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He wanted answers and he wanted them now though, especially when he was getting … just random kissed by another man! He didn't like other men…did he?
Well, hell, he wasn't even sure and he didn't feel like exploring his damn sexuality within a hospital room at night! He rubbed at his head again with his free hand, trying to soothe away the still lingering pain that was overtaking him. Christ, he really did get a good attack, huh..?
"I really can only remember getting attacked and just… I don't know, just what time is it and how long am I staying here? What else happened after I got attacked?" still, even if he was asking this, his mind was wandering back to the other's random show of affection. Who was he? And why was he kissing him and holding his hand? Ugh, it was all too frustrating to even think about, but he didn't think that the other was well, ... a bad person, 'cause he probably knew him. Maybe if he got out of hand he'd call a nurse, but he needed to know what was going on now, so he'd just have to wait and see what the other would do. If he got on him though, he was going to go crazy- he didn't need any random affection like hugging and kissing from someone who was in his room!
Even if they were friends, it was just weird.
At the look the younger nation gave him, Arthur could feel an arrow shoot right through his beating heart. He had completely forgotten about the memory loss.
Out of all the fucking things to forget. Out of all the damned things to fucking forget, it had to be him, of course. That was just his bloody fucking luck.
A sob had nearly worked up to his throat when he forcibly choked it back down, gripping onto his own shirt with his trembling hand. Of course it had to be him. He was always the one who in the end had to give something up. First Alfred's company. Then his independence. Now, him entirely.
In his ears, he could've sworn he had just heard a loud crack-his heart shattering into pieces and laying out on the hospital floor. Just when he had figured it out. Just when he was about to open up, and actually let the other see how much he cared, how much he loved him-it was all over. The Englishman's hand twitched, and he uncurled it, letting go of the other's tanned one. He placed his hand back onto his lap, and stared there for a moment, trying to come up with something to say. Honestly, what would anyone say in such a predicament? Who could go through this and not break apart at the seams?
"…I-I... sorry. Forget I did that, alright? I…erm. I'm Arthur Kirkland, otherwise known as the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. You've…You've been here only for a few hours or so. About twelve but I'm not sure. I fell asleep. Erm…Ah.. well, you'll probably be here for a good while. Weeks, maybe a few months. Nothing else happened after you were attacked so.. don't worry. You're fine. In fact, you're practically almost physically healed." He sighed here, and rubbed the back of his head while looking away and towards the wall. There was no way he could look at Alfred now.
He knew he didn't mean to hurt him.
But.. this was just awful. Awful, awful, awful. At this moment he couldn't help but hate the American a little. He secretly wished that in turn, if Alfred forgot about him, he could do the same. But it just wasn't that easy. "... I... ah. Erm." The Englishman chewed on his bottom lip and went back to staring at the floor.
"...Your brother will be here in the morning. I.. I can leave if you feel uncomfortable."
"No, no it's…well, you don't have to leave. I'm fine with you being here, Arthur…I'm sorry, but what are we to each other? Are we friends, family or... er, are we together?" He asked, feeling his cheeks burn a bit at that question. He didn't even know with how sad the other person looked- family members would be crush if someone didn't know who they were, same with friends, but... he didn't exactly know how much he would freak out at if a lover forgot the other.
He sighed quietly, staring at the other as he spoke up. "My brother..?" he asked, blinking again. "Is his name ... Uhm'…Matthew, right? I can't remember if that's his name or not, I think it is, but uh' alright..." he mumbled, looking down for a moment as he tried to think.
Okay, this guy was Arthur Kirkland and he was the UK. Alright, easy as that, but. he had to remember who he was, right? He had to, at least so then he would know what they were to one another.
Briton, Briton, Arthur…Arthur…he shook his head, not really pulling out much from this.
Maybe he needed to sleep or talk more with the other to jog his memory back of him. Maybe he forgot a lot of other people too? He wasn't sure, but right now things were shaky and he found himself not really being able to pull that much information out of his brain. Stupid attack- he felt so useless right now as he stared at the other nation.
"I'm sorry, that must sound awkward for ya'…I just can't really remember much right now." he sighed out, rubbing his head again. "But uh'…wait, you've been here all twelve hours I've been here?" he asked him, almost in disbelief. How could someone spend almost entire day here with him in a hospital? Why would he even do that? Maybe they really were lovers and he really did forget about him.
God, did that make him a really bad person?
It wasn't his fault though; he couldn't remember this man or what was going on right now- it made him frustrated. He bit on his lower lip, sighing again. God, well, maybe if he kept sleeping and talking to this weirdo brow guy he would get some more answers and figure this whole thing out. He seemed nice enough and didn't seem like he would do anything wrong or lie to him.
"W-Well…that's... that's complicated. Really complicated." He said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. How in the Queen's name was he supposed to explain their relationship to each other? Hell, Arthur didn't even know if the American still felt the way he did. The only thing he knew was that he loved the man lying in front of him. And it hurt. It hurt so badly. This was honestly how their relationship sounded in his mind:
They were family at first.
He adopted the other.
Took care of him.
And fell in love somewhere along the lines.
But Alfred didn't want him anymore.
