What people seem to forget is that Zim is allergic to water. Humans are made of such things, and normally this fact is forgotten so we can see good smut. I'm taking a chance and attempt to make a ZADR where this fact ISN'T forgotten, or solved with a magical pill Zim came up with out of nowhere. This MAY remain a one-shot if it doesn't get any reviews. No use writing a story if no one is going to read it.


Zim was naive. He knew next to nothing about human reproduction, and so he became oddly fascinated by it. Irkens are produced by cloning hatcheries, and sex was something only done for pleasure. The idea of actually connecting sex to reproduction seemed ludicrous. But humans did it. They've been doing it for years. And because sex was supposed to feel good, many parts of Earth were wildly over populated. Zim didn't really care for sex; the idea of someone else touching HIS amazing body was idiotic. So he remained a virgin, which really was quite common on Irk.

He had done some harmless tests and observations on the human, learning about the birds and the bees… Those horrible, horrible bees… And eventually Zim learned that humans ultimately mated with each other because of certain pheromones. If a human smelled a certain way to another human, they go crazy.

So… That's why they didn't bath? To keep their original sent?

Makes sense.

Zim was currently in his lab, holding a glass vile of these hormones. He managed to collect enough of it and turned it into a pleasant smelling gel. To an Irken, this sent was meaningless. But to a human…

Because Zim was so caught up in his studies, he failed to notice his long time rival Dib was watching his every move. Dib couldn't understand why Zim was taking so much interest in Sex-Ed or in romantic comedies at the movie theater. It seemed bizarre. It was very Un-Zim like to do any of the things Zim had done in the past week.

Dib was hidden in the ceiling, watching Zim. Finally he jumped down from his hiding spot, and onto the table. This surprised Zim, and he quickly snatched up the alluring gel from the table protectively.

"What on Irk is wrong with you Human?" Zim screeched. "Get out of my base!"

Dib smirked at the alien, and pulled out the alien weapon of the week- another gun. "Give it up Zim; I know you're up to something! That's some… crazy human-killing goop you have, isn't?" He sneered.

"It is not!" Zim protested. He held up the vile, and shook it lightly as if that would prove its harmlessness. "It's nothing more then research! Not a weapon!"

Dib's expression faltered. What… What smelled like cookies all of a sudden? Shaking his head, he returned his focus on the situation at hand. "Don't lie to me Zim; I know you better then that!" He says as he jumped from the table so he'll be standing across from the alien. He snatched the concoction from the Irken claws.

Zim's eyes widened. "Dib-Stink, give that back! You have no idea-"

"So it IS a weapon!" Dib laughed, holding the vile well above Zim's grasp. He loved rubbing his height into his rivals face, it drove him crazy. Because Zim was so desperate to get the gel back, and away from the human, and because Dib was oblivious to what the gel's true identity, the two had a reckless game of 'gimmie'.

Eventually, Dib tripped over some wires and the vile fell. Zim reached out to grab it, and did manage to catch the glass. But the contents of that glass had splashed over Zim's shirt.

The sent filled the room, and its source was now Zim.

"Damn it Dib!" Zim snapped, throwing the empty vile to the ground. "Do you have any…? Dib-Stink?" He looked at the boy who seemed dazed. He stared at Zim with hungry eyes. It was as if Dib was seeing Zim in a whole different light… a very… delicious light…

Zim took a step backwards, slowly becoming aware of the danger he was in. But Dib shot from his sitting position and tackled Zim to the ground. But instead of kicking and punching Zim, he grasped at the Irkens wrists and pinned them down and smashed his lips against Zim's.

Zim was so shocked, he didn't fight back for a moment. Was this… A new fighting move? Because that would be easier to believe then Dib kissing him.

"G-Get off!" Zim ordered, twisted his head out of the humans mouth. His saliva still burned the inner edges of his mouth. He was thankful he was normally very through with his coating of glue. But Dib didn't seem to hear him. Instead, he started biting at Zim's neck, nipping and sucking at it hungrily. Zim realized in horror that Dib was attempting to… mate! The gel! It was driving the boy insane, making him lose all sense of control!

Zim was helpless to stop a moan as Dib hit a sensitive part of his neck. This seemed to encourage Dib as he started rubbing up against Zim's lower region. He released one of Zim's hands to pull at the edge of his pants. Zim saw from the corner of his eye a very odd bulge…

Get out, get out, get out…

Zim started thrashing from under Dib, screaming at him. He wiggled and squirmed, but the human had the advantage of a larger body frame and strength. Things weren't like they were a few years ago. Desperate, he raked his claws against Dib's chest and tore through the fabric. Blood slowly seeped out from the broken skin, but Dib didn't seem to notice. The overload of pheromones had caused him to become focused on one thing and one thing only. He wasn't even aware this was Zim anymore.

"Get off! Stop!" Zim cried. He was getting frightened. More so when he noticed Dib had successfully 'freed' himself. Dib released Zim's other hand and pulled the pants down, exposing the alien. Now feeling shamed, Zim tried pushing Dib away. No, no, no, he couldn't do this, he couldn't!

"P-Please! STOP!" Zim pleaded, shaking with fear. 'Not with a human, god, please, not with a human!'

But Dib was still completely unresponsive. Zim started punching and clawing at him, but there wasn't the slightest hint Dib was feeling any of it, other then bruising and claw marks. His eyes, normally bright with determination were dull and lifeless. Zim felt himself forced back down with a cold push.

His PAK made his back arch awkwardly, as it scrapped against the ground. He attempted to use his robotic legs but it was no use. He had chosen today of all days to run a virus scanner and the PAK would be unusable for battle for the next hour or so.

Zim didn't have that much time.

His legs were forced apart and were hosted upwards as Dib entered the Irken boy with a grunt. Zim let out a horrified scream, coated with agony. No one told him it would actually hurt! This just made things so much worse. He felt tears brimming at his eyes from the pain as he felt Dib trust into him like an animal.

"S-Stop! Stop!" Zim sobbed, feeling as though he were going to tear in two. "It hurts, stop! Please!"

But Dib didn't stop. He was breathing hard, and shaking slightly from the pleasure. Zim was so warm, so tight, it was incredible.

But Zim wasn't so lucky. It was painful. And the pain was getting worse. Zim felt confused, and scared. All he heard that sex was supposed to feel good, but it doesn't! It felt horrible! And the pain keeps building… why?

Oh god… no…

"STOP! PLEASE!" Zim screamed, now sounding even more terrified. More violently then the last time, Dib actually had more difficulty keeping his hold on Zim. "No more! Please! Y-You...AH!" Zim shrieked in pain, almost losing himself in a haze. "Wa-Water! NO!"

But it was too late.

Dib climaxed into Zim's body, shooting his acidic load into sensitive, sex torn flesh. Zim screamed in pain, and his body was thrown into spasms. His insides felt like they were on fire, melting inside of him. And as he sobbed in pain, and trashed on the floor, the effects began to wear off Dib.

Dib came back to reality, completely baffled by what he was seeing. He found himself sitting, exposed to a half naked alien who seemed to dying before his eyes.