Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.
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Will the owner of this incredibly sexy voice come on a date with me? he said. I've got reservations at this really cute place! Boss'll treat you right! he said. You're the only one on my mind right now, y'know.
Someday, I will realize these are all just lies. Spain's got several decades of experience ahead of me and he knows what to say to get into anyone's pants.
Granted, it started okay, and I'll admit I had my guard down when he came to pick me up. He looked nice, which only my stupid brother would ever actually say. Stupid Feliciano gushed on and on about how cute he looked, how cute we looked, and then babbled on about how I didn't get out often enough. Like he can talk! Going to that stupid potato kraut's place doesn't count as going places.
Anyway, Spain knows (I'm surprised he found out so quickly) I'm game to call anything off if Italy's chatter stays in close range of me for more than a couple of seconds, so he quickly led me out of the house. "Thank you for letting me take you out," he said, smiling that dumb grin of his. Dammit! Those kinds of stuff you don't just say, okay! He rambled on and on about how even though I wasn't technically his henchman anymore, he was still so proud to have been able to call me that and blah, blah, blah. I stopped listening somewhere between the 1600's.
We didn't take his car; understandable since he drives too slow and he won't ever let me touch the wheel since I accidentally ran twenty over the speed limit and got us pulled over (I pulled a couple of strings; the stupid cop won't make that mistake twice). We went into this cute little town and I was thinking Spain finally got something right – he usually either takes me out to these overpopulated places where I have to shout for him to hear me or settings that just kill the mood (example: that weird farm place with the cows). Not that I care that Spain takes me to places like that, dammit! It's just, being a natural romantic, I hate watching people get it wrong.
The lighting was right. The music was right. People eating there were not dressed like slobs or princesses. If I could rate the place, it got a ten. Spain showed himself in, nodding at the greeter and weaving his way through the tables as if he had worked there all his life. A quick scan of the room showed that attractive people dined there. Naturally. I would rather fascinate myself with a pretty girl, like that brunette in the corner with that insignificant date of hers, when the date when south. Date? I meant dinner with Spain, in the platonic sense.
There was a table already set up. There was a single candle sitting in the middle of the smooth tablecloth, a candle I wanted to grab and set aflame Spain's shirt. What have I told him about things like that? I don't want candlelight dinners! They're horribly cliché and embarrassing! People get the wrong idea! But Spain looked so happy for no good reason so I decided to play with him. There's no point insulting those who don't get it, obviously. And I can be a nice person too, dammit.
As I followed Spain to the table of doom and agony, we passed a booth, where a single woman sat, an empty martini glass to her right and one in her hand. There was a magenta, lacy shawl over her head, resting on top of Spanish curls. She wasn't anything remarkable; she had the markings of a wanderer and I wondered how on earth she managed to get into this establishment. To be fair, I guess I should say she was pretty. If you like people like that. She just rubbed me the wrong way, the way she glanced up and glued her eyes on us, on Spain, the poor girl. To be attracted to Spain of all people. I pitied her.
When we sat down (Spain had the nerve, the nerve to pull the chair back for me as everyone was watching! I need to spell out these rules for him.), the woman spoke up, her voice melodic if I didn't already think she was a bitch. "¿Podría venir conmigo por favor?" Come with her? Didn't the whore see Spain was with me? Not like that, but it's rude to take out someone who's already got an appointment with someone else! Spain glanced at her, then turned back to me as if he didn't hear her at all.
"Do you like this place?" he asked, smiling like no tomorrow.
"It's acceptable," I grumbled, the woman's stare over at our table bothering the fuck out of me. Spain seemed to understand and put a hand on mine. I was going to pull away when the woman called out at us again.
"Guapo…guapo hombre!" What was that hag's damage? Obviously anyone laying eyes on Spain would not think him handsome. I wanted to walk over and beat some sense into her. She started something about beautiful green eyes. Spain hardly seemed bothered as he turned to her, calling over his shoulder, shh. She howled with laughter and was momentarily silenced as a waiter came over to her.
