A/N: Written for LJ Comm The Air The Sun's May 2010 Drabble Prompt (write a 500 word crossover). This is End-of-New-Moon for Twilight, pre-Time of Angels in Series Five for Doctor Who.
Absolutely Nothing Important
"You promised me a planet," said Amy Pond, taking in the forest.
The Doctor poked his head out of the TARDIS. "Earth is a planet, isn't it?"
Amy glared at him.
"Okay, the TARDIS is acting a bit wonky. I was aiming for Pluto."
"Pluto's not a planet anymore."
"What? Who said that? Did I miss another Astronomical Union meeting? They're not supposed to hold those without me, I'm a voting member—"
"Excuse me," interrupted a melodic voice. "Who are you?" Amy and The Doctor looked up as one to see a teenage boy of surreal beauty, a teenage boy of real beauty (with no shirt), and an 'ordinary' teenage girl of… beauty. They stared in shock at the new arrivals and their blue telephone booth.
"Ah! Hello!" The Doctor nodded to the surreal boy. "I'm the Doctor. We're just passing through, made a bit of a wrong turn, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, quite unintentional-" Then he paused, frowning.
Amy noticed it, too. "Is it just me, or does he… smell good?"
The shirtless boy rolled his eyes. The 'ordinary' girl glared at Amy. The surreal boy seemed unalarmed – in fact, he looked resigned.
The Doctor strode forward, bringing his face to within an inch of the surreal boy's nose (the 'ordinary' girl grabbed the surreal boy's hand in alarm) and pointed the sonic screwdriver into his eyes. "You," said the Doctor sternly, "are not supposed to be here."
"That's what I've been saying," grumbled the shirtless boy.
"Oh, come on," the surreal boy said. "We're just eating deer."
"This is a level five planet," said the Doctor. "How many times to I have to tell you? No snacking. Not even on wildlife." The Doctor turned and pointed the screwdriver at the shirtless boy, who flinched back. "And you've been sparking transformations in the locals!" Shaking his head, the Doctor twirled the screwdriver and tucked it into a pocket. "That's it. Off-planet in one hour, or I shall be annoyed."
"Wait, what?" said the 'ordinary' girl.
"Wait, what?" said Amy.
"Wait, what?" said the shirtless boy.
"Fine," said the surreal boy. He glanced at the 'ordinary' girl. "Can I—"
"No," said the Doctor. "You leave. Your family leaves. Humans stay."
The 'ordinary' girl burst into tears.
"You get to have companions," said the surreal boy petulantly.
"Time Lord," said the Doctor. "Special rules. Now get out of here and pack. One hour, you understand?"
With a little sigh, the surreal boy kissed the hand of the 'ordinary' girl and took off lightning fast through the trees. She collapsed crying onto the ground. The shirtless boy wrapped his arms around her and made soothing noises, but he also looked like Christmas had come early.
"Come on, Pond," said the Doctor, opening the TARDIS. "Planets to see."
"You want to tell me what that about?" said Amy, stepping into the blue box.
"Absolutely nothing important," the Doctor assured her. Then he closed the door, and with a whoosh-whoosh-whoosh, they were gone.