I do not own Maniac Mansion and yes, I am merrily taking tons of artistic liberties.
It was a good thing that Bernard got there when he did, because over at Razor's house, the conversation she was having with Jeff, who lived just across the street from her, was a little disturbing.
"Are you drunk?"
"No. But I'm properly buzzed. Why?"
"Ok, your good to drive than. Hey, remember the Edison mansion?"
"How could I forget? I thought there was something weird in the reefer we'd smoked in the girl's bathroom at school. Why?"
"Cause I'm drunk and I need a designated driver. That Green Tentacle dude is a fan of mine and he wanted an autograph, so I'd thought I'd give him one before my band hit the road."
"No way man! I'm not going back to that crazy house! That Weird Ed dude freaked when he saw what that psycho Syd did to his hamster! He came after him with a chainsaw and for all I know we're all guilty by association."
"You don't need to go into the house dude, just drop me off at the front and pick me up."
"Ok, I'll drive but it's your funeral. Umm…hey Razor, you got any beers left?"
"That's not necessary, I'll drive." Bernard interrupted.
Razor and Jeff turned towards him.
"Hey man, what are you doing here?" Jeff greeted with a friendly wave.
"Thanks Bernard." Said Razor in surprise as she unlocked her car, a black stingray and handed him the keys.
"Hop in." She said.
"Razor wait!" Jeff called.
He ducked into his house and came back holding a clear, plastic cage containing a tiny, gold and white hamster.
"See, I took up raising hamsters after Syd nuked Weird Ed's. They're pretty sweet little critters. This guy, err…maybe it's a girl, I dunno yet, might save your asses if he comes after you. You know, like a peace offering or something."
Razor took the cage and got into the car. Bernard backed out of the driveway.
"You weren't really gonna give him a beer were you Razor?" He asked, a faintly disapproving tone in his voice.
"Of course not. Not right than anyways." Her voice was soft and raspy and low.
"Oh. So, where did you get this car?"
"It was my dad's. He gave it to me for my 16th birthday, provided I made Honor Roll."
"You made Honor Roll?"
"Yeah. I'm smarter than you think Bernard! I mean, did I ever once try and bribe you to do my homework like that loser Syd did?" She asked, sounding offended.
Come to think of it, she never had and Bernard felt a little ashamed at making assumptions.
Razor put in a cassette tape and the jarring music of Cholera, Razor's favorite British punk band jolted his senses.
It took about 20 some odd minutes to get to the Edison's mansion and Bernard accompanied Razor to the front door.
Green Tentacle got the door.
"Oh!" He squeaked and Razor had to wonder just where it's mouth was.
"I didn't expect you to come tonight! I mean wow!"
"Relax man, just treat me like you always have. Than she seemed to remember something.
"Hey," She whispered, "That Weird Ed dude isn't around is he?" She asked. Poking her head in the door and looking around suspiciously.
"He's out in the back fixing the fence why?" Green Tentacle asked.
"He won't like, spaz out and try and trash us will he?" She asked, shifting the hamster cage to her other arm.
"I don't think so." The Green Tentacle said. "Umm…let's get to my room, just in case."
It was a little unnerving how well the kids knew their way around. Green Tentacle thought.
But they made their way up to the room safely and Green Tentacle had her sign his poster.
"Wow! I can't believe I've got your autograph!" He squeaked, wriggling around happily.
"The guys'll never believe me!"
"It's cool. Maybe we can get together and jam sometimes ya know." Razor said good-naturedly.
Bernard noticed that she had no problem basking in the adoration of a fan.
"You'd really come and jam with us?" The Green Tentacle asked.
Glory Hound, thought Bernard wryly.
"Sure, I mean all musicians gotta start somewhere right? We gotta look out for each other." She said sensibly.
"In fact, let's go jam right now."
They walked to the music room and she helped Green Tentacle set up.
She sat down at the piano and Bernard's jaw dropped when he heard her play.
Green Tentacle followed suit and soon, the two were making some very loud, rock n roll Mozart.
He didn't think either of them were the type to listen to Mozart, let alone know how to play it.
Soon Weird Ed and Nurse Edna came stomping in.
"What's all that racket?" Nurse Edna shouted.
Bernard flinched and tried to make himself as invisible as possible. This could mean trouble.
"You look familiar." Weird Ed said, with a scowl. "Don't I know you from
"Here." Said Razor, cutting him off and shoving the hamster cage in his arms.
"A gift, from me and Jeff and Bernard. From all of us. Heh heh."
Jeff, Bernard noticed, was a lot more insightful than he'd thought, because whatever perilous train of thought Ed had been riding, was instantly derailed as his gaze became transfixed on the tiny hamster sitting there washing it's face in the cage and he walked out of the room, talking to the hamster in the cage.
"Hello little one. What am I going to call you? Do you like cheese? We have some in the fridge."
"How thoughtful." Edna murmured. Glaring daggers at Razor. "But what are you doing back in our house?"
"I invited them." The Green Tentacle said. "I wanted her autograph."
"Oh." She grunted. "Are you someone famous?"
"Not yet, but I'm getting there."
Bernard hoped she didn't notice him, she'd made some awfully disturbing comments that married women her age shouldn't be making too teenage boys.
"Fine, but keep the noise down." She grunted.
"Uhh…Razor, I have to get to work so we're gonna have to leave." Bernard said timidly. Relieved that they had escaped a nasty situation.
"Ok." She said.
"I'll see you around dude." She told him and ran off to wait in the car.
"Oh thank you so much Bernard." Green Tentacle said, wriggling with excitement.
Bernard quickly followed suit, praying he didn't run into any more of the Edisons and fervently hoped he wouldn't have to come back here again.