Disclaimer: I do not wish to offend anyone with this story; it is just a little thing off the top of my head pointing out the absurdities we sometimes go to to be politically correct. Please take it in the spirit it is intended. Note: I found many of the terms on the internet, have heard some others in real use, and used the dictionary and my own head to make up a few others. Hope you enjoy!
Cinderella in PC Land
Once upon a time in the land of PC, there was a person named Cinderella who lived with her dysfunctional group of relatives in their economically-challenged neighbourhood. Her three facially-challenged and cosmetically-different siblings treated her as if she were intellectually-impaired. They also treated her with tact-avoidance. One of her siblings was very horizontally-gifted. The second was skeletally-prominent. The third was just plain hideous-enhanced. Her parental unit was very facially-challenged, being especially nasally-gifted, while Cinderella was definitely facially-enhanced.
The family was so financially inept, motivationally-deficient and so intellectually unencumbered, that they sent Cinderella out to find a position to make their finances more ept. They told her she needn't return until she had found a position which made them economically enhanced. She tried several positions, among them utensil sanitizer and sanitation engineer, however the persons that she worked with were both differently organized and selectively perceptive and she became job-unencumbered.
Sadly, she had to settle for a position as an unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding. Sitting on a street corner with her processed tree carcass in front of her, she waited as persons of all ethnic diversity passed her by, occasionally one would drop a piece of government-produced metal into the processed tree carcass. Soon her clothes became clean-deficient and rip-enhanced. She sadly sat with her processed tree carcass day after day on the street next to the filth-enhanced brick structures.
One day, after an ethically-challenged person had relieved her of her processed tree-carcass with all the government-produced metal pieces, and with sodium-enhanced h2O dripping from her light-gathering sockets, she heard a voice, very quiet-enhanced and loud-deficient. She looked up to see a facially-enhanced (ahem, that is VERY facially enhanced!) male person wearing gold-enhanced clothing.
"Hello, there, filth-enhanced and vertically-challenged person. I am Prince Rude-Deficient and I am looking for a facially-enhanced and hopefully terminally attractive female person to be my co-top-person of our People-dom, or unpaid domestic worker, whichever you prefer. Here are some tickets to my ostentatiously-enhanced social gathering for fun. It will be tonight, after earth's star has set. I will choose my unpaid domestic worker from among those job applicants who appear. Give the tickets to your group of relatives, whether they are functional or not."
Just then Prince Rude-Deficient noticed the sodium-enhanced h2O drips on Cinderella's facially-enhanced countenance. "Why, my filth-enhanced person, why are you dripping sodium-enhanced h2O?"
"I am very food-challenged and since my government-produced metal pieces have been released from me by a morally unsavoury character, I shall become a metabolic underachiever. After that I may become skeletally prominent and truly metabolically challenged. And if I should return to my economically underachiever group of relatives without any government-produced metal pieces, I will DEFINITELY become living impaired!"
"Oh my!" said Prince Rude-Deficient. "We certainly can't have that! Just a sixtieth of a minute…" The Prince returned in a thirtieth of a minute with two sandwiches of seared mutilated animal flesh." We are luck-gifted, my filth-enhanced person. It was two-for-one at the Golden Arches."
Cinderella ate her mutilated animal flesh with relish. When she looked up Prince Rude-Deficient was gone. She rushed to her economically-deficient home and gave the tickets to her extremely horrid-enhanced group of relatives. They were sad-deficient. Everyone made ready to attend Prince Rude-Deficient's social gathering for fun. All of them tried to become attractively-enhanced but all they achieved was cosmetic over-saturation. They rushed out of their economically-deprived homestead leaving Cinderella to sit in the heat-producing unit in the non-white dust-enhanced debris.
Suddenly Cinderella heard a swish and a crash behind her. A wing-enhanced person fell into the dust-enhanced debris in the heat-producing unit behind her. The wing-enhanced person picked herself up and wiped the non-white dust-enhanced debris off of herself. She picked up her rod with supposed-magical powers and a five-triangular pointed symbol, silver-enhanced, on the top. She seemed a bit kinaesthetically challenged.
"May I assist you, wing-enhanced person?" asked Cinderella.
The wing-enhanced person looked at Cinderella and knitted her brows negatively. "Dang it all," she said. "I didn't realize you live in PC Land!"
"Why, yes, that's where you are, wing-enhanced person!"
"Cinderella, I'm your fairy godmother."
"Oh no, you mustn't say that…you're my wing-enhanced, non-related non-male parental unit."
"Piffle! Here quickly, take a bath and get out of those filthy clothes. I have some fancy duds for you to wear to Prince What's-his-face's Party."
"Oh, dear, it's Prince Rude-Deficient…"
"Well, when he was born he was known as Prince Charming. I would say that's a much nicer name! Get cracking, girl, we've no time to waste!"
"But I have no fast-moving h2O! The social gathering for fun will be over with before I am filth-deficient!"
The wing-enhanced, non-related non-male parental unit sighed. "I supposed I have to do everything. Go stand outside."
