"Winning Entry: Voter's Pick for the Darkella's Darkest Temptation contest"

Title: I Want It Painted Black

Summary: Izzy Black (Bella) is a bad girl with issues. Edward Cullen is the vampire that brings it all down in an inner battle between darkness and light. He'll go to great lengths to melt her frozen heart. WINNER DARKELLA'S DARKEST TEMPTATIONS M themes/LEMONS

*WARNING*: Rated M for references to drug use, cutting, foul language and lots of LEMON. If you are underage or any of these things are triggers for you, please do not read this.

Pairing: Bella/Edward

Word Count: 16,960

Disclaimer: I own Darren, Matt, Ricky and Jack. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters—I like to play with them, and use them to get under your skin. Are we there yet?

A/N: Huge thanks to my lovely beta Jess (jkane180) for her awesomeness. She helped me a great deal with her valuable suggestions, input and toughness on a certain issue I had. Hehe. I heart you!

I have to profusely thank my pre-reader, Sandy, for going through this process with me from minute one—squealing her way through each installment I sent her to peruse. You are a treasure beyond compare.

A shout-out to Athena, who was having a bad day, and provided me with the song lyrics that fueled the idea for the ending.

*Please note that the first chapter was originally a one-shot, and is fast paced and devoid of the amount of detail I usually put into my stories. I'd much rather you judge this story based on Chapter two and beyond. For those who are staunch E/B fans (like myself) this IS definitely an E/B story. Trust me.


Paint It Black ~ The Rolling Stones

Ice ~ Sarah McLachlan

Possession ~ Sarah McLachlan

Down in a Hole ~ Alice in Chains

Lightning Crashes ~ Live

Pain ~ Three Days Grace

"I Want It Painted Black"

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door, I must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black

~The Rolling Stones

e·man·ci·pate (ĭ-mān'sə-pāt')

e·man·ci·pat·ed, e·man·ci·pat·ing, e·man·ci·pates

To free from bondage, oppression, or restraint; liberate.

Law To release (a child) from the control of parents or a guardian.


"You're so hot, baby..." he yelped out as he pumped into me.

Yeah, I know.

"Are you close?" His hot, moist breath ghosted over my ear—which was much preferable to the wet slobber he painted my face with when he attempted to French kiss me. "I want you to come with me, baby."

Not in this fucking lifetime. "I'm right there with you...mm-mm...don't hold back," I whispered seductively. Yeah, right.

Another lame fuck...against another lame wall...in another lame alley. Boring. I rolled my eyes, waiting for him to finish. I whimpered a few times, and bit his neck hard—that was going to leave quite the mark...oops!–sending him over the edge (not a very high edge either).

"YES, OH GOD! SHIT!" he screamed. I rolled my eyes again.

When he was done shooting his load, he wanted to smooch—not happening. I let my legs down from around his waist, my stilettos clicking against the wet pavement, and pushed him away. "Down, boy."

"What? Don't you want to...I mean..." he stuttered.

"What? You want to cuddle? We just fucked in an alley after meeting in a bar. It's not a warm and fuzzy kind of thing. Thanks for the sentiment though. See you around." I saluted him and started to saunter away.

"Wait! Don't you even want to know my name?" He came off sounding like a lost little boy—more like his true age now—which was probably only about eighteen.

"I already do." It's Loser. "Mike, right?" Found that out when I rifled through your wallet, ass-wipe.

"Um, yeah. And you are?"

"Leaving..." I waggled my fingers at him without turning around, leaving him in the dark alley alone.

Port Angeles sucked. This was the night life available around here? A bunch of bars that served either minors sporting pathetically fake IDs or scruffy looking biker assholes that stunk of stale beer and week-old BO? God help me.

I walked the streets for over an hour, not sure where I was going. My stilettos clicked along the sidewalks, my short, black skirt swishing against my thighs, my attitude saying fuck off. I found when I put off my unwelcome vibes most men had the common sense to leave me alone. Eventually, I found myself in a strange warehouse district that was dimly lit, and I realized I needed to get back to the lights of the city if I was going to get myself home. It was already close to 2am.

"Hey, baby..." a leering voice called from the dark. I could hear the scuffle of several pairs of feet.

"I'm not your baby, asshole." I kept on walking.

A few more voices joined the first, creating a chorus of catcalls.


"She's fresh."

"Tough bitch!"

Still, I kept up my pace, walking with confidence. Everyone knew that predators looked for someone who appeared to be an easy mark. Plus, I was packing heat. These fucks didn't want to mess with me. Slipping my hand into my bag, I wrapped my fingers around my little friend.

"Hey!" he yelled out, and I could hear the sound of footsteps closer behind me. "Yo, bitch! I'm talkin' to you."

Suddenly, I stopped short and swiveled slowly on my heels. I looked the lead asshole dead in the eye. "Perhaps you'd like to meet some good friends of mine?" I smirked, pulling my gun out of my bag. "Smith & Wesson?"

A few of the guys gasped, but their leader just grinned at me cockily. "Is that a real gun, little girl? Do you even know how to use it?" he jeered, pressing in closer. I knew if I allowed him to get the upper hand I was as good as dead.


I removed the safety and cocked the gun. "Oh, yes. Would you like a demonstration, fuckwit?"

Looking into his dark eyes, I knew he was coming for me; this guy was as stupid as the day was long. So I decided that a preemptive strike was in order.

BANG! I shot him in the kneecap.

He writhed on the ground in pain, screaming like a girl. Pussy.

"Anyone else?" I asked, looking around at the other three. They all mumbled, shaking their heads and looking anywhere but at me. But one of them...he looked a little sly. I thought he might try to come at me, so I shot him in the kneecap, too.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" His cries pierced the night.

The youngest guy stood there, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, and a large wet stain spread across the front of his pants. I wrinkled my nose, pointing the gun at his crotch. "Not very attractive." I shook my head, sadly. "Run along home, boys. If I ever see any of you again...I'm aiming for your little peckers. Got it?"

The two who were able to ran—leaving their friends lying in an ever-widening pool of blood while they screamed.


When I got home from Port Angeles, I unlocked the door and cringed as it creaked loudly. Obviously, it was in need of an oiling. Since I would be living here alone, I would have to hire a handy-man to fix things up or figure out how to do things for myself. I fumbled in the dark for the light switch, finally finding it. I flicked it on and pain immediately assaulted me as Charlie's living room came into view—no, not Charlie's living room—my living room.

Charlie was dead. Bella Swan was dead. My skank of a mother might as well be dead.

The pain started rolling in like a freight train...images flying at me a hundred miles an hour...I fell to my knees just inside, managing to kick the door shut. My chest tightened, rendering me immobile—God, I just needed to get to my stash! Was it going to be like this every time? No...it must have been those stupid fucks that tried to attack me...bringing it all back. I was assaulted by memories, powerless to stop them from coming...

Phil...my mom's pretty-boy husband...leering at me, giving me the eye, making innuendos. I was only sixteen, for fuck's sake! I begged my mom not to go on that business trip, but she insisted she had to. Phil tried to rape me, but I knew where he kept his Smith & Wesson. I reached into the nightstand, and I shot him right in the groin. He and my mother actually had me brought up on charges! When we were in the hearing and my mom was on the stand testifying, she said she didn't understand why her 'little girl' would do something like this. I stood up calmly and stated, "Because your husband tried to fuck me, Mom. You're a disgrace." The judge wanted to see me in chambers alone after my outburst. When we came out, sole custody of me had been awarded to Charlie, and I flipped my mother the finger as I left the courtroom. That was the last time I saw the stupid bitch or her sick fuck of a husband.

When Charlie was killed by a husband that didn't want to stop abusing his wife only a few weeks later, I had to face the possibility of returning to my mother's custody. The judge had given me her card—telling me to call if I had any problems—so I did. Being that I was Charlie's sole beneficiary, I had more than enough money to sustain me for many years. Billy Black, my god father, was the custodian of my trust fund until I turned twenty one. I immediately filed for emancipation from my mother, and when it was granted, I legally changed my name from Isabella Marie Swan to Izzy Black. Everyone thought it was in honor of Billy, and I allowed them to think what they wanted. The real reason was because my life fucking sucked. Black was my favorite color; it was what my insides looked like, the color I dyed my hair, the color of my nail polish, my clothing, my car...my heart.

"Oh, Charlie..." I sobbed, writhing around on the floor. The pain was debilitating. If I could just reach my stash...but no...it was too far away, hidden upstairs in my room. Grabbing at my purse, I rooted around until I found my pocket knife. I flipped it open and made a few careful cuts along my torso, where nobody would see them.

Wait for it...


I could feel some relief as the blood trickled down my side. My breathing slowed, and as the pain reached a bearable level, I was able to crawl up the stairs to my room. I opened my dresser drawer, pulling on it so hard the whole thing fell to the floor, spilling out socks and underwear. I grabbed the cigar box with my stash inside, hugging it to my chest.

Opening the box, I wondered what would dull the pain tonight. I rifled through the little pills, the baggie of weed...and then my hand closed around it—the vile of white powder. No! Had to save that for a really bad time. Decided, I rolled a joint and grabbed some vodka—taking a swig straight from the bottle. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, smoking and drinking, until the pain was dampened to a dull roar. I needed to get it together. Tomorrow I started school at Forks High. Ugh.

In the morning, things seemed a little better. I tipped back some liquid courage and smoked a few cigarettes while I tooled around the kitchen, gathering up some breakfast. My mind drifted over how I wound up living back here.

