Author's Note: I know this has been done before, but I just wanted a try at humor. =) Review, beloved readers!

Nico was disturbed.

A hideous, dracaenae thing was... being coddled by Chiron? He shook his head, weirded out. Since when did Chiron take an extra interest in a Half-Blood?

Oh, sure, there was Percy. But he was never... fawned over by the centaur.

And that - thing - was swooning.

Oh, shit! It spotted him.

It instantly came over, fluttering it's ridiculously long, black lashes. It had odd eyes, orange, with red in the middle, in the shape of a star. Long, gorgeous, silky, shiney, lovely, beautiful platinum blonde hair spilled over it's shoulders in curly locks. It had a lot of curves, and weirdly large breasts.

"Ooohh, Nico!" It said, err, seductively, in a high, melodic voice.

He backed away warily. "What the Hades are you?" Nico said.

It twittered, "Your so romantic, Nico!" It reached out to pinch his cheeks, but he ducked out of reach.

It did a very weird pose. "I am Natella Swirl Angel Mcollough. But you can call me Tella." It winked.

Nico shuddered. He wondered what god had the twisted-ness to create this... thing. He coughed, and, eyes wide, he yelled out an excuse. "I - uh, have to go to bed now!" And bolted off.

"But I luuuuurve you soooo much!" It called after him.

Nico only ran faster.

The next day, Nico was astounded to hear Percy was beaten at swordplay. He immediatley headed to the arena. Then gawked.

Percy was grumbling to himself, and the... thing was standing, triumphant, in the middle of the arena.

It giggled girlishly. "Hehe, It seems I'm really good at swordfighting. Without the sword."

Nico silently gagged.

Annabeth, who was standing next to Percy, asked guardedly, "Who are your parents."

It gasped dramatically, hand flying to her heart. "My dear! I'm the child of Poseidon, Zeus, Apollo, Artemis..." And so went on listing nearly all the gods. Except. Hades.

When it was done, Anabeth spluttered, "But that's impossible! Helios, Selene, and Uranus are gone, faded!"

It struck a thinking pose, trying to act sexy, "Yes, but I was born, practically twisting all of logic and nature's rules! I mean, no biggie!"

Nico's eye twitched. As if sensing him, it turned, and squealed when it saw him.

"Nico!" It ran up to him and smooched him. He shoved it off.

He glared. "What the Hades?"

It's eye lashes fluttered at him, "Why, Nico! I can't be with anyone else, since I'm their half-sibling. But you're another person altogether!"

Nico shivered. "There are mortals!"

It adopted a sad expression, bottom lip quavering. "B-but, Nico! You see, I have this extra rare disease that makes me alergic to all mortals! I would get horrible hives that would affect my smooth, creamy skin!" It withered.

Nico arched an eyebrow. Where's Rachel when you need her?

Chiron suddenly came galloping into the clearing. He said to 'Tella'. "Child, you have a Great Prophecy."

It swayed dramatically, putting a hand to it's forehead. "Oh, really? I'm so scared!"

Chiron recited:

"A powerful Half-Blood chosen to save the Olympians;
born of all the gods, She will decide their fate;
And if Kronos gets her, time will stop."

Silence. Then-

"That's the stupidest Prophecy I've ever heard." Percy said aloud. Annabeth rolled her eyes.

Suddenly, there was a powerful blast of lightning. It landed directly on the thing.

When the light cleared, it was wearing a lot of shiney objects.

Chiron leaned forward. He said, "It seems the gods have given you gifts. There's a shell from Poseidon, that helps you teleport anywhere. Zeus gave you his... Master Lightning Bolt?"

Nico's eyes narrowed. Why would Zeus give a Demigod his most powerful weapon?

Chiron continued, "Artemis gave you her most special bow, Apollo gave you his most special lyre, Dionysus gave you his thyrsus, Hera gave you her laurel, that automatically gives you an impenitrable shield, Ares gave you his special Spartan armor, Demeter gave you a flower which wards off monsters, Athena gave you a mini Aegis, Hermes gave you a shapeshifting caduceus, a smaller version of his own..." And he rattled off all the things that were practically covering it's body.

Nico's eye twitched.

A/N: Yes, it sucks. I'm just naturally bad at Parodies. =P Eh, CC's are appreciated (NOT corn chips), so are flames. And I suppose I'll welcome nice reviews. Haha. I might delete this sometime later.