Title: Pieces of me
Author: Lisea18
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I'm making no money from writing this

A big thanks to r3b3liousr3b3l who was nice enough to check this story and told me to write it when I wanted to abandon the plot bunny to her.

Author's note: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes.

Warning: zombies, disturbing crack … go blame Skully for it .

For: Skully, because I looooove teasing her about her two gore-ish drawings

Pieces of me

Naruto eyed himself in the mirrors surrounding the zombie bar while he waited for his drink. He was perfect; disheveled blonde hair, blue eyes, body of a Greek god, decaying tan flesh. He had put on old blue washed-out jeans that fit his body perfectly, even if he was a tad bit worried about taking them off… Who knew how much skin he might lose in the process. He idly scratched the back of his head, distractedly shaking his hand to get rid of the newly peeled off flesh.

"Hey, you should stop that dude, soon we'll see your spine!" called Kiba, making his way to his friend.

"You're one to talk, I'm not the one missing chunks of flesh because I stupidly roughhouse with my dog," retorted Naruto, grinning and pointedly eying the parts sewed together by Kazuku.

Kiba growled at that, slapping the blond's back hard enough to make him stumble forward and lose one blue eye. He followed it with one dilated one in surprise and winced when it took a dive into a random guy's drink. Or so he thought, until he met the man's gaze—scratch that, the man's death glare.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke," replied Naruto, grinning like an idiot, and once again scratching his nape, dead flesh powdering on his clothes.

"Stop making eyes at me," hissed Sasuke, punching Naruto's eye back into place.

"Ow! Very smooth, bastard!" he complained, making sure his eye was back correctly.

Sasuke merely flipped him off, ordering a new glass since there was no way he would drink something the moron had touched. It wasn't helping the blond nightmare had been hitting on him ever since they met at the zombie bar and was now his lover. Truly, Sasuke thought Naruto was the perfect example of cliché zombies: brainless. It was truly a miracle he knew how to climb stairs.

"Don't be so moody, Sasuke," purred Naruto, inching closer.

"Fuck you."

"Anytime," chuckled the blonde with a shit-eating smile, wiggling his eyebrows.

Sasuke snorted, looking behind the blond only to see a drunken woman using her bowels as necklaces. He scrunched his face, looking down only to find Naruto upside down, smiling at him. He pushed him back, hearing the loud crash and some colorful cursing with satisfaction. He stood up, and walked towards the exit, not even needing to look behind his shoulder to know Naruto had scrambled back up and was following him.

Knowledge that was confirmed the moment he stepped out of the building and was slammed against a wall, two hands already working his belt off. He could feel Naruto rubbing against him, panting softly in his ear before he rammed inside.

"Fuck, you're always so tight!" moaned the blonde, biting Sasuke's shoulder were another mark from him was still perfectly visible.

"Shut up and move, moron," ordered Sasuke, rolling his hips.

"Bastard," Naruto grumbled half-heartedly since he, too, was very eager.

Sasuke smirked as he clenched around Naruto, hearing him pant in pleasure. He growled when he still hadn't moved and tapped his fingers against the wall, making clear he was fucking waiting. Stillness and silence was all that met him.

"Naruto," he warned, glaring behind his shoulder before raising an eyebrow at Naruto's thunderstruck expression.

"Er… Sasuke…" mumbled the blond, beet red, scratching his nape and biting his lips.

"The hell?" Sasuke demanded before looking down, following Naruto's horrified and frantic glances.

Sasuke just couldn't believe it. He knew zombies were prompt to lose body parts randomly but… this. THIS was just too fucking much! That could only happen to an irrecoverable moron. Naruto had just lost his dick in his ass! That was just…

Naruto pouted as Sasuke passed from stunned to greatly amused, snorting and smirking at the blonde. He would never let him live it down; he could even bet the asshole would tell Sai.

"Stop it, bastard," he hissed.

"Dickless moron," snickered Sasuke.

"Shut up and give me the super glue," mumbled Naruto, mortified.

The End

Well, this is done. I hate it. I wanted it to be funny and sarcastic and it's just stupid. Hope you could still find a tad bit of enjoyment, and I'm sorry I could only give you that Skully…