So, this was a totally random item I wrote up entirely last night. The plot bunny was released in my brain when one of my favorite reviewers, Just A Bella, told me in a review for the last chapter of A Stable Ever After "Hell you could write about digging ditches and make it seem like the most erotic job in the world." And I thought to myself, could I really?

Thanks to Just A Bella's unintentional challenge, you now have this little bit of fluff and fun. Thank you as always to my beta GrayMatters Fanfiction.

To Just A Bella, thanks for giving me a fun night of writing...and pay attention to the teacher's name later in the'll know why.

Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The intellectual property including but not limited to, all characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds, and details belong to Iadorepugs. Plagiarism is theft so please no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. Thank you

Down & Dirty


"Dad…..I don't need help with the work today."

Charlie looked up at me for his position flat on his back in his bed, as the doctor ordered. "I am well aware you can handle the job on your own. But it will go faster and smoother with a second pair of hands."

"I've only grown up on the ranch since I was three Dad, I love that you still think twenty years later I'm incapable of handling things myself." I folded my arms and glared at him.

"Bells…you know that's not true. Don't get your panties in a twist. I know you can, but normally I would be out there helping you. You wouldn't complain then would you?" Charlie raised an eyebrow and stared me down.

"My panties are not in a twist," I huffed. "Fine, you are right about that last point."

"So you will have help today, just expect him to show up about nine."

"Fine. Listen, while I'm working don't be stupid and get out of bed other than to take a damn piss, got it Dad?" I pointed a finger at him. "If you want your back to heal quickly….."

"Yeah, yeah. Where did you get that dirty mouth Twisty?" Dad grinned at me.

"From you and you damn well know it. Oh and just to make sure you behave, Sue will be stopping by every couple of hours to check on you." I snickered at the change of expression on my Dad's face.

"Oh Jesus Christ on a cracker Bella. Did you have to do that? You know she drives me nuts always making passes at me," Charlie groaned.

"What goes around comes around Dad. Don't get your panties in a twist." I waved and headed out. "Call my cell if you need me," I hollered back. I could just hear him grumbling to himself.

I gathered up the tools I knew would be needed and threw them in the truck. Then I realized I hadn't even asked Charlie who he had roped into helping me. Well whoever it was they better be able to keep up. I looked up at the bright blue sky with a few fluffy white clouds. Today was going to be a warm one. I loaded a couple extra water bottles in the cooler.

"Hi Bella." Fucking hell, I knew that voice. I took a deep breath hoping that when I turned it wouldn't be who I thought it was. No such luck.

"Edward. You are who my Dad hooked into helping me today? Fabulous." I rolled my eyes and closed the truck bed gate with a little more force than necessary.

Edward just grinned at me. "He didn't tell you?"

"He told me someone was helping me. I forgot to get the particulars. If I'd known it was your cocky ass, I would have put up a bigger fight about it." I shook my head.

"Hey now. I'm generously offering my free help today. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth Swan." I motioned for us to go, trying to keep from making eye contact with Edward.

"Most likely a Trojan horse. You don't do anything for free Edward. There must be something in it for you." I pulled my hair back to get it out of the way. We both climbed in the truck because I knew Edward was joining me today whether I liked it or not.

"The only Trojans I deal with have nothing to do with horses," Edward retorted.

"Ew, you are such a pervert Cullen. Try to keep your dirty mind to yourself today please." I fought the desire to look over at him. Despite the fact this man drove me up the fucking wall, he was also entirely too good looking. We'd grown up neighbors, gone to the same high school, but parted for college, thank God. But when I came home to help my Dad with the ranch, I was dismayed to learn Edward had done the same. I did my best to avoid him, but run ins were inevitable.

Edward had been obnoxious as long as I had known him. He lived to tease me and piss me off just to see me react. I was going to have to channel Mother Theresa today, because I would need the patience of a saint to keep from getting in a verbal sparring match.

I smirked to myself remembering in middle school when I'd actually hit him and given him a black eye. Served him right too for reporting to the entire cafeteria I was wearing my first bra.