After Charlie died, I had gone to live with his sister in Chicago for a while. Aunt Jeanie was older than Charlie, and she just couldn't handle me—although God knows the woman tried. I stayed out late, drank, smoked, did drugs, partied, had lots of sex, got in lots of trouble. She finally told me I had to follow her rules or leave—guess which option I chose?

One might wonder why an emancipated, soon-to-be eighteen-year-old with an extremely large trust fund would want to enroll in Forks High for senior year. I'm trouble, but I'm damn smart. I could run circles around most people with my intelligence—well, maybe not emotional intelligence—and I didn't want to become one of those useless, vacuous females. I intended to graduate from high school and maybe even go to college. No, I didn't put a lot of stock in my fucked up life—a big part of me was doing it for Charlie—to honor his memory.

Last week, I had a meeting with the principal, Mr. Darling, (how cute...not), and he informed me that they 'knew all about me.' I asked him what the hell that meant. He said they were well aware of all the 'stuff' I pulled in Chicago. Right or wrong (wrong), I stood up and strolled over by his window in my short skirt and sighed deeply. Turning to face the courtyard outside, I hunched my shoulders, leaning over so he had a nice view, and started to cry quietly (somebody call the Academy Awards!) as I explained that I knew how bad I'd messed up, but I just wanted a chance to finish my education.

Mr. Darling was obviously uncomfortable—I mean, he couldn't exactly come over and touch me, now could he—so he cleared his throat and informed me that Forks High was all about second chances and I should come talk to him if I was given any grief. I thanked him profusely as I blew my nose on the crisp, white linen hanky that he produced from the pocket of his suit jacket. Sucker.

See...everyone needs to be dealt with differently. Some softly, some with kindness, some harshly, some with a gun in their fucking face. It's all relative.


I stood across the street from Forks High, watching the students gather in cliques in the parking lot—welcoming one another back after summer vacation, looking to claim their 'place' in high school society. The red brick facade of the building, the cracking slate steps leading up to the newly painted front doors, the banners flying high in support of the upcoming football season...I suppose it all served its purpose and left the desired impression on many of these children. The guys would be fighting hard for a place on a sports team. The girls would immediately begin their campaign for Homecoming Queen, try out for cheerleading and/or attempt to snag a guy from the football team as their boyfriend. Those less blessed would join a club where they could do good deeds or geek it up with a bunch of other unpopular girls where they would pretend it didn't matter to them that they weren't at the top. Don't get me started on popularity—it's completely overrated and leaves one unprepared for this thing called real life...where nobody gives a flying fuck that you blew the captain of the football team or had more friends than brain cells. Wonder if being popular would have saved me from those assholes in the alley in Port Angeles...lemme think...nope! It was Bess, my trusty Smith & Wesson, that did the trick.

My lip curled in derision as I pondered all the asinine shit these kids thought was important. Good thing I wasn't interested in being Homecoming Queen...I didn't think my black lined eyes, viper bites, black nail polish, dyed black hair, style of dress or fuck you attitude would win me many votes. I barked out a short laugh as I brought a cigarette up to my lips and lit it, drawing in deep and holding the smoke in my lungs for a good long time before letting it out slowly. There was a low stone wall running along the front of the library, so I hopped up there to smoke my cig while I watched the rest of the students arrive. When the final bell rang and the school grounds were deserted, I strode across the street and up the front steps, my boot heels clicking. I entered the office and asked to see Mrs. Cope, who was in charge of class schedules and also got to play Guidance Counselor.

"Ms...Black is it?" Mrs. Cope stood behind the counter; her glasses perched on the end of her nose as she looked me over.

"Yup." I traced the edge of the counter with my finger.

"You look familiar...aren't you Ch -"

I held my hand up. "Let's not go there, lady. The past is all dead and buried. My name is Izzy Black—end of story," I said coldly. Fucking small towns.

"Sure, okay, Izzy. You're a bit late this morning; school begins at eight," Mrs. Cope said brusquely.

"I'm aware of that, Mrs. Cope. From here on out, I'll be here on time." I didn't tell her that I did this on purpose—that I wanted to observe the students this morning and didn't want to fumble my way to class amongst the sea of bodies. I'd rather make an entrance.

"I've reviewed your transcripts and testing, Izzy. You're an extremely intelligent young lady. Forks High is too small to have a separate AP curriculum, but we do have an AP section within many of our general classes. The teachers assign work commensurate with the section you're assigned to. It may not compare to what you experienced in Chicago, but I hope you'll be satisfied with what we provide here."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Mrs. Cope." This woman seemed truly nice; I liked her.

"If you have any problems—with anything at all, Izzy—my door is always open to you." Mrs. Cope placed a hand on mine and, for once, I didn't immediately yank it away. There was something motherly and caring about her. "Now, here is your locker assignment and combination, your schedule and a map of our little campus," she tittered.

"Thanks, Mrs. C." I saluted her and took off for my first class.


First period was English. Apparently, everyone was treated the same in this class, and I got to sit next to the girl with the fewest brain cells—Jessica Stanley. Holy shit but she was stupid!

"Hey, I'm Jess. You must be Izzy, right?" Her Bubble-Yum breath made my stomach roll.

"Good guess; how ever did you know?" I rolled my eyes.

"Um...don't those metal things hurt? Do they get stuck on stuff?" she asked, eying up my viper bites. Good grief.

The teacher started talking, and I was given a slight reprieve. It didn't last long since she was called out of the room by another teacher.

"Hey, um, Izzy? I heard you live alone."

"That's right. I'm emancipated."

"Wow. Is that like, a medical condition? Like being constipated?" she whispered, eyes wide.

"Sort of...see, when you're constipated you're bound up by shit, and when you're emancipated the law helps release you from shit you shouldn't be bound up by," I smirked.

"Oh, so it's kind of like...diarrhea?" she wrinkled her pert little nose.

"Yeah, Jess; that's it." I patted her hand.

She was kinda cute for a stupid chick.

Jess assigned herself to me for the rest of the morning. It was obviously not a requirement that you have a lot of brain cells to be popular in this school because Jess was well-liked by everybody. The thing was, I couldn't bring myself to dislike her—much. She introduced me around and told me who everyone was, which was very useful. I already knew I wanted to fuck Tyler Crowley and Matt Greene. I already knew that I hated Lauren Mallory—she was a skanky, bleached-blond, snarky bitch—it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Lauren thought she was 'the shit.' She was one of those chicks that was popular in spite of the fact that they were rude and treated everyone around them like dirt. Her silvery fish-eyes looked me over balefully when Jess dragged me into study hall and introduced me around. Then I found out that Tyler Crowley was her boyfriend...oh yeah!

Jess and I did not share the class before lunch, and as we parted ways, she said she would meet me in 'The Caff' next period.

"Jess, no, really. I like to sit on my own at lunch. I'm really not a social kind of person. You've been really nice and all...but no."

"Okay, Iz. Maybe some other day?" And off she went like a happy little puppy. Wow. I even let her get away with calling me Iz—I hated that.

I got to lunch early and snagged myself a table in the back corner facing the whole room. This way, I could be alone but scope out what was going on around me. Once everyone was seated, I found that I had a great view of Tyler Crowley. When Lauren wasn't looking, I gave him a look that left no question about what I was offering—and I could tell by the way he adjusted his pants that he was an easy mark.

I took out my copy of 'Anna Karenina' and started reading. I was on my fifth pass of this book. I got the shivers every time—not that I'd be admitting that to anyone. Imagine though—being willing to die because you couldn't be with the one you loved. I'd never been in love and didn't expect I ever would be—so I had no frame of reference—but it gave me tingles nonetheless. Maybe love was one of those universal things that even someone as damaged as me aspired to on some level.

My thoughts were interrupted by a gravelly voice. "Hey." Turning my head, I found myself at eye level with a crotch clad in black jeans, the waist adorned by a black leather belt with silver spikes. Looking all the way up past the black t-shirt, I found myself faced with a chalky-white male wearing eyeliner, a chain connecting his nose to his ear and hair gelled into an incredibly intricate 'do.

"Can I help you?" I asked him.

"We saw you over here alone and thought you might be looking for somewhere you...fit in." He nodded over to his table which held a few more Goths, both male and female. I noticed he wasn't alone by my table; there was another guy standing behind him and to his right.

"What the fuck? Do I look like someone who gives a shit about fitting in? I'm not a Goth, okay? I'm just Izzy. I wear black because I fucking love it and because it reflects my life—I would roll in black if I could—but that doesn't make me a Goth. Push off—I'm not looking to make new friends or join a cult." Dismissing him, I turned my head back to my book and started reading.

"Fuck you, bitch! We were just trying to be nice," he huffed as he turned on his heal and strode back to his table. I never bothered to look up to see the reactions of the rest of his crew.

As I continued to read, I felt a presence, which I tried to ignore. The other Goth that had come over with him was still standing next to my table.

"Are you going to stand there all fucking day, Gomer?" I asked in annoyance, not looking up from my book.

"No." I could hear amusement in his tone. But he didn't say anything else—just stood there silently.

Finally, I slammed my book down, glaring up at him. He was tall, thin and wiry, with hazel eyes and wavy brown hair. He had tongue, nose and eyebrow rings and wore eyeliner. "You know, I can't read with you looking over my fucking shoulder, fuckwit."

"I know."

"O-kay...so what can I do for you?"

"May I sit?" There was something about his eyes that made me want to know more...that felt familiar. Aside from that, his approach was different than most.

"Well, since I can't get any reading done...I suppose so. But I reserve the right to kick your ass out at any time."

"Agreed." His lips quirked up in a smile. "I'm Ricky, by the way," he said, taking the seat across from me.

"Hello, Ricky."

"I just wanted to let you know that I understand. I'm sorry about Darren, by the way." Ricky relaxed in the chair, his arms on the table in front of him, seeming completely at ease.

