Title: What Might Have Been
Rating: G
Genre:
Introspective/angst
Pairings:
ChigusaxRakan implied
Warnings:
Alternate timeline
Spoilers:
None
Summary:
Many years ago, Rakan chose not to leave. Now he looks back on his choice and wonders what he might have lost.
Disclaimer: Silver Diamond is safe in the capable hands of Sugiura-sensei, who is surely less cruel than fic writers.



Rakan held a dusty notebook in his hands. Dug from under an equally dusty pile of papers in a box from the attic, it hadn't seen daylight for nearly thirty years. Not since the morning it had been relegated to its prison, twenty-four days after the men from the other world had left.

He'd cried the first night, shameful tears that he'd hidden under his pillow even with nobody in the house to witness them. For that first week the tears had taken the place of his companions.

The second week it was silence which accompanied him. Even his mind had gone silent. He heard nothing, felt nothing, feared nothing. Every day he went out to his garden and stood amongst the flowers, half-hoping an alien, screeching monster would attack him. Hoping even more that another, self-proclaimed monster would save him. And all the while, silence in his heart, knowing it wouldn't happen.

The thoughts didn't show up until the third.

Are you all okay?

Is the prince with my face still killing the land?

Has the Sanome girl fulfilled my place?

Do you miss me?

And the days passed and the emotions and thoughts and questions kept building up. Thoughts of the world he probably belonged in, the life he'd turned down, the people he'd lost. The big brother he'd always wanted. His first best friend. And the strange man with the carefree smile, whose touch made his heart race. Where were they now?

Why hadn't he gone with them?

One night a few days into the fourth week he sat down with a pen and a blank notebook, intending to get the thoughts out on paper once and for all. Perhaps if he could imprison them in ink, they'd stop haunting his dreams. He sat there through the dark hours, hunched over the paper, until the sun rose and he closed the notebook. He looked at it a moment, then slipped it into a box, covered it with other miscellanea and toted it to the attic.

Now, Rakan sat with it in his lap, fingers brushing over the old cover. Carefully he opened it to the first page and looked down at the single line at the top of the paper. The only seven words he'd managed to come up with that whole night, the only thing that came to mind, even now, when he thought back on those couple days.

I think I might have loved him.

X - X - X


Notes: For some reason I've been in the mood to play around with "what-if" scenarios. The biggest of course is what if Rakan never went with Chigusa and everyone to Amato Empire? And if he had remained in his world, would he someday realize what he'd given up?