Spain talked and talked like normal, but he seemed preoccupied; with that woman, no doubt. He always had an affinity for his people; perhaps he liked those pretty dark curled Spanish women with gypsy blood running through their veins. How could he like such a common woman? At least I have enough class to chase the girls with sound minds and a pretty face. That woman was easily several years his senior (but when you think about it, Spain's been around for ages, so…).
The waiter came around with the dinner wine and took our orders as Spain gibbered on. Y'know, this is the first time we've had dinner in a while, Romano! You've got to tell Boss what's happened with you since then! He was not interested in what I had to say; I know because when I started talking about Italy letting Germany's blasted dogs trample my tomato seedlings, I saw his eyes wander toward that horrible woman, who might I add was starting on her fourth martini. Damn woman. What fascinates him about her more than I do? Easily, compared to her, I would be regarded as an old maid.
Not that I think of myself as a woman, much less Spain's woman! That would be degrading to both me and women.
The third time Spain's gaze wandered, I reached over and slapped his head, bringing him blinking back to focus with me. "Pay attention!" I barked. "I'm right here!"
"I'm so sorry, Roma~! I've just got things on my mind!" Like what? Like getting me drunk enough for me to pass out before he makes his advances on that chick? Well, not a drop was going to pass my lips after that! How impolite to leave an acquaintance like that! I hoped, for the sake of my still positive reviews of Spain, that was not what he meant.
While I started shaking cheese on my tomato pasta, that woman reared her ugly head again. Swirling the drink in her hand, she made a big scene of herself as she clinked her collection of empty glasses together as she gazed at us, humming some sort of ugly song. I know serenades as good as the next nation, and although I didn't recognize it, I knew it was meant to seduce. With her damn vocal cords, she wanted to ensnare Spain! There was something else I should grate with that cheese grater, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be parmesan.
"Lovi, what's wrong?" Spain asked, as if he was deaf to the goddamn world and couldn't hear that stupid woman trying to pull him away from my company.
"Nothing," I said, and regretted it, because he turned around to look at her. If he looks at her anymore, I swear she'll have him in the palm of her hand! If I said anything about it, he was sure to make fun of me, so I just simmered in silence. What can you do in those circumstances? Say don't look at that whore, look at me! What would he deduce from that, besides the fucking obvious?
The dinner music was fucking obnoxious.
I only had the purest intentions. There aren't many restaurants at my house that still accept Romano in anymore; there's been a couple he's mocked about the food that he's been given a restraining order. Other times, he gets mad at me and throws a fit and I'm not allowed in there anymore. But I got lucky! Boss got lucky~! I found this cute little place in the country and I tried it out a couple of times before I invited Romano along. I wanted to make sure the food wasn't too bad and there was nothing about the décor that would set him off. So I've already met Esmeralda, and I know of her antics.
Contrary to what anyone says about her, she is neither a gypsy nor a lady of the night. Esmeralda is merely…ah, kids these days call them, cougars. She loves trying to court men of all ages at the restaurante and she is neither vulgar nor unsophisticated, although she can be quite showy. Esmeralda is truly harmless.
In fact, she came on to me the first couple times I visited. To not be attractive to Esmeralda is an unspoken rejection by all ladies of the world. Although some may disrespect her, she knows her way around men. She will stop if you tell her you are uninterested, as I did, adding that I had a special someone reserved for my heart. She was understanding and wished me good luck.
So I was not worried about her when I brought Romano to the place. But I should have known better.
Although she knows that I'm unavailable and she is friendly toward me, I forgot that she treats all new faces as fresh meat. The moment we walked in, I recognized those sniper eyes, and they were trained on Romano.
Now I know Romano has a soft spot for me (I just know it!) but he does like to make himself popular with women. Esmeralda is an attractive woman; I wouldn't mind dating her if I didn't like Romano more. She seems to be the type that Romano would flirt with; so I kept him close as we walked by, but her predator eyes were on him. I couldn't just turn around and tell him to ignore her – knowing him, he would do the opposite of what I say and she would be insulted that I stole a new catch (regardless of what she says, she's game for stealing men right under their date's noses). I don't want my people to be mad at me~! So I pretended not to notice her.
