A/N: This story came to mind when I was watching TV with my sister and I liked it. So hopefully you like it too.
Edward: DON'T READ THIS IF YOU LOVE ME!
(bangs him on head with frying pan and watches him collapse) Ignore him. Just go ahead and read this, even if you love Edward and the other Cullens.
Oh and just a warning, people are out of character here, so I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to live with that unless you leave now.
Alice and Edward led the small group of people towards the house where the others waited. Edward kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure that he was being followed by the dark haired woman who had shown him the light. He couldn't believe that he had gone on living for so long without knowing this light, this feeling.
"Go ahead Edward," the woman ordered gently. "Take me to the Cullens."
Edward nodded and continued walking. A tall, black haired boy with tan skin leaned close to a shorter man with brown hair.
"Are you sure that she can take care of them?" he asked the shorter man. "I mean, we haven't been able to do it and we've tried almost everything."
"Don't worry about it," the shorter man said. "These monsters will be taken care of shortly. You won't have to worry about mysterious killings anymore. Kahlan knows what to do. She is a Mother Confessor after all."
Kahlan glanced over her shoulder at the men following her and smiled.
Alice glanced over at Kahlan. "It shouldn't be much longer Mistress. We called ahead and made sure that everyone will be there, waiting for us."
"You have done well Alice," Kahlan said, smiling at the future seer. "Zed, are you ready just in case they try to run?"
"Yes. I'm taking magical precautions as we speak," Zed said, staring at the house as they grew closer to it.
"What are you? Some kind of wizard?" the tan boy asked, glancing over the short man's head at the lanky gray haired man.
"Exactly. I am a wizard of the First Order," Zed declared proudly.
"So…you can do magic? Real magic?" the tan boy asked again.
"What else would a wizard do? Talk to chickens all of their life in the light of the full moon?"
"Um…am I supposed to answer that, Richard?" the tan boy asked, uncomfortably.
Esme opened the door and smiled at Edward and Alice until she saw who they had brought with them and then her smile faltered slightly. "Edward, Alice, who are these people?"
"They're friends," Alice said with a bright smile. "And they have told us of many wonderful things."
"Mrs. Cullen," Kahlan said, stepping forward. "May I come in with my friends?"
"Yes of course," Esme muttered, moving out of the way so she could enter. "Would you like anything to drink?"
"No thank you." Kahlan waited until Esme had closed the door before closing her hand over the short woman's throat.
Esme's eyes turned completely black for a moment before Kahlan let her go. Edward caught Kahlan when she stumbled backwards.
"Command me Confessor," Esme whispered, staring at Kahlan.
"Act as you normally do," Kahlan ordered quietly. "We do not want the others to fight against us."
"No. No we can not have them fight against us," Esme agreed.
"Mother?" Rosalie asked, coming into the front hall. "What's going on?"
Esme smiled at her 'daughter' and crossed over to her. "Nothing dear. Edward was just introducing me to his new friends." She turned to look at everyone. "What were your names again?"
"I am Richard," Richard said. "This is Zed and this is Kahlan."
Rosalie looked disgusted when she saw the person standing behind them all. "Ugh…you brought the mutt here."
"It's nice to see you too, leech," Jacob said, glaring at her.
"Rosalie, Jacob, you two really should learn to get along after everything we've been through," Esme said, shaking her head slightly. "Come Rosalie, shake hands with everyone."
Rosalie took a step towards the group before stopping. "Something isn't right about this. Who are these people and what do they want?"
"Rosalie, come here," Esme ordered.
"No. Not until you tell me what's going on."
"You might want to grab her now," Alice muttered, glancing at Kahlan. "She's about thirty seconds away from running back into the living room to get the others."
Kahlan sighed. "I was hoping to avoid violence. Edward."
"Yes Mistress?" Edward asked, looking down at her.
"Grab Rosalie and hold her for me," Kahlan commanded.
Edward's honey colored gaze turned to his 'sister' and she took a step back.
"Edward, what are you doing? What's with all this 'Mistress' crap?" Rosalie demanded, looking almost a little scared.
"Do not insult my Mistress," Edward said, jumping at her.
Rosalie screamed against his hand when he placed it over her mouth and held her tightly against him.
"Do not scream," Esme ordered from Edward's side when he dragged the blonde back over to the small group. "This is for your own good."
"My own good?" Rosalie asked, looking terrified. "What are you going to do to me?"
"Our Mistress is going to show you the light," Alice said with a beautiful smile. "Everything will become clearer for you and you will know your purpose in life. Finally."
"Yeah, it's not like you have much of a purpose here right now," Jacob commented. "I mean, besides being the bitch of the entire series."
Rosalie glared at him. "When I get a hold of you, you're going to regret ever worming your way into our lives!"
"That's not going to happen," Kahlan stated, placing her hand around Rosalie's throat.
Rosalie gasped as her eyes turned black and met Kahlan's eyes. Edward promptly let Rosalie go and watched her fall to the floor as Richard caught Kahlan. Jacob pointed at Kahlan.
"Is she always going to do that?" he inquired.
"Yes, that's part of what happens when a Confessor confesses someone," Zed muttered, crossing his arms.
"Command me Confessor," Rosalie whispered, staring up at Kahlan like Kahlan was a goddess.
"Come with us into the living room so that we may speak with the remaining members of your family," Kahlan commanded, straightening.
