I'm taking a break from revision for my exams to post Mukuro a birthday fic~! I couldn't help it! He is, after all, my favorite character! It's set TYL, just in case you wanted to know.
There's not a lot of pairings in this, just a little 8059 but if you don't like that sort of thing it can be easily skipped.
I don't own KHR, but I would have thought that it was obvious.
The Afternoon After
Maybe, Tsuna thought to himself as he woke up with a pounding headache, just maybe throwing a birthday party for Mukuro was not the best idea ever. He didn't even remember what happened, and he was one of the few people who didn't actually drink!
He groaned and rubbed the back of his pained head, where a sizeable lump had formed over night.
Seriously, what did he do last night?
He squinted in the light and sat up, vaguely noting that he was originally lying across a table top. The room was a mess. Broken glass and alcohol spills were everywhere, and was that a scorch mark in the corner of the room? He shook his head and looked at the people who were passed out in different places about the room.
First he saw his right hand man curled up against a door frame, hugging a leg that was popping out from underneath a nearby table. Then he saw young Lambo with a bottle of whiskey in one hand, and an Italian flag in the other. Where he got the flag from Tsuna didn't know. I-Pin was next to him with a dreamy smile on her face.
Hibari, one of the most feared men in the Vongola, was shirtless and was lying along the bar, drenched in something that smelt alcoholic. He looked pretty peaceful when he was asleep. It was a shame. Whoever got him drunk were surely in for a pretty violent death. Poor sucker.
Ryohei had somehow managed to fall asleep on top of Gokudera's piano, his neck craning downwards and his head pressing heavily against the keys. He was dribbling, which probably wouldn't sit well with Gokudera once he found out that Turf Top's saliva was all over his beloved piano.
Even Haru and Kyoko managed to get roped into drinking the night before, and were slumped against each other next to a very broken window. Bianchi was near them, and was sporting many cuts and bruises on her arms.
Tsuna shook his head and carefully pulled himself of the table, letting out a little cry of surprise when he nearly stood on an unconscious Chrome, who looked too red in the face for her own good. Nearby were Squalo and Xanxus. Xanxus looked like he was in the middle of yanking a pantless Squalo's hair out when he passed out so he had a firm grip on the shark's silver locks, and Squalo just looked like he accepted it and slept against the wall, his head tilting slightly due to the fact that his hair was being pulled.
As for the rest of the Varia, well, Levi was curled up against Xanxus' feet and was bleeding pretty heavily, Lussuria was underneath the piano and Bel was asleep and draped across Fran's torso near the bar with a very bloody hand.
Finally, he saw Ken and Chikusa. Ken was face down in a bowl of some sort of food, and Chikusa was tangled up in yoyo strings with a bruised face. Tsuna shut his eyes and reopened them as he looked around.
'What happened?' he asked himself.
'You were hit over the head with a baseball bat.' Tsuna yelped and twirled around to see the only other person awake. Mukuro looked like he had fun, and was probably the only person who didn't or wouldn't have a hangover.
'Ah, Mukuro!' he exclaimed.
'Good afternoon, Sawada Tsunayoshi,' greeted the illusionist, nodding slightly
Tsuna let out a breath. 'Afternoon?' he muttered in exasperation. His eyes widened as he realized something. 'Wait a minute. I was hit with a baseball bat?'
'Yes,' Mukuro nodded, smiling in amusement. 'Do you not remember?'
'No, I can't remember anything.'
Mukuro smirked. 'It began when the Varia came,' he explained, 'and Xanxus ordered as much alcohol as possible. That's around the time most people started to drink.'
'That couldn't have been good,' Tsuna said, looking around warily. 'What happened?'
'Gokudera Hayato started off by yelling at everyone who came within five feet of you, but then fled your side when he realized that Sasagawa Ryohei was dancing on top of his piano. Levi A Than then began singing All Alone in Love to Xanxus, but just ended up getting thrown out of the window by Squalo.'
'Well, that explains the broken window,' Tsuna said sheepishly, absently thinking about how he was going to pay for that. He turned to Mukuro again. 'And after that?'
'Kufufu~ After Gokudera Hayato accidentally knocked out your Sun Guardian, he got into a argument with Lambo over who would win in a fight between Mike Tyson and Luke Skywalker, which ended up with Lambo flying backwards into Kyoya.'
Tsuna flinched. 'Is he alright?'
'Hm? Well, I suppose. Kyoya did try drowning him with a bottle of champagne, but that didn't end very well. The bottle smashed, and both of them were covered in the champagne. Once Kyoya tasted the alcohol he went on a rampage and started to raid the bar, attempting to drink it dry. While that was going on, you were sitting in a corner and muttering something about this party being a mistake until you had to break up a fight between the Cavallone and Xanxus.'
'Huh? Dino's here?' he said. He looked around, not able to spot his friend.