"What do you understand?"

"You're in pain."

"What the fuck do you know about it?" I bristled. Had someone been talking? Did word reach here about my problems in Chicago?

"Easy, Izzy. I don't know any details—I just recognize the signs. Where do you cut?"

"Excuse me?" My expression was incredulous and even more shocking was the fact that I allowed him to keep talking.

"You're wearing short sleeves, so you obviously don't make cuts on your arms," Ricky said matter-of-factly. There was no judgment in his eyes, no pity, seemingly no desire for a juicy story. I didn't speak; I just glared at him because I didn't know what else to do. Here I was on my first day in a new school, and someone had already figured out I was a cutter? Granted, he didn't seem the type to gossip, but...

"Izzy, let me show you something..." Ricky surreptitiously lifted his long-sleeved black t-shirt to reveal a ladder of scars running up his forearm. They were old scars, long healed over. My eyes shot up to his. "I understand because I've been where you are. God, you reek of it—at least to me. The others will just assume you're a bitch, but I see something different. And don't worry—I would never say anything to anyone."

"I'm not spilling all my secrets to some skinny kid I just met because he has scars on his arms."

"I know."

"So why the fuck are you telling me this, and why did you show me your scars?"

"Because I want you to know you aren't alone, Izzy Black. If you ever need someone to talk to—you can count on me—even if we aren't friends. I've been to hell and lived to tell about it and you will, too."

"Thanks, Ricky. That's a really nice sentiment, but how do you know I'll make it?"

"Because I recognize the look in your eyes. You're a tough bitch, and eventually you'll work your way back to the surface. I'm going to give you my cell number. This is just between us—you can even pretend you don't know me at school if you want." Ricky ripped a piece of paper off an envelope in his pocket and wrote his cell number down. He handed it to me and then got up to leave.

"Ricky." He turned back to look at me. "Thanks."

I programmed his number into my phone. I wouldn't ignore him when I saw him at school. He was one of the rare ones.

On my way out of the cafeteria, I slipped Tyler a note.


Skip last period and meet me in the woods behind the school. I'll make it worth your while.


I didn't wait to see his reaction—I already knew he'd be there. I chose last period because I had gym with Lauren and the doors faced the woods. Wouldn't it suck if she saw us stumble out of the trees? Oops!


After lunch was Biology. I got there a few minutes late and spoke with the teacher, Mr. Grey. He showed me where the AP section was and gave me a table assignment. When I saw my lab partner, I nearly passed out. He sat at the table nonchalantly, not paying attention to anyone around him. He was beautiful—inhumanly beautiful—because he wasn't human. The tall, lean-muscled Adonis sitting at my lab table had eyes of molten butterscotch and a mess of bronze hair with strands that seemed determined to poke out every which way. His mouth was made up of plump, red, ripe, kissable lips. The bad news? He was a vampire. My heart hit the floor and bounced back up, slamming in my chest. The vampire frowned, his eyebrows scrunching up, and he shot a quick glance my way. Surely he could hear my elevated heart rate.

I decided this was not a good situation, so I stood and made my way over to the teacher and asked to be excused to the bathroom. Rushing from the room, I was assaulted by feelings I wasn't ready for. Entering the Girls' Room, I locked myself into a stall and sat there rocking back and forth. I reached under the collar of my shirt, fingering the crescent of cold, hard skin there. A fucking vampire? Not just in my school but as my lab partner? My breathing grew shallow, and I knew I was going into a panic attack. Shit. The memories came flashing back...

James, the guy I picked up at a bar in Chicago, was fucking me up against a wall. He had a unique scent, and when he breathed close to me, I was unable to think clearly. I thought maybe he put something in my drink.

"Turn around!" he ordered, pulling out of me, his voice harsh. I did as he asked, and he grabbed me by the hips, pulling me toward him, entering me from behind. He started pounding into me harder and harder—and then I could hear growling. I got scared, thinking there was some kind of animal nearby, but then I realized it was coming from James.


"Shut up! Yes...I'm so close. I'm going to mark you, baby." I had no idea what he was talking about, but he was starting to sound a little crazy. "Oh, here it comes...YES!" he roared in my ear, and then I felt his teeth plunge into my neck where it meets the shoulder.

It hurt like hell until he sucked out the venom (as he later explained), and then he told me he was a vampire. He had marked me as his (was that like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant?) and that he would be back for me.

I had to think rationally here. Just because I came across a sadistic vampire didn't mean they were all bad, right? After all, he told me his eyes were red because he drank human blood, and this other vampire had gold eyes. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but I doubted he would be in high school if he was evil. Right?

Calming down, I returned to class and sat next to the vampire.

"Hello," came his voice, smooth as velvet. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"H-Hi. I'm Izzy...Black," I stammered, still not looking him in the eye.

"Are you okay, Izzy?"

"Yes," I answered a little too quickly. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"The way you ran out of here before," he answered in that smooth as chocolate voice—but I knew that he was going by my earlier vital signs—which he was not going to share with me.

Turning in my seat, I faced Edward, looking him directly in his golden eyes. "I know what you are," I whispered, low enough so only he could hear me.

His lips quirked in a lopsided smirk. "Oh? Enlighten me."

Well, let's see if we can wipe that smirk off your face, Edward. "Vampire," I whispered.

His facade slipped, but to his credit, he caught himself quickly. "That's interesting...if you believe in such things. Have you found any other mythical creatures in the school?"

Oh, so he was going to be condescending, was he? I slipped my hand inside my purse and pricked my index finger on the blade of my pocket knife. Edward immediately stiffened in his seat, and his eyes turned dark. Bringing my bleeding finger up to my lips, I licked the bead of blood with my tongue. "Geez, I hope you're not hungry. That would be very bad for me, wouldn't it?"

Edward's nostrils flared, and he looked quite angry with me. Turning away, he ignored me for the rest of the class. He was gripping the lab table hard, and I thought I heard a splintering sound once.

When the bell rang, I was up and out of my seat quickly—I had an appointment with Tyler. As I reached the end of the hallway, I found my wrist captured by Edward's long fingers. I tried to pull away, but I might as well have been trying to escape from iron manacles. He pulled me along behind him until he found an empty classroom, which he yanked me into, closing the door. He rounded on me, looking fierce. God, but he was a beauty!

"You're mad," I said quietly.

"You think? What the hell was that back there? Do you ever even stop to think of anything but your own amusement?" he spat through gritted teeth.

"Are you going to eat me now, vampire?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

We both noticed at the same time that Edward was still holding my wrist—he dropped it but continued to lean toward me in an intimidating way. He said nothing, just stared at me with those eyes.

"You are a vampire, right? I mean, your eyes got dark when I cut myself, and I thought you would break the table. Your scent is a little different...but if I get close enough, I can't think as clearly." I cocked my head to the side. "Your eyes though...they're gold instead of red. Do you wear contacts?"

Suddenly all the fierceness drained out of Edward, and he looked almost defeated. "Where are you getting this information?"

"Let's just say...I have personal experience with vampires. I recognized what you are. I'm assuming you're not an evil one since you're going to school and all?"

"No, I'm not evil, and I don't drink from humans. My eyes are gold because I exist on animal blood. I shouldn't be telling you any of this—it's strictly forbidden—but you seem to know a lot already." Edward raked his hand through his hair with a sigh. "And how about your secret, Izzy? How many people know that you fill your body with...substances?"

I drew in a sharp breath. "This conversation is over. I won't spill your secrets—make sure that you don't spill mine. I have to be somewhere. See ya', Cullen." Pushing past him, I made my way outside the school to the woods.

Tyler was sitting on a log, smoking a cigarette. "Hey, Izzy. I was about to give up on you," he drawled.

"I just got held up. I wouldn't stand you up, Ty; you're way too hot for that," I purred, licking my lips.

Sauntering over to where Tyler sat, I straddled him, placing my arms around his neck. He flicked the cigarette away and put his arms around my waist, rubbing his hands up and down my sides. Wasting no time, I brought my lips to his and kissed him, slipping my tongue into his mouth. I could feel him grow hard. Breaking away from the kiss, I stood up pulling him with me.

"God, Izzy, you're so hot..." Tyler panted, grabbing me by the hips and grinding his pelvis into me. I slipped my hands between us and unzipped his pants, freeing his rather large cock. "Oh..." he groaned.

"Fuck me, Ty. Right here against this tree," I whispered against his ear.

"Now? For real?"

"Now. For real." Pulling a condom from my purse, I ripped it open and rolled it on him. I took my panties off since he seemed to be a little...shell shocked at the moment. He was a fast learner though...he pinned me to the tree and pulled my legs up around his hips, entering me slowly. "Oh, yes. You're so big, Ty," I breathed.

"You're so sexy, Izzy." Tyler kissed me hard as he started pumping into me. "God, those boots and that skirt..."

I had to say, he wasn't a bad lay. I didn't come, of course—I never did. But I felt fucking powerful, and that was something I needed to feel.

After we were done, we smoked a joint together. I looked at my watch and realized that Gym class was about to let out into the courtyard. I herded Tyler back toward school and pretended to trip at an opportune moment so he would grab me. While we were halfway across the field from the woods, and he was holding me in his arms, Lauren walked out of the gym with a few of her cronies. One of her friends poked her, pointing to me and Tyler. He was too busy helping me to notice that Lauren was giving us both death glares. Oops.

When I got out to the parking lot, I saw Edward Cullen with...four other vampires! They were getting into their cars. Under my breath I said, "Holy shit! How many of them are there?" Maybe Forks wasn't as quiet and boring as I thought...


