Hello, old friends! Back when I wrote Evermore Experience, there were several requests for a peek into the 'sex talk' Esme, Rosalie, and Alice gave L. Here's a short outtake of what went on. Words in italics appeared in EE. I hope you enjoy!
Giggles erupted for the umpteenth time in an opulently decorated upstairs bedroom of Esme and Carlisle Cullen's home. The room looked for all intents and purposes like the perfect Regency era dressing lounge of the upper class. Fine wooden and red velvet furniture, silver appointments, and heavy red silk brocade window dressings gave one the impression of proper decorum and fine breeding such a home would have best suited. Yet there was an ease and grace that made a visitor feel comfortable in these opulent surroundings.
Everything in the room exuded class and refinement. That is, until one spied the 17 inch laptop sitting on the dressing table, around which four women giggled, pointed, and gawked at a PowerPoint presentation made to educate as well as embarrass one Liriope Missouri Hermitage. As if the visuals were not enough, Alice, Esme and Rosalie had incorporated appropriate musical selections depending upon the mood of the slides. L was more of a 60s and 70s music kind of woman. The 1860s and 1870s. Alice and Rosalie had intentionally picked music of a much darker, more powerful beat and lyrics that often made L choke on her own tongue when she heard them, much to the younger girls' delight.
"Next up, Role play and the bedroom," Rosalie announced, plopping a small gift bag into L's lap.
L looked like she had been handed a live rattlesnake and gingerly placed the bag on the floor. The prior chapter on 'Oral fixations' was quite in depth, and she was pretty sure it was going to be a long, long time before she ate a banana again, though she did now have a deeper appreciation for the works of Georgia O'Keefe.
"You have to open it!" Alice giggled.
"Yes, yes!" Esme agreed, adding her own contribution to the ever growing pile of presents at L's feet.
"You all really did not need to do this," L insisted, looking a little green around the gills. "I would have been happy just going to the pub and sharing memories about past wedding days rather than…"
L nodded. The chapter on stamina and recovery time had given her way more information into the people she considered brothers and sisters' sexual proclivities. Alice assured her that hybrid recovery times would be slower than vampire ones, but depending upon several factors, by and large, she would not die of exhaustion and would keep her soon to be husband very satisfied.
While she may have spent a good deal of her life in a rural setting and had been witness to more than one rutting, L was very sheltered in the more human side of the act. Unless it was written in a book, she had almost no knowledge with most of what she was seeing.
"Yes, we did!" Esme giggled. "We couldn't very well let our sister go to her bridal bed completely innocent."
"You forget December 14, 1977," L said dryly, still holding the bag in her lap with a certain amount of distrust.
"We were clothed! Well, at least Carlisle was."
"In ass-less chaps. You were naked, blindfolded, and tied to the bed while he…" She shook her head as if to erase the image.
"I missed this story," Rosalie interjected.
"Was distracted, walked into wrong room, was scarred for life," L muttered. She wondered if Will was getting the same sort of treatment from the men and if it was too late to elope.
"You will not elope, Liriope Missouri," Alice whispered, handing over a bright pink box.
"No, I wouldn't," she agreed.
"And you have to admit, Carlisle has a mighty fine ass," Esme giggled, sitting next to L and elbowing her gently.
"I don't have to admit anything other than 'ride me, you stallion' was echoing through my head for a long, long time."
L managed to hold a straight face for a few seconds before bursting into laughter and agreeing.
"Okay," Rosalie said, suddenly back to the business at hand. "Open your gifts."
Liriope did as ordered and found a riding crop, a cute miniature riding hat, a ladies riding suit of fine blue watered silk, and something that could only barely be called lingerie. That particular item was quickly shoved back into the bag.
"Roleplay doesn't have to just be in the bedroom," Alice said, pressing the spacebar on the laptop. A black and white image of Will, sporting a well-fitting English riding suit complete with riding crop in hand appeared. "Since Will has several farms, you can be the poor farm girl that needs to borrow money from the local landowner to save your parents' plot and will do anything to save it."
"Or the poor, young widow who needs more than just her horses exercised when a new foreman is hired," Rosalie added. "And he is perfectly willing to make sure she is well exercised whether it be in the bedroom, the barn, or..."
"Nice Photoshop," L commented, straightening the small pile of gifts on her lap as she tried to ignore just how appealing the scenarios were.
"Not Photoshop. Every few decades, Will shows horses on different circuits. That one was from the 40s."
L examined the image more closely, feeling a little flutter in her chest. The cut and fit of his suit hugged him just right and the air of self-confidence Will exuded took her breath away.