Mukuro laughed as he remembered the events of the night. 'Yes he is,' he chuckled. 'You didn't get there in time. Xanxus had already knocked the Cavallone out and was piling furniture on top of him.' He pointed towards a mountain of tables and chairs, and Tsuna could only just see a hand in the midst of it all.
'Is he OK?' he exclaimed wildly.
'Oh yes,' Mukuro smirked. 'He regained consciousness soon after and declared himself to be in a fort. In fact, he began moving some of the furniture about to make it more roomy.'
'He was drunk,' the illusionist shrugged.
'And how do I not remember this?'
'Kufufu~ As you were trying to keep the peace with everyone, Yamamoto Takeshi decided he wanted to teach my dear Chrome how to play baseball. She was doing quite well until you accidentally came in the way of her swing. You were knocked out immediately, which probably resulted in your loss of memory.'
Tsuna gaped. 'How hard did she swing it?'
'Naturally,' Mukuro continued, 'Gokudera Hayato didn't like this one bit, and demanded a duel between himself and Chrome.'
'A duel? Really?'
'Yes, and he even stole Xanxus' guns for it,' Mukuro chuckled. 'Before they could shoot each other I cast an illusion of a dancing pineapple and they were both immediately mesmerized and forgot all about their duel.'
Tsuna sent a quick glance to Mukuro's hair. 'You used an illusion of a…pineapple,' he stated blandly.
Mukuro's smile stiffened slightly. 'I was also drunk by that time,' he defended. 'It was the only thing I could think of to stop them from shooting holes in each other. Chrome already has enough problems with her body, what with having no organs.'
Tsuna sighed and looked up at Mukuro. 'Do I want to hear the rest?' he dared to ask.
Mukuro carried on anyway. 'While Chrome and your Storm Guardian watched the pineapple dance, Chikusa put on a one man show with his yoyos. He attempted twirl five of them around his head at once, but only succeeded in hitting himself in the face numerous times and getting tangled up before falling over and smashing his face into the wall. I think he fell unconscious when he made impact.
'Ken was eating while this happened and began to choke, to which Lambo decided to help by singing the Italian National Anthem and offering some apple juice. He claimed that he was going to give him alcohol, but by then Kyoya had taken over the bar and growled at anyone who came anywhere near him. Kufufu, the fact the Xanxus was no longer allowed to get wine started a fight between them and Kyoya tried to throw a beer barrel at him. Unfortunately, he lost his footing and ended up breaking the barrel all over himself.
'Soon, Squalo decided that he wanted to sharpen his sword on Yamamoto Takeshi, and he had to hide underneath a table to get away. I think that's where he passed out. When Squalo couldn't find him, he ended up using the floor to sharpen his sword before he joined Chrome and Gokudera Hayato in watching the dancing pineapple.'
Tsuna glanced downwards, and sure enough there were slashes in the floor where Squalo had used his sword.
Mukuro continued. 'Levi A Than then burst through the door, somehow surviving his fall from the window, and proclaimed his undying love for Xanxus, which riled up Squalo. The two fought and somehow he managed to set Squalo on fire.'
'Really? How is he?'
'He didn't notice at first,' Mukuro mused, 'but then Xanxus tried putting it out with some wine that he managed to sneak past Kyoya. He only succeeded in making the flame worse. I then suggested that Squalo roll around on the floor, but he only did it when I mentioned that it was reaching his hair.'
'How did he end up without any pants?' Tsuna asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.
Mukuro laughed. 'Rolling around on the didn't work very well because Xanxus kept on pouring alcohol on Squalo. Then Lussuria came along and floored him before ripping off his pants. The remains are in the corner of the room over there. After that, Xanxus stopped talking, and it seemed like he wanted something from Squalo because he began pulling his hair. He passed out during this though. I think he got bored. As for Squalo, he tried to get away but Xanxus' grip on his hair was too much. In the end he just accepted it and fell asleep.
'Belphegor began flirt-stabbing Fran, who was completely drunk at that time. He never did tolerate his alcohol well. Anyway, Fran soon fell unconscious and Belphegor continued to stab him. He managed to miss at the short range though, and stabbed himself in the hand. Then he went insane when he saw the blood and his true personality began to show. Kyoya then challenged him to a fight, and they both climbed on top of the bar to do so. Neither of them had very good footing and Belphegor ended up falling down and landing on top of Fran. He must have hit his head because that's were he stayed.'
'OK…but why is Hibari-san shirtless?'
'His shirt got ripped during his fight with Belphegor so he took it of, saying that it was in the way,' Mukuro explained with a nod. 'After Kyoya stripped himself of his shirt, I-Pin fainted and everyone conscious began singing happy birthday to me, which was cut off when Levi A Than began sobbing against Xanxus' feet. Then, he launched into a big speech about his love for Xanxus and his hatred for Squalo before settling down and falling asleep.'
'I didn't know his devotion for Xanxus went that far,' Tsuna said sheepishly as he nursed his headache.
