Rating/Warning(s)/Note(s): Rating =M (For Language; Hey it's daddysper and I know you wouldn't have him any other way *winks*).
This takes place around the time they get the okay for Rosemary to come home. I (K) posted this on my personal account as well (jsyk) Thank you to amber for helping me get the right tenses for Jordan's POV Sorry if the rest is wonky. It is after all, 5 am here right now and I have yet to go to bed LOL
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Prompt: January 19, 2010 "Jealousy"
I pushed my Barbies back into the doll house. I didn't want to play with them. Mommy thinks I should help Daddy with the new baby but I don't want to do that either. I wish she never came home. When Jax came home, it was okay. Jax never cried as much as she does. And Daddy still loved me. Daddy doesn't love me anymore. I'm not his princess.
"Jordy?" Daddy's at my door now but I don't look up at him. "Baby girl, what's wrong?" He asks. I shake my head. He sighs, and leaves. I could hear him say something to Mommy but I didn't care.
I waited before going into the baby's room. Jax clapped when he saw me, holding his hands out. I went to my little brother and picked him up from his crib.
"At least they still love you," I whispered as he patted my face.
Carrying Jackson, I look into Rosemary's crib. She is so small, smaller than I remembered Jax ever being. Smaller than Coconut was. I hate the way Daddy acted like she was gonna break at all time. He never loved me like that.
Jax make a sound and I looked at him. His eyes narrowed at me like he was angry so I put him back in his crib. He doesn't love me any more too.
I go back to the hall, biting my lip to keep from crying. I wanted Nana Whitlock. She loves me.
"Jordan?" I turned to see mommy coming out of my room. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asked before hugging me.
"I want my daddy back."
"Honey, he didn't leave," she hugs me tighter. "He's right here," she moves me so I could look in my room.
I heard Alice suggesting to Jordy that she should help me put Rosemary to bed, but she never came in. Once I was sure she was asleep and safe in her crib, I gave Jackson a kiss goodnight, then headed towards Jordan's room.
I knew something was bothering her. Carmen had even warned us that there was an underlining issue, but she was at a loss as to what it was. But just because I knew there was something wrong, it didn't prepare me to see her this way.
She sat in the center of her room, her shoulders slumped as she looked down at her hands which were currently playing with the hem of her nightgown.
"Jordy?" I could tell she heard me by the way she flinched at the sound of my voice. My heart breaking more at the thought. "Baby girl, what's wrong?" I asked her, hopping she would at least look up at me. But again, I was greeting with nothing but the shake of her head. I sighed, not knowing what to do, and left to find Alice.
I had learned the hard way not to push Jordan when something was bothering her. Past events taught me that the more that I pushed the worse I made things. After everything that happened before Maria's death, I had made a promise to my wife not to push Jordy. If I thought something was wrong, I should go to Alice. In theory, it was a good plan, since Jordy seemed to open up to Alice easier.
A fact, I was thankful for. I knew when Jordan was having her brat days it hurt Alice the most. The evidence that she was Maria's made its self more known those days than ever. But my wife would never tell me it hurt. She loved Jordy before she ever met her; the feeling mutual.
When I came into the kitchen I hadn't realized Alice was trying to talk to me until she waved her hand in my face. "Huh?" I asked dumbly.
She laughed and shook her head. "Did Rose do okay?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah. Fine. No spitting up or nothing. I think she's digesting better." Alice nodded at the information, a relived smile on her face as she continued making Jordy's lunch for the next day.
I pulled a beer from the fridge and leaned against the counter. With a heavy sigh, I tossed the cap into the open trash can before taking a long drink.
"What's wrong?" Alice asked, leaning against the island with her arms folded across her chest. I merely shrugged my shoulder in response, earning a raised eyebrow and a look that clearly said "liar".
"I wish I knew baby..." Instinctively I looked at the hallway. No one was there, but my attention was drawn to it.
"Jordy." Did I ever mention how much I loved my wife and her creepy ass ability to know what I was going to do or say? I nodded and looked back at Alice. Her concern, clearly written on her face, was mixed with a bit of guilt in her eyes.
"I'll go talk to her, Jazz." She came over, standing up on her toes. Again on instinct, I leaned down to brush my lips against hers in a soft kiss. "You, dear husband, can go wait in her room. If she's ready to talk to you, I'll send her in. If not, I'll get you."
I nodded again, agreeing to the plan. "Thank you baby."
She smiled and waved her hand dismissively, much like her own mother does when she feels your words are unnecessary.