"Packing," Esme said, finishing her friend's sentence.
"That's not what I was going to say," L blustered, turning a new shade of red. She may have agreed but there was no way in the world she was going to say that out loud.
"Remember chapter four? Most vampire men are packing," Rosalie said with a wicked grin. She studied the screen for a moment. "You were right, Ali. Uncut. Granted, he's not bad; he's no Emmett."
"A little bigger than Jasper but it remains to be seen if he knows how to use it. Jasper is quite good at…"
L put her fingers in her ears and began to hum.
Esme took the gifts and placed them in the corner before returning and taking L's hands in hers.
"Liriope, you have spent most of your life locked away both figuratively and literally. Remember what you said Mary Frances' sex talk was?"
"Men are grunting pigs that root about, sweat a lot and run off to the next sow," L muttered. "And it's never a pleasant experience."
"Maybe with her," Rosalie muttered.
"We're just trying to show you that a healthy sexual relationship can be fun. Yes, there can be grunting and rooting, but it can also be…"
Esme's voice drifted off as she got a faraway look in her eyes.
"Okay, okay. Let me go through the role play lesson," L said with a sigh.
Alice held out a small pad of paper and a pencil.
"What's this for?"
"You're going to want to make notes so you don't forget the ideas you get. I've seen it." Alice tapped herself on the temple, earning a roll of the eyes from L.
The longer the PowerPoint slides cycled through, the more red-faced L became and the more carnelian her face, the louder the group became until Carlisle appeared at the door with his finger pressed to his lips in an attempt to quiet the ladies all the while failing at hiding a grin. He succeeded for approximately 3 and a half seconds for as soon as the door closed, the cackling began again.
"Stamina," roared Rosalie as L finished the section entitled Role Play and the Bedroom. "That is one thing you never have to worry about with a vampire. That and never needing to sleep. Will will just keep going and going and coming and coming."
"You're just getting even for me sending you that toilet paper cover for your last wedding, aren't you?" groused L.
"That thing was the tackiest piece of shit ever," Rosalie giggled. "I think we still have that in the house in Rochester. Emmett won't let me get rid of it."
"Oh, the one shaped like a chicken on a nest?" Esme laughed.
"Where the paper comes out its ass?" Alice giggled.
"It was meant as a joke," sighed L. "I mean, really, what do you get for someone getting married for the umpteenth time?"
"Certainly not that!" Rosalie guffawed, slapping her leg before unpausing the slideshow. "Keep going, L. You're only about a third of the way through!"
"Oh, dear Lord, help me now," L muttered after slide 405—subtitled, Lingerie and Underpinnings-appeared. She tried to cover her eyes but found herself powerless to avoid the visual assault. It was not that L was a prude. On the contrary, she appreciated the more bawdy side of life but usually it was from a lack of actual hands on, real life experience and some of these lessons were things she would just rather learn on her own. Or at least view the slideshow in the privacy of her own home and not with an audience. Or the constant unsolicited advice tossed in at a mind-boggling rate.
"So, you will need to find something to occupy Will's time when you need to sleep," Esme said, pulling out another round of gifts. "If you discover you like different scenarios, he can figure out all sorts of ways and places."
"And positions," Alice piped up, meriting a glare from L.
"He can plan all the ways I'm going to get even with y'all for this," L muttered, earning a laugh.
"Oh, now, L," Alice began, fluffing a particularly obnoxious pink and purple tulle bow on one box. "You know you love this."
And in more than one way, she was right. L had gone for decades alone in her little cabin in the mountains and envied the close sisterhood Esme, Alice, and Rose shared. Even though she had been invited to move in with Esme and Carlisle, it had never seemed right. Three mated women didn't need a single woman tagging along. And L wasn't quite sure she could handle hearing all three couples at once. She had no idea how Edward managed without going stark raving bonkers.
"Not really sure why y'all bought me glittery dusting cloths," L said, holding up a piece of lacy cloth.
"Those aren't dusting cloths. Those are undies," Esme
"To what purpose does that have?" she squeaked. "That'll barely cover my…"
"You'll see!" Alice giggled.
"And at least you don't have to worry about landscaping," Rosalie said, handing L a gift card to a fancy lingerie shop.
"I live on a mountain, Rose. My only…"
L's voice trailed off as she remembered one of the earlier subsections.
So there it is. That wasn't all they talked about, but a little deeper look into the evening. Poor L. =D
I hope to write 1 more outtake but that will be based off of Beyond Evermore and appear over there. Then I get to tackle some of the plot bunnies that Round 9 of the Twilight 25 brought around.
I'd love to know what y'all thought! Thank you!