I picked up a pizza on the way home and ate it while doing homework. I smoked a joint, drank some Vodka and settled in for some TV. Before bed, I changed into my pajamas and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I heard a creak on one of the floor boards in my room. Thank God, I had gotten in the habit of keeping Bess with me when I was in Chicago. I grabbed the gun, letting the safety off, and padded to my room as quietly as possible. I peeked around the doorway, but all I could see was the shadow of a man in the corner of the room.

"Freeze, asshole!" I screamed, cocking the gun and bringing it up in front of me the way Charlie taught me.

"Those would bounce right off me, you know," Edward smirked as he turned to face me. Again, I was struck by his beauty.

Huffing, I put the gun down. "What the fuck are you doing in my house?"

"You saw my family," he stated. "I thought we should talk."

"Did you ever hear of a phone? A doorbell? How the hell many of you are there?"

"Sorry about intruding; that was wrong of me. There are seven of us. We live together as a family, and none of us drink human blood. Please don't make trouble for us," he said softly. Those eyes...a girl could really fall into them.

Putting Bess down on my dresser, I walked over to where Edward was standing. Damn, he was tall. I reached out and put my hand on his chest—cool and hard...nice. "The kind of trouble I'd like to make for you...you'd really enjoy, Edward. Since we're already here in my bedroom..." Going up on tiptoe, I aimed for his lips. A second later, I found myself alone. "What the..."

Turning, I saw that Edward had moved to the other side of the room beside the open window—presumably how he'd gained entry. His eyes were hooded, and I couldn't figure out his expression. "I'm not interested in becoming one of your conquests, Izzy," he said coldly. "Jesus, how many times a day -" he broke off.

"What? Go ahead and finish!" I spat, lighting a cigarette.

"I know about your foray with Tyler," he said quietly. Oh.

"Foray? Who the fuck talks like that? I fucked him up against a tree. And your point is?" I strode over to him while talking, backing him up against the window, my body close to his but not touching.

"What self-respecting girl screws a guy she just met to piss off a girl she doesn't like? I'm not interested in being a notch on your belt, Izzy. Call me old-fashioned, but I think there should be meaning to making love to someone." Edward pushed me away gently, moving from the window and sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. The disappointed look in his eyes bothered me. Why? He was just some stupid vampire!

"I don't have any self-respect, Edward. There's a big difference between making love and fucking. I don't make love—I've never made love. Feelings, love, counting on other people—that's all shit that gets you hurt. Fucking is something that's clear cut—that I can understand. It dulls the pain." Turning away, I screamed at myself...why are you telling him this? It's none of his business! "I think you should go, Edward." I took a hit of my cigarette and held it for a long time before letting it out. I yearned for my vial of white powder.

"Why? Because you're scared?" he asked quietly.

I rounded on him. "Scared? I'm not scared of you! I'm not scared of anything." My voice rose almost to a screech. Really cool, Izzy.

Edward smiled sadly. "Sure you are, Izzy. You're scared of feeling something. Isn't that why you drink and take drugs? Why you've built up that mile-high wall around you so nobody can get in? You always have to be in control because you're afraid of what might happen if you're not."

"Fuck you, Edward. Don't come around here with your self-righteous bullshit. You don't know jack about me. You know, you're as bad as one of those loser therapists. It's so easy to talk. Get the fuck out of my house." I grabbed my cigar box, heading out the door of my bedroom. "When I get back in here, you'd better be gone." I didn't look back to see his reaction or listen for his answer.

Hightailing it down to the kitchen, I took out the vial of white powder, my hands shaking. I wiped my nose afterward, sliding down the kitchen wall to sit on the floor, and allowed the full effects to hit me. The ball of ice in my chest receded until it was just a dull pinpoint. I smoked another cigarette, and then I took my phone out and called Ricky.


"Hey, Ricky."



"Are you fucked up?"


"Why? Did something happen?"

"More like someone happened."

"Oh. A guy got to you, huh?"

"No! He's judging me, and I don't know why it bothered me. He has no fucking right!" I mumbled defensively.

"He got to you."

"No. I just met him. He's so straight-laced I couldn't even get him in the sack."

"Well, shit! A challenge." Ricky's hearty laugh came over the line.

"Ricky? What do you do when someone or something makes you hurt more? I just did some blow. I haven't had to touch the stuff for a while...it's a setback."

"You call a friend first you dumb-ass! Next time, call me and I'll help you through it, okay?"

"You're...my friend?"


"Thanks, Ricky."

I hung up the phone and cried.


In between classes, I was in the Girls' Room fixing my makeup when the door slammed open, and Lauren entered with an entourage. There were about six of them, and one stayed outside to make sure nobody came in. Oh, so that's how it was going to be.

Lauren sidled over to me. "Listen, bitch -"

I turned away from the mirror and grabbed the front of her shirt, pulling her up against me. "No, YOU listen, bitch. Don't start something you can't finish. I would love to put you through the wall, however, I don't want to be suspended my first week. Tell you what...let's take this off school property, and I'll really fuck you up."

Lauren looked smug. "There are eight of us and one of you."

I flung her away from me so she fell on her ass. "Are there, now?" I looked around at the girls in the bathroom. None of them met my eyes for more than a second or two. "Listen up, girls! I understand your need to support a friend, but let me tell you that this skank is nobody's friend. Lauren thinks she's better than all of us. I've only been here a few days, but I'd bet she would screw any of you over if it benefited her in some small way. Any of you who stay and help Lauren will be punished. I'll systematically come after your sorry asses...one by one. Look in my eyes...am I serious? This all started because I fucked Tyler Crowley up against a tree. I'll fuck all of your boyfriends up against the same tree. If you don't have a boyfriend, I'll find another way to get you. If you leave now, all is forgiven. So tell me girls...is this bleached-blond skank worth my wrath?"

One by one, they all filed out of the bathroom, leaving Lauren alone with me. Her mouth worked but nothing came out. I picked her up by her hair and pushed her up against the wall. "I will fuck Tyler whenever I want...wherever I want. You will stay out of my way, bitch." I took my switchblade out of my purse and held it up in front of her face, and her eyes grew wide with fear. "I'll give you one freebie. Next time, I'll cut your fucking face." I let go of her, and she fell to the floor, sobbing.

Kicking the door open with my boot, I swept into the hallway, feeling good. Edward Cullen was leaning casually against the wall at the corner of the hall with his arms crossed. His face was unreadable.

"What? Are you stalking me now?" I spat at him.

"No. Just making sure you don't hurt someone."

I rushed up to him and got in his face. "That fucking bitch brought seven girls to mess with me, and you were protecting her?"

"You don't need my protection, Izzy. You don't need anybody." Edward turned and walked away.

"Fuck you, boyscout," I muttered.

Why did it hurt that he let Lauren come after me, but he was ready to intervene if I hurt her? Did he have a thing for that skank? And why did it matter to me anyway?


A few days later as I sat eating lunch, Ricky stopped by. "Can I sit with you today, Izzy?"

"Sure." I had a smile for Ricky. He was a fellow traveler on this treacherous path. Edward Cullen sat clear across the cafeteria from me, but he turned his head my way as though he could hear what we were saying. Interesting.

"You doing okay?" Ricky asked quietly as he sat down.

"Fair to middling. My nightmares are back, so I'm sleeping like shit. The schoolwork here isn't exactly challenging for me, so that's a plus."

"Wanna talk about the nightmares?"

"No, I can't," I said breathlessly, the air leaving my lungs just thinking about them. I tried to gulp in some air, but it wasn't happening. "Shit."

"Sorry, Izzy, I should have known better. Come outside with me."

"N-no. Everyone will see."

"We'll just make it look like I'm one of your many conquests, eh?" Ricky took my hand, pulling me up out of my seat. He slung an arm around me, holding me tighter than it appeared, and led me outside around the back of the building. I collapsed under a tree, gasping deep breaths of vital air.

"That bad, huh? I'll never bring anything up at school again; I'm sorry." Ricky hugged me to him, and I laid my head on his chest.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Izzy?" he spoke after a while. "Why don't you ever try to sleep with me? Am I not attractive?"

"Ricky, you're too special to me. You're my only real friend here. You understand; you've been through the fire and lived to tell about it." I looked up at him. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Because I'm not ready yet," Ricky sighed, looking away.

"Are you sure? Because you sound like you know more than some therapists I've been forced to talk to. Whoever gets you will be very lucky, and if she ever hurts you, I'll fuck her up." Ricky busted out laughing, and I soon followed, until we were just a puddle of black clothing under the tree.

As I caught my breath, I thought I saw Edward Cullen disappear around the corner of the school.


Nights were hard for me. The nightmares were debilitating. Last night I started to dream, screaming out in my sleep, but I felt something pressing on me—this layer of comfort I had never felt before. The dreams receded, and I fell into a dreamless slumber for the rest of the night. Maybe it was a sign that I was getting better?

Pulling on a blue cami and some boy shorts—I never could sleep in anything much—I smoked a joint and knocked back some Vodka before crawling into bed. The dreams started almost immediately.

Phil trying to rape me...my mother calling me a little tramp...Charlie's bloody body...James biting my neck and telling me he would return for me. It all jumbled up together, the events moving in different orders, but the end results were the same—my life was fucked.

"NO, Phil, stop! Don't touch me! Please..."

"Oh, God, Charlie...please, no. Don't leave me! You can't die!"

I thrashed in my bed, crying, coming to consciousness as I felt my bed dip down. "Izzy..." a disembodied voice whispered.

Bess, always under my pillow, was out and cocked in seconds. I brought her up and found her aimed right between Edward Cullen's eyes. "Jesus Christ, Cullen!" I fell back against the bed which was drenched in my sweat.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you," he said softly. His eyes were pools of sympathy. Oh, hell no.

