A/N: My first fanfic. Don't judge to haisty, just because it's about anorexia, you might even like it.
I added humour at the genre, because some people find some bits hilarious. BUT that doesn't mean the combination anorexia and humour, but just some things that Bella says or thinks. I am not making fun of anorexia, simply trying to make other people realise it's a illness that can be treated or will either kill you.
Out of the clinic
Name: Isabella Swan
Weight on 12-02-2010: 90 pounds
Weight on 01-06-2010: 135 pounds
Note: Isabella has gained much weight in the past few months. She's done great and with no doubts will stay healthy.
That's what the clinic has written about me. As if it's really that important. I was sitting in my old room, which looked pretty much the same like it had the last time I had been in here.
I quickly turned of the pro-ana website, where I read about how to purge, and shut down my computer, because I heard Charlie getting up. I grabbed my math books and pretended making homework.
'Bella,' Charlie called.
'Yes, come in.'
He opened the door, walked over to me and watched what I was doing.
'Hey dad, I can't figure out this math sum, come and help me.'
The look on his face almost made me laugh. Almost.
'Oh, no, no, no, I just came to tell you I'm going to buy some food. Is there anything you want?'
He looked hopeful. Of course, I had to do the unexpected now.
'Yeah, buy me some chocolate, I haven't had that for ages. The clinic and all its health rules. Really.' I rolled my eyes and gave him my too-many-showing-teeth smile.
His face lit up and he practically ran to the door to buy the food. And chocolate. For me. Yeah right. Charlie was easily fooled.
I've been here with dad since Friday. My mum back home in Phoenix told me, once I was out of the clinic, that she had good news.
I got bad news. She sent me to Charlie, her ex-husband. I remember her calling it a clean break or something. She talked to me like 2 hours, telling me she was proud of me and that this time I would make it on my own. Annoying woman. Outside Charlie had gotten in his car and honked 3 times, 2 short ones, 1 tall one. It would have made me smile... if I was 6.
11 years ago
'I wanna drive the car, please, please, daddy,' I screamed in his ear.
'Drive, drive, you're driving me insane!'
I kept screaming 'please'.
'Okay, okay,' he said. 'You may...' I won! My face lit up and a smile was growing on my face, '..honk.' he finished his sentence. Smile vanished. Well that's probably the best I would get. So I got on his lap and kept honking, until also that was driving him insane.
'You know what Bells, I just got a wonderful idea. Let's make something that will be just something between you and me. If someday you get lost, or scared, or want to get back home, or just somehow want to show me it's you, you honk. What do you say of this?' and he honked 3 times, 2 shorts ones, 1 tall one.
I liked this idea, so this time, I honked our silly, little secret.
Annoying man. Doesn't he realise I've grown and don't like stuff like that anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love them both. I just want them to stop all that babying up. And tomorrow Hell would start. It wouldn't have annoyed my so, if it was just a bigger school. This school is so small and I've never had many friends. When I was 12, suddenly all of my friends turned their back on me. Just like that. We had had good times. But they got happy cheerleaders and paid too much attention to their hair, nails and boys. I could handle that.
But then, they started picking on me. And that hurt. Especially, because I was alone and had no friends. And that, I couldn't handle. Every night I fell asleep crying and hyperventilating. I'm glad I never did that in public. People would probably say I'm exaggerating. That would be too much to bear.
I lost appetite when I was 13. Then I lost hunger. But it became an addition, the not eating. One day I found this website, with all these people wanting to by skinny. I contacted them via mail and they mailed me back. And that's who my new friends became. They were kind to me, helping me to get to my goal.
My old friends suddenly called me fat. No way, I thought, I just lost weight, didn't gain it. This made me mad. But that night, I didn't cry. I told myself to suck it up and not to shed any tears for them anymore.
The years went fast and I weighed 95 pounds for a while. I didn't have any real friends. I wasn't good at school. I didn't have a boyfriend. The only thing I was good at was losing weight.
The following years just got worse. But I didn't hear them. Not really. It was like a buzzing in my ear. But I knew they still called me fat, and ugly, and useless.
I remember mom coming to school and see all the girls calling me names. She got mad. Really scarily mad. She told them what the hell they were doing. And that they never ever should call an anorexic fat.
I didn't know what she meant by anorexic and when I asked her, she said that I was. Anorexic people don't eat, want to lose weight and deny they have it. I was about to deny when she mentioned that anorexics deny it and I'm glad I didn't. She would have probably thought that me saying that would have confirmed it all.
I kept losing weight, until I had a break-down in February. The doctor said I had lost too much weight. I had anaemia. And also I was missing a lot of vitamins. He said I had to go to this clinic that would help me. I didn't want to go, but mum forced me.
So I lived there fore a few months. They force fed me at first, but then I had a plate with food in front of me and wasn't allowed to leave until I had eaten it all. I cried with each meal and hated it that there was always an adult around there, sitting next to me, to see me weeping like a baby. They didn't get it.
I got out of the clinic. Sure I've gained weight, but I'll get rid of it again.
I heard Charlie's car return. Thank God he didn't honk.
It was 5 o'clock, A.K.A. eating time. I missed breakfast, because I slept in, and I was able to lie to Charlie about lunch. I suppose I have to eat something now.
I went downstairs and saw Charlie was eating a pizza. When he saw me, he asked, 'Do you want some pizza, or will you cook something else?'
Something else, please, I thought to myself. 'Thanks dad, I'll make something for myself.'
When I had made some vegetables, I was really surprised Charlie hadn't come and checked on me. He must have known the reason why I was here? So I would eat! Everybody said I have anorexia and am still fighting it, but that I'll make it. Well I don't have it. I don't! I peaked in the living room and he was watching intently television. I ate some more, but threw most of it away. I also drank some water and vitamin pills and went to bed.
But not before I hung over the toilet and flushed away diner.
Those pro-ana websites are miracles.
A/N: You probably think how Edward plays a role in this? Well, he'll appear in chapter 2, but don't be too happy... He isn't the charming guy that he is in Twilight :) But maybe later in the story...