So this is like an alternate season four I guess. Riley still is somewhat involved but I wanted to do this thing where Buffy and Spike don't forget about what happened. I have whats going to happen planned out, sort of. I'm trying to stay as in character as possible. I really hope you like this and reviews are really appreciated. The more I get the faster I write. So leave one, tell me what you like, what you don't like, suggestions, anything at all. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Angel or Spike all to myself they belng to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.

Denial, Despair, and Desire

Chapter One: Aftermath

There was a crack of thunder and suddenly Buffy was painfully aware of her surroundings. She was not only in Spike's arms but laying her body across him as they kissed and it took her a minute before she quickly propelled herself from his arms.

"Bloody hell!" Spike yelled as the warmth in his arms disappeared. He had kissed the slayer. Kissed her and been engaged. Oh god. The taste of her was still on his lips and he wanted it to go away. He shook his head and cursed again. Damn Red and her bleedin' spells. It was all her fault. He wiped his mouth desperately trying to erase her taste from his memory.

She could still feel his cool lips on hers. The taste of him still imprinted on her tongue. Memories of the past day came rushing back, flooding with ghost of the feelings she had for Spike. She looked into the faces of her friends and spat out the words threatening to spill out.

"Ew! Spike lips. Lips of Spike." she squealed, putting even more distance between them.

She started to spit on the ground as she tried to burn the memories from her conscious. She had kissed Spike. Not only that but she'd…she'd…oh god. She had sex with Spike!

There eyes met as they both realized this and a look of disgust was mirrored on their faces.

Xander, Willow and Anya looked back and forth between the two as they tried to shake off the memories.

"Hi guys." Willow said shyly, her face plagued by a guilty expression as Buffy, Spike and the rest of her friends gazed at her with expressions of shock mixed with annoyance.

Buffy and Spike continued their stare down both shocked at the memory they were reliving.

"Spike…" she moaned as he clutched her tight against the length of his body.

"Oh Buffy, God I love you." he replied as she teased him, tracing her tongue along his lip. His mouth lowered to her neck and he kissed her hungrily as she arched into him.

"What is it?" Willow asked gazing at them as they both were pulled from their reveries.

"Well she just realized she was engaged to Dead boy Jr. over here, that's enough to freak anyone out." Xander replied quickly in explanation. Which Buffy was thankful for, in no way was she going to tell her friends that she…slept with Spike. It was too horrifying to even say out loud.

"Whelp." Was Spike's reply before he swept into the darkness towards Giles' place.

Back at Giles apartment all was normal again, or as normal as it could ever be. Spike was tied up again and Willow had just come into the living room a fresh batch of cookies in her hand.

"Eat a cookie, ease my pain."

Buffy took one off her platter and bit into it as Willow waited for a reaction. She was worried Buffy was still angry with her over the 'recent events'. Aka her spell gone awry causing trouble and turmoil among all her friends that had gotten her noticed by a demon who was 'impressed' by her work, which had been completely accidental. When she'd seen what she'd done she had rushed to the scene to undo what she'd done. Leaving each of her friends reeling and stunned.

"Mmm better?" she asked, keeping her eyes away from the vampire a few feet away. She could feel his eyes on her and she was desperately trying to avoid talking about the dreadful things she'd said while under the influence of magic. She would give anything to be away from him at the moment.

"Well baking lifts about 30% of my guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess it'll just take awhile." Willow replied shrugging.

Spike watched as Red tried to make amends, he turned his head at her statement in annoyance. It was her fault he had kissed the slayer. That they had shagged. God, he couldn't even think about it. He deserved a cookie just as much as anyone else.

"It'll happen." Buffy replied simply, trying to console her best friend. She had no idea how hard it had been for her until recently and she was trying to make up for not noticing.

"Don't I get a cookie?" Spike asked his impatience reaching its limit.

"No." Buffy replied immediately. No cookie for Spike. He kissed her, he shouldn't get a cookie.

"Well I got to have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth." he said grudgingly as he stared at her.

"You're a pig, Spike."

"Yeah, well at least I'm not the one who wanted Wind Beneath my Wings for the first dance." he replied smirking and turning his head so the scooby gang could hear.

Giles, Anya, and Xander turned around in shock.

"Well that was the spell." she replied, a blush creeping into her cheeks before she got up and stole into to the kitchen in embarrassment. Willow took a cookie and shoved it into Spike's mouth before following her. He grunted and began to chew in silence.

"Did I mention about the sorry part?" Willow asked, a guilty smile hanging on her lips.

"We may be into a forgetting spell later. " she paused, before gazing towards the living room . "I loved him. We were betrothed."

Willow struggled to come up with an up side. "Well at least you were getting along." she smiled.

"But we weren't. It wasn't even nice. And the bad boy thing? Over it. Okay I totally get it. I'd be really happy to be in a nice relationship with a decent, reliable…oh my god, Riley thinks I'm engaged." she said suddenly, remembering their encounter in front of the dress shop.

"What?" Willow asked confused at Buffy's sudden outburst.

"Riley! He-he-he saw me. What the hell am I going to say to him?" she asked, panic stricken. She had no idea how she was going to explain this. She'd be lucky if he ever spoke to her again.

"You can tell him to sod off, you found someone else who can give you more then he ever could." Spike suggested slyly from the other room. Chuckling at her rising heart beat.

Willow instantly left Buffy's side before shoving another cookie in his mouth to stifle him. Xander chuckled and gave Willow a thumbs up before turning back to Anya and Giles.

"Whelp." Spike retorted through cookie filled teeth, before chewing again in silence.

Had she said she'd loved him? That statement sent a series of unfamiliar tingles up his spine. And thinking back, he realized he'd loved her too. How strange. And it was the weirdest feeling. But thats what magic did. He sat in silence, reveling in the thought. She had loved him. He started smiling to himself enjoying the sensation before suddenly shaking it off. It was just a spell. He didn't love her. She repulsed him, he wanted to kill her. He was a vampire, she was the slayer.

Nothing has changed. He said, laughing at the ridiculous notion, before finishing off his cookie and demanding some blood. Nothings changed, he told himself again sternly as he stared at Buffy and listened to her prattle on about what she was going to tell Captain Card board. But while she talked of Riley a strange anger welled in the pit of his stomach, that he didn't understand. He pushed it to the back of his mind and decided it was hunger, before asking for another cookie and sipping at the blood that Buffy held to his mouth.

Buffy's mind flashed to that night and a blush once again spread across her cheeks. Stupid Spike. she thought. But she wasn't in Giles living room anymore. She was with Spike and her hands were constricted around him, tracing patterns in the muscle wrapped around his body. She shuddered at the thought, putting his mug down and leaving Giles' place in a hurry. She needed to get away from Spike.

He was repulsive and soulless and dirty and extremely flexible... she stopped herself. No. Ew. This was Spike. She was going home now before any more after shocks from the spell set in. It was just the spell. she told herself soothingly. This will all be behind her and It will all be better in the morning.