"What's so funny Swan?"

I drove across the pasture, hesitating before I answered. "I was remembering the shiner I gave you in the seventh grade."

"Ah, yes." I could hear the amusement in Edward's voice. "The bra incident."

I stopped the truck and hopped out without acknowledging his response. Edward met me at the back of the truck and gave me an obvious head to toe look, focusing on my chest. "Well you've come a long way since the seventh grade Bella, if you don't mind me saying."

"I do mind. Would you kindly keep your eyes off my chest Cullen." I handed him a shovel. "You're here to work, not stare at my boobs."

Edward grinned. "You mean I can't do both? I'm a good multitasker."

I fought the urge to take the shovel I had in my hand and hit him over the head with it. I had the brief mental image of him walking off like Wile E. Coyote, squeaking like an accordion. How was I going to make it through six to eight hours of this? Fuck.

"A little less commentary out of you Cullen would go a long way to making this day easier for both of us." I grabbed the cooler and Edward grabbed a few more tools.

"Yes but it wouldn't be nearly as fun though." Edward raised an eyebrow and smirked at me.

I kept my mouth shut and walked over to the ditch that needed to be deepened and extended. It helped drain excess water to prevent flooding in the field. Edward stood next to me. Before I could discuss what we needed to do Edward hopped down in the ditch, looking both directions.

"So I'm assuming we are going to extend this at both ends and deepen it here to promote drainage into the main line." He looked up at me, shading his eyes from the sun.

"Yes." I watched him walk a ways down the ditch, noticing how his work jeans rode low on his hips. Stop it Bella, quit noticing that he's hot. Try to remember you can't stand him.

Edward nodded as he turned and walked back to where I stood. In one swift move he pulled off the long sleeve shirt he had been wearing unbuttoned, revealing a snug fitting gray wife beater. I fought my gasp by biting my lower lip and turning away for just a moment. When I turned back Edward was watching me curiously. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Let's get working." I joined Edward in the ditch and we got to work.

Within a couple hours we had made decent progress. I paused to wipe the sweat from my forehead with my t-shirt. I pulled it off and tossed it up on the grass, tugging my blue tank top back down. I looked down the ditch and of course my eyes were unable to avoid Edward. I watched his muscles across his back and shoulders as he worked. He was sweating and when he bent over to pick at something in the dirt the site of the bare expanse of skin at his low back made my heart pound.

I leaned back against the wall of the ditch for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. Edward had been working diligently and quietly. There were times I could feel his eyes on me, but since I was guilty of staring at him, I guess I didn't have room to say anything.

What was it about him that made it impossible for me to ignore his body, his eyes, his hair…that looked like he's just gotten out of bed after giving some lucky woman multiple orgasms. Again Bella, stop with the dirty thoughts. I swallowed and tried to ignore the shiver that went through my body at the thought. He was an arrogant obnoxious pain in my ass, and that was what I had to remember.


I shrieked and jumped because Edward was right next to me. I didn't even hear him approach I was so caught up in my thoughts of his sex hair. "Yes."

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Do you want a water?"

I blinked for a moment. "Um, yes, thank you."

Edward pushed up on the edge of the ditch and jumped out. My mouth fell open inadvertently watching his arm muscles flex and relax as he climbed out with ease. His jeans were even lower around his hips and I could see the hint of a trail of hair disappearing down the front of them when he turned to walk back. I looked at my shovel handle and pretended there was something very interesting about it.

"Here you go." Edward jumped down in the ditch landing in front of me.

"Thank you." I took the water from him and drank some.

"Hold still." Edward moved in closer to me and I pressed back into the cool dirt behind me. He reached out and wiped his thumb over the tip of my nose. "You had dirt on your nose." He gave me a crooked smile and moved to lean against the other side of the ditch straight across from me.

"Um, thanks again." My heart was pounding from having him that close to me for just that one moment. Bella….you are in trouble, big, big, trouble.


