A/N: me: I own all of One Piece world, and…
Eiichiro Oda: Dream on, loser!
so yah. Don't own, don't own.
It was a normal day onboard the Thousand Sunny.
Franky and was building some new cola-powered invention, Usopp was up in the crow's nest, Sanji was defending the ship's dwindling meat supply from the captain, Zoro was sleeping off the sake, Chopper and Robin were talking about the history of certain medicinal plants, and Nami was chasing Brook around with her Clima-Tact, screaming that he tried to steal her underwear. A pretty average day.
Everyone froze for a second, letting the new information sink in.
**grunt** "So loud so early in the morning…"
"An island? Which one?"
"I'm so glad my heart almost stopped! Ah, but I don't have one…"
Everyone raced to the side of the ship, making it rock dangerously.
"Wow…" Nami sighed.
"Beautiful…" Robin breathed.
"Err…" The male crewmates looked suspiciously at the new island.
It had crystal blue waters, perfect white crescent beaches, and lazily swaying palm trees. It looked like Utopia. Almost. It was complete heaven, except for the frilly pink hearts that seemed to cover everything.
"We're really here!" Nami squealed excitedly.
"Uhhhh… Where?" Zoro said, absolutely confused.
"Sweetheart Isle, The Land of Couples," the girls sighed dreamily.
Luffy was the first to recover. "Let's go ashore! They have MEAT!"
With a single kick from Sanji, Luffy was silenced. "BAKA. They don't have meat, they have… have…" He went all heart-eyed and yelled "BEAUTIFUL LADIES!" while doing his infamous noodle-dance.
Zoro muttered something about dartboard eyebrows, and told them just to hurry up and go to the "un-manly" island. Everyone agreed, saying that they would only go there, split up, refuel, and leave as fast as they possible could. Nami and Robin could stay in "girly heaven" as long as they wanted, until the Log Pose reset.
"No." Robin's voice was sharp, and brought all plans to a halt. "This is known as the island of Love. You can only enter with someone else."
"Someone…Else?" Luffy said, trying to grasp the concept.
"YES, Luffy," said Nami, impatient. "Like a COUPLE."
"Oh." All the men (except Sanji) sulked, their desire to go ashore battling against their embarrassment of appearing as a COUPLE with one of their nakama. Robin smiled, sensing their discomfort, and generously decided to help them.
"How about this: Nami and I will go ashore with two of you. Chopper, as long as he can stay in reindeer form, can come as a pet. If we can, we'll try to find single girls to send back here, so the rest of you can come, too. If he can, Franky can build himself a girl to come with." Robin smiled, confident of her plan.
The Straw Hat men weighed their options: A blind date or their trusted nakama? Eventually, they all agreed to the plan. Robin, with a final stroke of evil genius, left the final decision up to them: they would have to elect the two men who would go with Robin and Nami.
Inside the men's cabin…
"RIDICULOUS! OF COURSE I CAN GO WITH BOTH MY NAMI-SWAN AND ROBIN-CHWANNN~~!"
"Oy, Swirly. It's two men that go, BAKA."
"SHUT UP, MARIMO"
"Excuse me…" Chopper's timid voice was lost among the insults and laughter. He tried again to be heard. "Guys…" Again, no response.
"HEY!" Chopper bellowed. Everyone froze, and stared at the doctor, who had turned into the menacing, half-man half-beast. "WE ARE GETTING NO WHERE. EVERYONE SHUT UP NOW!" The room got really quiet, and one by one, everyone admitted the doctor was right. Still fuming, he managed to shrink into his cuter form. "Okay," he said, "I think we need to do this logically. We need balance."
"He's right," agreed Usopp. "If Robin is the most down-to-earth, realistic person, we need to put her with…"
"Luffy." The crew agreed.
"EHHH? I'm not down-to-earth?" Luffy asked. No one bothered answering.
"So…though it pains me to admit it, Franky should go with Nami." Brook put in.
"No, Franky's gonna build himself a girl, right?"
"Oh yes, dear Nami-swan~~. I'll protect you from everything! We can stroll together in the Land of Couples~~!" Sanji twirled around, heart-eyed. The rest of the crew shrugged. Why not?
"NO." Everyone looked around, startled by Zoro's outburst. "Well, do you really think Nami would want to be surrounded by ero-cook 24/7?" His point was emphasized when Sanji began to recite love poems. The crew shook their heads. Even Nami didn't deserve that degree of torture.
"Hey Zoro… Why do you care about Nami so much anyway, hmm?" Usopp said with his sadistic grin. Zoro was, for once, truly stumped. Why did he care?
"I don't," he said shortly. It sounded fake, even to his own ears. Never mind. He would meditate on this later. Right now, he had other things to worry about. While he had been soul-searching, the crew had made their decision.
"Zoro, you'll go with Nami!" Luffy declared, grinning.
"Wha—" he began.
"NO. NOT MARIMO! HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TREAT A LADY!" Sanji protested, bursting all their eardrums.
"Zoro and Nami are perfect for each other!" Usopp said, with that same evil grin. "Oh, I mean for the assignment of course." Zoro made a mental note to slice out the sniper's tongue. Oblivious to the death threat Zoro was telepathically sending him, Usopp went on talking. "…AND they're complete opposites, just like what we wanted! Zoro's strong, while Nami is pretty vulnerable, and Nami's smart, while Zoro's a hopeless case!" the boy finished brightly. Zoro was ready to kill Usopp.
"YOSH!" It's decided! Let's go to MEAT ISLAND!" Luffy said confidently. The crew sweat-dropped and filed out of the cabin to tell the girls their decision. Zoro stayed behind for a minute. He had to get his head on straight and figure out why he felt relieved that it was him and not someone else who was paired with the red-haired navigator.
A/N: So? Love it? Hate it? Want me to destroy all evidence it existed? If enough people like it, I might do a second chappie bout the island…