...BY WHICH I MEAN
Remus, being a wimp, immediately felt deeply ashamed of his behavior and followed after Sirius to try to apologize. Sirius's fake mother just waddled away in her duck suit, quacking to herself. This was her routine every day of the week - even Wednesday.
After three hours of searching, Remus found Sirius hiding in the refrigerator behind the milk carton. "Sirius, please come out. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"No!" Sirius replied stubbornly.
"Please, Sirius, I swear I'll never be mean to you again! You can't live your life inside of a refrigerator!"
"No, it's nice and cool in here and smells pleasantly of lunchtime and I'm never coming out!"
Remus sighed and sat down in front of the fridge, letting his head fall into his hands in his exasperation. "Sirius," he said at last, "if I promise to always be your friend, and never let anyone be mean to you, will you come out of the refrigerator?"
There was a long, tense pause as Sirius considered the offer. He had never had a real friend before. Regulus did not count in the least, for it turned out he was kind of a git and besides, he always beat Sirius at MarioKart and a true friend would never do such a thing.
"Will you really be my friend for real?" Sirius asked warily.
"Yes," Remus promised, sincerity shining in his eyes like diamonds would shine if you plucked out Remus's eyes and replaced them with diamonds, but why would you do that, you sick freak? "I will always be your friend, Sirius. No matter what."
"Okay," Sirius said. "I'll come out of the fridge." He climbed out into the world again, and he and Remus embraced.
"I love you," Remus whispered under his breath as they broke away from each other.
Sirius looked confused. "Wait, what?"
But before Sirius could really pursue the matter, SUDDENLY Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore appeared in a burst of purple light! And he was wearing his DANCIN' SHOESSSS!
"Let's just dance!" he declared, and everyone agreed. Then they had a rockin' dance party all night long! And when morning arrived, they all had chocolate chip pancakes and vodka – the breakfast of champions!
And so, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin became best friends.