Suigetsu Hozuki's Charm Book (goddammit ff quit fucking with my title!)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And boy does it suck.

I also don't own: YOUR MOM!


Mastermind. That was defiantly what Suigetsu Hozuki thought of himself as. He was the mastermind. All bow down for someday this man would own your souls if Anko didn't beat him too it. They were probably going to form a confederation someday based on their epic smartness (which Sasuke would call epic fail) and their epic beauty (which Naruto would also call epic fail).

But nevertheless mastermind he was, for he always got his way. And his way began and ended with sex. Usually with whomever he wanted, and whomever he wanted and…well you get the point. It was like he was a sex god! Men? Women? Who the hell cared, he didn't. He swung both ways. And never had he such a challenge until this one guy appeared at school.

This one guy was the bane of his existence. Showed interest in neither male nor female. Harbored an emotionless mask that carried him through every kind of situation imaginable. And god was he oh-so-fucking fuckable. This man was, and to this day remains: Sasuke Uchiha. Yes, that man. We all know what you're thinking. Suigetsu, you're an idiot. Well you're right. He is. A complete idiot and he had decided that his next target (or more appropriately, victim) was Sasuke.

However, this wasn't going to be easy. All the sweet-talk, dirty-talk, even regular-talk in the book of Suigetsu wasn't going to help. How he knew this? Well he already tried.

Tactic 1 – Sweet-talk him into it.

"Hey, new-boy." Suigetsu greeted offering Sasuke a seat to which the black haired, black eyed (did everything about him have to be black?) male just eyed indifferently. "You can have that seat y'know. It's open and otherwise you'd have to sit over by blondie. Don't want you to get that pretty little body of yours mixed up with his kind."

Sasuke looked at the blonde he guessed this guy was talking about. "No thank you. I think I'd rather take my chances with 'blondie.'" Sasuke replied simply passing him by and taking the seat by Naruto.

Suigetsu sighed. Meh, sometimes tactic one didn't always work.

Tactic 2 – Talk nerdy…I mean dirty to him. Maybe he'll like it?

Suigetsu slipped into the seat right behind Sasuke for their math class. After class had begun and when he was sure the other male would least expect it, he linked his foot around Sasuke's desk and slid it oh-so-sneakily backwards and closer to him.

"Hey there, don't believe I caught your name, sexy." Suigetsu commented quietly.

"That's because I never introduced myself to you." He replied also quietly but his voice was calm. Didn't it at least creep him out?

"Uh," Thrown off for a moment…what was he saying? Oh right. "Well, do you have a name or should I just continue calling you sexy?"

"My name is none of your concern and you can be certain that if you do call me that, I'll probably castrate you." Oh god? Was a voice aloud to be so jizz-worthy and deadly at the same time? If not, then Sasuke was breaking way too many laws.

"Oh?" Keep calm! Keep calm! "Alas you wound me. I guess you're just a violent person, then again…aren't we all sometimes." He smirked. "Besides violent sex tends to be the best kind."

"Sensei?" Sasuke started louder catching the attention of the masked man they called a teacher (he reads porn in school for crying out loud). "I request a seat change on the grounds that I am being sexually harassed by Fish breath back there."

Suigetsu literally gaped. There was nothing else he could do. How blunt of him to say that and now…now they were laughing. The class was actually laughing a him. Him! Suigetsu Hozuki. The sex god was being laughed at because Sasuke Uchiha was honestly the worst human being ever. And oh god did he want to fuck him even more because of it.


A/N: Tsk, tsk Sui-chan, that's no way to get in a guys pants! Okay so btw this is SuiSasu, I wander if you could guess? I know the chapter is short and all, but it seemed like a good place to end it. Anyway I hope I can charm my way into your favorite authors list with this story! ;)

Next Chapter Preview: 7 Easy Steps of Getting Him to Sleep With You.