"Get out." I tried to turn away, but Edward grabbed onto me. I struggled. Vampires are super strong...there is no getting away. Damn him. The tears were still leaking out of my eyes, and I was mortified. I didn't want Edward fucking Cullen seeing me fall apart like this. "Get. Out."


"What do you mean, 'no?'" I started, but a cool finger was pressed to my lips.

"Shh. You need sleep, and I don't. Let me help you." His voice was smooth as silk and sexy as hell. Oh, how I wished someone could help me sleep.

"You can't help me."

"I already have, Izzy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Last night. You were screaming...so..."

"Wait—you were in here last night?"

"I heard your screams...it sounded like someone was in here slaughtering you. I-"

"You're a vampire; you would know there was only one heartbeat. And what were you doing close enough to my house to hear my screams?" I raised my head, swiping at my drying tears, and looked him in the eyes—those beautiful topaz eyes. He looked uncomfortable all of a sudden. "You freakin' stalker! You have been spying on me! I've been thinking I'm going crazy—I see you everywhere."

"Izzy...let it go. I'm concerned about you, and I'm willing to help. Will you let me?" Edward whispered against my ear. Oh, so not fair what he was doing! A shiver ran through me.

"What did you do last night, you creepy stalker? I started to have the nightmares, but then I felt this comforting pressure...and they stopped. I didn't dream anything the rest of the night. That's never happened before." I turned my head away from Edward's intense gaze as I spoke because he was making me feel strange. It had to be his vampire lures, and I wasn't getting taken in like I had been with James. No way.

"I did this..." he said softly, nuzzling his face into my hair. He put a cold, hard arm across the top of my body, pressing down firmly, and flung his leg over both of mine, holding them to the bed. Logically, this should have sent me into a complete panic attack—and I drew in a sharp breath in preparation for one—but it never came. After a few minutes, I felt my body completely relax, and I grew drowsy.

"How? Why? I don't understand."

"I don't know, Izzy. I heard you in distress, and it bothered me at a deep level to hear you so distraught. I just did what came natural...and it worked. You calmed down almost immediately and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. Will you let me stay?"

"You won't tell? You won't use it against me later?"

"No, never. Izzy..." Edward put a finger under my chin, turning my face to his, looking deeply into my eyes. "I would never purposely hurt you. When are you going to realize that?"

A tear escaped, sliding down my cheek, and he kissed it away. I felt a jolt of electric current run through my body. He drew back quickly, and the lost look in his eyes almost killed me. "What is it, boyscout? What demon is chasing you?" Edward simply shook his head, but I knew he was lying. It took one to know one. "Don't want to talk about it, huh? I can respect that. I'm not talking, either. I do need to sleep though, so...goodnight."

I closed my eyes, literally content for the first time in years. This was the first time since Phil tried to rape me that I actually felt safe. The thought caused fresh tears to form. God, I was being such a pussy.

"Goodnight, Izzy."

"Thanks, boyscout. You're okay...but if you tell anyone about this, I'll destroy you."

"Duly noted."


Over the next several days, Edward frequently showed up when I had bad dreams. We didn't talk about it—he just held me down until I went to sleep—and in the morning, he would be gone. At school, he acted polite but didn't talk to me much. He certainly never let on that there was anything out of the ordinary about our relationship. It still rankled that he wouldn't fuck me, and I planned to change that soon.

One day, I was sitting at my usual table reading, when a soft voice startled me. "Bella? Bella Swan?"

I looked up to see Angela Weber. Angela and I used to be friends way back when we were in grammar school. She was a nice girl—not the kind that would hang with the likes of Izzy Black. "Bella Swan is dead." I went back to reading, ignoring her.

"Bella, I know that's you. Why didn't you call me when you got into town?" Angela whispered.

"Get fucked, okay? Listen to me carefully. Bella Swan is dead. My name is Izzy Black."

"S-sorry," Angela stammered, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh, shit. You're not going to cry now, are you? Look, sit down for a minute." I rolled my eyes. Angela pulled out the chair across from me. "Listen, a lot's gone on since I was a kid. I don't go by that name anymore. That girl...she's dead. They killed her. All that's left is what you see here. Do yourself a favor and run like hell. I'm not the kind of girl your dad would want you hanging with, Angela."

"I'm sorry, Be- Izzy. Here's my number if you ever want to call me." Angela wrote her number down and handed it to me.

"Thanks." I would never call her.

After she walked away, I got up and left the table. Maybe I would just quit coming to lunch. Outside, I sat under the tree where Ricky and I had laughed our asses off. I closed my eyes and drifted.

"Hey, Izzy!" Matt Greene's voice came from in front of me. I opened my eyes and licked my lips.

"Matt! So nice to see you. Want to take a walk with me?" I asked coyly.

Ten minutes later, he had me up against the same tree where I had done it with Tyler several times. If that tree could talk! Matt was much bigger than Tyler, and he knew how to use what he had. I still didn't come, but it felt way better.

"Oh, Matt! Yes, harder!" I cried out.

"Izzy...you're so tight!" Matt gripped under my ass as he held me against the tree and jerked his hips at a frenetic pace. "I'm gonna come, Izzy! Yessss!" he cried out, emptying into me. As he pulled out and got rid of the condom, I let my legs down, brushing my sweaty hair back from my brow.

"That was great, Matt, you're a fucking stud!" I purred.

"I want to make you come though, Izzy. Maybe I can go down on you next time?" Matt turned his sexy blue eyes on me. It was tempting, but that would mean a loss of control. I wasn't handing control over to a lay.

"No, Matt. This is the way things are. If you can't accept that, then we can't fuck anymore." My mouth was set.

"But, don't you want to -"

"That's what I have a vibrator for, Matt. Nobody goes down on me. My rules or we don't play."

"Okay, baby. Whatever Izzy wants..." he pulled me close, kissing my ear. For some reason Edward flitted through my mind—the way I felt that jolt of electricity the one time his lips touched my skin.

"We have to get back," I said abruptly, pushing Matt away.


After doing my homework, I sat in my room, playing some music. I was bored as fuck. I smoked a few cigarettes and my mind kept returning to Edward fucking Cullen. He kept me at arms length, but he returned to my bed night after night to hold me when the dreams came.

"Edward?" I whispered. "You out there?"

There was no response. So either he wasn't there, or he was just ignoring me.

"Fuck you, boyscout."

In the middle of the night, my cell phone rang. What the fuck? Who would call me at three in the morning? I sat up, but I was in bed alone. Guess I wasn't dreaming tonight. I felt kind of lonely without my strange vampire stalker next to me.


"Izzy! How are you?" James' voice purred over the line.

"What the fuck do you want, James?" Fear crawled in my belly, and I started shaking.

"Is that any kind of greeting for your mate?"

"Hey, fuck you! I didn't sign up for that shit!" I got up and ran for my cigar box.

"Are you still taking those nasty drugs? Because you don't taste very good when you have that shit in your system, you know?"

"Well then, let me take a whole lot of it, you asshole. Lose my number. Don't ever call me again. I've moved and started a new life—it doesn't include your sorry ass. Got me?"

"What will you do? Get your gun out? You know it won't hurt me," he laughed sadistically.

"How about a blow torch and a bottle of hair spray, James? Will that hurt you?" I spat.

"Not if I snap your neck first. I'm coming for you, bitch." He hung up.

"No!" I threw the phone across the room.

Grabbing the cigar box, I took out the vial of white powder. Before I could open it, it was snatched out of my hand. I whipped my head around to find Edward crouching down next to me.

"Give me that! I need it!" I screamed in his face.

"No. Please, Izzy, don't take any more of this shit. Come here." Edward opened his arms, his liquid honey eyes filled with something I couldn't name. Whatever it was, it scared the shit out of me.

"I want my drugs! You aren't in charge of me, Edward!" I pounded on his chest. "Ouch! What are you made of, stone?"

"I'm not giving you the drugs, Izzy." His jaw tightened obstinately. "Come here, please."

"Fuck you!" I screamed, but I crawled over to him and leaned against his chest. He closed his stone arms around me; I breathed in his scent, and it started to calm me almost immediately.

I sobbed against his shirt, soaking it with my tears. There we sat on the floor while I cried and he rocked me. Slowly, the need for the drugs ebbed away, and that scared me even more. That meant that Edward was able to ward off my demons, which only meant I needed him in place of the drugs. I couldn't afford to be dependent on anyone because he would just end up letting me down or leaving me. I pulled back, and Edward captured my face between his cool hands, looking down into my eyes. "Izzy..." he whispered.

"No, Edward, don't. Please..." I begged as he gently brought his lips to mine. His lips were so cool and soft. He kissed me tenderly, as though I was a piece of precious glass that might shatter beneath his hands. Butterflies erupted in my abdomen, and electric tingles started shooting through me.

Edward's hands left my face to run over my hair and down my back, pulling me in closer. I was paralyzed—unable to push him away—knowing that this was wrong. Our lips moved together—mine without my permission—softly, over and over again. I felt his cool tongue licking at my bottom lip, and I tried to pull back, but he became more insistent, plunging his tongue into my mouth. His tongue stroked against mine, slowly and sensuously. The electricity I felt when he had kissed away my tears was nothing compared to this. The shocks that rushed through my body were almost orgasmic, and that's when I knew I had to stop this.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I pushed Edward away. "Edward, stop. Please, I can't."

"What's wrong?" he asked against my neck; the vibration of his lips shot right to my groin.

"Please, can we just lie down? I need to sleep, and I know the nightmares will come as soon as I close my eyes."

