Disclaimer: I do not own the Ducks.
Number One Again
Summary: Goldberg's thoughts after Julie's death. Companion piece to One Cupcake over the Line Catlady and Chopped Liver. You need to read those to know what's happening here.
Guilt, a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes that they have violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. I didn't feel it before. I didn't feel it when I watched her family grieve at the funeral. What did I care? I was number one again.
I didn't feel it when I watched Banksie destroy his pro career, morning the girl he loved. It wasn't my fault that, in his grief, he walked out in front of a speeding car. What do I care if he is confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life? I was number one again.
I didn't feel it when the team fell apart. I didn't feel it when we lost every game. I didn't feel it when we finally lost our scholarships. Who the hell needed the preppy school anyway? Julie was gone and I was number one again. What could matter more than that?
I don't feel it now either. I don't feel it now as everyone stands, or sits in Banksie's case, around me. Their angry faces say it all. The proof of my knowledge is undeniable. How was I supposed to know Julie kept a diary? How was I supposed to know she saw me watch her puke every night? How was I supposed to know her parents would read the diary? How could they be so mad at me for all of this? Julie was the one throwing up, not me. Didn't they know what was truly important? I was number one again.
The End. All thoughts are appreciated. I may do a longer story with Julie's diary if anyone is interested.