OOC and Other Natural Disasters
The problem even Max can't solve? Crappy characterization, raging clichés, and enough teenage angst to make Robert Pattinson sob. These are the case files of Maximum Ride fanfiction gone wrong. A parody.

The Co-Dependent Whiner

Maximum Ride—the savior of the world, if the mad scientists are to be believed. She's strong, smart, and can wipe the floor with ten baddies while smart-mouthing all of them into a coma. So why, people, do you insist on making her a whiny, nagging teenager with no identity outside of Fang?

In case you haven't noticed, Max is pretty independent. I'm a huge Fax shipper. I've written a ton of Fax stories. But get this—Max doesn't need Fang to feel worth anything. And she most definitely would not 1) attempt suicide to get back to Fang, 2) mope around for 20 years waiting for Fang, or 3) go clinically insane waiting for Fang. Hello? Max did not just step out of a My Chemical Romance song, people. Believe it or not.

Case In Point:

"Max?" Gazzy called. There was no answer. Which was no surprise, since Max had taken to blasting emo music from her room and sobbing into one of Fang's old shirts for hours on end. In fact, everyone was so sick of Max ditching them to go cry that they voted Angel leader. Again.

"You know, I used to kind of like My Chemical Romance, but now I can't stand them," Nudge sighed, flipping through a copy of Vogue.

Max chose just that moment to open her door, her gallons of tears making her mascara smear (strange, since Max has never worn makeup before). She looked at the magazine and burst into loud, wailing cries. "That's like the magazine Fang bought for you once!" she cried pitifully. She then launched herself out the window in a bizarre suicide attempt. Which failed, given that the house they were staying in had one story. You'd think that Max, brilliant leader she was, would have thought of that. Apparently Fang had taken both the laptop and Max's IQ.

Gazzy sighed and opened the window. "Fang has a blog, you know. That you can comment on."

"It just wouldn't be the saaaaaaame!" Max wailed.

Iggy finally took pity on poor Max and taped her wings together and shoved her off the Grand Canyon. But, against any kind of believable odds, Fang suddenly swooped in from the other side of the country and saved her. Then they made out.

The end.


Credit goes to Pen Against Sword and Mengde from the FFVII fandom; I pirated this layout from them. They're cool.