A/N: So, this is my first Obidala fic in YEARS. For whatever reason, I felt ridiculously inspired today and started writing this. Gotta give credit to the Obidala Fan Forum. This whole 5th Anniversary thing did something to me. So many talented people. And all are crazy about Obidala... THANK YOU GUYS!
This thing will most likely be written in the "you"-perspective. And mostly from Obi-Wan's You-POV. I don't know, I like writing in the you-perspective. But this whole perspective thingy might change during the chappis. I don't know yet. Kinda wrote this very spontaneously. And yes, I know about their age difference in TPM and I DON'T CARE. In my mind, she's a little older than 14. Period.
Title: What If?
Genre: Romance, OBIDALA
Rating: I'd say K+.
Setting: Generally follows the Prequel trilogy. First chappi starts at the end of ROTS. Will be AU later because I'm going to change EVERYTHING.
Summary: Anakin is Vader. Padmé dies. And Obi-Wan remembers and reflects on some decisions he made or did not make... AH, I suck at summaries. I will upload the trailer on youtube tomorrow or so...
There is no death. There is the Force. That is what you have been taught. But now, standing in front of the ruins that used to be your life, surrounded by more death and damage than a soul should see, you feel lost. You don't know what to believe anymore. Within hours, everything that you have fought for, everything you have lived for, ceased to exist.
The feeling in your gut is similar to the one you had when your master died so many years ago. It was like a part of you had died. After all, he had been like a father to you. And all he had begged of you was to train that little, innocent boy, so he might become a wise, powerful Jedi, the Chosen One, meant to bring balance to the Force. And now you feel like you are nothing but a disappointment to your master. A failure. The fire. You still recall the fire. And it still burns.
All of a sudden, your whole life seems to be worth nothing. There are so many things you regret. Qui-Gon's death just being one thing you would love to undo. And Anakin. Yoda had been right about him all the way. And deep down you had known as well. Of course, back then, you wanted to honor Qui-Gon and keep your promise, even though you knew it was wrong. You are sure now that things would have been better if he had just survived.
And then there is her. Beautiful angel. Kind, strong but sad Padmé. Her life will never be the same as well, you think when gently touching her face while she is sleeping. You remember her being the strong, determined woman who ruled an entire planet. A woman loved by her people. A woman loved by you.
"For reasons we can't explain, we are losing her." the medical droid said. Disbelievingly, you stare at the droid, mouth open, choking silently.
"She's dying?" You look through the glass walls and see her lying there, not moving, and suddenly, you realize that tomorrow, she will not be here anymore.
You do not exactly remember when you fell in love with her. More precisely, you cannot remember a life without being in love with her. It is as if you had no life before her. Ever since you talked to each other briefly on the ship when she was cleaning R2-D2, she had you. All of you.
"You need help?" you asked her when entering the room. You have to smile thinking of that particular moment. You thought she was a handmaiden at that point. But you sensed that she was special right away. She was cleaning the droid carefully, she even talked to it as if it was a person. You thought it was a silly thing to do and yet it showed that she treated all beings equally, droid or human or animal.
"No, thank you, Master Jedi." she replied and you had to grin and shake your head.
"No, Milady, I'm not a Jedi Master. Not yet. I am Master Qui-Gon's padawan apprentice. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"I'm Padmé." she returned and gave you the most adorable smile. You would never forget that smile, although through the years, she seemed to have lost it somewhere. "And I guess we own our lives to you and your Master."
"For now, it may seem so. But, Milady, you need to realize that this battle is not won yet. Not by far. Many will die. And I'm not sure the Queen knows what she is doing. After all, she is still very young." you said. For a moment, the young handmaiden stopped cleaning the droid, turned to face you and gave you the angriest look you had ever seen on a young girl's face.
"Is that so, Obi-Wan Kenobi? Well, I can assure you, the Queen is very capable of handling the situation just fine. She may be young but she is not stupid and most of all would she never do anything to endanger her people." she snapped at you. Before you could finish to think that it was impressive and brave how she stood up for her Queen, you sensed that she wasn't. She stood up for herself. And that was the moment when you realized that she was not a handmaiden.
"Oh Force, it's you!" you whispered, gazing at her in amazement.
"Who? I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." she tried to distract you. But her feelings had long betrayed her.
"You are the Queen!" you said triumphantly, just to bow down before her and apologize for your earlier statement.
"Stop that, Obi-Wan, please! You are not supposed to know this! No one is supposed to know." she interrupted you nervously by covering your mouth with your hands, pushing you into a corner. "I know in how much danger my people are. And I can't help them when I'm dead. No one will be after me as long as they think that I'm nothing more but a handmaiden. You have to promise me not to tell anyone. Not even your Master."
"No. No one must know. Promise!" she insisted.
You gave her your word. You didn't tell anyone. Arguing with her was pointless. Because she had you after smiling at you like that.
"It's a boy." you whisper to her, showing her the little baby you are holding safely in your amrs, hoping that she would gain new strength through looking at her son.
"Luke." is all she manages to moan in pain before she closes her eyes again. She looks tired. Sweat dripping off her pale, lifeless face, she breathes heavily between the cries. She screams. It is not just the pain, you can tell. Her heart is broken. She just lost everything. Her world, her husband and father of her children, her freedom. Like you, she has nowhere to go.
"A girl." you say, faking a smile, trying to keep her here. She slightly smiles back and it is as if there is almost a trace of the smile that you remember she gave you such a long time ago. Almost a trace. You look at the tiny human in your arms and find yourself imagining how beautiful she would once be. Like her mother.
"Leia." Padmé breathes. And then, you can feel her fading away. As if giving new life took hers. One life for two others. A fair trade so it appears. Not fair to you though. I never got to tell her, you think while still holding Leia in your arms.
Two lives, so young at yet so sad already.
Yoda had told you not to go to Naboo for Padmé's funeral. You went anyway. But you are hiding in the shadows of the distance. Nobody notices you and you have the feeling that no one would notice you in a long time from now on.
And while they carry her through the center of Theed in her coffin, you can't help but imagine how things would have turned out if you had told her. Would that have changed anything? Would she be alive now? And for the first time ever, you imagine the touch of her lips on yours. Breathing in her sweet scent while lying next to her peacefully sleeping body. How life would have been different if you had been in Anakin's place.
You quickly push the thought aside. No need to build up castles in the sky. Not now. Not today.
No one had ever known about your feelings for her. For some reason, you had always managed to hide them, bury them somewhere in the depths of your soul.
When you found out about her and Anakin shortly after their secret wedding on Naboo, you did not feel jealous or angry. Disappointed,yes, because she did not tell you. Disappointed because your padawan broke the Jedi Code. But you did not hate them.
The mere thought of her was enough for you.
You had always known that you could never be with her.
But believing that she was happy was enough for you.
He got to feel her, touch her, hold her.
But her loyal friendship was enough for you.
He was her husband.
But she trusted you. That was more than enough for you. And that was more than you could ever have asked for.
Was it? But then, there is no point in wondering. Not anymore. Not today. Never again.