Right, I'm going to start with my apologies. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long, I truly am. I've had problems in my life escalate and I've been unable to prevent any of it. No one needs to hear a ream of excuses but I promise that I'll try and make it up to those who've stuck with this – especially when I've not been sure that I can. When you want to write something and you have writers block it's the worst feeling D: and to top it off, the more I re-read this the more I dislike what I've already written but I'll see what I can do for now... Thanks for reading my mini-rant :')
So after spending 20 minutes compiling a 'writing playlist' of songs and a further half hour attempting to pull some form of plot for this story out of my head, this is all I have...
I walked as calmly as I could, afraid that he was watching me leave. It seemed the more I talked, the less we had left to say to each other. I pressed my eyes tightly shut as I walked through the doors of the Great Hall silently praying that everything between us would be okay even though I knew in my heart that it wouldn't be. I opened them again and felt them sting with the promise of tears. I blinked rapidly, attempting to clear them and probably looking like a fool. I quickly made my way towards the staircases to get back to my dorm, refusing to look at anyone around me.
I hated this. No, I despised this, I loathed this. There didn't seem to be a word to sum up my anger, grief and the feeling of pure abandonment that my situation had left me with. It was my own fault of course, there was no denying that I was to blame for what was happening, but what choice had I had? What else could I possibly have done? I felt the anger well up inside of me and I had to hit something. Turning to the stone wall next to me I pounded my fists into it in desperation. I wanted the burning fire in my knuckles to burn away every feeling I possessed. Blood started to form as I grazed my left hand against the cool stone so I swiftly wiped it away on the front of my jeans. My knees were failing me and my body seemed to slide to the floor against my wishes. I crumpled with my back against the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to hold some part of me together. I succumbed to the part of my brain that was screaming and let the tears gather at the ends of my eyelashes.
I sat there for a while – thankful that it was a beautiful Saturday and that the majority of the school was outside in the grounds or already at Hogsmeade. I pulled the broken part of myself back inside and held my expression in the blankest way I could manage. After pulling my sleeve across my eyes and wiping the emotion that had escaped away, I pushed myself up from the floor and walked up to Common Room.
Everywhere was empty. I reached my dorm without seeing a single soul. The girls had left it in a mess but I didn't care. I sat down in front of my mirror and grabbed the first cosmetic that my hand found. Quickly applying a small amount of make-up and re-arranging my hair into something less me and more of the person I wanted to be, I looked at myself properly. I didn't look right, there was something wrong with the way my eyes appeared dull and my skin seemed worn. It had been a single week and already stress was manifesting itself upon my appearance. It felt right and wrong both at the same time. It was only fair that my emotions would wreak havoc on my appearance but it wasn't right the way everything was so raw and strong. The disadvantages of being a teenager in love – nothing was done by halves. I grabbed my bag and a stuffed my wand into it as opposed to its usual resting place of my jean pocket. I was already becoming late for David.
I jogged down the staircases hoping that 'fashionably late' applied to 15 minutes as well as 5. He was stood just outside the front doors looking out towards the lake. The way the morning sun hit his profile, you could tell that he had the potential to be a model. The sun highlighted his cheekbones and caused his tousled hair to cast shadows across them. I wanted to be the kind of girl who could appreciate him for everything that he truly was, I wanted to be the girl who'd see his beauty as instead of comparing it to others and I wanted to be the girl who could be happy with him. I shoved every little piece of Scorpius to a dark void in the back of my mind and willed it to stay there for as long as humanly possible. Every moment; every feeling of butterflies in my stomach; every smile; every laugh; every touch: every little piece of him, I shoved it away into the void and smiled at the welcome emptiness I felt in return. It wasn't a genuine Rose smile but it was enough for now. I tapped David on the shoulder, putting as much into a bubbly smile as I could and laughed at his immediate surprise at my appearance. He smiled back.
"You look really pretty Rose." He commented as he carefully took my hand in his and we began walking towards Hogsmeade. I looked down; flattered and self-conscious at his compliment.
"Thanks, you look rather dashing yourself." I joked, bumping his arm with my shoulder; he bumped me back and grinned.
"So where do you want to go to first, dear princess?" he grinned at me whilst mocking a formal voice. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and he laughed. It was a care-free laugh like something out of a classic romance movie and I couldn't help but smile at him.
"Well how about we start at Honeydukes and work our way along the shops then we can go and have a drink in the Three Broomsticks?" he suggested, smiling down at me.
"Sounds good to me." I smiled back, already feeling my jaw ache with how he was genuinely making me smile and for once I didn't think about Scorpius. I let David lead me towards the already busy Honeydukes.
I know this is a short rubbish chapter but I needed a bit of a filler before I carry on... I should be updating once a week for a while now, but encouragement/kicking up the arse helps :)
Thank-you for bearing with me.