This was going to be by far one of the more interesting days in my life. When Charlie Swan had called me to ask for help today, I was a little surprised. He knew full well his daughter was not a fan of my company. Not that I could entirely blame her. Ever since I had first laid eyes on Bella Swan in Miss Tab's first grade class, I had been drawn to her. I wanted nothing but to talk to her.

Since then I had excelledin continually driving her up the wall. I couldn't help myself. She was just so adorable when her dark brown eyes sparked fire, and her cheeks grew flushed when I said something that got her back up. I remember her flouncing off in a pair of red overall's across her front yard, her curls bouncing, when I had annoyed her on the bus ride home one day.

I kept telling myself I wouldn't do it again, but inevitably I would. Although after she decked me in middle school, and I realized that I had hurt her feelings, I made a vow I was going to do better. Mainly that led to me talking less to her, and even though I hated that, I refused to accidentally hurt her again. We still had our moments though. Since we had both moved back to town after college, I had done my best to be polite every time we crossed paths. I could tell Bella still regarded me with a great deal of suspicion.

Something else was there now though. She'd been pretty before she left for college. When she came home after graduation I decided Bella qualified as incredibly beautiful now. She was single, but I knew there was no way she had been through all four years of college. The thought of another guy touching her made me sick to my stomach.

That's why I jumped at the opportunity to spend time with Bella that Charlie had presented. Maybe I could manage to show her that I'd always liked her. I never could seem to say the kind of things that would interest her in talking more. Instead I said things that achieved the opposite.

I watched Bella dig down at her end of the ditch. Her reaction to my arrival this morning had been priceless. At the same time I didn't miss how she looked at me. The attraction I felt was definitely not one sided. I just had to hope I could convince her to let her guard down just a little.

Bella stood up and brushed the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail back. She pulled off her t-shirt and I sucked in my breath. Oh my. Bella in a blue tank that showed off her curves, clinging to the sweaty areas of her body. I tried to ignore the tightening in my groin that always resulted when I got a glimpse of Bella's figure.

Water, it was definitely time for some water. As I climbed out of the ditch I peeked under my arm and caught Bella staring at me open mouthed. I chuckled quietly to myself and made sure that my walk back to the ditch was casual. Bella tried to hide the fact she was watching me, especially my lower abdomen, but I noticed. I always knew when Bella's eyes were on me. Watching them dilate when I brushed the dirt off her nose, was encouraging.

I gave her some space and picked a safe topic. "How's your dad's back feeling?" I watched her as she sipped her water.

"Okay. A little better today. But he's on bed rest for at least another four days, and then he has to take things easy for a while after that. I know by the end of it he's going to be chomping at the bit to get out working again."

I nodded. "I can understand that. I hate staying still for too long. You know you might have to chain him down at some point."

Bella giggled. "That possibility has already crossed my mind."

"I like that."

Bella looked confused. "Like what, the idea of me chaining my father?"

I shook my head. "Your laugh. I don't hear it very often. I like the sound of it."

Blushing, Bella looked unsure what to do with that statement. "Thank you," she murmured, peeling at the label on her water bottle.

"You're welcome." I finished my water and with a grin went back down to where I had been working. Again, I knew Bella watched me walk away and I fought every part of me that wanted to turn around and see it for myself.

I was impressed with how hard she worked, but not surprised. Bella had always been tough. I really wanted to see what was under that though. How much of that was innately Bella, and how much of it was protection? I did know it was incredibly difficult to be a rancher's daughter, especially if you were the only woman in the house.

I was almost finished down at my end. We had accomplished a lot today. I was thankful for the afternoon breeze that was springing up. It felt good across my skin as I set my shovel aside. I stretched my arms over my head and leaned back a little with a groan.

"Ow! Fucking son of a…" Bella's loud chain of expletives caused me to turn around. She was bent over holding her hands over her face. Instantly I was running down to her end of the ditch.

"Bella! Are you okay? What happened?" I crouched down next to where she was bent over.

"Stupid dumb ass fucking hell." Bella sat down on the dirt, her face still covered.

"Bella, would you stop swearing long enough to tell me what happened?" I put one hand on her shoulder.