Cinderella obeyed. The wing-enhanced, non-related parental unit waved her rod with supposed-magical powers and Cinderella appeared, filth-deficient and dressed in sparkle-embellished and horrid-deficient clothing. Her foot-coverings were made of a transparent solid substance and with heels that made her a little less vertically challenged.
The wing-enhanced person waved her rod with supposed magical powers again and a round orange fruit with a green stem became a riding conveyance. "This will take you to the ball, Cinderella. Be sure to dance with the Prince. He will like you now that you're cleaned up and don't look like a ratty rag-a-muffin anymore. Why, you're quite beautiful!"
"Oh my, I know you don't mean to emotionally hurt me, but your words are so PC-deficient."
"Get in there, girl, before I lose my patience and turn you into a potato! Now don't forget…leave the ball before the clock strikes midnight!"
Cinderella nodded and jumped in the orangely-gifted formerly-fruit conveyance and they were off! They arrived at Prince Rude-Deficient's social gathering for fun a bit temporally deficient. Cinderella entered the social gathering for fun and saw there were hoards of ethnically diverse persons moving rhythmically to music. However it was very light-deficient, as the Prince was a green energy-efficient fellow. It was very hard to use her light gathering sockets and she felt almost photonically deficient. Trying to make her way over to the Prince, she bumped into several ethnically diverse persons and almost felt uniquely coordinated.
Finally, Cinderella found the Prince and he was frown-deficient. He held her close and they moved rhythmically to music all the rest of the evening. Cinderella realized that the Prince was uniquely coordinated and kinaesthetically challenged. However, as she had noticed before, he was definitely facially enhanced and physically combustible. For his part, the Prince thought, "This person is very numerically superior and she is truly facially enhanced. She will make a wonderful unpaid domestic worker and look dangerously explosive standing next to me at People-dom functions. They became facially conjoined. Just then the temporal keeper struck midnight. Cinderella looked up and said, "I must leave!" She ran to the orange-enhanced former fruit conveyance and it brought her back to her filth-enhanced living structure. Exiting the former fruit conveyance, she noticed that she was much more vertically challenged on one foot than the other. She realized, with a start, that she must have terminally displaced one of her height enhancing, transparent solid-substance foot coverings.
"Oh my, what will my wing-enhanced non-related parental unit say?" She carefully purposely misplaced her remaining height-enhancing, transparent solid-substance foot covering.
Several time periods later, there was a rapping at the wooden slab with a knob at the entrance of Cinderella's filth-enhanced, economically-depressed living structure. It was Prince Rude-Deficient's end-of-leg person. He had a height-enhancing, transparent, solid-substance foot covering with him. He asked if anyone in this filth-enhanced structure could fit in the size-deficient foot covering. He said, "Whoever can fit the end of their leg into this height-enhancing, transparent, solid-substance foot covering is the missing facially-enhanced person that Prince Rude-Deficient wants for his domestic worker!"
Each of the three facially-deficient siblings and their parental unit tried on the transparent foot covering. To try to fit in, each removed a digit or two from their end of legs with a blunt-deficient cutting implement. Soon there was red bodily fluid all over the floor. The end-of-leg person was about to have an unplanned re-examination of recent food choices. Turning to leave, he glanced in the heat-producing unit. Sitting among the non-white dust enhanced debris, he saw a filth-enhanced, dust-enhanced but also facial-enhanced person by the name of Cinderella.
"Wait!" said the end-of-leg person with a flourish. "You have saved me from an unplanned re-examination of my recent food choices. Try on this height-enhancing transparent foot covering…"
"No, no!" said the three facially-deficient siblings and the nasally-enhanced parental unit. "It can't possibly be that snivelling little filthy snot, who can't even make a decent living and bring home a shilling or two. She is very stupid and a real klutz too!"
The end-of-leg person gasped in horror. "You have broken the PC law…you shall now be placed in a confined supervised space!" he screamed. "Persons-who-prevent-someone-from-escaping!" he called to several persons outside the filth-enhanced abode. "Come in a temporally enhanced way! Take these four facially-deficient persons to the confined supervised space!"
Trying on the height-enhancing, transparent foot covering, and producing the other foot covering that she had purposely misplaced, Cinderella was shown to be the person that Prince Rude-Deficient had moved to the music with at the social gathering for fun. She would be his future domestic worker! The end-of-leg person congratulated her.
Suddenly the wing-enhanced non-related parental unit appeared. "Well, Cinders, do you want to go with Prince Rudy or would you like to go with me to find a prince that says what he means? You see what speaking your mind can get you here…your relatives all in jail simply for speaking their minds…what do you say gal? Shall we blow this place?"
Cinderella thought a moment, then said, "Heck yes! You're a breath of fresh air! Yes! Find me a prince who speaks his mind! Let's hightail it outa this filthy joint!"
So the Fairy Godmother took Cinderella to a land far away where she met a handsome prince, fell in love and lived happily ever after…well almost…they had some spats and called each other names once in a while, but nobody got put in jail for calling names…and the best part of it was that when the tiff was over they could become facially conjoined…eh…that is…kiss and make up!