Authors' Note

Miss Nunya: Hello, my lovelies!

Missnunyastalkerfan: You know you sound like the witch from Hansel and Gretel, right?

Miss Nunya: I sound like a child predator? …Urm, lemme try that, again. Hi, you guys!

Missnunyastalkerfan: And girls!

Miss Nunya: That was implied. *rolls eyes* Smartypants.

Missnunyastalkerfan: Finally you acknowledge my intellect! ;) I'm so smart it took me, like, three tries to spell acknowledge. Make that five now…

Miss Nunya: Hey, I said your pants were smart. That doesn't mean the rest of you. ;D

Missnunyastalkerfan: How smart can my pants be? They were on clearance.

Miss Nunya: Yeah… No comment. =)

Missnunyastalkerfan: So, yeah, the story. (Getting people off-task, you should be ashamed, Miss Nunya) Tsk, tsk.

Miss Nunya: Hehe. Oops.*clears throat* Welcome, dear readers (and reviewers, I hope) to Last Name, a collaborative effort between Missnunyastalkerfan and myself.

Missnunyastalkerfan: Cue trumpet!

Miss Nunya: Medieval of you.

Missnunyastalkerfan: I love that era! :P … that's an era, right?

Miss Nunya: Look, just because I question your intelligence doesn't mean I have any of my own. Ask Google.

Missnunyastalkerfan: After we finish this incredibly long authors' note. *hint-hint*

Miss Nunya: My bad. Lol. Enjoy our crazies.

Missnunyastalkerfan: Hope you enjoy! If not… Miss Nunya wrote it, not me! :P

Miss Nunya: Web of lies! I just wrote the perverted stuff…

Missnunyastalkerfan: Okay, let's let them read the story now.

Miss Nunya: Right, right. Oh, this was inspired by Carrie Underwood's song Last Name.

Missnunyastalkerfan: Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If either of us owned Teen Titans, we would kill each other in a jealous rage. We're both still alive.

Last Name

Chapter One



That was the first thing I noticed when I woke up. My head felt like it was being stabbed with an ice pick, and the light was not helping.

Rolling over, I tried to shield my eyes from the cursed sunlight streaming through the window. Only… my left arm was stuck.

Cracking an eye open, I saw that my wrist was cuffed to the bedpost.

What the…? I thought, trying to free my hand from furry, pink handcuffs.

That's when I noticed the cheap, vending machine ring on my finger.

And, subsequently, my current state of undress.

And the fact that this wasn't my hotel room.

And that said ring wasn't on just any finger.


I sat up in panic, but immediately wished I hadn't as a wave of dizziness and nausea joined my mind-splitting headache in a token of last night's activities.

Or what little I could remember of them.

I eased back into bed slowly and tried to think around my alcohol induced stupor.

I remembered arriving in Las Vegas yesterday afternoon…

"Kory," I begged. "Can't you just go clubbing alone? I'll stay in the room and read a book or something."

"That defeats the purpose of this trip, Rachel dear," Kory replied in that annoyingly sweet voice of hers. "You're supposed to be having fun. All you ever do is work and read, work and read, work and-"

"I got it," I cut in. "I didn't realize getting drunk and dry humping strangers to loud music was categorized as 'fun'," I added sarcastically.

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," Kory laughed as she pranced up to the concierge desk to check us in. I rolled my eyes.

The sound of a shower turning on pulled me from my flashback. I glanced around the room and spotted the hot pink tube dress Kory had forced me into. It, along with the rest of my clothing, was strewn across the floor in what I can only assume had been the 'heat of the moment' last night.

Trying to ignore the fact that Kory was actually able to get me into that dress (and that someone was able to get me out of it), I struggled to recall what had happened at the club…

I took one look at the club as we walked through the door. Bright spotlights, slot machines, pounding music, the stench of sweat and smoke, and dancing that resembled a nature documentary on reproducing rabbits. I gave a look of disgust at the drunken partiers and their primitive behavior. There was no way I would stay in the same room as those Neanderthals. I turned to escape, but Kory stopped me.

