Title:Starfleet Family Values

This is the sequel to the story Blame It on the Spell Check. However, you do not need to read that to get this. This story is not in the same universe as my 10 signs stories. I am borrowing Spock's stepmom from those stories because it's really hard to find a decent female Vulcan name and I want to play with that character more. Other family relationships will be different.

Summary:All families have issues and a few skeletons in the closet. After being married for three years, Jim and Spock go to new Vulcan to visit Spock's father, stepmom, and half siblings during shore leave. They drag a pregnant Nyota along for the awkwardness. Things become complicated due to their three year old daughter who knows too much and asks the wrong questions. Things get worse when they receive a phone call from Iowa that forces Jim to go home to a place that was never home.

Rated T

Pairings: Established S/K and pre M/U with allusions to past S/K/U, MS/U, SP/U, and S/U

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters created by Gene Roddenberry and reinterpreted by J.J. Abrams. This story is for entertainment purposes only. It's my turn to play.

Due to a disability, I write these stories with the use of voice recognition software. So expect some very strange grammar mistakes. Feel free to kindly point out specific mistakes or volunteer your editing services in a PM.

A/N 6/11/12: Georgiana Spencer has graciously gone back and re-edited the earlier chapters. New versions of chapter 1 through 4 are currently up. More revised chapters will be posted as time permits. She also did the new artwork of Sunk for the cover.

Chapter one: Why Can't I Call Grandpa, Shrek?

Why was Nyota spending her shore leave with her captain and his husband? Both men drove her absolutely crazy and she used to date one of them.

There were moments during the almost nine years that all three have been working together on Enterprise that she has wanted to strangle both of them. She tells herself over and over again it's inappropriate for her to strangle her captain or his first officer. Sometimes those fantasies were the only things that got her through the day.

One of the reasons why she was with the two men on New Vulcan for shore leave was little Amanda. Mandy had her daddy's ears and her other daddy's ability to make you do anything with that beautiful smile. That smile was more effective on her than anyone else, because she carried Amanda for nine months. Her little niece could talk her into anything.

Three weeks ago, when she told little Amanda that she was going to spend her shore leave on earth visiting her Stepmom Alexis, Amanda threw a fit. She refused to be separated from her favorite aunt and her new little brother and sister. She kept crying and she hated to see Mandy cry. For someone who is ¼ Vulcan, Amanda has no problem expressing her emotions whatsoever.

A few days before then she found out she was pregnant again, although this time it was not a planned pregnancy. Amanda was bioengineered to be a mixture of Jim and Spock. The two children that she was currently carrying will fall under the category of "the aliens made them do it." More accurately, this pregnancy was a diplomatic 'gift'. Around nine weeks ago after a successful mission that saved almost the entire inhabitants of a planet from destruction, the leaders decided to throw a celebratory dinner in her, Jim, and Spock's honor. The party involved high amounts of alcohol laced with very potent aphrodisiacs. Fortunately for everybody involved, Amanda was on the ship with her Uncle Bones.

So grateful for what they did they decided to give the three a gift. This gift involved all three being drugged with a very powerful aphrodisiac and special fertility drugs. Of course, nobody remembered what had happened until about six weeks later when she threw up on her captain's shoes.

She almost killed Bones when he gave her the news. She was absolutely shocked after she realized it was not a joke. She doesn't even remember sleeping with anybody since their last shore leave six months prior. When the DNA scan revealed that she was carrying twins that had a mixture of DNA between her, Jim and Spock, she fainted. Ever since Dr. McCoy has been trying to figure out what happen.

She tried not to think about that now as they continued walking to the house of Spock's father. Thanks to little Amanda's sweet little smile she was spending her vacation with two men who she loved but wanted to kill at times. Neither Jim nor Spock wanted to be away from the babies anyway. They also wanted her to be there when they told Sarek. (Even if these children had a little bit of her in it this time, she or he would still be Jim and Spock's child and she would be Aunt Nyota.)

This is how she found herself on New Vulcan being led by the hand of her favorite three year old as she listened to her captain and his first officer "argue" behind her.

"Why do we have to stay here?" Jim asked in a whiny voice that made him sound like Mandy when she didn't get her way.

"My father offered for us to stay here and it would be illogical for us to turn him down." He said, not making eye contact with his husband.