When we got to Jordan's room, Alice peered inside before turning back to me. "She's not in here." Just as she said it, we heard Jackson babbling away as if he had an audience. "Go," Alice said, pushing me gently into Jordy's room.
I did as I was told, sitting myself on her bed as I waited. If I was honest with myself, I was scared shirtless that I had somehow managed to fuck Jordan up more than I already had. I hated feeling like I failed her, but I swear that's all I did.
I could hear Alice asking Jordy what was wrong. There was the concern again, so obvious in her voice. But that wasn't what make me spring up from the bed. It was the strangled cry from my daughter when she told Alice was what wrong.
"I want my daddy back," Jordan sobbed.
When I reached the door way, Alice's wide eyes met mine. I didn't hear what she said as she moved our daughter to see me. All I knew was in that moment I wanted nothing more than to hold my little girl and make her smile again.
"Princess... I'm not leaving," I told her as I sat on my knees to look her in the eye.
"You don't love me..."
"What? No. Jordan, come here." I held my hand out for her and tried not to let the fact that she moved closer to Alice bother me. "Please, Princess." I pleaded.
She looked up at Alice, who nodded and said a soft "it's okay", before taking my hand.
"Do you want to talk in your room or in ours?" I asked her.
"Can Mommy come?" She asked.
"Of course," I said quickly.
"Your room?" Jordy asked softly.
"If that's what you want," I answered her, standing up. She ran past me, into the room to grab the bear Alice and I had built for her before returning and taking Alice's hand. Alice gave me an apologetic smile as they started towards our room.
Once inside, Jordy climbed into the middle of the bed and hugged her bear. Alice and I sat on either side of her, giving her a moment.
Finally I couldn't take any more - don't judge me, I'm an impaitent motherfucker - and broke the silence.
"Why do you think I don't love you anymore, Princess?" I asked her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
"You have a new princess. One that looks like mommy and not her," she hiccuped.
"You're still my princess though, honey."
She shook her head. "Jackson looks like you and mommy, Rosemary looks like mommy. I look like her."
"You have your daddy's eyes," Alice said softly as she gave Jordan a loving smile. "And his crazy curly hair," that made Jordan smile. "And his smile."
"But he loves Rosemary more than me..."
"No, I don't," I said quickly earning a stern look from Alice. "Sorry," I muttered.
"Yes you do," Jordan countered looking up at me. "You're always holding her and kissing her and telling her you love her and that you'll always be there for her. And when you don't, you're playing with Jackson. And you yell at me."
I sighed and put my head against the headboard. "Honey, remember when I had to go to the hospital because your sister was trying to come home early?" Alice asked her.
My eyes snapped open to look at my wife. What the fuck was she thinking? We agreed not to tell Jordan what had happened. I didn't think she would be able to understand, while Alice just felt the time was wrong.
When Alice's eyes met mine, I knew then, that as much as I wanted to keep it from our little girl; Jordan was far more smarter than I ever gave her credit for. So when Jordan nodded in the affirmative, I took over the conversation.
I explained to Jordan how we nearly lost Rosemary. How her being born so early was very dangerous, but not just to Rosemary, Alice as well. I tried to explain to her, how because of this, Rosemary needed to be at the hospital longer than most babies, because she needed special care. And I apologized, over and over again for leaving her behind.
Jordan talked too. She told us that she wished Rosemary never came home. That when it was just her and Jackson, she didn't feel like she was forgotten. She thought that because we had our boy and girl, that Alice wouldn't want her anymore and because I loved Alice, would agree with it.
And as we talked, I realized that I was a bastard to my daughter. That instead of cherishing the fact that I had two healthy and beautiful daughters, I spoiled one, while taking my frustrations out on the other.
I knew we had a long road ahead of us. The jealousy Jordan felt was still thick in her eyes even though she said she would be a better sister to both her siblings. Even with it that apparent, as our oldest fell asleep in our bed between us, I couldn't help but to hope Jordan will grow to love her little sister as much as she did Alice and know that no matter what, she will always be my princess.
A/n: I think he handled that better than what he's known for lol. Sorry but no, we aren't back yet. I was writing my witfits and this one seemed the most appropriate. Sorry for the tease! (and yes I'm still working on the DaS treat!)
And if you're still here, still waiting. Thank you. Seriously, we love you guys for sticking it out and waiting for us. We have the best readers ever. I hope you know just how much we appreciate each and everyone of you (and the new readers too!)
K (& Robs)