So this is kind of AU and also kind of how I see the little period between Season Five and Season Six going.
We'll see how that changes when Season Six gets here and when I get the other seasons all written up finally, to see how things for them all change, so for now, here's this little AU oneshot for Lana, Dean, and their cute little family.
Dean took in a sharp breath as he shot up in bed, sweating on his brow, his heart pounding in his chest. It was another nightmare about Sam and Adam falling down into the pit…another nightmare about one of the worst days of Dean's life. He didn't understand why he was still alive and Sam wasn't—he didn't understand why his brothers were in Hell while he got to be alive and start to live a normal life.
It had been three months since Michael and Lucifer had taken over Adam and Sam—three months since Sam had left and Kate had left to be with her family. Dean had been trying out a normal life with his wife and two kids, and being back in Kansas was almost making things harder for him. Almost everything reminded him of Sam, and he still felt so terrible about Adam thinking he had to take his place and let Michael in.
"I need some air." Dean said aloud as he threw his covers off of his legs.
He knew that Lana was awake because he had shot up in bed, and she nodded, looking after him sadly as he hurried out of the room. Dean had a habit of taking off when he felt the guilt or the grief hit too hard, shutting himself in the den and drinking a little. He never got drunk, he just drank enough to dull the pain of his loss, and Lana just let him because she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to help him, and every attempt to bring Sam back so he could be with Kate so they could go through her pregnancy together had failed.
Lana sat up a little and rested on her elbows, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before glancing at the baby monitor and lying back on the bed. She closed her eyes as she snuggled into the pillow, wanting to get up and check on him, but wanting to give him his space. Every time she tried to fix things, they'd make a little progress and then something would happen that made things almost worse. So for now, she felt like Dean had to do this on his own, but she didn't know how long to give him space.
After an hour, Lana got up to make some coffee, taking the baby monitor with her and hurrying to Lily's and Johnny's side when Lily woke up. Lily was still an infant, but Johnny was almost three and Lana and Dean had their hands full even though their children were pretty well behaved. They had demon blood running through their veins, and though Johnny was better at his powers already, Lily only used hers in emergencies. Lana was quite all right with that and she knew that eventually she wouldn't have to deal with all of this with only half of Dean there to help.
"Waffles?" Lana asked Johnny as she dropped his hand slowly when they made it into the dining room, Lily in her arms.
Johnny nodded, a big grin on his face. "And bananas."
"Oh of course—bananas are a must." Lana replied happily, smiling as Johnny climbed up onto his booster seat and startling buckling himself in, Lana helping with her free hand.
When he was buckled in, she handed him his bib and he went to try and put it on as she put toaster waffles into the toaster and then handed Johnny the banana on the tray that attached to the booster seat. She started the peeling of the banana and then grabbed the wrap for Lily, helping Lily onto a nipple and getting Johnny some juice out of the refrigerator. Johnny smiled at his mother as he ate his banana and drank his juice, Lily feeding without Lana being exposed, and then Dean came into the kitchen.
He went to the cupboard and got a bowl down and some cereal, glancing over at his wife and kids before he swallowed. Dean hadn't had too much to drink, but he knew that he wasn't feeling so happy either—he was going to have to fake it. Lana would see right through him, but he owed it to his children to be happy and to at least spend a little time with them. Perhaps tickle Johnny and burp Lily…perhaps show his wife how much she still meant to him, no matter how upset he felt over Sam and Adam still.
"Good morning, Baby." Lana told Dean with a smile on her face. "If you want, I can make you some kind of actual breakfast."
Dean shook his head as he grabbed some milk. "I want cereal, it's all right, Lanni."
"Banana, Daddy!" Johnny said happily, putting some banana into his mouth with his hand, squishing it a little.
"Looks good," Dean replied with a smile on his face. "Toaster waffle."
Johnny started clapping his hands together and Dean grabbed the waffle, blowing it off and letting it cool a little as he started to eat his cereal at the counter. Then he handed Johnny the toaster waffle and sat down next to Lana, who immediately reached out to stroke his hair, Lily still feeding. Dean kissed Lana's head and then he inquired about what she was going to do that day, knowing that he had the day off, but not remembering if Lana did or not.
Upon deciding to try and just live normal lives, Dean had gotten a job at a garage since that was what he was good at—fixing cars—and Lana had signed on with a Day care so she could look after kids—her own included. Turned out that Lana and Dean had the same day off, and Dean was actually looking forward to spending some much needed time with his wife and kids. Hopefully it would help him to get his mind off of all of his negative thoughts, and maybe give him time to talk to Lana…maybe it was time for him to care and share with her.
