I told you I'd get one for you quickly =) I'm revising at the moment so I stayed up till midnight doing this for you guys. Thank you so much for the reviews, I get such a happy feeling when I open my inbox and see the review and story alerts. I hope you enjoy it!
She'd been on edge, waiting, tonight was one of the nights in the week when they didn't go out and for once she was glad that they could be in their own home and talk without the hustle and bustle of New York restaurants. Then again, those would go too if she had a tiny baby to look after. She'd taken her pent up worry and channelled it into cooking. She wasn't a natural cook but she wasn't terrible- she could make a halfway decent meal if she put her mind to it. She hadn't felt up to anything to extravagant seeing as her stomach was churning and she really didn't have much time. So in the end it had been a pasta bake and for a moment, with the warm smell of cooking food in the small kitchen, she felt a little calmer. Then she heard the door open.
"Honey, I'm home" he stuck his head round the kitchen door and winked and her, she couldn't help rolling her eyes at how corny he was. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck lightly "Something smells good" he murmured "What have I done to deserve this?"
"I...I just wanted to do something, I felt restless" she titled her head back so it was resting against him and she felt safe and whole. She wanted it to stay like this forever.
"Why didn't you go see the girls?"
"Didn't feel like it" she turned so she was facing him and kissed him lightly on the lips "I need to talk to you, it's important" he saw that she was serious, behind her relatively calm exterior lay worry, he could read her like a book.
He moved one hand and placed it on her cheek, "Sure baby, whatever you want"
"I'll get the food" she broke away and the moment of closeness ended. She brought the food to the table and they sat there, Carrie didn't feel that hungry and pushed the pasta around on her plate. Big was wolfing it down so she knew he was enjoying it. Somehow she just couldn't get up the courage to tell him, she'd been psyching herself up for it all the time she'd been cooking, rehearsing what she'd wanted to say but now, all those different ways of telling him, they'd all gone and she stared at her plate.
"Kid?" the voice broke into her thoughts "What was it you wanted to talk about?"
"Um" she took a deep breath "Well, I wanted to...I...um" she paused mentally kicking herself for sounding so stupid, he was smiling back at her, obviously amused. "I'm pregnant" the smile vanished there was a dead silence. Carrie looked back down at the food "I...I took the test this morning and it was positive and I don't know what to..." she was realised she was rambling and fell silent. Big still hadn't moved, hadn't given her any indication about how he was feeling. He just stared at her, expressionless "Please say something".
"Well" he leant back in his chair "Have you decided what you want to do yet?"
Of all the things he could've said, she hadn't expected that one. "Me, decide?" she paused, she knew he meant it she wanted to keep the baby "You're my husband John, I wanted to talk with you, it's our baby"
"So you want to keep it then?"
"John!" she was surprised, shocked and upset by his reaction. Sure she hadn't expected him to sweep her into his arms and cry tears of joy but she'd never imagined the cold look in his eyes. This obviously wasn't the reaction he'd wanted either, she couldn't admit that (even though she'd only know for an hour or so) she felt a connection to the life growing inside her. He got to his feet and started to walk away, she quickly scrambled off her chair "Where are you going?" fear was rising again in the pit of her stomach.
"Out, I need a walk" he walked past her without touching her and out of the apartment, closing the door behind him leaving Carrie standing by the dinner table, alone. She felt hot tears prick at the back of her eyes and she blinked them away furiously, she would not cry. But standing there alone she realised her hand was resting lightly on her stomach, she looked at the hand for a moment and the tears began to fall thick and fast. She couldn't stay here, she ran into the bedroom and opened the doors to her beautiful closet, stepping inside she grabbed a few essentials along with her toothbrush from the bathroom, she just hoped that Charlotte hadn't chosen today to be in the apartment, but it was very late by now, she'd be at home with her family; that made the tears flow even faster.
The apartment was perfect, just what she needed. She didn't bother to clean anything or change any flowers; she just walked slowly into her bedroom, kicked off her shoes and climbed into bed, curling into a little ball letting her eyes, slightly pink from crying, close; and before she drifted off to sleep words formed on her lips of their own accord 'me and you, just us two' she whispered into the silence.
She was awakened by a sick feeling in her stomach, opening her eyes; the clock read 11:00 am. "Oh God" she threw off her duvet and sprinted to the bathroom. She got there just in time; this was not how she had wanted this to work. If she had to have morning sickness, which didn't seem to only last in the morning, liars, Big should be holding her hair back, soothing her, telling her it was okay. Her retching was only made worse by the stomach heaving sobs that were escaping her.
She thought she was imagining the hand on her back until she heard "Carrie?" it was Miranda. Carrie turned, humiliated to be found in this situation but still relieved to know that she wasn't alone right now. Miranda handed her a wet flannel and a glass of water and Carrie leant back and sipped the water slowly. "Carrie why are you here?"
There was a silence "I could say the same to you" Carrie replied and sniffed and tried to take deep breath, controlling her breathing so as to try to stop her diaphragm from going into spasm in the really unattractive way that it normally did after she'd been crying hard "Big and I had a fight"
"While you're sick?" Miranda looked confused "And was it so bad you had to go here? I went to your apartment looking for you; we were going to have drinks remember?"
She closed her eyes; she'd completely forgotten "Was Big in the apartment?"
There was a long silence and Carrie felt even worse, knowing Big hadn't returned to their home made her feel terrible, he hadn't cared what might be going on with her or even if she was okay. "He walked out last night" more tears escaped and she wiped them away furiously, angry with herself for being this fragile and needy.
"What were you fighting about?" Miranda asked, not caring that it might seem nosey. Carrie turned her face away and Miranda looked at her, her brain slowly putting the pieces together "Oh Carrie" she said finally "you're..." Carrie nodded "and he..."
"He couldn't look at me", her voice was low through the hurt was plain "It was like it was my fault" not only her fault, but something so incomprehensibly terrible he couldn't stand to be in the same room as her and he hadn't come back. Where the hell was he?
"You're keeping it?" Carrie nodded; she'd known that the moment the test had turned positive. There was no going back and that she was going to be a mother.
"Not that he knows it; he didn't let me get that far"
Miranda moved into maternal mode, she got to her feet and pulled Carrie upright, she took the glass "wash your mouth out" she said "It'll make you feel better" Carrie obliged, pausing for a moment and taking a deep breath. When she turned around Miranda was standing there holding one of the only pairs of tracksuit bottoms she had and an old sweatshirt, the fashionista in her screamed but she couldn't be bothered right now "Put this on, you're going to feel like crap for a while and you might as well be comfortable while you can. When was the last time you ate?"
Carrie frowned, grabbing the clothes "Last lunch, I made dinner but I wasn't hungry" she didn't feel like eating now but she knew she had to at some point.
"Right" Miranda turned and headed into the kitchen, "I'll see if you have anything worth using"
Carrie smiled, she knew that she could count on Miranda, she wouldn't be like Charlotte who would get excited, not fully understanding, Samantha would be Samantha and she couldn't handle the exuberance right now- Miranda was perfect, loyal, calm, assertive Miranda who could make everything seem better, she could fight a tornado and still make it in time to tuck you in at night. She changed into the clothes Miranda had given her and went into her old kitchen, sitting down at the table where a glass of orange juice had been placed.
"I know it's gross but drink it" Miranda squeezed her shoulder lightly "Tell me everything"
I hope that satisfies you for now, as I promised it was longer. I felt that Big wouldn't be too pleased and I didn't want to make the normal story where they're both over the moon- life isn't like that, it's not a fairytale, just like Carrie told us.