"I took a fucking shovel handle to the eye. Piss ant mother fucker." If she wasn't hurt I would be laughing at the creative combinations of curse words she was coming up with.

I put one finger under her chin. "Let me see."

"No!" Bella tried to turn away.

"Please let me see Bella." I grabbed both of her hands and pried them off her face. I put them down on her legs and grasped under her chin, turning her face towards me.

Boy, she had done a number on herself. Her right eye was already swelling and bruising. She had it held tightly shut. "Oh man. We need to get some ice on that. Can you open it? Please try." Bella cracked it open enough to satisfy me. "Okay, close it. I'll be right back, don't move."

Bella dropped her forehead against her knees. "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to sit here and continue to swear at that piece of shit fucknut shovel."

I chuckled as I hopped out of the ditch. I ran over to the cooler with Bella's t-shirt. I put some ice in it and made a small cold pack. I rejoined Bella and sat down next to her. "I'm going to put some ice on your eye." Very gently I placed the pack over her eye. Bella winced but didn't say anything for once. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah." Bella reached up and grabbed the pack to hold it in place.

"You are going to have one hell of a black eye Bella."

"Thanks for stating the obvious. Guess we are even then." Bella looked over at me out of her good eye.

"How are we even?" I gestured at her eye, "This is not my fault."

"Yes it is," Bella grumbled.

"Please explain to me how this is my fault?" Bella scooted forward a bit and leaned her head back against the wall. She sighed and ignored my request. "Bella?"

After a long pause she growled, "Fine, I was watching you stretch and staring at your ass okay? My hands slipped on the handle and it hit my eye. If your damn jeans weren't fucking showing everything I wouldn't have gotten hurt."

I fought the instinct to laugh, because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that would piss her off royally. At the same time I was doing an internal fist pump that Bella had just admitted she liked my body. "I'm sorry, I guess it is my fault."

Bella looked at me like she was waiting for me to say more. I just looked back at her. "You aren't going to give me shit Cullen? I'm waiting for the smart ass remarks….where are they?"

"Bella, there is nothing funny about you getting hurt."

Bella looked a little stumped. She looked down for a second and then back at me. "You're not going to even make a comment that we are even now."

I sighed, closed my eyes and tilted my head back. "No, because I deserved that black eye you gave me Bella. What I did that day was mean, but I was too dense to know it. That's been my life, a series of stupid attempts to get you to notice me." And like most adolescent boys, I was trying to hide the fact from my friends I really liked her.

Bella shifted next to me. "What?"

I sat back up and moved to face Bella. "All I have ever wanted was you to notice me. To get a chance to talk to you."

"You have a funny way of showing it." Bella faced me, "Considering you continually get my back up and piss me off."

I smiled at her. "But you are so cute when you get annoyed, I adore it in a way. Sometimes I can't help myself."

Bella rolled her eyes. "You need mental help Cullen."

"Here, let me recheck your eye." Bella pulled the ice pack down and I used it as an opportunity to touch her face again. "The swelling is going down. That's good."

"Probably should call it a day. I'm not going to get any more work done like this." Bella started to get up but I stopped her.

"Hold on, just hang here and I'll go put things back in the truck. Then we will get you out of here." Bella looked like she was going to argue with me but I held one hand up. "If your ass leaves the ground I lose out on my chance to be a gentleman to you for once. Stay there please?"

Bella sighed, but also was fighting a smile. "Fine."

I gathered up the tools and tossed them up on the grass. With a wink at Bella I hopped up out of the ditch and loaded everything back in the truck. I came back and she was exactly where I left her. I held out one hand towards her, offering her help standing. Bella looked at my hand and up at me before she took it and let me pull her up.

I tugged a little harder than I needed to so that her body fell into mine. Dirty trick, but I couldn't help myself. What surprised me is Bella didn't instantly pull away as I expected her to. She looked up at me and I reached up and touched her cheek below her injured eye. "I'm really sorry you were hurt." That apology was for more than today, and we both knew it.

