lying, that this isn't what I want? If you can do that, then I'll reconsider my decision."
Jessie knew what Sidney was asking her to do. She wanted her to read her mind, her thoughts, to use her powers. She hesitated before looking directly at Sidney, deep into her intoxicating gaze. It would solve the big question, and could even erase the doubts both women may have had. She was just about to let go, take down the wall and allow herself to see inside the young witch.
But stopped. And took a half step back.
"No. No I won't do it." Jessie said adamantly, her jaw set in persistence. The astonished look on Sidney's face was impossible to ignore. "If you are telling me this is what you really want…then I believe you." Jessie's voice dropped slightly. "And I don't need to use any type of magic to prove that."
An unknowing force suddenly took over Sidney, because she barley hesitated when she stepped forward and crashed her lips with Jessie's. The young general gave into the overwhelming feeling of desire as she deepened the kiss, all thoughts disappearing from mind.
It was slow, and passionate.
A kiss of nothing but hope behind it.
Glinda could feel the tears increase as she turned her back to Elphaba, and tried desperately to hold back a sob that was threatening to surface. She couldn't stop it, nor did she really want to.
She had taken just a half a step forward when she felt a strong hand grip her upper arm. She whirled her head back around towards Elphaba. Glinda's breath caught in her throat at the look she saw on her wife's face. It was one that she had never seen before; a mix of desperation, pain and anger.
Elphaba's jaw was clenched and her eyes sharp. "You are my wife, the mother of my daughter." Her voice was low and even as she spoke. "You can question my motives, or come up with your own conclusions as to why you think I keep things from you, but do not ever, ever question whether or not I love you." Elphaba refused to look away from the woman in front of her. "I do what I do because I know I can live with the fact that you may end up hating me, or not respecting me, or even not trusting me, because in the end I know you will live to see another day. You will be anle to grow old, to watch our daughter grow up and maybe start a family of her own, but…I know I cannot live without you…if something happened to you, I know, I wouldn't be able to make it."
Glinda stared back at her wife. Not once had her voice altered, shown any sign of vulnerability, but it didn't need to. The raw emotions were pouring out of her deep, misty brown eyes.
And that's all Glinda needed.
Lunging forward she crashed her lips onto Elphaba's. Surprised at first, Elphaba was quick to respond; opening her mouth, allowing Glinda access. It was hard and fast. Tongues clashing for dominance, teeth biting roughly, neither could remember a time where they kissed like that.
Elphaba felt Glinda's hands make their way around her waist, roughly pulling her shirt from her pants. The feel of the blonds hands on her skin always sent involuntary shivers all over her body. The recognizable smooth, soft touch of her wife came, but Elphaba craved something different.
Using her height advantage, Elphaba backed the blond up until her back made contact with the small island counter space, all the while refusing to break the kiss. Elphaba ran her hands over the blonds small shoulders before tangling themselves in the blond curls. Glinda moaned slightly at the feeling, vibrating Elphaba's lips, encouraging her to go further.
So she did. Elphaba pulled back and looked up, eying the swollen mouth before her before turning Glinda around to face the counter. She leaned close, covering Glinda's hands with her own and pressing them into the countertop. Using her knee, she nudged Glinda's legs further apart, trailing her hands up the soft skin of her arms, down her body all the way to her knees.
After hearing the deep sigh come from the blond Elphaba wasted very little time. She pushed the Glinda's sweatpants down her legs, she played her nails up the backs of Glinda's thighs, gratified when she felt her knees sag.
Glinda pressed her hips back against Elphaba, who responded by slipping her hand into Glinda's panties. She heard Glinda whimper, so she moved her hand for less direct contact, but still maintained the pressure. With one long lick to the back of Glinda's arched neck, she felt the shorter woman begin to rotate her own hips, looking for release without words.
And Elphaba was more than happy to grant her request. But before she did anything else she released Glinda and quickly spun her around, so she was now facing her. She wanted to see her eyes, needed to see her eyes. The two women locked gazes, lust filled and tear stained, speaking a lovers language that only they understood.
Elphaba abruptly pushed the scrap of material down, and Glinda let it slip to the floor. Elphaba once again hovered over her wife, her left hand trailing up her stomach onto her breasts, while the other one skimmed the sensitive flesh below the waist.
Only seconds later Glinda bucked, hissing at the intimate touch. Fingers slid through the warm center, and Elphaba could see Glinda was fighting the urge to shut her eyes. She grabbed the back of the blonds head and forced her to crane her neck, compelling her to keep her eyes on her own.
Her lips were slack, breath coming out in short bursts as she pushed against Elphaba's hand. Heat was spreading through her body, slender fingers grasping against the counter without purchase. Elphaba slid another digit inside and leaned down to capture the swollen lips.
Glinda's climax thundered closer, but Elphaba refused to let up and deepened the kiss with each passing thrust. She could feel Glinda's release on both her hand and her mouth as the blond screamed her release. Seconds later, Glinda collapsed, her back shuddering as she caught her breath.
Through the entire ordeal neither woman uttered a word and even now, no words came to them.
At least none they deemed important.
Sorry it's shorter than usual, but I felt bad for making you guys wait. I had to cram this chapter in between classes and work, so I apologize for the grammer/spelling mistakes.