Title: Lunch with Heaven and Hell (and a Mechanic)

Author: immortal_jedi aka jedipati

Wordcount: 1971

Rating: PG

Characters: Sam, Dean, Castiel

Spoilers: The entire series, just to be safe.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, nor do I own any of the characters of supernatural

Warning: This is crack. Post 5.22, crack outsider POV, and, oh yeah, crack.

Summary: Heaven's newest archangel, the new Lord of Hell, and a mechanic meet for lunch every Saturday. Post 5.22. Or, in other words, Team Free Will confuses the locals. (I did mention this is crack, right?)

Author's Notes: I hadn't been planning on writing any post 5.22 stories, when this little idea came up and bit me. This features Lord of Hell!Sam and a popular fan theory that Castiel has been made an archangel after Lucifer was sealed away.

Additionally, because I confused my beta, I thought I should let you know that Sam is not possessed, Lucifer and Michael are in the cage, but Sam and Adam are not. I'm not quite sure where Adam is in all this, but hey, here you go.

Every Saturday at 1:30, three men met for lunch at the diner. The locals hadn't really noticed the first time, but when they'd kept showing up, first the diner staff, then the townsfolk, noticed.

None of them were locals, and everyone wondered why they chose to meet here, and how they got here.

Old Man Reeves said they were all old soldiers. That confused everyone, because the youngest of them didn't even look to be out of his twenties.

After several weeks, the locals had put together a bit of information about their weekly guests.

The shortest (not that he was short, but the others were taller) of the three was Cas. Everyone was sure that was a nickname, but no one was sure to what. He was a newly promoted CEO, or newly promoted to some other top position, and feeling out of his depth.

The prettiest (and he was pretty, almost too pretty, some of the men grumbled) was Dean. He was a mechanic, and also starting a new job, but one he was very comfortable with. He had a tendency to rant about modern cars, and wax lyrical on classics.

The tallest (and he was very tall) was Sam. He was also a newly promoted CEO of some type, apparently of a rival company to Cas. He was also feeling very uneasy about his position.

No one could figure out why the three of them called Cas and Sam's companies Heaven and Hell, however.

Sam and Dean were brothers, and they'd only met Cas a couple of years ago, but apparently they'd been hard years and that had forged a friendship between the three of them.

Cas would always arrive first. No one knew how he got there, since no one ever saw his car. Dean and Sam would always arrive a couple of minutes later. Sometimes, they'd come in a gorgeous black classic of a car that had most of the men in town drooling. Other times, they would just show up and no one could find the car.

The three of them had started meeting back at the beginning of June, apparently choosing this town and diner at random.

They'd been coming regularly enough that Betty, the waitress, just waved at Cas when he walked in on one Saturday in early September. "Your usual table is open," she said cheerfully.

"Thank you, Betty," Cas said gravely.

Cas was almost always solemn. Still, every so often someone got the impression that he was laughing silently about something.

Cas had just sat down, when, right on cue, Sam and Dean walked in, no car in sight.

Sam noticed Cas right away and shook his head. "You're abusing it again, aren't you?" he asked as he sat down.

"Abusing what?" Cas asked innocently.

"Getting here before us," Dean replied.

Cas simply tilted his head.

Dean snorted and sat down across from Cas. Sam sat down next to Dean.

They busied themselves with ordering for a few moments. Only Cas really looked at the menu before ordering, but that was because he seemed to be going down the menu in order, trying everything out. Sam had a rotating selection of various items he liked, while Dean stuck to the burgers. Finally, Cas sighed and shook his head.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"I am worried. Some of the lower ranks have been talking about going after them."

Sam and Dean didn't seem to have any trouble guessing who "them" was.

Sam sighed. "The seals are back in place, at least on my end. There's no way for them to get loose, not for a long time."

Dean snorted. "You think that matters to the dicks Cas has to deal with? No offense, Cas, but…"

"No, I agree," Cas said. "A lot of them are dicks."

Sam and Dean grinned at each other.

Their food arrived and Cas looked down at the pasta he'd ordered. "This is not what I expected."

Sam laughed. "It's just spaghetti, Cas, only with a cheese sauce, not the meat sauce you had at Bobby's."

"The noodles are flat, not small and round like the spaghetti."

Their waitress frowned. How could a man not know about fettuccine alfredo?

Dean laughed. "Just eat, dude," he advised. He'd already taken a bite out of his cheeseburger.

Cas carefully tasted the pasta, and brightened almost immediately. "This is good," he said, sounding surprised.

Sam laughed and started on his sandwich. "Yeah, but believe me, it's not the world's healthiest food. Good, though."

They ate in silence, not unaware of the looks they were getting, but not really worried about them.

Finally, Castiel put his fork down. "Sam, I am serious. I'm worried that they'll try something."

Sam nodded. "I understand. I don't want- well. It's best if you can stop it from your end, but if you can't, then I'll deal with any incursions."

Cas nodded. "Thank you. That's really all I'm worried about right now. Things are finally calming down upstairs, which is why the lower ranks are talking. What about you?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Meg tried something again, just a few hours before I came here."

"Damn, Sammy, why haven't you done something about her?" Dean asked.

Sam sighed. "Unfortunately, I still need her, for now. And she's the only one I can trust even a bit right now, sad to say. But, well, she's in the pit for a few days."

