Summary: Naruto could always tell when Sasuke was having a quarrel with his girlfriend. SasuHina, at twelve. Crack.


by Bullwinkle's Lady

Chapter 1

Naruto could always tell when Sasuke was having a quarrel with his girlfriend. Both seemed to be very rational people. Well...except when facing each other, of course.

"Don't you think this" said Naruto, peering into the hole his friend was digging. It was already seven feet down and getting deeper by the moment.

Placing the shovel over his shoulder, Sasuke, twelve, peered up at Naruto from the bottom of the hole. What is the idiot blubbering about? he wondered, wiping his forehead, but only managing to smear it with more dirt. He was covered in the filth. Not only his skin, but his hair and clothing had taken on a healthy brown coating of dirt and muck. He glanced around the hole. "This should be deep enough. Help me out, dobe." He held out a hand.

Naruto had the immense urge to leave his friend there, but grudgingly took his hand and helped him to climb out of the hole. "This is so wrong," he moaned. Sasuke always acted so mature in Kakashi's presence. He'd never known the Uchiha could sink to such levels.

"This is necessary," said Sasuke, reading his anxiety. Picking up the large sheet of netting he'd brought with him to the clearing, he spread it out over the hole. When the net had been pinned firmly to the ground, Sasuke began to pick up twigs and leaves to spread over it. He glared at Naruto, who simply stood watching him. "Are you going to help or just stand there like a censored idiot?"

With a glare, Naruto reluctantly assisted Sasuke in gathering leaves. "I don't see what she could have done that's so bad..." grumbled Naruto. He was surprised to be the right one for once. He was also surprised that Sasuke was pulling pranks. wasn't that much of a prank, was it? ...More like an assault, on innocent, little-

"She's coming," hissed Sasuke, quickly pushing Naruto into some nearby bushes. He then dove in after the blonde, eying Naruto as he rubbed his sore bottom.

Naruto responded with an impolite gesture.

It wasn't long before the two boys heard the sounds of someone entering the clearing. It was late afternoon, and the sun was setting, which meant (Sasuke knew) that certain people had just finished up with their daily training sessions. Sasuke's girlfriend (soon to be X-girlfriend, Naruto thought), in particular, passed through that very clearing every day on her way home. The Uchiha knew because he'd walked with her on countless occasions.

Naruto regretfully watched the girl enter the clearing. Kami, she was smiling so brightly, and holding a butterfly on her hand! She was even talking (quite casually) to a few of the birds and cute little squirrels. Just before Naruto could shout out to warn her, a pale, and extremely dirty hand clamped over his mouth, having anticipated his actions. Naruto was left to watch one. He glanced at Sasuke, whose face was covered with a twisted smirk. Onyx eyes were narrowed into cheery half-circles that some-how resembled those of an evil clown's. Friggin weird, Naruto thought. He looked back to the scene ahead, and unconsciously counted to himself. Three...two...


The evil smirk upon Sasuke's face had become a feral grin.

Naruto gasped for air when Sasuke finally released his mouth (he'd been holding his nose too...). He narrowed his eyes as Sasuke climbed out from the bushes and approach the hole. With one hand on his non-existent hip, he peered down at Hinata.

Sasuke had been the first of the rookie nine to get a girlfriend, which had been no real surprise, save the fact that most people had figured he was asexual. The real surprise was the fact that he'd managed to court the shy, jittery-

"Hyuuga Hinata," Sasuke said, causing Naruto's eye to twitch. "Kukukukuku..." The only thing keeping the blonde from pushing Sasuke into the hole was the fact that he would probably crush poor Hinata.

But really, he'd never seen his friend behave so - oddly. The Sasuke he knew communicated through grunts, slept standing up, and rarely strained his delicate facial muscles with something as useless as an expression. He didn't go out of his way to throw people into holes, then mock them afterwards. And the Uchiha Sasuke he knew most definitely did not go-

"Kukuku..." There it was again! 'The hell!

Naruto watched him for a while. That cruel, snide, mocking laughter. It seemed almost couldn't be, but...was Sasuke sort of...flirting?

From where the blonde was, he could hear no response from Hinata, but watched as Sasuke's expression softened until any sign of an evil grin had disappeared. "C'mon dobe," said Sasuke, not looking away from the hole.

Ack! He said my name! Naruto inwardly groaned. Well, Sasuke hadn't exactly said his name, but "dobe" was just as good. "Sorry Hinata-chan..." Naruto mumbled as he climbed out of the bushes. He didn't dare approach the hole, but began to trudge out of the clearing. Sasuke followed him until they were walking side by side.

Naruto threw him a glance. The Uchiha's face had become indifferent. "You're insane," Naruto mentioned.

"Shut up." Sasuke's response came out so softly it caused Naruto to blink.

"Why so glum?"

"Be quiet, Naruto."

"Y'know, she can get sick out here."

"Shut up, dobe."

"Or starve to death."

"Shut up."

"Or eaten by a bear!"

"Shut. Up."

He's probably having regrets, Naruto thought impishly, turning away to hide his smile. "If you want, I can go back and help her out..." he stated casually.

His friend threw him a deep glare. "No," said Sasuke. "You won't."

They continued to walk toward the village in silence. What's his problem... Naruto wondered. Well, aside from the fact that he's nucking futs.

It was then that Sasuke clarified things, "When you called her...Hinata-chan..."

Naruto blinked. "Ah, it's just out of habit. I didn't...mean anything..." he trailed off.

Sasuke looked at the path. "Right," he said stiffly.

Naruto continued stare. Sasuke's jealous...of me? No...not possible. He found the prospect far too odd. He must really like her. He looked up to notice they'd finally entered town.

"I have something to do," Sasuke said, turning around. He began to walk off in the direction they'd come from, hands jammed in his pockets.

Naruto smiled and headed back to his apartment, all the while thinking, What a CRAZYLOSER!

Then he paused and began to worry a little. Perhaps he should head back into the forest, just to make sure his crazy friend didn't hurt Hinata. But then, the prospect of NOT doing that was just so inviting. He grabbed his skull in pain. Eugh – this was far too much stress for a twelve-year-old to deal with!

Should Naruto A. Go back to the forest and check on Hinata? or B. Visit the local strip club and buy himself a lap dance?