AN: Just to clear things up right now – yes, I mean NOW so that I don't have to repeat myself through every chapter – I will give my obligatory list of comments, warnings, rants, disclaimers, etc.
1) I DO NOT OWN WILE E. COYOTE OR THE ROAD RUNNER. THEY ARE PROPERTY OF CHUCK JONES AND WARNER BROTHERS. Any recognizable characters will also not be mine. At the end of each chapter I use an original character in I will be sure to put a disclaimer.
2) THIS WILL BE A SLASH STORY: I.E. This will have homosexual content, innuendo and other such things. Most of the really big stuff will probably be in later chapters.
3) THESE CHARACTERS ARE ANTHRO. Meaning they will walk on two legs, wear human-esque clothing and probably talk a lot more than you are used to in the cartoons (It's really hard to write a long fic with only "meep-meep" as the dialogue). Think of how the Looney Tunes are, the animal characters regularly talk, interact with humans and dress up in drag or costumes, this will not be that much of a stretch of the imagination.
4) I AM GIVING YOU WARNINGS BECAUSE I AM A GENEROUS PERSON AND DO NOT WANT YOUR RETINAS BURNED OUT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT BELIEVE IN HOMOSEXUALITY. I WILL NOT TOLERATE NASTY COMMENTS IN MY COMMENT BOXES OR INBOXES. I WILL REPORT YOU AND HAVE YOUR COMMENTS REMOVED IF YOU HARRASS ME FOR THIS FIC.
5) I AM NOT WRITING THIS FIC FOR ANYONE BUT MYSELF. I don't care how much you beg for updates, I will update in my own time. I am open to suggestions and requests, but do not believe that just because you put it out there that I am obligated to you. I hold obligations to no one.
6) IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH ANY OF THESE WARNINGS THEN I SUGGEST YOU PRESS THE MAGICAL LITTLE BUTTON ON THE TOP OF YOUR SCREEN THAT TAKES YOU TO THE PREVIOUS PAGE NOW. I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MENTAL SCARRING OR TRAUMA CAUSED BY THIS FIC. I ALSO WILL NOT TOLERATE BIGOTTED HARRASSMENT. I AM AMERICAN AND I HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. NOT EVEN GOD ALMIGHTY CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
If you have read and understood these warnings then good. You are held accountable for your actions and if you do not choose to accept that and bitch to me like an immature brat then I will treat you like an immature brat.
Catch Me If You Can
Chapter 1: The Fast and the Furryous
"Oh, come on try to catch me
Oh, catch me if you can
Oh, come on try to catch me
Oh, catch me if you can…"
~~ Angela Via "Catch Me If You Can"
18 miles Northeast of Apache Junction, one of the largest cities in Arizona, lay the small ghost town of Tortilla Flat. The town had seventeen residents, one post office, two dirt roads and one saloon where most of the town gathered for socializing. The town had long since been forgotten, even by the government, and many people thought it was empty. Well… It wasn't quite there yet. There was a gas station and every so often people would come around from travelling to stop and use it, but other than that there was no reason to stop at the picturesque little town. At least no reason that most people could see.
You see, most people were so wrapped up in their own lives and with bigger, better cities and such that Tortilla Flat held no interest for them. Every single person in that small town could tell you a dozen wonderful places to visit, tucked away little corners and amazing sights.
Wile E. Coyote was currently gazing at one of these sights, watching the clean Arizona sunrise, the pink, yellow and ever so slight gray tinting the sky like a primrose bud. He sighed and smiled, watching as the gaseous yellow star slowly crept across the horizon, the colors becoming more pronounced and bolder. Finally the sun was risen and the sky was its usual cyan blue and the spectator to it sighed, standing and dusting himself off.
Wile E was a tall, fit specimen. Not too muscular but still slightly wiry. He was very thin and often times this was due to lack of nourishment. He wore a tight green muscle-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts with a pair of suspenders and a belt keeping them on his skinny hips. The desert dog sighed and stretched, shaking out the stiffness in his limbs from sitting in one position for so long. He pushed his short, scruffy brown head fur from his face, bending over to pick up his note book and pencil.
When a blurr of purple, blue, and yellow flew past him, ruffling his fur and the pages of his book. Grabbing the book the coyote looked around wildly, his yellow eyes catching sight of the perpetrator.
It was a Road Runner. A skinny-legged, archaically grinning, blue and purple Road Runner wearing a pair of denim Daisy-Dukes shorts and a purple tank top. The long crest of feathers fell gently over one eye and the Road Runner was smiling widely at the Coyote.
"I beg your pardon." Wile E. made a face, shoving his notebook into his pocket. He wasn't in the mood for dealing with dumb birds.
"Whatcha-doin'?" The bird asked quickly, bouncing on it's toes. Wile E. glared at the bird, a mental tangent beginning.
"I was just about to go back into town."
"Wanna-race? I-just-moved-here-from-Phoenix. I-don't-know-the-roads-very-well-around-here-though. That's-my-name-by-the-way: Road-Runner, though-everyone-calls-me-Roadie! What's-your-name?"
Wile E. had to pause and blink for a moment, pulling apart the run together words and separating sentences.
"I do not race." Wile E. stated firmly, turning to begin his trek down the plateau he had been seated on.
His paw slipped on a small rock and he stumbled, regaining his footing quickly. A loud giggle and the Coyote glared up at the Road Runner, who was smiling down at him, giggling madly.
"Stop that." He snarled and the bird only smiled, let out a loud "Meep-meep" and began zooming down the plateau. Wile E. felt his face whacked by the long plumeage of the bird's tail and he growled, turning and glaring down at the bird below him. "You know, you're looking like a very good option for a meal right now." Wile E growled, climbing further down.
"You'd-have-to-catch-me-first!" The bird grinned up at him and Wile E. sniffed.
"I could catch you easily."
"Catch-me! Catch-me!" The bird giggled, "meep-meep"-ed once more before racing off, long legs wheeling in a blur of yellow and blue. Wile E. gapped before jumping the last few feet to the ground and racing after the Road Runner.
The Road Runner was only a few feet ahead of the Coyote, occasionally glancing back and grinning as he sped up a notch or slowed down a bit. Wile E. glared and growled, following the bird, intent on the fluttering tail feathers ahead of him. Suddenly the bird turned and Wile E., unused to such hairpin movements, raced forward, turning his head to see the bird just as he fell off a shallow ledge, yelping in pain as he landed on a pile of rocks. The Road Runner looked over the ledge, stuck out its tongue and let out an infuriating "meep-meep" before it was gone.
Wile E. growled to himself, pulling himself up to his feet and tromping back to the small town and the general store. He had work in fifteen minutes.
The coyote opened the creaky wooden door to the local general store, sighing as he pulled on his apron, punching his card and getting ready to order new stock. Another boring day in the middle of nowhere.
Let's see what you're made of
Bring it on, you know I'm not afraid
There's no way you can slow me down now
It's time to show you what I'm all about…"
~~Angela Via "Catch Me If You Can"