"Okay." Edward picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed, laying me down gently. He lay down next to me, putting his arm and leg over me and pressing down. Why this calmed me, I wasn't sure, but it worked its magic like always. My heart rate slowed, and my breathing grew easier.

"Who's James?" Edward asked out of the blue.



"Oh, my God! The boyscout does know potty words!" I teased.

"Answer me," Edward growled. That went right to my groin, too.

"Fuck me, Edward?"



"I can't kiss you, but you want to screw?"

"Exactly! Now you're getting the picture."

"No, Izzy."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. You totally frustrate me."

"Who is James?"

"Some asshole I fucked once. He's a bit sick in the noggin—thinks I'm his. He says he's coming after me, but he has no idea I live in this little podunk town. Nothing to worry over," I said nonchalantly.

"Really? Then why were you running for the drugs? You're scared, Izzy."

"I'm not scared of anyone!" I fumed.

"I won't let him hurt you," Edward whispered. "I'll protect you."

I thought about James and how sick he was. He might hurt Edward, and I didn't want that on my conscience. "I don't need protecting. Don't get too attached to me, Edward, or I won't let you in here anymore." He just looked at me, his eyes saying he was already attached. Damn vampire! Fuck. I knew I should just kick him out right away, but I was too weak to do it. "Are you hearing me, Edward?"


I closed my eyes. There were no nightmares, but I dreamed about Edward holding me and kissing me all night. Damn him.


Edward Cullen was a fucking voyeur. I noticed that he was always around, watching me. With his vampire hearing, it probably meant that he heard me with Tyler and Matt out in the woods. Maybe he even heard my conversations with Ricky. Today, I decided to use that against him. After last night, when he made me feel something—when he forced me to take a dose of him instead of my drugs—I felt that some payback might be in order.

At lunch, I made my way out to the woods alone and waited ten minutes while I smoked a cigarette. Then I yelled out, "Help me!"

A few seconds later, Edward was standing at the edge of the trees. God, he could move fast! He quickly took in the surroundings, and saw that I was alone. "Izzy? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were as much of a voyeur as I thought you were." I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you the story about the boy who cried wolf?" he growled.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's sick to listen to other people fucking?" I turned away, walking slowly, my short skirt swishing around my thighs as I twitched my ass.

In the blink of an eye, Edward crossed the expanse between us, pushing his body against mine from behind. Gripping my hips, he pulled me back against his hard body, and I could feel his erection pressing into my ass. I drew in a harsh breath, unable to speak.

"Is this what you want, Izzy?" he leaned in close to my ear, whispering. "You want it quick and dirty—no feelings, no attachments?" He ran a hand up the front of my neck, pulling my head back so he could have access to my lips. Covering my mouth with his, he ground his hardness against me. My pussy grew wet, and I moaned, rubbing my ass on his cock. God, he was hard as a rock!

Edward plunged his tongue into my mouth, running one cool hand up the back of my thigh underneath my skirt. When his fingers touched my bare ass, he pulled it back as though burned. Not as bad-ass as you thought, eh, Cullen?

"You're not wearing underwear," Edward rasped, breathing heavy.

"Shut up and fuck me, Edward!" I demanded.




"Not like this." Edward spun me in his arms so he could look me in the eye. "If we do this, we do it my way." He kissed me deeply, evoking all sorts of electric tingling throughout my body. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me against him, and he trailed open-mouthed kisses up the side of my neck, sucking my earlobe between his lips. I bit back a moan, not wanting him to know how he was affecting me.

I reached for his belt buckle, but he pushed my hands away. "Edward..."

"My way," he growled, licking my neck.

"Are you going to share what your way is with me?" I asked breathlessly. I was wet and throbbing for him.

"Not up against a tree. You let me take the lead and do what I want or it's a no go." Edward kissed my lips slowly. "I want to take you somewhere." More slow, burning kisses and his hands on my bare ass. Oh, God.


"It's a place I go when I want to be alone. We'll have complete privacy there."

"When you say do whatever you want..." Edward stopped my question with his lips. The boy could kiss, and those electric tingles...holy shit.

Finally, he stopped long enough to answer me. "I'm not talking about anything kinky or painful. You have to give up control though, Izzy—to me." He ran his hand up my thigh, landing on my bare pussy. He dipped a finger in, swirling it around.


"Okay? You won't fight me?"

"Nothing kinky, you said. So, where are we going?"

Edward picked me up in his arms, kissing me passionately, his golden eyes smoldering. "Hold on, Izzy." He took off at a dizzying pace through the woods, and I shut my eyes. After about ten minutes, he stopped and put me down. I felt a little woozy and held onto him so I wouldn't fall. I cracked open my eyes and took in our surroundings. A beautiful meadow filled with wildflowers spread out before me.

"Oh!" I gasped.

"It's beautiful here, isn't it? I discovered it while I was out hunting one day."

"Yes, it is." I walked around a little, looking at the pristine wilderness untouched by humanity, the beautiful flowers bobbing in the slight breeze. This was the kind of place that was good for the soul.

After a few minutes, Edward came up behind me, putting his arms around me. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're out of your comfort zone. You're here in a strange place, and you don't know how to get back without me. There isn't a human being for miles around. Nobody would hear you scream."

"Are you trying to scare me?

"No. You have nothing to fear from me physically, but I think you might be uncomfortable emotionally. You have this need to control your partners."

I turned to face him, looking up into his beautiful topaz eyes. "Let's call them what they are, Edward. Fuck buddies."

He pulled me in tighter, speaking with his lips touching mine. "I don't fuck, Izzy. I'll make love to you. It's the only way I play. Are you in or should I take you back?"

Panic started to set in. What was Edward doing to me? I didn't want to feel anything, and I should tell him to take me back right now, but the words wouldn't form on my lips. My heart was beating fast, and all I could do was look into those fathomless pools of molten butterscotch.

"Lay down with me." Edward took me by the hand, leading me to a mossy spot under a tree. We lay there on our sides, facing each other while he traced my features with his index finger. He cupped my cheek in his palm and kissed me gently, his tongue probing lightly. His kisses soon turned more ardent, and he rolled us so he was hovering over me. His hips ground into mine, and I could feel his rock hard arousal against my thigh. Our tongues danced together, pushing against each other, fighting for domination. He broke away from my lips, trailing kisses down my neck between my breasts. Without asking permission, he unbuttoned my shirt and unclipped my bra, moving them out of the way— palming a breast in one hand while closing his cool lips over the other. I arched my back as my nipples tightened and hardened under his touch.

Edward kissed his way down my stomach and knelt next to me, sliding my skirt off. Still fully dressed, he moved back over me, grinding his hips against me as he kissed my lips again. He nudged my thighs apart, and I wondered if he was planning to just open his fly and fuck me with his pants on. Whatever. He started kissing his way down my body again, paying attention to each breast and then licking and sucking his way down my stomach. When I felt his cool breath between my legs, I stiffened. "No!"

"Yes, Izzy," he insisted softly. "My way, remember?"

"I can't. Please, Edward."

"Has anyone ever gone down on you?" he asked in a gentle voice.

"No," I whispered. "Please don't."

"Should I take you back then?"

"No! I don't want to go back."

"My way, Izzy."

I didn't answer; I couldn't. There was a huge lump in my throat, and a major war going on inside me. I wanted to feel Edward Cullen's tongue inside me more than anything, but at the same time, I was scared shitless of what it might mean for me. I couldn't afford to let go of control.

Edward took my silence as a yes. He slid a finger inside me, finding me wet and ready, and pushed it inside further. Pumping his finger, he added another, and I hissed. With his other hand, he spread my folds and then attacked me with his tongue, pressing and swirling it around my clit. I nearly came up off the ground at the sensation, and it was all I could do to remain silent. I felt layer upon layer of sensation building within me even though I was trying like hell to fight it. It seemed the harder I fought not to feel what Edward was trying to do to me, the stronger the sensations became. Soon, I was crying out, riding the wave of my very first orgasm with a man. Before I could stop myself, I screamed out, "Edward!" Shit.

At the sound of his name, he moaned against me, and it sent me into more spasms. He continued to lick and suck until the aftershocks subsided, then he slid himself up my body and looked into my eyes, licking his lips. "Would you like to taste yourself?" he asked seductively.

I practically launched myself at his mouth, licking his lips and moaning. I loved the taste of me combined with his sweet essence. After we kissed for a while, he lifted himself up and removed his pants. My jaw dropped at the beauty of his body, and the sheer size of his erection. I think I whimpered.

When he was back hovering over me, I tried to grab him, but he pushed my hand away. "Ask me, Izzy, then I will," he whispered against my mouth.

"Fuck me, Edward."


"You just told me to ask you!" I huffed.

"I told you, I don't fuck. Ask me to make love to you, and I will."

"Edward, why are you doing this to me?"

"Ask me. I want you, Izzy," he said huskily, sucking on my earlobe.

"Edward..." How the hell was I supposed to do this? I just let him go down on me, breaking my biggest rule ever. Then again if I didn't, he was going to take me back, I knew he was. "Edward, please."

"Say it," he whispered, pressing his cock against my entrance.

"Make love to me, Edward." There, I'd said it, and I was going straight to hell.

"Oh, Izzy..." Edward moaned, pushing his way inside me slowly. When he was all the way in, I felt full. He was bigger than anyone I'd ever been with. He hissed and drew back almost all the way before pressing forward again. I saw stars, and he hadn't even done anything yet. He held himself above me and started thrusting a bit faster, kissing my lips, my neck, whispering in my ear. "You're so beautiful."

I closed my eyes; his beautiful face above me was just too much to bear. I shouldn't be doing this; it was wrong.