Even though it was never his first choice, Dean couldn't argue with the fact that talking to Lana about things made him feel better. She listened to him and she talked with him, and no matter what happened, she was there for him and she loved him. Lana cared about what happened to him and she cared about how he felt, and Dean felt lucky to have her in his life. If she had never pursued him so hard in the first place, he never would have had her and he didn't like the thought of missing out on this.
After all of the hunts, and the miscarriage, and the undying devotion and need to protect each other, love had found its way in. At first Dean had been closed off to it and determined to keep her from dying, but after a while the prospect of life without her made him feel like he was losing more by closing himself off. So after some confessions and after Lana making it perfectly clear that she wasn't going anywhere, Dean realized he was hers hook, line and sinker, and he couldn't be without her…marrying her was one of the best decisions he'd ever made next to starting a family with her as far as he was concerned.
"Saturday morning, Lily and Johnny have a play date with Kaydence, Minah and Aaron." Lana explained, moving Lily from one breast to the other and moving around the wrap as Johnny ate his waffle. "You get off around 2 right?"
Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah…then I have the whole rest of the weekend to be with you and the kids."
"I'm looking forward to that." Lana admitted with a smile. "Can you burp Lily while I clean Johnny up when she's done?"
"Absolutely." Dean replied nodding.
Dean smiled at her as she nodded as well, trying to access Dean's mood right then—he was still rather sad, but at the same time, he was content. His family made him really happy, but he missed his brothers and he felt responsible for their fall into Hell. All he wanted was them back, and all Lana wanted was to make that happen for him, but they were going to just have to accept what had happened. Lana wanted to see Kate and she wanted to try and make this better, but there was only so much that she could do without using her powers.
Since unlocking her full potential, Lana had become more and more in tune with her powers, but no one liked her using them. It just meant that she was completely in control and that she was most definitely half demon, and that just made everyone around her a little cautious. She didn't mean to make people feel nervous about it, and she was grateful to have her mother around to help her out, but sometimes she couldn't help it…sometimes she had to simply embrace who she was.
After burping Lily and cleaning up Johnny, Lana and Dean settled down in the Living Room and played with the kids until it was time for them to nap. Johnny was still on two naps a day and Lily slept whenever she felt like it, Lana and Dean putting them down for a nap and then making sure the baby monitors were on before they retreated to their room. Lana was pretty certain that the afternoon would consist of her and Dean simply cuddling and talking because even though she felt all right physically satisfying him, Dean hadn't been able to lately.
"Dean?" Kevin asked as he walked in the front door. "I knocked but no one answered."
Dean looked up at him as he entered the Living Room. "Hey, Kevin."
"Our wives are at our house with our kids and I figured that I'd check up on you." Kevin explained to him. "How are you holding up?"
"I've been better." Dean replied as he sat on the couch, watching Kevin as Kevin took a seat on the couch too. "What exactly have Lana and Jen been talking about lately?"
"What exactly are you looking for me to say?" Kevin asked back.
Dean just shook his head and waved it off with a flick of his hand, taking a breath and trying to ignore it. Kevin and Dean were both aware that Lana and Jen talked about everything, but there were things going on with Dean that he hoped that Lana wasn't sharing with others. No matter how hard he tried sometimes, he just couldn't seem to be able to satisfy his wife and it was making him feel like less of a man. Lana had tried telling him that she was all right and she understood that he was just grief stricken, but it didn't make Dean feel like any less of a failure.
"I, uh…I haven't been able to get it up." Dean said with a shrug. "I guess I'm just touchy about it and I don't know what to do."
Kevin nodded slowly and shrugged. "Impotence comes with deep grief, but no…Lana hasn't been talking about it. Maybe you should just let her touch you in the ways she normally does, but not try so hard to please her. Trying won't necessarily help, and hey, someday you'll get it back, just be patient."
"I guess I just feel like it's me, you know? I of all people, should be able to get it up no matter what. Last time Sam died I was able to do it to make myself feel better—Lana helped me through it." Dean explained shaking his head.
"Well then there you have it—just let Lana help you through it." Kevin replied with a friendly smile. "Our wives are always going to have our backs."
Even though Dean was aware that what Kevin had said was incredibly true, he still felt embarrassed about it. He was Dean Winchester and he was supposed to be the absolute expert on sex and yet he couldn't seem to be able to do that…at all. Lana kept saying she didn't mind, but Dean just felt like deep down she did—he felt like he was letting her down and so his mind was made up. The kids were napping and it was about time that he slept with his wife and tried to make this feeling of guilt and pain go away.
"Come here." Dean said softly.
