Phox: Alright, I've been wanting to do one of these for a real long time now!

Hidan: One of what?

Phox: *eyes glint mischievously in his direction*

Hidan: … Phox?

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi -duh

Language -duh

Orochimaru – he is apparently deserving of a warning... *pulls out Oro action figure*



Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

-Hinting of ZetTobi

–Let us begin...

Kakuzu sat up from the bed he shared with his partner. He always awoke before the younger and today was no exception. He ruffled the light-gray hair with a slight smile. There was a knock at the door and he froze, eyes narrowing. This was one of the temporary bases so as to avert attention from the mass of chakra the Akatsuki provided when together - especially with Kisame. He relaxed when the rapping continued—sixteen consecutive knocks signaled it was Phox.

"I'm coming." Kakuzu made his way to the door.

"Oo~ Do tell me more!" Phox laughed when the door opened.

"Not in that sense. What's up?"

She responded as she usually did, pointing at whatever was above her. She was a member of the Akatsuki but not one known by any outside of said organization. Her short hair was red and her cat-like eyes a deep gold. To add to her feline appearance she had a set of ears and a tail to match. She had said it had been a transformation jutsu gone awry. She was currently Zetsu's partner given her exceptional ability to keep a 'low-profile' and all that other good stuff required of gathering crucial information.

"I actually have a mission that requires help... if you don't mind it." Phox answered.


"Let me rephrase; Zetsu and I are to gather some info from that snake. However we are allowed to bring along a pair to have at our disposal. Since you two are immortal... well... nearly immortal... I thought you'd be my safest bet." She explained in further detail.

"When are we leaving?" Kakuzu sighed.

"Right now." Phox answered.

"You'll have to wake Hidan then, I'm gonna grab a cup of milk and be waiting in the kitchen." Kakuzu grumbled, brushing past, grabbing his cloak and head gear as he went.

"Muaha!" Phox chuckled darkly, her expression sly as she made her way to Hidan.

She poked his cheek, nothing. She poked his nose, a wiggle. She bent down to his ear, he squirmed at the breath and hair tickling it. She took a deep breath.

Kakuzu trudged into the kitchen. Not at all surprised to find Zetsu waiting there. He ignored the plant resembling male on his way to the fridge. He felt the golden eyes watching him as he returned with a cup of milk. He had just sat at the table when he heard...

"I'M GONNA BITE OFF YOUR FUCKING COCK IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR TIGHT ASS UP NOW, BITCH!" Kakuzu's eye twitched at the sound of Hidan hitting the floor at Phox's outburst.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!" Came Hidan's reply.

The sound of smashing and crashing drifted into the kitchen. Kakuzu's eye twitched more, his glass of milk shaking in his barely suppressed rage. Phox flashed past in a blur, transforming mid jump. A red cat landed neatly on Zetsu's shoulders and hid within the cloak as Hidan made his entrance. His magenta eyes darted around the room wildly. Kakuzu sighed and calmly took a sip of his drink.

"Hey, fuckface!" Kakuzu choked on the sip.

"Just shut up and get dressed, we're leaving now." Kakuzu managed to instruct.

So, after Hidan and Kakuzu finally finished 'locking up' the squad was off. They headed in the direction of the Sound Village. It was a silent journey. Until the sun began to say good night. They stopped their race through the trees, landing on the ground for a break after Hidan's bitching started.

"Good lord, I have never heard anyone complain as much as you... aside from Deidara maybe." Phox laughed at Hidan whom was leaning against a tree.

"Shut up! I haven't had anything to fucking eat. And my ass still fucking hurts like a mother fucker thanks to Kakuzu!" Hidan snapped, jabbing a thumb at Kakuzu whom stood nearby, innocent expression plastered on his face.

"Kuku, Damn, and I didn't place a camera." Phox joked, elbowing her partner whom was trying not to get involved and stay alert with Kakuzu.

"Phox, please, shut the fuck up." He sighed, recalling the time she had taken a camera from his room when Tobi was over.