"I know, thank you." Bella's hand was still in mine and I laced my fingers through hers. I kept stroking her cheek gently as we stood there pressed against one another.

"You really are beautiful, black eye and all." I smiled at her and Bella smacked my chest.

"I knew it….there is the smart ass comment." But for the first time she smiled back. She reached up and rubbed her hand over the side of my neck. "You have dirt everywhere."

"I'm not sure about everywhere…you want to check?" I started laughing when Bella leaned her forehead against my chest and groaned.

"Jesus Edward, we are having a moment here and you have to say that."

I tipped her face up to look at me. "A moment? What constitutes a moment?"

Bella blushed a little. "I don't know….sharing something close with another person?"

"Well then I think I need to make the most of this moment then." I leaned in and brushed my lips softly over hers, waiting for her to push me away. Instead her hand wrapped around the back of my neck and pulled me ever so slightly nearer. So I deepened the kiss, feeling Bella's mouth relax under mine. I wrapped our two hands that were intertwined around her hip and brought her closer into me.

Bella's fingers ran up through my hair, she stepped back against the dirt wall and took me with her. I broke the kiss and we both looked at each other, panting. Bella gasped, "Is the moment over?"

I let go of her hand so I could run my fingers up her bare arm. Bella shivered and put her hand on my hip "Do you want it to be?"

"No," she whispered.

"Good." Our lips met again with a little more force. I traced my tongue over her lower lip and Bella opened her mouth. I felt her tongue flick mine and I fought a groan. Bella's fingers curled into my waistband, bringing my body closer to hers. Our tongues slid together, tangling sinuously in a way I hoped our bodies would at some point. When she reached around and grabbed my ass, pulling our hips tightly together, I knew she would have no doubt exactly how much I wanted more.

Reluctantly we broke to breathe. I leaned in and pressed a couple kisses to the side of Bella's neck before I looked at her. "We should get you home so you can take some advil or something."

Bella smiled as she slid her hands back to my waist. "I can't feel anything right now."

I chuckled. "Nevertheless, I'll feel better if you get some pain medicine in you." I grasped Bella around the waist and she let out a little shriek as I lifted her up to sit on the edge of the ditch. "Relax, I'm not going to drop you."

I hopped up and helped her up again. I walked her around to the passenger side and opened the door, gesturing for her to get in.

"Edward, I can drive just fine."

Wordlessly I turned the door so she could see her face in the side mirror. Bella's jaw dropped open when she saw her eye. "I'd feel better if the driver could see out of both eyes, wouldn't you agree?"

Bella nodded and got in the truck. When I got in the other side she looked over at me. "I still can probably drive better with one eye than you can with two."

I started the truck and turned to face her. "I know I can drive better with one eye." I waited for the double meaning to sink in. Suddenly Bella growled and slapped at me.

"Ugh, you are a pervert Edward."

I grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. "A gentleman pervert." Bella tried to give me a dirty look and then she just laughed and shook her head.

When we got back I helped her unload the truck. "Bella?" I took one of her hands, "will you let me take you out on a date tomorrow night? Somewhere that doesn't involve shovels and ditches."

Bella tilted her head at me and gave me a mischievous look. "Well that doesn't sound like much fun. No heavy labor on a first date?"

I laughed. "No, I save heavy labor for a later date. How about dinner and a movie?"

Bella nodded. "I think I might like that."

"Good. Now go take care of your eye." Bella started to walk towards the house, and I noticed how dirty her entire backside was. Suddenly she paused but didn't turn around.

"Are you staring at my ass Cullen?" She called back at me.

I could only answer with the truth. "Of course I am."

"Just checking." With a little wave over her shoulder Bella disappeared into the house.

Well, I had been right. This had been one of the more interesting, and definitely one of the best days of my life. Tomorrow, well hopefully it would be the same.

My question to you all...would you like to see me return to this couple at some point, if only for a few chapters? I know I have left you all hanging here. So review and let me know...does this plot bunny have a little more life in it?

Just A Bella, I hope it lived up to your expectations, love you.