Dean scowled. "How long until you don't need her?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Until everything's settled down there, I'm stuck with her. But things are getting better, slowly. It turns out, threatening to send troublemakers after Cas gets rid of a lot of problems."

"What?" Cas and Dean chorused.

Sam grinned wickedly. "It's a new thing. I found out that Cas terrifies the demons. I mean, seriously, almost worse then you and me, Dean. If I tell a demon to go after him, they take it as a suicide mission. It's a good way to keep them in line. Um, Cas, I may need to make good on those threats someday. But I know that you can handle it."

Cas matched Sam's grin. "It'd be a pleasure," he said.

"Let me know if you do," Dean said. "Because I want to bring popcorn."

Sam laughed. "Will do," he promised.

The people in the booth right behind them were frowning.

Seriously, why did Sam call his employees demons? That was one of the questions everyone wanted an answer to. Along with why Cas called his employees angels, and why Dean sometimes asked about the devil.

"Anyway, Cas," Sam said. "Has Ash been doing well?"

Cas sighed impatiently. "He's causing problems," he said. "But I happen to think they're the type of problems we need. It's a good thing. He's building a network, supposedly right under our noses. I haven't told him I know about it. But the rest of my siblings don't, not yet. I don't plan on telling them."

Dean smiled. "Good for him," he said. "I think the whole Matrix thing was stupid, so anything that changes it is good."

Cas nodded. "I've come to understand that," he said.

"I still haven't found your parents, though."

Sam sighed. "Right," he said. "Neither have I, which I suppose is a good sign. I just wish I knew where they were."

"Me too," Dean said. "But we saw Dad climb out of the gate, so…"


Cas didn't say anything.

Sam shook his head. "Anyway, Dean, how are Lisa and Ben doing?"

Dean grinned. "They're doing fine. They want to see you, sometime soon. I know you have a hard enough time getting away for these lunches, so I haven't promised anything."

Sam nodded. "Would you mind if I come by at random. I'm not sure if I can plan anything right now. Plus, there's been some trouble with the cracks. There's always at least two open, but sometimes there are problems."

"It's because things are recovering," Cas said.

Sam nodded. "I know," he said.

Dean leaned forward. "You're not going to get trapped down there, are you?"

Sam shook his head. "No, absolutely not. It's not really going to affect me. It just means I have to deal with annoyed demons."

"Ouch," Dean said sympathetically.

"Tell me about it," Sam said, rubbing his forehead.

"Speaking of annoyed and annoying denizens of Hell…"

"Oh, denizens," Sam said mockingly. "Did you get that from a word-a-day calendar?"

"Shut up," Dean snapped. "What's up with our favorite trapped archangels?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "No one else can even see the cage, Dean. They don't know where they are. And Lucifer and Michael spend most of their time bickering. But believe me, in their true forms, they're even more irritating."

"Oh," Dean said. "If they're that bad, I don't ever want to see them. Even if the cage can't hold anything but angels."

Cas glanced around, at several confused faces. "It might be time to change the subject," he said.

Sam glanced around as well. "Right. Dean, you mentioned that you were working on a '64 Mustang last week. How's that going?"

"Well, she needs a boatload of work," Dean said. "Shame, she would have been a beauty when new. But I basically have to replace everything from the tires up. But once I get her restored, anyone who really appreciates cars will pay a mint for her."

"Are you having any trouble finding parts?"

"Bobby's helping me," Dean said. "And my boss at the garage is hoping I'll be able to start repairing classic cars, which will give him a lot more customers."

"Dean, you rebuilt the Impala. If you can do that, you can do anything for any car."

"And the Impala is not easy to care for," Cas interjected.

"Yeah," Dean said. "And my boss knows that, but he's waiting for word to get around. There have been a few customers, but not much so far."

Sam nodded. "Give it time," he said. "I bet you'll have people coming from out of state eventually."

"Me too," Dean said. "Hey, um, Crowley actually stopped by the other day."

"Really? He's not doing anything, right? I've been leaving him alone, pretty much," Sam said.

"Yeah, he told me," Dean said. "But he wanted to tell me that he's released Bobby. Also, a couple of grunts have tried to take him out, and he'd like it if you could cancel the bounties on his head."

Sam blinked. "I thought I already did," he said. "Ah, I'll check on it as soon as I get back."

"Good," Dean said. "Much as I hate to admit it- and I absolutely hate it- but we owe the guy."

Sam nodded. "I know. Even if he is irritating."

"He is highly irritating," Cas said. "I sometimes find myself wishing to smite him, even though I know that I should not."

Sam and Dean both started to laugh. "I have got to tell him that," Dean said. "Oh, the look on his face!"

Very slowly, Cas smiled.

Sam looked up and waved at Betty. "Check?" he called out.

Betty nodded and went to get the check.

"It's my turn this week, right?" Sam asked.

"I think so," Cas said.

"I paid last week, makes it your turn," Dean said.

Sam nodded and pulled out his wallet.

They made idle talk as Sam paid and they headed out.

"So, how long before they all decide we're nutcases?" Dean asked just as they reached the door.

"Aren't we nutcases?" Sam asked just as the door closed behind them.

Dean started laughing.

The three of them walked around the corner and out of sight. The people in the diner knew from experience that if they followed, they wouldn't find them.

Betty sighed. Another Saturday to add to the mystery.

I really do need to thank icelily01 over on Livejournal for the beta. Thank you! It's a much better story with your help