"Sorry, can't help myself." She shrugged then added, "So, we camping out or just taking a break?"

"We'll just take a few hours break then return to the mission." Kakuzu took charge, much to Zetsu's annoyance.

"I'm taking a fucking nap now then." Hidan informed, cuddling up to the tree.

"What about food?" Zetsu asked then rolled his as when a snore came as the response.

"I'll go see if I can hunt down a boar or a deer... maybe deer." Phox suggested, slinking off into the bushes and quieting morphing into a wildcat.

Kakuzu exhaled then sat near Hidan, watching him sleep. Zetsu remained standing, eyes scanning the area. After a number of minutes, Phox returned. The smell of blood made Zetsu's mouth water as he watched her drag a large buck into the clearing they were stationed. Kakuzu opened the eyes he had closed for a little relaxation.

"We need to build a fire. Hidan won't eat anything raw and I'm not too taken to the idea either." he advised to which Zetsu replied, "Yeah, she doesn't like it raw either." as she shifted back to her humanoid form and began to build a pit.

In no time the pit and spit was built and Phox weaved signs for a fire jutsu. The smell of roasting meat roused the final member of the squad from his slumber. He licked his lips and inside of his mouth to rid the dry feeling. Kakuzu noticed and, with a smirk, lowered his mask while the others had their backs turned. Hidan was caught off guard by the sudden kiss from his partner. What his own tongue was doing moments before, Kakuzu's did now.

"It'll be quite a while yet before the meal is cooked." Kakuzu abruptly pulled away from Hidan, bringing his mask back up. Phox had turned around and saw Hidan's face 'kissing' the ground then continued with what she was saying, "We might as well camp out. We can leave some strips out to dry for jerky."

"Alright." Kakuzu approved, back to his former facade of utter calmness.

"What the fuck, Kuzu?" Hidan hissed between clenched teeth when Phox had returned to tending their meal.

"What do you mean, 'what the fuck'? And stop calling me that." Kakuzu retorted.

"You always fucking do this!" Hidan snapped, he had moved to sit closer to the miser so they could talk quietly.

"Do what?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"One minute you're being the best fucking boyfriend ever then in a second you brush me off like I mean fucking nothing to you, bastard." He snarled.

"So? Who said you mean anything to me to begin with?" Kakuzu shrugged.

-Freeze Frame- Phox clone appears between you and the Zombie Duo -

"Okay, so readers; Who would like to point out Kakuzu's biggest screw up in his ninety-some-odd years of life? Allow me." She pulls out a remote and rewinds Kakuzu's previous line.

"First off, you never want to say this to someone like Hidan, joking or non." She nods her head once then pulls out a marker. She begins to doodle on Hidan's face a vein popping in anger then brows furrowed to match. "Yep... so... where were we...?"

-Fast forward back to Kakuzu's screw-up- End Freeze Frame -

Hidan stands as Kakuzu goes to pull money from his many coat pockets. He is trembling as he watches the miser begin to go through the routine of counting his precious money. His fist clenches and he turns away abruptly. Nobody takes notice of his leave save Zetsu whom smirks to himself.

All Hidan needed was a little walk to calm himself. That is what he and even Kakuzu had convinced themselves. Hidan knew Kakuzu would come find him if he took too long to return. Unless Kakuzu came across a new bounty then it would be delayed. Although his plan was originally to walk it off, the thoughts roaming Hidan's head began to darken. He wondered if Kakuzu meant what he had said.

In all their months of being 'together' the miser had never returned the mutter of "I love you." Hidan managed to give. He always spent more time with the money than his partner. He never used said money for said partner; except maybe a very few and rare occasions. He continued his walk blindly. He hadn't even noticed he had stumbled to the outskirts of the Hidden Sound Village. Until something had attacked him from all sides, effectively restraining and blacking out the unsuspecting lost lover.

–To Be Continued...

Okay, now then. What do you think of it so far?

Next chapter will be given upon receiving at least one review.

Same goes for the chapters following.

Title ideas are appreciated. Until then, I'm-a-brainstorming on my own.