"You hate staying here. You find the fact that your father made an exact replica of your house on Vulcan disturbing. If you say that creepiness is an emotion you are sleeping on the couch for the duration of this vacation."

"Do not make empty threats T'hy'la."" He said as he gave Jim a Vulcan kiss when he realized nobody was looking.

"Auntie, why would sleeping on the couch be a punishment?" She absolutely loves the fact that this child can make even Spock uncomfortable. Instead of telling the three year old the truth, Spock decided to tell her that the couch hurts daddy Jim's back. Considering how much those two have sex, she considers it a small miracle that Amanda has not walked in on the two yet. She has on multiple occasions because they have a thing for conference room seven and supply closet number 69.

"I just don't want to have to spend more time with your father than absolutely necessary. I love your stepmom, but your dad still hates me and we have been bonded eight years and married for over three."

"My father does not hate you. Hate is an emotion. It would be illogical for him to feel such a thing." Spock said in his normal "I am superior to you" tone.

"I stopped believing the "Vulcans have no emotions" thing the moment you bet me over a"… She cuts him off with a well place smack on the shoulder. The best thing about being pregnant again was she regained her ability to smack her captain when he was being a complete idiot.

"Not in front of the toddler." She said with a hiss.

"I am not a toddler. I am three years old. I already know about what happened the day Grandma Amanda died. Uncle Bones told me. Daddy Spock tried to kill other daddy because he couldn't process his emotions regarding grandma's death." Amanda said, smiling at all three of them.

"I know he's one of my best friends, but sometimes I have the desire to kill him." Jim said with a sigh.

"Daddy you can't kill Uncle Bones, otherwise I will have no one to have tea parties with on Tuesdays." She was trying really hard not to laugh as Amanda said this.

"I wasn't literally going to kill him, baby. I was just going to punish him. Maybe if you have an extra tea party with him I won't need to. Do you make him wear the hat that Nana Alexis sent you when you play?"

Although she was Aunt Nyota, little Amanda considered her stepmom to be her grandmother. This was because although Spock stepmother T'Pay was a wonderful person by Vulcan standards, Jim's mom was a bitch who always loved Sam more. They were planning on visiting her stepmom and father on earth after this to tell them in person about the babies. They were not planning on going anywhere near Iowa.

"Of course, I make him wear the hat daddy. It's not a tea party unless you wear the hat." On days when they drive her absolutely crazy she pulls up the image of Spock or Jim wearing that hat at one of little Amanda's tea parties and she feels so much better.

"If you get daddy a picture of him wearing the hat, I promise not to hurt your favorite tea party friend."

"Okay daddy. That's good because he promised to finish telling me the real story about how you met daddy Spock. Did you really cheat on a test?" Jim said something about cheating being subjective and then quickly asked her what else her Uncle Bones has been telling her.

"He told me I had to call grandpa by a special nickname."

"What would that nicknamed be?" Spock asked his daughter.

"He said I should call him Shrek but only when daddy Jim was around." When she said the name Spock had the Vulcan equivalent of a petrified expression on his face. Then he gave Jim the Spock death glare.

"You can't call grandpa that." She said correcting the child.

"That's what the wedding invitations said. Uncle Bones showed me." Mandy said in a way that only a three year old could.

"No one's ever going to forgive me for that. It wasn't my fault."

"If I did not forgive you, we would not be married. Being unforgiving is illogical. Unfortunately, certain other ambassadors still refer to him as Ambassador Shrek of New Vulcan when negotiations go badly. "

"It's okay because he is tall and green. Although Uncle Bones says that Shrek in the films is nicer. Daddy said the same thing one time when we were watching old movies." This gets Jim a raised eyebrow.

Fortunately for all parties involved the front door opened and Amanda ran to her grandma T'Pay. Because she spent several years on earth as a college professor, T'Pay was perfectly OK with her granddaughter hugging her. Unfortunately Spock's father was not.

"I thought you told her that Vulcans do not hug." She heard Jim whisper to Spock.

"Yes, but she said such a statement was illogical because I hug her all the time."

After Amanda let go of her grandfather she asked him a question, "Grandfather why can't I call you Shrek, when Uncle Bones said I could?"

Sarek gave Jim a glare by Vulcan standards that told her this is going to be a very long family vacation. Is it wrong to hope for a crisis so that this shore leave could end earlier?