Rosalie nodded and led the way back into the living room, smiling as if she was going to receive a huge present if she did what she was told. The others followed them into the living room where the three other men waited. Carlisle looked up from the couch and studied the expressions of his wife and 'children'.
"Is everything all right?" he asked.
"Yes. Everything is fine," Esme promised before gesturing at the people around her. "This is Richard, Kahlan, and Zed. They're friends of Edward's and Alice's."
"And the mutt who is no one's friend but shows up anyway," Rosalie added with a disgusted look on her face.
Jacob leaned towards Richard again. "I thought Kahlan fixed her."
"She's just playing along," Richard whispered.
Jasper stared at the group with his large bug eyes. "Why do you four seem so happy?"
"What do you mean?" Alice asked, walking over to him. "I'm always happy."
"I know you are and so is Esme, but Rosalie and Edward?" Jasper shook his head and a little dog fell out of his hair and ran off yelping. "Rosalie is never happy unless she can splurge at some rich stores and even then she's not this happy. And Edward…he's always brooding about how he can never really be with Bella because he could kill her and that angsty-ness…Why are you two so happy now?"
Edward smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "We just are."
"Why do you ask this Jasper?" Alice asked, touching his arm. "Are you not happy that there is so much happiness in this room? Don't you like not feeling so much sadness?"
Jasper looked down at her and shook his head. "I don't mind. I was just curious."
"Honey," Esme said, addressing Carlisle. "Don't you want to shake hands with our guests?"
Carlisle stood up and walked over to the small group, holding his hand out to Richard. "It is a pleasure to meet all of you."
"Likewise," Richard said, smiling at the man.
Carlisle shook hands with Zed next before coming to a stop in front of Kahlan. She smiled welcomingly and held out her pale hand. Carlisle took it and his eyes turned black.
"How may I serve you Mistress?" he asked, staring down his nose at her.
"Carlisle?" Jasper asked, taking a step towards his 'father' while Emmett just growled and glared at the whole room. "What's going on?"
"Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Carlisle, please grab hold of Emmett," Kahlan commanded gently. "We can't have him hurting himself before I get to him."
With blank looks, the said Cullens surrounded Emmett and grabbed onto him, avoiding his swinging arms. Edward was thrown into a wall, but was on his feet in an instant. Rosalie and Esme tried to go behind Emmett to grab him around the neck, but he was being difficult.
"You won't take me down!" he growled. "You mindless zombies! Jasper, help me!"
Jasper made to move forward, but Alice grabbed onto his arm, holding him in place. She smiled sweetly.
"Kahlan would like to have a word with you," she told him, looking at Kahlan.
Jasper looked up at Kahlan as she approached. "What have you done to my family? And why?"
"I have confessed your family," Kahlan said simply. "Because you are vampires and vampires do not protect humans. They feed off of them and end their lives. We can not allow this to continue…not in Forks and not anywhere else."
Jasper looked past Kahlan at Jacob. "You were the one who brought these people here! Were you not strong enough to take us on yourself?"
Jacob smirked. "Sometimes people need to call in some back up. Don't worry. You'll be seeing my pack in a little bit."
Jasper opened his mouth to say something, but Kahlan had already grabbed him by the throat. His eyes turned black and he walked off with Alice to help his family subdue a tiring Emmett at the whispered command of Kahlan.
In a matter of minutes, Emmett was pinned to the floor, held down by his own family. Kahlan stood over him and he snarled, straining to get up.
"You won't claim my soul too, witch!" Emmett snapped, flashing his fangs at her.
"You fought well, Emmett, but the time for fighting is over," Kahlan whispered, closing her hand over Emmett's throat.
Kahlan, Richard, and Zed stood on the front lawn, watching the wolf pack destroy the Cullens with Jacob.
"All that's left is to burn their remains so they can't put themselves back together," Jacob muttered, glancing at Zed as the wolves stepped away from the piles of broken body parts that had been the Cullens moments earlier.
Zed lifted his hands and wizard's fire erupted from his palms, consuming the body parts. With a grim smile, he lowered his hands, ending the fire stream.
"Well, that's the end of that," Zed muttered.
"We can return home now," Kahlan agreed.
"And will you please take that guy with you too?" Jacob asked, pointing at a black haired man wearing a red outfit.
"By the Gods, how the hell did he get here?" Zed asked.
"Darken Rahl, here?" Richard asked with a roll of his eyes. "Great."
Darken Rahl glared at the large dogs surrounding him. "You will all worship me and help me conquer this land! I have infinite power and –"
"You're dead!" Richard called.
Darken Rahl smirked. "And I have conquered death!"
Kahlan looked at Jacob. "Open the portal back to the Westlands."
"Good idea," Jacob said, throwing some magic dust that opened a portal. "And thanks for taking care of the Cullen problem."
"Anytime," Kahlan said before she vanished through the portal with Richard, Zed, and a scared Darken Rahl.
"Creeps," Jacob whispered once the portal was closed.
A/N: And so ends my weird story. I'm not so sure that I'm happy with this, but I'll deal with that later. So did you like it?
Edward: No. I died at the hands of wolves!
Darken Rahl: No. I had a small part at the end and I'm much more important than any vampire.
Boys, knock it off. We'll deal with this in a little while. For everyone else, please review me and let me know what's on your mind as you read this.