"Eyes open," Edward demanded. "I want to see you."


"I know this is hard for you, Izzy. Please, for me."

I opened my eyes and was immediately captured by his smoldering gaze. Once our eyes locked, I was unable to look away. Our eyes remained connected as he thrust harder and harder into me, whispering how beautiful and sexy I was. Then I felt unfamiliar stirrings in my abdomen, the tightening of my muscles, the flutters, the tingling as I started to crest the wave of my first orgasm ever while having sex. Tears started streaming down my face, but I still couldn't take my eyes from his as he pounded into me. My breaths grew short and sharp as I panted, and when the wave crested, I screamed his name. "Edward! Oh, God..."

I watched Edward's beautiful face in fascination as I screamed out his name. It was as if he'd waited his whole life to hear that from my mouth. His thrusts became harder and more erratic, and I could see the moment ecstasy hit him as he looked deeply into my eyes and cried out, "Oh, I'm going to...Izzy, yes!" He collapsed next to me, pulling me close to his body, and kissed me reverently.

A few moments later, I realized that I had broken every single rule I had. I let him go down on me, I let him make love to me, and I never even thought about using a condom. What was happening to me?

I didn't want to return to school after all that, so he ran me directly home, promising to go back for my car later. We stood awkwardly in my living room, and he held onto me without speaking for a while. Smoothing my hair back, he leaned in to kiss me, and I shied away. "What is it?" he whispered, and I could hear the fear in his voice—he knew something wasn't right. I couldn't look into his golden eyes because I would lose my resolve.

"Edward, I need to be alone right now."

"Izzy, don't run away. I know you felt something."

"Please, Edward. I'll see you tonight?"


"Okay, then." But he didn't move to release me from his arms. "Edward, you're still holding me."

"I know," he whispered, his arms tightening before he finally let go.

I walked him to the door, and he put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. He didn't say anything, just placed a tender kiss on my lips, and then he was gone...faster than the wind.

I palmed my vial of drugs and grabbed my cell phone. "Ricky, I need you."

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I fucked up. I broke every rule I have, and I want to take something. Please, I don't want to be alone right now."

"Want me to come over?"

"Can you?"


"You bring the Haagen Dazs."

"Sounds good. Izzy, I'm proud of you! Don't give in, okay? I'll be there soon."

I hung up my cell and huddled in my dad's old wing chair and cried. What was I going to do? I allowed Edward to break through my defenses and feel. He'd let me down and leave me just like all the others—I couldn't let him get close to me—I couldn't afford to.

A little while later, there was a knock at the door, and I found Ricky on my porch with four different pints of ice cream. I laughed. We huddled on the floor in front of the couch and ate like pigs while he hugged me close. With Ricky, it felt like a best friend or big brother—there was nothing sexual about it. I cried into his chest, I railed at myself, and he just listened.

When he was leaving, he hugged me tight. "Izzy? I know this is really hard for you, but you're made of the toughest stuff. You will get through this. I don't know who it is that broke through your defenses—and I'm not asking—but think carefully before you write him off."

"Thanks, Ricky, but I can't get involved with anyone. If I let him in, then -" I faltered.

"You think I don't know, Izzy? Why do you think I'm still alone? You're not me though—I have a feeling that this guy might be good for you."

"No, Ricky. And worst of all, I'm not good for him. He's sweet and kind. He doesn't talk dirty like I do. He's...special."

"Aha! I knew it!" Ricky squeezed me tight, kissing me on the nose. "Don't let him go so easily, Izzy."

As if I had any choice?


Later that night, once I was tucked into bed, Edward climbed in my window. He had never shown up before the nightmares started. Not a word was spoken; he simply climbed into bed and held me like he always did.

I had a hard time falling asleep, my guilt weighing on me. After at least an hour of silence, I whispered, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"For what?"

"I'm just sorry," I repeated myself. I just didn't know what else to say. It was the most he was getting out of me, the most I could give.

That night my dreams were of Edward making love to me in the meadow, but then they turned ugly.

Suddenly, I found myself in the meadow alone, and all the vegetation had died. I heard a sadistic laugh and turned around to find James holding Edward by the neck.

"No, James! Please take me, not him."

"Oh, hell no, princess! You had your chance...now, I kill him, and I'll still have you!" James laughed maniacally.

"No, please! James, haven't you done enough already? I promise not to fight you; just don't hurt him."

With a smile, he ripped Edward's head from his body. "Edward! No, please, God!"

I sat up quickly in the dark, trying to get my bearings, my face wet with tears. I tried to draw air into my lungs, but it was hard to come by.

"Izzy, I'm here." I found myself enfolded in Edward's embrace. I didn't receive the comfort I usually did because what I dreamed about could actually come true, and the thought of it made me shudder. "That dream was different from your others. Do you want to tell me about it?"


"Who's James? You were talking in your sleep. Is he...a vampire, Izzy?"

Unconsciously, I fingered my scar, not realizing Edward could see in the dark as though it were daylight. He drew in a harsh breath, and I knew I was found out. Shit.

"What the fuck is that?" Edward sat straight up in the bed, bringing me up with him. Gripping my arms, he turned me toward him.

"Edward! You never say fuck." I was shocked.

"When it's warranted...Jesus, Izzy. You have a vampire bite. You've been marked."

"Leave it alone, Edward." I was at a distinct disadvantage because I could not see his expression in the dark, but he could see mine.

"He's coming after you, isn't he?"

"No...I don't know! Just stay out of it. Promise me, Edward. You can't get hurt because of me. I fucked up my life, and I have to pay the consequences, but you're too good to get sucked into it."

His lips found mine, his hands caressing my face. "I won't get hurt, Izzy. Let me protect you."

"No. I don't think he'll find me anyway, Edward. He doesn't know where I moved to."

"Izzy, I want you," Edward whispered, his voice full of desperation. He pushed me down to the bed, covering my body with his. I opened my mouth to protest, and it was immediately filled by his tongue. My shorts were ripped off, and my cami top pushed up...Edward's long, talented fingers playing over my nipples. My breathing came in short gasps, and I knew I should stop him, but I didn't have the willpower. He pushed two fingers inside me, pumping them slowly, and I moaned against his tongue.

"Tell me what you want, Izzy." Edward stilled, waiting for my response.

"You. I want you." I gripped his hair tight in my fists.

"What do you want me to do to you, Izzy?" he spoke in my ear, and a thrill shot through me.

"Make love to me, Edward." I was really going to hell.

Edward entered me, and this time his strokes were long and slow, building up to a crescendo. I came hard, and I screamed out his name again.


The next morning, I woke up alone, as usual. I was a mess, and I had to get myself back on track. Edward Cullen was turning me into a pansy. I was getting all gooey over him, and that couldn't happen. He would end up leaving or being killed just like everyone else in my life. So, I had no choice. I had to make sure he understood we could never be anything.

Before I left for school, there was a knock at my door. When I opened it, I came face to face with one of the Cullens—a pixie-like girl with short, dark hair that stuck out every which way. "Hi, can I help you?"

"Hello, Izzy! I'm Alice. We need to talk. May I come in?" she spoke in a chipper tone. Ugh!

I opened the door wide, sweeping my arm in welcome. "Come on in, Alice. I hope you don't mind if I drink coffee and smoke—it's a little early for those of us that sleep." She raised her eyebrows at that but didn't comment. I led her to the kitchen, and we sat at the table. "So, what can I do for you, Alice?"

"Izzy...there's a vampire coming for you. He's someone you already know."

"James..." I whispered. "How do you know this?"

"I see the future. Many vampires have 'gifts,' and mine is seeing the future, just like Edward's is to read minds."

"Back up a minute! Edward can read minds? Why the fuck wasn't I told about this?" My face turned red as I imagined all the thoughts he'd picked up from me.

"Oops...I take it he didn't tell you. Well, you can rest easy, Izzy, because Edward can't read your mind. You're the only person he's ever come across that he can't read."

"But he can read the minds of those around me, right?" I asked.

"Well, yes."

"Son of a bitch!"

"Izzy, there's a vampire coming here. I wanted to warn you about him. He means business." Alice's eyes were serious.

"James. He must have found me. Do you know when he's coming?"

"No, he hasn't decided yet. He keeps changing his mind, which changes my visions—but he'll be here soon. He's leaning toward finding where you live and hiding out in your house."

"I'm ready for him."

"Izzy, we're indestructible." Alice looked at me like I was daft.

"Even from a can of hairspray and a blowtorch?"

"Oh, my. That would do the trick." Alice raised her eyebrows. "Make sure that you completely torch him though or he'll heal."

"Oh...not to worry about that," I said quietly. "He fucked with the wrong bitch."

"I can see that. Izzy, if you need any assistance with him -" Alice started, but I held my hand up.

"You know, I've had enough with everyone's assistance. I can handle James myself. Tell Edward not to come around here again. I'm done with his interference in my life."

"Izzy -"

"Just tell the boyscout to find another project, okay? Now, get the fuck out of my house."


The next week went by without word from James. I kept my window locked tight, and Edward didn't show up. In class, he acted polite but detached. I never saw a sign of him anywhere, and I suspected I had been right—I was just a distraction or project for him. Good riddance, boyscout.

I continued to meet Tyler and Matt out in the woods, and I started to feel as though I was back on my game, back in control. The nightmares had returned, and I was sleeping like shit, but I got my hands on some sleeping pills from a connection in Port Angeles, and it seemed to help. I also needed another vial of blow...but Rome wasn't built in a day, was it? Ricky came over a lot to help me through some of my episodes—he was the one indulgence I allowed myself. Not all demons could be exorcised, and for those times, I had my white powder. Bess continued to sleep under my pillow, and now there was a blow torch and a can of hairspray close at hand on each floor of my house. I thought about running, but I was done with that. My life was for shit, and I would make a stand right here. If I died...who the fuck would care?