Lana smiled a little and wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, kissing him gently as he kissed her. She could feel his need pouring through and she wanted to satisfy the need, but at the same time she didn't want him to try to do it just because he felt bad about not being able to perform as of late. Still she slipped her fingers into his hair and pulled him close, knowing she wanted this too even though she knew that she couldn't push this.
"Why don't you just relax and we can try something new?" Lana asked him, pulling back and looking him in the eye.
Dean nodded slowly, showing her that this was what he wanted, and after making sure the door was closed, Lana had Dean lay back on the bed. She crawled on top of him and kissed him tenderly, running her fingers down his t-shirt as he ran his fingers through her hair, running fingers along her tank top and bra straps as well. Lana moved his shirt up his torso as he lie there, letting her pull the shirt off and toss it onto the ground, moving her hands down his chest slowly, tracing his bare skin as she made her way to his pajama pants, trailing her mouth along after her hands as she went.
She bit his abs gently as he tilted his head back against the pillows, Dean really wishing that he would get hard already. This was the part where by this time Dean would be feeling it below the equator already, but right then all Dean could feel was the feeling of how wonderful it was to have Lana's lips trailing his body. She slipped his pants off and tossed them down on the floor, removing his boxers with ease and running her mouth and her tongue along his bare skin—his thighs, his abs…all of him. The only place Lana stayed away from was his member, not wanting to force him into anything.
Dean was thankful for that, actually, enjoying the feel of her treating him like he was so special and loved. He helped her out of her clothes after a few moments of Lana brushing whisper kisses along his skin, and soon she rested her naked body against his and kissed him softly, their lips pressed together. All she wanted was intimacy with him and that was exactly what she was getting, even if he couldn't actually get it up—that didn't matter to her. All that mattered to Lana was being close to her husband and the feel of their naked skin softly brushing along each others made her happy.
"I don't deserve you." Dean whispered to her.
Lana rolled her eyes. "That's not true…can I run something by you?"
"Of course you can." Dean replied, pushing her hair out of her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb.
"I know that we shouldn't be talking about this yet, but can we…can we seriously considering having another kid?" Lana asked him, their eyes meeting. "Not right this second, or even necessarily in the next month, but I mean if we're going to try this living a normal life thing, I'd seriously like to think about seriously having a family and I think we can handle three kids if you want to try it."
A smile slowly made its way across Dean's face and he kissed her firmly, keeping her close to him. He wanted so badly to be able to function right then and get down to trying, but he knew it wasn't the time and he knew eventually they'd be back into the swing of things. She was so patient and strong and beautiful, and just the fact that she wanted a family with him was almost more than Dean could take. He'd spent so long thinking that he didn't deserve anything or anyone and here was the one woman who thought differently to the point that she tried to make him see that.
"I definitely want to try." Dean responded verbally, moving a little under his wife, feeling almost like he could do this.
Lana smiled at him and kissed him gently. "I'm glad to hear it."
"I mean right now." He told her, kissing her again and rocking up a little. "Do anything you have to, just…I'd like to do this now."
"Baby, I don't want to force it." Lana replied softly, running her nose along his. "Baby? You're really going to have to stop with the rocking."
Dean shook his head and did it again, Lana moaning a little, Dean muffling the sound by pressing his lips to hers. The more he thought about it and about the things that Lana was always doing for him, the more he realized that there was really no other place that he would rather be. He wanted Sam and Adam back, he wanted Kate safe, and he wanted to fix everything, but he also had to take care of his wife—he also had to make sure that Lana was happy because she deserved a family and infinite happiness…and she wanted that with him.
"I love you." Dean told her softly, smirking ever so softly as he felt a familiar sensation and motion between his legs. "And I think we can actually do this, Lanni."
Lana glanced down between them and then she looked at Dean and smiled a little. "What happened?"
"You." Dean said shrugging. "I don't care how chick flicky it is, it's true: everything good that ever happened to me was because of you."
"You're never going to be alone, all right?" Lana promised as she shifted her weight. "We'll always work something out."
Dean grunted softly and nodded, trying hard to remind himself that good things still happened. He and Lana would still try to get Sam and Adam back no matter the cost, but at the same time they had to live their lives. They had children and they were tired of fighting, and it was about time that they focused on each other and on what their futures were going to be like. Lana was always going to be there for him and he had to always be there for her and as much as he missed his brothers, he wasn't helping anyone by simply shutting off and letting his grief rule him. They would see Sam again…he just had to have faith in that like Lana did.
Note: Okay, there's another idea that's been floating around in my head. Hopefully I'll have "Hunting Demons" updated tomorrow night, so check for that if you don't get an update before then. Feedback is always appreciated!