my writing block has died, but my skills at writing haven't returned yet T.T forgive me~~


"Uncle Rui!"

Seconds after the shout came, what seemed to resemble a little bundle of fluff wrapped itself around my legs, hitting me with such enthusiasm it nearly knocked me off balance.

Unfortunately, the little bundle of fluff, which I had now realized, rather slowly, was actually a little girl, was hugging my legs so hard that I couldn't move.

Normally, it wouldn't have been such a bad thing, but as I was blocking half the rather small doorway to the "VIP New Arrivals" section of the airport, I figured keeping the equally jet-lagged and tired, not to mention extremely rich people from going to meet their families wasn't the brightest idea.

"Hi there cutie" I said, scooping her up with one hand, and placing her on my shoulder, and walking forward to the parents, who were standing at the end of the path, smiling at waving at me.

I walked over slowly, a little girl on one shoulder, and dragging my small luggage case behind me.

"Yo" I said to them.

" I haven't seen you for almost a year, and that's all you can say Rui? OI RUI! I'm talking to you"

I laughed at Tsukasa. He hadn't changed since high school. Well, that part of his personality has remained unchanged anyhow.

"Yes Tsukasa, remember what you said to us when we came to meet you at the airport?" I replied, "You swore, then asked us what the hell we were doing at the airport in the middle of the night"

"But, but, that's different" He said back, attempting to find a comeback, and, quite obviously failing.

The woman next him wacked him playfully on the arm, "That's enough" She chided with a smile on her face.

"I'm glad to see you back home Rui" She said to me, smiling broadly.

After all these years, she still makes my heart skip a beat with that smile.

"I'm glad to be back. And glad to see you've been keeping him in check" I said jokingly, gesturing subtly with a slight jerk of my head to Tsukasa, who as expected, immediately started protest again, about how he didn't need to be kept in check by anyone.

"Mamma, Papa, isn't Uncle Rui the best?" a small voice came from next to my ear. I had almost forgotten that there was a little girl sitting on my shoulder.

They both laughed, and proceeded to say how hurt her uncle's Akira and Soujiro would be to hear that.

It's like we're all extended family to her. But that's all we'll ever be. Not inside her family, but not exactly outside of it either. Watching their happiness, not from afar, but not too close either.


Arriving back at my family mansion, I saw the Akira and Soujiro were waiting there patiently for me. A brotherly hug, and a few high fives were exchanged like the old times when one of us returned from a business trip and the F4 were together again.

That much at least hasn't changed.

"I feel sleepy" I said, "I feel like sleeping" The incredulous looks I remember started to appear on the faces of the surrounding F3.

"You've just got back in Japan, and your best friends are celebrating your return after not seeing you for a year, and you want to ignore that and sleep?"

"Rui. You've deeply heart our feelings."

Staying and talking to them, my closest, and just about only friends gave me more happiness than I had experienced in a year, but as the English saying states, "Time flies fast when you're having fun", it was over when Tsukasa had to leave for a meeting.


Trudging upstairs after seeing everyone off, I unlocked my room and entered it. It was exactly as I had left it, the violin still in its case, lying on my untidy bed, with clothes strewn everywhere.

And the sheets of music spread out all over the floor, and covered with at least an inch of dust.

It was exactly how I had left it, six or so years ago, when I came back from the wedding.

He almost ran into his room, crossing the room in a few large angry strides, and threw the violin down onto his bed, scattering the music along the floor as he did, then roughly pulled his suitcase from under his bed, and marched over to the closet, throwing the doors open and pulling and ripping down his clothes at random, stuffing them without a thought into his suitcase. He then zipped it up, and fell backwards onto his bed, lay there lifelessly next to his beloved violin, not responding to the many knocks on his door, or the almost constant ring of his cellphone after he had been there for a few days. The cellphone eventually ran out of power and the entire room fell silent.

Why not me? He thought. Why him? He thought.

Why can't I just accept that she's happy, and be happy for her also? Why can't I forget about what I feel for her?

Why am I a coward to face them, and watch them together?

Why can't I answer my own questions?

That day, I remember it so well. Those questions I asked myself, those questions I fumbled desperately over, finding, or trying to find a reason why it wasn't my fault. I remember that I had left them all without a word, without any notice for New York where my father was, and where one of the main headquarters were, and I remember working there.

I hadn't returned to Japan in over five years because I was too ashamed to face myself again.

As I started to tidy my room, I picked up the sheets of music, and read it over, and the wedding seemed to replay over and over in my head. I put it aside and continued tidying, unpacking my luggage, and putting my old and new clothes back in the closet.

Then knew I would sleep a dreamless and peaceful sleep, without any of nagging doubts, shame, and worries that had plagued me at night for the last few years.

I was content with what I had, I was content with what I now believed, and I was finally truly content that she was happy.

I know I have moved on, not forgetting, but accepting.

Tsukushi, Tsukasa, Soujiro, Akira. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for shaping me into the person I am now. Thank you for opening my eyes when I was blind. Thank you for loving me in your own unique ways. I know I can be selfish, but I know how you have forgiven me, and all the wrongs I have done against you. Thank you, and be happy, and I will not search, but hope to stumble upon my own happiness.

This isn't the end of my story. It's the beginning.


A/N: and that's the end :D the first multi chapter that I've ever finished xDxD To be honest. I think I could have done better.

many thanks to those who have supported this story, Saranghae-Minnie, Fatcake, -chan, and sheryl.g.

Maybe you've stopped following my fanfics but your reviews always bring a smile to my face, especially yours Saranghae-Minnie :D

and a final thanks to XxOlivia13xX, whose RxT fanfiction I am currently beta-reading. I don't think I would have been able to get out of my writers block without that.

pleeeeeeeeeeease review and tell me your thoughts, I really need the encouragement to carry one writing right now~ as I haven't been writing for a long time /