One day, I was heading to lunch when I was yanked into an empty classroom. The door was slammed shut and locked, and I was pushed up against the wall. Startled, I looked up into the smoldering eyes of Edward Cullen. Before I could speak, he kissed me roughly, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth. After a very thorough kissing, he pulled me over to the teacher's desk at the front of the room. "Bend over the desk," he commanded.


Pushing me against the side of the desk, he leaned in to my ear. "Bend. Over." He bent me over the desk, lifting my skirt. When he saw my lacy black thong, he hissed. I heard his zipper go down, and shoving the thong out of the way, he impaled me on the end of his cock. I drew in a sharp breath at the feeling of fullness—it was so different from Tyler or Matt. Gripping my hips, Edward pushed in all the way with a moan. I was speechless.

Leaning over next to my ear, he whispered, "Do you want me to stop? If you're not willing, I'll walk away right now."

"No, don't stop," I gasped.

"I'm going to fuck you now, Izzy," he rasped in my ear. I moaned.

Edward set a fast pace, ramming into me from behind. Guttural moans issued from his lips, and although I tried to hold it back, soft moans came from me as he hit spots inside me that I didn't even know existed. My abdomen tightened up, and I felt butterflies releasing as an orgasm crept up fast. I couldn't stop myself from crying out softly as I exploded, "Oh, my God!"

A few seconds later, Edward cried out as well, resting on my back and kissing my ear. "Izzy..." he whispered huskily before letting me up.

Adjusting my thong and smoothing my skirt back in place, I turned to face him. "What the hell was that, boyscout?"

"It seemed pretty clear to me. An afternoon fuck." Edward's face was unreadable.

"I thought you said you don't fuck."

"I decided to try it your way."


His eyes gave him away before his words. "Because it's the only way I can have you."

"Sorry, but no. This can't happen again, Edward." I shook my head.

"Why not?" Those damn golden eyes were filled with so much emotion—they burned into me—causing me to question things I couldn't afford to.

"Because I don't fuck guys that fall for me. We're done here. Thanks for the good time; see you around." I turned to walk out of the room, but Edward's hand shot out to grab my wrist.

"Izzy...don't do this."

"Don't do what? Be me? This is who I am! You have this convoluted idea that you can fix me, Edward! Well, you can't. I don't want you to. I'm fine with the way things are. Uncomplicated, predictable."

Edward raked a hand through his hair and then he just looked into my eyes. His eyes were pleading with me, saying dangerous things to me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. This is goodbye." I left the room, and with Edward's cold seed dripping down my thigh, I went out to the woods to meet Tyler.


I was so fucked. I kept seeing golden eyes everywhere. No matter who I fucked, no matter what I did. Those gold eyes pleading with me, saying things his mouth didn't, saying things that were too dangerous to acknowledge. I felt a fissure threatening to crack me open. No amount of sex or white powder was working these days.

Heading out to a bar in Port Angeles, I knocked back a few drinks and told several guys to go fuck off. I was determined to get blasted—even had a hotel room booked for the occasion—no need to drive drunk, right? As I was sitting there on my bar stool, I felt a presence at my right elbow.

"Get fucked. I'm not interested."

"Oh, but I think you are."

I turned to see who dared to defy me. I came face to face with black leather from head to toe. Looking up I found a handsome face with warm brown eyes and a shock of black hair falling over his forehead. Well, now...maybe I was interested.

"Let me ask you, pretty-boy, what you have to offer me that nobody else here already has?" I slammed my empty shot glass on the bar. "Johnny! Another, please, and one for my friend who may or may not be staying."

"You're suffering," he stated. Then he leaned in close to my ear. "I have your solution."

"Oh? What am I suffering from?"

"Numbness. You keep trying different things, but none of it's working. So, here you are, killing yourself with substances which just make you more numb. Do you cut?" Unceremoniously he grabbed my arm, raking up my sleeve. He looked impressed. "Not yet, or do you hide it well?"

"Hey, hands off, fuckwit!" I snapped. "Johnny, cancel that drink. He's leaving."

"I'm leaving alright—with you," he whispered.

"An asshole—and delusional, too! What a package deal!"

"I'm a dom, sweetie. You need to try a night as a sub. I'll make you feel something—I promise."

A dom. I had never considered such a thing. I looked over at him. "I don't even know you. How do I know you won't just kill me and dump me in an alley?"

"You don't. But you look like you're headed for death right now—even through you're still breathing. Spend a night with me and see. You take me somewhere. I have a bag of tricks in my car." He smirked.

"Why me? Why are you doing this?"

"Truthfully? I thrive on making numb girls feel with no worry of attachments. We all have our vices, doll face."

"Okay, let's go." I threw a huge tip on the bar and took his arm.

"I'm -" he started, but I held up a hand.

"No names. For now."

"As you like, doll face."

We went to my hotel room. All I could think of was how disappointed Ricky would be in me. But I had to see what this was about. He played a song for me on his iPod. It was called PAIN by Three Days Grace. The main words that grabbed and held me were:

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

As I listened to the song, I moaned.

"I thought so," he said, laughing. "I'll start slow with you."

"Okay. What do I call you?"

"Sir or Master. I'll let you choose."


"As you wish. Now, I'll be in complete control of you. There will be some slight pain, but nothing horrible. Pick a safeword. That's a word you'll say to me if anything becomes too much, and I'll stop. That is my promise to you."


"Boyscout? That's a strange one, but okay."

"Remove your clothes, doll." His tone was no longer friendly; it was commanding. I liked it.

"Yes, Sir."

"You'll keep your eyes down at all times; you'll answer only when spoken to or given permission. You will come on command. If I tell you not to come—you don't. Do you understand, doll?"

"Yes, Sir."

He clipped a collar around my neck—snug, but not too tight—I liked that too. "What -"

"Silence! You will not speak unless given permission. I won't punish you, this time, but the next time you break that rule you'll be spanked. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Lie down on the bed, doll."

I lay down on the bed. He attached nipple clamps, telling me they were very gentle ones. I didn't care—the pain they caused was a thrill to me. For the first time, I felt something without worry of an emotional attachment. He told me to get on my knees and suck him off. So I did. He grabbed my hair, fucking my mouth as he pumped his hips. I was told not to touch him, to keep my hands behind my back or they'd be tied there. When he was about to orgasm, he pulled out of my mouth, for which I was thankful. He said if we continued a dom/sub relationship we would set boundaries as to what he was allowed to do to me.

"Good girl, you know how to give great head. Very nice, doll. You may accept my compliment."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Lie down and open your legs."

"Yes, Sir." I lay down on the bed as instructed.

"I'm going to fuck you now. I'm putting on a condom—I always use them unless we make an agreement otherwise." I could hear the foil packet rip, and he slid it on his very large erection. Not as big as – don't go there. My eyes widened...how could he be hard again already?

He laughed. "I can maintain an erection through several orgasms. It makes for a good time for everyone. Hard or soft, doll? I give you the choice this time."

"Hard, please, Sir."

"As you wish." He smiled as he spread my legs further apart and entered me in one quick thrust. He grabbed both my legs, throwing them over his shoulders, and rammed into me. After a few minutes he pulled off both nipple clamps—the pain traveled right to my abdomen, and I yelled out. "No sounds, doll. I'll let you get away with it this time."

Tweaking my sore nipples, he sent more painfully pleasurable sensations through my body. My mouth opened, but I bit back the cries that tried to escape. "Good girl." He flipped me over and entered me from behind, holding me by my hips. "Touch yourself, doll. But don't come."

I touched myself, feeling the familiar tightening and butterflies, but I pulled back so I wouldn't orgasm. I was panting hard—we both were. "You've been such a good little doll. I'm going to reward you now. Come for me."

I exploded.

Afterward, we stood by the door of my hotel room. "How does this work? How often can we do this? You were right. Pain is much better than the numbness."

"What's your name?"


"Izzy, we can make an arrangement. A few times a week if that suits. I have a full time sub right now, but I do side jobs when I see a good candidate for grooming. The only thing is—I don't like to deal with jealous boyfriends or ex's."

"That won't be a problem."

"Oh? How about the bronze-haired, young man down in the lobby that seems to be tearing his hair out? I saw him in the bar earlier, too."

I drew in a sharp breath. Edward was here? He was following me around? "He's nobody. Just some guy that keeps stalking me. He'll give up after a while—they always do."

"Alright then. I'm Jack, and I'll meet all your pain needs, Izzy."

"I know you will." I smiled as we shook hands and exchanged contact information.

After he left, I spoke out loud, knowing Edward would hear me.

"Go home, boyscout. You're in over your head. As you can see, I've found what I'm looking for," I said harshly.

Bad-ass Izzy was back in business. I lit up a joint and kicked back in the chair playing my new favorite song which Jack had transferred to my iPod. I closed my eyes, singing along.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all...

Something wet ran down my cheek, and I swiped it away quickly. Soon, there was a trail of tears dripping down my face as a pair of golden eyes haunted my mind. Vampires couldn't hear tears fall, could they? No, I didn't think they could.

Goodbye, boyscout.

A/N: Because I just can't stop myself...I will be continuing this into a full length story. You will notice that there are ends that have not been tied up (such as James) and that is on purpose (and because this novella weighed in at almost 17,000 words!). If you want to be notified when this story is continued, please add it to alerts.

Check out my photobucket album to see the banners for this story. Mega thanks to Julie for the great work! URL on my profle!