'Apparently it does,' laughed Mukuro. 'Lambo then started to wave his flag about before sitting down next to I-Pin and chatting to her animatedly, despite the fact that she had fainted. Soon, he began to cry over something utterly pointless and managed to drink a whole bottle of whiskey to himself. You may want to get his stomach pumped.'
'Wait a minute,' Tsuna said. 'Lambo's underage! Why was he drinking in the first place?'
Mukuro gave him a blank look. 'He's Italian,' he said simply and that was all he needed for an explanation.
'And I-Pin? Why was she drunk?'
'Hm? Oh, she wasn't,' Mukuro nodded. 'She just couldn't handle the sight of her longtime crush taking off his shirt. I think she may have been tipsy though, since Bianchi may have given her a glass or two.'
'Oh, I understand.'
'When Lambo finished crying, Kyoya threw a well aimed glass of tequila at his head, which knocked him out. By then, Ken had drifted off to sleep and Lussuria and Haru were playing tic-tac-toe on Kyoko's leg with lipstick. Haru won. She did a little victory dance and jumped on Lussuria's back, telling him that he was her steed for the rest of the evening. I think she thought that he was a woman, because she kept asking where his breasts where, and saying that if he went anywhere near you she would kill him. Anyway, while that was happening Bianchi began hugging her little brother, claiming that she loved him so much, and that it was alright that he's gay.'
'Wait a minute! Gokudera-kun's gay?'
'Oh yes,' Mukuro nodded. 'With Yamamoto Takeshi.' He didn't let Tsuna process the news before he continued. 'Well, Gokudera Hayato ran away and dived over the bar, to which Kyoya didn't take very well. He head butted him and sent him on his way. I think he ended up clutched Yamamoto Takeshi's leg when he fell unconscious.
'After her little brother passed out, Bianchi tried to juggle with cocktail glasses. It didn't end well. She got angry because they kept breaking on her arms so she threw them out of the broken window. Kyoko and Haru went to ask her if she was OK, but accidentally crashed their heads together as they walked.
'Later on, Kyoya slipped on some wine and fell down, smashing his head on the bar and knocking him out. Bianchi began to laugh at him, but then declared that she was going to bed. She fell asleep standing up and crashed to the floor.'
'Why were the girls drunk anyway? Kyoko-chan and Haru would never usually drink that much!'
'That would be my fault, Sawada Tsunayoshi,' Mukuro laughed. 'I was very intoxicated last night so I thought that it would be a good idea if I possessed Chrome and when I did I managed to convince them to join me in a drinking game.
'That also explains why Chrome was drunk too,' Tsuna sighed, sending a useless look to the illusionist.
'Yes,' he chuckled. 'I will apologize to my dear Chrome when she wakes.'
'What happened to her anyway?'
'She simply passed out peacefully and painlessly watching the dancing pineapple.'
'Is that it? Is that all that happened?'
Mukuro seemed to sweat drop. 'No,' he said, sending a wary glance over to the piano. 'After everyone was unconscious it was just Lussuria and myself left standing. He made a move on me.'
Tsuna gaped. 'You…you didn't…did you?'
'Dear God, no!' Mukuro exclaimed. 'I was mortified! He began chasing me around the room, asking me for a quick kiss. I had to resort to throwing illusionary pineapples at him!'
'Again with the pineapples,' Tsuna smirked. Mukuro furrowed his brows.
'Like I said, it was the only thing I could think of at the time. I'd like to see you hold your own against a drunken pervert like Lussuria,' he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
Tsuna laughed nervously. 'So, what happened then?'
'My aim was horribly off, so I kept missing. I managed to then conjure up a Lambo-sized pineapple and tried with that. It sent him flying across the room. Once he realized that I had rejected him, he crawled underneath the piano and began muttering to himself. I think I passed out before him though.'
'So that's it, that's what happened?' Tsuna said in exasperation. Mukuro chuckled and nodded. 'Wait a minute, if you were so drunk how could you remember so well?'
Laughing outright, Mukuro held up a video tape. 'The Arcobaleno was there, if you remember, and taped the whole thing. He showed it to me this morning.'
'But why would he give it to you?' Tsuna gaped.
Mukuro shrugged, smiling evilly. 'It was my birthday,' he said simply. 'It's also a great opportunity to humiliate the whole Vongola.'
Tsuna paled and sighed as he walked away, wanting something to ease his headache. 'Do what you wish with it, Mukuro,' he said in a defeated tone. He couldn't be doing with trying to pry the tape away from him when his head felt like it was about to explode.
'Hm, I wonder what will happen if I show Kyoya this tape?' Mukuro wondered aloud, smirking to himself.
And that was when Tsuna decided that never again would he throw a birthday party.
Or any other party for that matter.
Ah, I had fun writing this fic! Gotta love writing about the Vongola making fools out of themselves~