Here we have the first scary story, each one is a spoof of a horror movie or horror movie cliché, Shepard's makes fun of the "teen-slasher flick".


Tales to Scare Your Space-Suit Off

Shepard: I Was a Teenage Reaper

"It was a dark and stormy night," Shepard began.

"It can't be stormy in space!" Jack objected, still upset over having to take part in this sleepover.

"Who said it was in space? This story takes place in a high school-"

"Then why are people there at night?" The commander massaged his temples and tried to get over the annoyance of Jack.

"It was a boarding school! Anyway…


It was a dark and stormy night in Normandy High, which was a boarding school. Walking to his dorm was the most handsome and popular student, a boy named, umm, Shep! He waved high to his good friend Jester but suddenly felt a strange feeling come over him. This had been happening a lot, ever since an accident in Mr. Adam's engineering class where a malfunctioning robotic arm had scratched him and deposited some sort of a material into his bloodstream. Nurse Chakwas couldn't find anything wrong with Shep so he ignored the incident. But this time the strange feeling in his arm was worse than normal.

Shep pulled back his sleeve and in horror saw that the section of his arm which had been scratched was now metallic!

"What's wrong Shep?" The most beautiful girl in all of Normandy High asked to the startled Command-student.


"Aww, how sweet of you to make me the most beautiful girl in Normandy High." Miranda interrupted.

"That's not supposed to be you!" Shepard retorted.

"But I'm genetically engineered to be the most beautiful, who could beat me?" The Cerberus officer asked incredulously.

"Just let me finish the story."


"What's wrong Shep?" Asked the most beautiful girl in Normandy High… T-… Ta- no that's too obvious, Too-


"Just use our actual names for pete's sake!" Zaeed demanded and then stuffed a fistful of marshmallows into his mouth.

"Fine."


Anyway Shep's eyes turned a glowing red and soon he felt the desire to reap all organic life fill him. He had become… A TEENAGE REAPER! Shep swiped his new synthetic arm out, slicing Tali's head off. No longer the human he once was, the teenage reaper began his rampage through Normandy High. His first victim was the stuck-up, no good, not second chance giving, ex-girlfriend Ash. He killed her with a plasma gun. After that every single person fell. There was no stopping his wrath, and in the end Normandy High was no more.


"That's it?" Garrus complained. Shepard stared at the turian, trying to figure why he didn't realize the story was over. "It didn't have happy ending." He elaborated.

"It's a scary story. It's not supposed to have a happy ending." Shepard explained flatly.

"But don't human horror stories end with the unusually attractive protagonists killing the monster only for it to return in the sequel?" Garrus was not buying the Commander's explanation. And arguing about whether scary stories should have happy endings entertained him far more than listening to one, or watching Jack and Zaeed try cook marshmallows with a holographic fire. They still hadn't figured it out.

"If you know so much about scary stories, why don't you tell the next one?"

"Maybe I will." Garrus took the flashlight and held it under his chin to replicate the same creepy shadow effect. "This one is called 'The Organ Harvester'."


As I said before these stories are meant to be very short. Also three guesses for who Garrus' story will be about.