So they were broken apart. T
hings had been rocky since then.
And they've been on an off and on again relationship sort of fling.
Sometimes the American would kiss him. Hold him. And say the sweetest of things.
And then there were days when there was nothing.
They ignored one another. Spat ugly words. And fought.
What sort of person wouldn't want to wake up with that being erased from his mind? It made everything so much less complicated. And he didn't want to ruin that naivety for Alfred.
"Let's just say…when something happens to you, I'm always here. I'll always be here. That's…it." He forced out a broken smile. It was crooked. Maybe too crooked, so he quickly took it back and put on his blank mask of an expression. Matthew. Alfred even remembered Matthew and not him. The American had just turned his soul inside out. Why? Why did this happen to him? Arthur abruptly ripped this train of thought out of his mind.
"It's…not that important, so don't you worry. Hm? Ah, yes…I've been here since you were admitted. I was the one who called the ambulance." He shrugged this off, as if it was nothing. Because it wasn't. It was just the way Arthur was. He would break his back for the American, so doing something like this was nothing to him. "How are you feeling anyway, dea-…A-Alfred?"
Complicated? How complicated could it be? Well, if he was to where he couldn't even talk about it, maybe it really was this…complicated. He rubbed at his eyes, releasing a heavy sigh. Man, this sucked. He couldn't even remember who this guy was and apparently they must've had a very…rough relationship maybe? Maybe he was a bad guy and he hurt this man? What if Arthur had hurt him and they had a really bad relationship because of it?
This just gave him a headache instead of helping him figure who this guy was to him or how their relationship was. Ugh, how bothersome. The American frowned, staying silent as the Briton spoke up again after a short while. Always here? Huh, maybe they really were important to one another… but he just wished he remembered it instead of being completely blank to this whole experience.
"So, you're always here for me then? Like…huh, this may sound awkward, but something like a guardian angel? Heh', well that's nice to know." he stared up and caught the other's smile, only to sigh as it went away in an instant. "Well…alright... so you called…" he paused, blinking for a moment, "the ambulance for me? That's…wow…thanks. I probably would've been gone without you then." he smiled slightly, rubbing his head again. Stupid pain- it kept quaking, but not at the caliber that he had received a lot earlier when he was first hit.
"Huh? Well... aside from feeling like I got hit by a bus and was thrown into a pit of spikes, I think I'm doing alright..." Alfred laughed quietly at that, shutting his eyes. "Thank you, Arthur. You know... I…well, I'm sorry that I can't really remember you.. but, it's nice to have someone here, someone who's at least telling me this. So... thank you, really."
He opened his eyes, gazing toward the other. God, why couldn't his memory come back? Maybe he was just trying to focus too much on getting it back maybe if he just relaxed and didn't try and force it out, it would just magically return to him. Oh, like hell it would happen though, but he felt bad for seeing the other like this. "So uhm'…how are you though? I mean, you've been through the whole situation and were stuck here with me so," Alfred took in a breath, blinking again, "how are you then?"
"Guardian angel? No…No, no, I'm not that bloody great." He let out a brief laugh, shaking his head while he fiddled with his fingers on his own lap.
"Just one country looking out for its neighbor is all. It's like when you were young. So, it's become a second nature to me." Arthur admitted this with a faint smile, rubbing his brow to try and relax and calm the headache that was coming on. He was going to end up with a migraine from all of these difficult thoughts. It was bad enough that his chest felt heavy, and he could barely breathe after being asked 'Who are you?' by the one person he actually gave a damn about.
"Well…I'm just glad you're alright. I knew you would be. You're the strongest person I know. You'll be better in no time, whether you remember me or not-again it's not that important. So don't apologize to me. And as I said before, it's not a problem. I've simply always been here for you, and will continue to be here until you get your memory back to its normal state or not."
Arthur stood up and walked towards the sink to pour himself a cup of water, watching as it filled the cup quietly. "Hm..? Ah, I'm jolly good. I've done this aplenty of times before. Mostly with you, so, it's nothing new. Besides a slight chest pain, I'm peachy keen." He said this with a bitter undertone, hoping the other wouldn't catch it. He was just…lovesick. Love sick and torn apart.
More than anything did he want to explain their relationship, but Alfred wouldn't understand either way.
"I think you are, at least- wait, you knew me when I was younger?" He asked, blinking at the other as he spoke up.
He had known him since he was a child? Wow, that was…pretty awesome, he just wished he could remember Arthur. Funny, you'd think you'd remember someone you'd known since childhood a lot easier than someone you met recently. He sighed, staying in his bed as he gazed at the older nation.
He was nice, and he had to admit he was quite handsome- minus those…giant eyebrows that occupied half his face. Seriously, how did he even function with those giant things on his forehead? Oh well, that made him unique in a sense though. He rubbed his eyes, shaking his head again.
"Really? You'll still be here with me? I think... that's really nice, so thanks. But I'm glad that you're alright, despite this all happening. I'm sorry I put you through this, Arthur- even though you keep telling me to not apologize, I still want to. I don't know." He sighed, shrugging. When did he suddenly become so apologetic? He was never really like this, but maybe it was because of the whole situation that suddenly made him want to apologize to the other so much.