Then, as I was chatting up Romano, she called for him. I know that flirtatious note in her voice; she's used it on me. My cute little charge flushed and I turned around to give Esmeralda a cautionary glance but she didn't seem to notice. Again, I pretended not to notice when she called out again. I'm a country of passion and I don't loose my temper in front of women~! So being the boss, I politely 'shh'-ed her and a waiter stepped in to help me. Romano looked a bit troubled, which I thought was positively adorable until I realized.
What if Romano was interested in pursuing Esmeralda?
I know Lovi very well, but Italy knows him better; and according to Italy, when Romano really likes someone, he's usually very cross and flustered in front of them. "Vee, fratello doesn't want the person he likes to know he likes them so he pretends to be really mad at them. It's all just acting, Spain! He thinks no one knows, but everyone does!" That's what Italy said. And watching him, Romano looked upset. He was blushing like a ripe little tomato. So I had to conclude that perhaps he was somewhat (?) interested in Esmeralda. He likes Spanish girls. I know this because he loves to come over to my house! He likes to point out all the pretty girls to me. In fact, he will take walks with me and while we're talking, he'll suddenly get all embarrassed and quickly point out a girl. See, boss knows.
Romano couldn't stop staring at her. Was I so boring that he couldn't focus on me? Well, I guess so; he's always calling me boring and bastard and those names. Did she look different, prettier? I had to keep turning back to see if I could see what Romano could see in her. She looked pretty plain for a night out, in my opinion. I think Romano knew I was on to him, because he tried to draw my attention away from her. He could tell Boss! Boss wouldn't be too mad!
(But Boss would be a little disappointed Roma decided not to look at Boss during a date…)
As we were eating, Esmeralda started humming a song. I recognized that song because I've hummed it before to Romano when he was asleep. It's a song of endearment. She was trying to communicate her interest in my henchman from across the room! Romano was looking at her, as was a lot of other people! It was becoming more and more clear that he was interested in her! He kept looking madder and madder and he got redder too! I looked back and tried to say, via eye communication, to back off, but she only gave me a pointed look.
When dessert came, Esmeralda was finally drunk enough to start dozing off on the table. Even though she was Romano's new fancy, I felt bad that she should be seen slumbering loudly in public. I told the waiter that someone ought to get her home; this seemed to get Romano angrier. Was he mad that I was making her disappear when he wanted to watch her? Boss will support you in anything, but watching a sleeping woman is uncharming! Finally someone carted Esmeralda off to a cab and dinner continued in peace. Romano seemed a little grumpy throughout and for once, I wished the date were over. I did everything I could to draw his attention back to me, from pulling out his chair for him, from wiping sauce from his cute little mouth, but I guess Esmeralda was too distracting.
Finally we were making our way back to his house. I think Romano wanted to tell me something from the way he kept opening his mouth and closing it as he seemed to think his way through his words. Boss would be more than happy to set him up with Esmeralda, but truthfully, Boss can think of better people to date. I'd always thought Romano liked going on dates with me, but instantly, I felt bad. Esmeralda deserved to have a man interested in her. But something possessed me and I opened my mouth and said,
"Maybe we shouldn't go to that restaurant next time."
Which really surprised me, because although that's what I meant to say, Romano said it too, at the same time! That really shocked Boss 'cause I thought Romano would want to go back to see Esmeralda! I think Romano was surprised that I said it too…although I wouldn't imagine why. He looked away, a pout on his face.
"That woman was really annoying, wasn't she?"
Romano thought Esmeralda was annoying! Maybe I did have a chance! Boss has a chance~!
"Esmeralda can be…a handful."
I was already planning out our next date, in a place where no Esmeralda can come distract Romano. Then maybe, he can show me that cute little frown he does only toward me. Come to think about it, he's gets really mad at me for things I do.
(I wonder if that means…?)
Note: Basically, not only can neither of them read situations, but Spain can't even tell the difference between tsundere mad and regular mad. Silly Spain. I should be focusing on finals, but now my writer's block is gone, I've got to make up for lost time. And tsun!Sparoma is too cute to resist!