AN: Alright, this is my entry for Kitsune Heart's competition. This is a song fic, and no, I thought of this BEFORE I read welcometofightclub's one to Pink Floyd's 'Keep Talking' (Great song and my favourite band). Anyway…I am doing mine to Radiohead's Paranoid Android.


Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest

From all the unborn chicken voices in my head

Artemis Fowl gripped his head; the voices were driving him absolutely crazy. He crossed his legs on the seat and tried to meditate; humming Mozart's 40th in G minor as he did so. He heard a noise and almost jolted from his seat in shock.

What's this? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)
What's this? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)

It was just Holly. He took a deep breath to calm himself and counted to five to assuage the number gods. He tried to smile winningly at her but ever since he threatened her of controlling him, she had been slightly wary of the fifteen year old genius.

"Are you alright, Artemis," she asked cautiously. Artemis frowned, she was treating him like an imbecile.

When I am king, you will be first against the wall
with your opinion which is of no consequence at all

"No of course not," he said. "I am suffering from a highly frustrating mental disorder which has no apparent remedy and I almost got crushed by a falling shuttle." Holly let the breath go that she had been holding, he was thinking straight…at least for the moment.

What's this? (I may be paranoid, but no android)
What's this? (I may be paranoid, but no android)

"Do you hear them?" he asked, his eyes wide like Luna Lovegood's, sending shivers down Holly's spine.

"Hear what?" she dared to ask.

"The voices," he said, "of chickens inside an egg." He smiled unnervingly as if hearing things like that was perfectly normal. Holly pretended to listen.

"No," she said, "I don't. Perhaps my hearing is failing me." Artemis frowned.

"You are mocking my intelligence," he accused. "It's this blasted illness, it's turning me into an invalid." Holly noticed that the real Artemis Fowl was talking.

"No it isn't," she said. "Foaly is researching all the possible cures and you'll be back to your old tricks in no time." Artemis seemed slightly cheered by this, but didn't allow it to give him a false sense of security. His eyes suddenly widened and Holly knew that the Artemis she knew was gone for the time being.

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking, squealing, gucci little piggy

"This is all for your gain," he said. "You want me out of the picture so that you can take over the world." Holly knew that this was a perfectly normal accusation from someone with Atlantis Complex, but still found her mouth open indignantly.

"What?" she stuttered.

You don't remember
You don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?

"I bet you don't even know who I am," Artemis said, his eyes boring into her own.

"Artemis," Holly said. "Snap out of it!"

Off with his head, man
Off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name? I guess he does...

"No, no, no, no, NO!" Artemis said. "One two three four five. Five words, good luck." He took a deep breath and found that he could once again think straight. Holly was finding all this very confusing. He was changing from Artemis Fowl the second into the crazy lunatic in the space of about thirty seconds. Artemis smiled again as he felt a strange sensation fall over him.

Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...

Holly's eyes widened once again as Artemis fell to one knee in front of her.

"Captain Holly Short of the LEP," he said, "I have loved you ever since the moment I set my eyes on you. Will you marry me?" Holly's mouth dropped open, he sounded so sincere…and then he was back to crazy…

That's it sir
You're leaving
The crackle of pigskin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children, God loves his children, yeah!