"I'm going back to the room." I declared.

"Aw, Rachel, you just got here!" Kory exclaimed. "You can't leave!"

"Watch me," I retorted.

"Fine," Kory replied, an evil glint in her eye. "Then I'll just bring some guys back to the room for you." I gaped at her and she gave me a smug smile. "Now, are you gonna have fun?"

"Tequila!" I yelled at a startled bartender, shoving Kory on a stool and sitting down. I wasn't going to have 'fun' sober.

"Rachel, don't you think you've had enough," Kory asked me a while later.

"Nope," I said, downing another shot. "Why don't you go dance, though? That guy over there has been ogling you for a while," I cocked my head in the direction of a blue eyed guy with spiky black hair. "He's not bad looking," I added with a shrug, titling my head back to drain my shot glass.

Kory sent a wistful smile his way before looking back at me, clearly not wanting to leave me by myself. "Are you sure-"she began.

"I'll be fine," I promised. Famous last words.

She watched my face for a sign that I was lying. "Okay," she said, finally. "But call if you need me."

I looked down at my refilled shot glass as Kory left. "Guess it's just you and me now, buddy."

"Maybe I could help," a someone said in my ear and way too close for my liking. "I'm not a doctor, but I have a cure for loneliness."

I looked Mr. Sleazy up and down. "I'm not drunk enough," I said to him, giving him a look of complete indifference.

He chuckled. "I'll come back later, then, baby," he called over his shoulder. I gagged.

A few shots of tequila later (I might have lost count), I saw Kory strut over to the DJ. Gulping down the last of my liquid gold, I staggered across the dance floor towards her, leaning on the occasional dancer for support. She was just such a great friend and I had a sudden urge to tell her how much I loved her.

"Kooooooooory!" I called. "Koooooooooooooooooory!"

Shoot! I thought, being pulled from another memory at the realization that Kory was probably worried sick. I spotted my purse on the floor and tugged angrily at the handcuffs. I needed to get my phone so I could call her.

I groaned when the cuffs didn't budge and covered my face with my pillow.

This was not happening. Then, I heard a voice from the other room.

"Dude, there's a girl cuffed to your bed!" the unfamiliar voice exclaimed.

"Yeah, I think that's my wife," an all-too-familiar voice replied, triggering another memory. Elvis was standing in front of us. We were in a chapel, of sorts. "Is she awake, yet?"

"Yeah," the other voice scoffed. "And she doesn't like the cuffs."

"She didn't mind them last night," Mr. Sleazy said, and I cringed, imagining him winking at his friend.

Could my life get any worse?

"Come on, Gar. Let's go see this wife o' mine," Mr. Sleazy suggested.

I just had to ask, I thought as I heard footsteps.

Big uh-oh.

Authors' Note (again)

Missnunyastalkerfan: If you are reading this, I guess you enjoyed the story and didn't throw your computer across the room in disgust. (Been there, done that).

Miss Nunya: You're so violent! It's inspiring. :)

Missnunyastalkerfan: Why, thank you. :) Okay, so people: REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW. First five reviewers get a free giraffe!

Miss Nunya: *whispering* We don't have any giraffes!

Missnunyastalkerfan: I've got connections. ;)

Miss Nunya: Really? I want a giraffe!

Missnunyastalkerfan: Sweetie, you can't review your own story. Buut, if you behave, maybe Santa will give you one.

Miss Nunya: Great. That stupid, fat man hates me.

Missnunyastalkerfan: Hmmm, I wonder why. Maybe because of the fire incident two Christmases ago…

Miss Nunya: I was only trying to install a jet engine to his sled. He should be thanking me.

Missnunyastalkerfan: There are only two reindeer now, thanks to you!

Miss Nunya: Well, if Santa ever needs an air head to help float his sled, he can borrow Kitten. Ooo, or maybe I could send him a hot air balloon!

Missnunyastalkerfan: Yeah… I'm just gonna go now… *walks off shaking head*

Miss Nunya: Was it something I said? *shrugs* Go review!